Thoughts from 11:30pm and an Empty Bed

Funny how my thoughts always seem to come to me when I should be sleeping...

I had a bad day at work. Second bad day in a row. Nothing that needs to be discussed here, but but enough to make it a bad day at work.

The husband is gone tonight... maybe that's why my mind seems to be wandering. But as I was saying my prayers, I asked the Lord to continue to bless my husband with this tremendous amount of talent and enthusiasm he has for his career in teaching. After reading an email today from a teacher he worked with, I felt lucky that I was married to the man she was referring to.

Then I started to reflect on that fact. My husband is in a job field that he is perfect for. And he loves it. He lives for it. And I could not be happier for him! But I wonder if this is a rare thing... to be in a job that is perfect for him. I believe that my sister is working towards her perfect job. I know my mother is perfect for her job. And the list goes on and on...

And then there's me. Don't get me wrong - I love my job (most days!) and am fortunate for the job I do have. But I can't help but wonder if it is the perfect job for me. Here of course my mind wanders back to my senior year of college. Where I was struggling to grasp what I was going to do with "the rest of my life". I specifically remember a conversation with my mom who told me: "You are 22 years old. You don't need to figure out what you are meant to do in life right now." And thus was the inspiration for my senior chapel at college.

I was about to graduate college without a calling - one of the many things from my college's "claim to fame". And here I am, a year and half after college graduation, getting ready to watch my husband graduate and start his career, and I'm not sure what I'm doing is my calling.

I wonder if tonight's thoughts will be a random thