A Reflection on 2016

I've been awful at blogging this past year. Just awful. I really hope to start doing better again because I really enjoy going back and reading old blog posts when they show up in my Time-hop app. They can be so insightful and mostly just fun to reminisce. I'd like to say that I'll do better next year but I can make no such promises. If anything, I've learned that life is too unpredictable for that.

So. 2016. Quite frankly, it was a little bit of a ... well just not that great. I'm sure you've seen some posts or the memes... 

It was just a crazy year. For pretty much everyone.

For the Zaruba family personally... well it was another roller coaster of a year. 

2016 started out great. Megan and I went to Hawaii and it was an amazing trip. It was also the longest Megan and I have spent together just the two of us in a long time and I won't lie - we were reminded how different we can be sometimes! :) But overall the trip was the perfect getaway and relaxation I think we both needed. It's also become one of my favorite places I've ever visited. I would definitely go back. 

In the winter, Jacob enjoyed playing in the snow. Over the year we've done swimming lessons, ECFE classes and some other fun activities. It's so much fun to do these things with him as he gets older and can really understand and interact. We've visited a couple Children's museums, went to a Twins game, a pumpkin patch, Jacob vacationed up north with Nana and Papa, he spend a week down in Iowa with Nana and Papa Zaruba and cousin Evie. He started going to Sunday School in the Rainbow Room at church, we went swimming at the lake, we went to a tractor pull, the state fair and we even went to the zoo and saw the dinosaurs!! 

Jacob continues to grow up so much every day. I often tell him he needs to stay little but he replies, "No mommy, I get bigger!" :) He loves telling people that he's getting bigger. He loves talking and telling stories. He loves asking questions - about everything. :) He's learning so much more and exploring every day. He really is the light and joy of my life. 

Work is still going great. I hit my one year mark and finally felt like I had a better understanding of everything needed to do this job. New things continue to pop up but I'm loving every day. I still get that feeling of worth and purpose knowing I am helping make a difference for people in our community. In February, our Pedal Past Poverty fundraiser was a huge success, raising the most money we have ever raised so that was definitely a huge highlight! It was so rewarding to see all that hard work pay off. Overall, we've had a great year and continue to get more and more visibility within the community. We're still working hard to get a larger shelter and more affordable housing. I'm hoping to start expanding some of my roles here too and help with grant writing and getting involved with some of the political aspects and learning what we can do to gain more affordable housing. 

I joined the choir at Christ the King and have really enjoyed getting back into singing. It fills a hole I didn't know was there. And our choir director really pushes us hard! I learned very quickly how musically out of shape I've been! :) I thought about joining a local community choir this fall as well but decided to take a second job instead. Probably my craziest idea of the year. I worked part time during the months of September and October at a local costume company doing customer service. The month of October was particularly crazy and stressful but I survived and really enjoyed the extra money. 

In May we went up to Fargo to watch Dan graduate. It was so amazing and fun to see him in his element in the lab and graduating from such a big school! It was actually the only time I made it to Fargo while he was at NDSU! Jacob and I ended up going on a last minute vacation with my parents in early December and we spent a weekend visiting Meg. It's always so much fun to go visit her and attend her church services. This weekend was no different. Then we spent a majority of the week over at a little cottage on Lake Superior between Duluth and Two Harbors. It was a perfect getaway to just relax and reflect. I'd definitely go back. 

Austin has worked at a few jobs this year, trying to find a good fit for him. He also moved into a lower costing apartment which will be really helpful as he continues to try and get back on his feet. With his addiction and things with us... it's been tough. A lot of ups and downs. Going forward in 2017, things are probably going to look different for us. But we continue to be a family and support each other when we can.  

Overall, between all the politics, the attacks, the hate, the deaths and the personal struggles, 2016 has not been easy. It's been a lot to deal with. And I've struggled with the idea of "where is God's love in all this?" I'm continuing with my bible journaling because it's really gotten me closer to God's word again. I continue to tell myself that I can only control me and my actions. That I must show God's love to others, to not hate, to be welcoming, to be understanding, to be helpful, to love. And so that's what I'm trying to do. To everyone. My husband. The people I work with. Those with different opinions that mine. Those I don't even know. 

Here's hoping that 2017 will be a little bit easier for us all. 

Pastor Megan's Sermon

We recently went up North and visited my sister. While we were there, she gave an amazing sermon that I wanted to share with all of you. 



Pastor Megan Sermon from Liz Zaruba on Vimeo.

Happy Birthday Jacob!

Happy 3rd Birthday, Jacob!

I can't believe we've been blessed to have you in our lives for three whole years now! You are as  adorable, cute, funny, goofy, kind, silly, energetic and lovable as ever!

You still can't sit still for very long. You love running around. You love the outdoors. You love the farm. You love trains, trucks and tractors.  You especially love the combine (still)! You love to talk and ask questions. You're not shy and love making new friends. You love going to ECFE classes and swimming lessons. While you don't always enjoy learning new things at first, you tend to pick up on them fairly quickly and make them your new favorite thing!

You love the show DinoTrux on Netflix. You love dinosaurs in general. You love being a dinosaur and roaring at any and everyone. You love to play with toy animals. You love jumping. You still love swinging. But you also love going down the slides now.

Some of your favorite phrases: "Don't be silly" "Be happy Friends!" "How about......" "We can do that!"

You are smart, creative and imaginative. You are funny and goofy and silly. You are the best thing we've ever done. You are kind and polite. You are helpful. You are so darn lovable.

Here's to another fun-filled and healthy year! We love you!

Recent thoughts

I wanted to give up today. 

I wanted to give up on the world. There's just too much hate. Too much violence. Too much ignorance. Too much. I felt like the fight left. I didn't want to go on. What was the point?

And then I realized: that's exactly what HATE wants. It wants us to give up. It wants us to stop fighting the hate and give in. And that's exactly what we can't let happen. 

Today, maybe more than ever, we must stand up with LOVE. 

We must show that LOVE can win. LOVE will win. LOVE will conquer HATE. 


Early this morning, someone opened fire at a gay bar in Orlando, killing 50 people and injuring over 50 more. This is the worst mass shooting in America's history. It is not the first. And it is my fear that it will not be last. But it needs to be. 

We are better than this. We as Americans. We as Christians. We as Muslims. We as Atheists. We as Gay or Straight. We as Human Beings. We are better than this. Let's please be better than this. 

We can work together to end gun violence. Because that's the real issue here. Gun violence. Gun violence and hate. Enough is enough. This is not an issue anywhere else in the world and it should not be an issue in America. This is not the America I want my son to grow up in. We need to fight back. 

I will admit that when I learned the shooter reported to be an ISIS sympathizer, I shook my head. NOT because he was an ISIS sympathizer (which is an awful thing, yes), but because I knew this would give politicians (i.e. Republicans) an easy 'excuse' on why this violence happened. "This was a terrorist attack. We must project against Islamic extremists attacking our country." And while yes, those things are true, this attack is about so much more. 

This attack is about gun violence. How was a man who has mental health issues, was a previous domestic abuser and on the FBI terrorist watch list was able to easily and legally buy weapons? Why don't we have background checks that can catch these things and prevent these people from purchasing weapons? 

This attack is about specific gun violence. The shooter used an AR-15 assault rifle. This gun has been used in many previous mass shootings (Sandy Hook & San Bernadino). This was a weapon created for military use. This is a weapon that can kill hundreds within minutes. How is it possible that these weapons can be bought and sold every day? Why on earth do we need these in the hands of any civilian?

This attack was about hate. Do you think it was just a coincidence that the shooting happened at a gay bar? No. Why is it okay for us to spew hate about fellow human beings when it is in no way our place to judge them? Our ONLY JOB is to love. LOVE. And this hate is coming from those people in power. And until they stop allowing and speaking hate, I'm not sure what will happen. Love must be louder.

It has crossed my mind: what if this attack didn't happen in the exact circumstances it did? What if the shooter was an American white Christian male? Would we still be calling it a terrorist attack? Because it would still be a terrorist attack, just like the attack on Planned Parenthood, the attack in Charleston were terrorist attacks - even if we didn't use that terminology.  What if the shooter was a supporter of one of the many anit-LGBT politicians and carried out this attack in their name? How would politicians and the media respond then? And what if this attack wasn't at a gay bar but just a regular bar? Would the responses be different? I did notice that MANY leaders sent out their prayers but didn't even specify the LGBT community. Was that because they were the ones that were busy spewing the hate against these same people? I'm not going to lie, that pisses me off. 


So yes, today I wanted to give up. But we can't let that happen. We cannot let hate win. And so I decided that I'm not going to give up. I'm going to fight harder. Enough is enough. I officially have zero patience for any hate. 

So what can I do? Refuse to put up with it. I'm going to teach my son about love. Raise him to respect all humans and all lives. I'm going to teach him to love first. I'm going to make sure he knows I have zero tolerance for hate, and teach him to do the same. 

I'm not going to let hate into my life. I'm going to fight it with love. I'm going to show love in everything I do and to everyone I encounter daily. I will not allow hate. 

I will also pray and ask those around me to do the same. 

I'm not going to stay silent on gun violence any longer. Sure, you've probably seen my Facebook posts or retweets on Twitter. But that is no longer enough. I will be signing my name to every petition. I will be calling and writing my representatives. I will be demanding answers to why we continue to let this happen. I will be fighting in any way I can. Enough is enough. 

We don't have to live this way. So let's not. Let's make LOVE louder than hate. LOVE can win. LOVE will win. LOVE is stronger. 

Will you join me? 

Peace on Earth

So, a few weeks ago I was not in a great place. Things were going on in life and I was hurting and stressed and confused. My mom and I went for a walk and I decided to ask her a deep question. This was right after the terrorist attacks in Paris and I asked my mom (the Pastor): "What's the point? What is the point of living on this earth when so many bad things are happening? Why do we even bother? If heaven is so great, why don't we just go now?" 

She gave me the good Pastoral answer that this is life. We're meant to be here and to bring God's message to other people. We're suppose to be hopeful. But I admit, her answer didn't stay with me. I wasn't in the right place in my life to hear what she was telling me. 

Fast forward to Christmas Eve. Austin and I went to the 11:00 p.m. candlelit service at Lutheran Church of Hope in West Des Moines. We left Jacob back at his aunt and uncle's soundly asleep. At this point in my life, I was in a better place than I was a few weeks ago. I also can't tell you the last time I was able to go to a church service without a two and a half year old!  

The message that Christmas Eve night? 

Peace.

I want to share to you some of my thoughts throughout this service. Because it had been a while since I had gotten so much out of the message. I want to share with you because there were things that I needed to hear. That I needed to understand. And maybe you do too.

Living in Smalltown, Midwest, USA - even with access to social media and the internet - you sometimes get caught up in just this small little world around you. You forget that there is so much more out there. You forget that there are people all over the world experiencing life in different ways. So at the beginning of this church service, they walked in flags from countries all over the world. And I thought "how amazing that there are other Christians in all of these other countries and tonight, we are all connected by the same story. The same baby boy that came to earth." Have you thought about that? The number of people celebrating His birth all over the world? The traditions might be different. The story will sound different in different tongue. But it is all about the same baby boy. Jesus. 

Isaiah 9:6-7 We listened to this in Arabic. In Spanish. In German. And in English. All the same story. 

So here are my notes from that night. Because I feel like the one thing this world needs right now is Peace. And while during Christmas we often say "Peace on Earth" - what does that mean? How do we accomplish that? I am just one person. 

"And he will be called Prince of Peace" This baby, this tiny newborn baby, is a prince of peace. Jesus is peace. "Those that walk in the dark, will see a bright light." (Isaiah 9:2) Jesus is that light. We have peace in Jesus. 

God saw what His creation needed, so he stepped in. We needed peace. God sent us Jesus. God gave us the ultimate gift: the gift of peace. 

Think about what led the shepherds and the wise men to the stable. What will lead you to the stable? What will lead you to the manager? What will lead you to Jesus? To recognize God's gift to us? God's love? God's peace? What will it take? 

If we let Him, God will renew our hope. God will renew our peace. If we let Him. 

But the chaos (in our world) keeps spinning... why? Is it that we aren't letting God in? 

Peace is to live at rest. God offers us His gift of peace. All we need need to do is accept. We have hope that is rooted in God's promise to us. Our hope is rooted in a God that shows up. That offers us His peace. He shows up. Will we open the door? 

Sleep in heavenly peace.

Good will make a way. God is with us. Emmanuel - God with us.  

The best each of us can do is to allow God's peace in our life. 
Show God's peace to other people. 
Treat each life the gift it is, a gift from God.
Share God's peace to others. 

If we do that, if we shine with God's light and God's peace, we will bring peace to this world. If each person does that, God's peace will spread over this whole world. Peace with God is possible. 

The celebration of Christmas: Peace. Life. Love. Joy. 

I heard the bells on Christmas day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

I thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along th'unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair I bowed my head:
'There is no peace on earth, ' I said
'For hate is strong, and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.'

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
'God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men.'

Till, ringing, singing on its way,
The world revolved from night to day
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime,
Of peace on earth, good will to men. 

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow  

The last thought I had that night, as the candles danced all around me during Silent Night, was of Christmas lights. Lights from God, of God. Lights in the darkness. Jacob thinks that the Christmas lights look like birthday candles: Happy Birthday Jesus. 

Goodbye 2015

I thought it was time for a quick family update before we end this year and start fresh again in 2016! I look the idea of a fresh start in a new year... what I don't love is that I rarely have what it takes to actually have that fresh start. Oh well... another story for another time.

Life in Minnesota is moving along quickly! I am still loving my job and all the crazy that comes with it! I've had a couple of very busy weeks with National Hunger and Homelessness Awareness Week, Kiwanis Holiday Lights and our Adopt a Family program for Christmas. I can't even say things are going to slow down because now we're gearing up for biggest signature event, Pedal Past Poverty. Maybe after March I'll have a little break! ;-) But I can't complain... I'll be leaving on a plane with my sister in less than a week to spend a week in Hawaii! Woot! 

Anyway, back to the job. The only downside is wishing I got paid a little bit more. But honestly, I love what I'm doing. I love making a different and helping others. And that really means so much more. In other news, I hate insurance. Being a small nonprofit, we don't have employee health insurance so I've been forced to work through the state for my Obamacare. Let me just say that I am all for universal health care. Let me also just say that we are not going about it correctly. It sucks. But you don't really want to hear about that. 

Austin is doing great as well. He's in between jobs right now, hopefully working on finalizing something more permanent and full time here shortly. He's been going to treatment and meetings and has just really shown what an amazing person he is. I'm so proud of him and all the hard work he continues to do. There is not a day that goes by where I'm not thankful that we're still climbing this sand dune. 

And the joy of our world - Jacob. Every single day, sometimes every single hour, we are simply amazed by our little man! He is growing up so quickly into a handsome little boy! First and foremost, he is a healthy kid. And we thank God for that every day. We can see the imaginative play starting to come out which is so fun to see what his little mind comes up with! His speech is getting better every day as well! We've been working on full sentences with him when he asks for something instead of just saying please. So when he asks, we tell him to say: "May I have _____ please?", repeating each word after us. Then we say the full sentence and ask him to repeat it. Well he gets so excited about getting what he wants, he blurts out a mixture of words and garble but always getting it what he wants and the word please! It's honestly one of the cutest things. Well lately, he's actually been saying the full sentence slowly in order! And then of course, how can we not give him chocolate at 7:30am? :) 

He likes to say goodbye to every one and every thing... "Goodbye Mickey. Goodbye House. Goodbye Grandma. Goodbye Michael (his monkey)." And then he always says "See you at home!" It's really too cute. As well as talking all the time (wonder who he gets it from...), he is really starting to sing along to his favorite songs: the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse theme song, the Hot Dog Song (again Mickey Mouse), Row Row Your Boat, Jingle Bells, just to name a few. He also loves to dance! We have little dance parties all the time! He especially enjoyed dancing to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra and Mannheim Steamroller Christmas music! He even enjoyed some Karaoke at Christmas with the Zaruba side of the family! He was dancing and singing up a storm! 

We are not closer to potty training... sometimes I think we could be because Jacob doesn't like getting his diaper changed but I think it's mostly because he doesn't want to sit still that long. But we try to get him to sit on his potty but he's just not interested. And I've heard not to push it so that we don't turn him away from it even more. So we're waiting. 

He's such a polite boy, always saying please and thank you. He makes sure we pray before every meal and often offers to "sweep up" after putting his highchair away after meals. In fact, he even got his own broom for Christmas! :) He still LOVES Mickey Mouse, Frozen and bathtime. He also likes Cookie Monster and the Magic School Bus! We don't read quite as many books with him as we use to but hopefully that's something we can start doing again. He still loves books. He also loves to move! So much that we got him a trampoline for Christmas! It's a fairly good size one that is currently in my parent's basement. Jacob loves it! And I love that he has a place to get some energy out that is not the couch! 

He's also a huge fan of Christmas Lights. We've been to the Kiwanis Holiday Lights show multiple times with him and each time he is never ready to leave! He could look at those lights all day (or night!). He continues to work on the ABC's and counting. He can easily count until 10 and sometimes even to 20 (with some help)! He likes to sing the ABC's and while he may miss some letters while singing, if you point out a letter and ask him what it is, he'll be able to tell you. He also does amazing with shapes and colors! He's a pretty smart kid! 

And finally, he's not a shy kid. He might take a little bit of time to warm up to people, but then he's good to go. He'll talk and tell stories. And he loves to play with other kids... and by that I mean, run after them and get all excited! His older cousin Evie has learned that she can tell Jacob what to do have him follow her around, which is also pretty cute! And if he's warmed up to you enough, he'll always give you a hug goodbye! And of course, a "see you at home"! 

I think that's about it for us. We're looking forward to the new year and continuing to work on those things that we've recently started to take time to address - our relationship, communication, our own personal shortcomings, appreciating more time with Jacob. Life is short and we're remembering how to enjoy every bit of it. Let's see what 2016 will have it store! (Hopefully nothing too exciting??) :) 

After 30

So I've struggled with the idea of this blog post for awhile. I wasn't sure where to start or what to say. And honestly, I'm still not. 

My last blog post had a note of positivity on the idea of turning 30. I was going to enter into the new decade with a fresh start. I'm sad to say that the day ended up being nothing that I would have ever imagined or wanted. 

By now, most of your have probably seen Austin's facebook post opening up about his addiction. It is something that we kept secret for so long that I'm still having a hard time talking about it even though Austin is being so open. 

There have been so many bumps and roadblocks in our short six years of marriage. And there have been so many mistakes - from both of us - that have caused us to struggle. We both should have handled some things differently. 

But what is in the past is in the past. Austin and I are both spending this time apart fixing ourselves. We hope that in time, we will be able to once again be together and work on fixing us. We lost sight of who we were but we've started to see glimpses again. 

What's interesting to me is that a couple of old blog posts have showed up in my Timehop app from a few years ago. It seems that for as much as I love fall, it also seems to be a time when Austin and I struggle a lot. The one blog post that really struck a chord was Little Things & Sand Dunes. 

When I wrote this blog post, Austin and I were living apart but for very different circumstances. It's ironic that we're in a somewhat similar position now. But what I found to be most inspiring about this post, is what I wrote about sand dunes. 

For every step you take, you go back a little because there is nothing firm to find your footing on.

It seems that Austin and I are climbing the biggest sand dune of our marriage yet. And it must be one hell of a dune because this climb is so much harder than anything we've ever had to do before. But if we keep climbing, I think we'll be able to reach the top together.

I wish I could describe to you what these past few weeks have been like, but I honestly have no words. What I do want to say is thank you. Thank you for all the support you have shown both Austin and myself during this difficult time. Your support and your prayers have been very welcomed. We really do appreciate it.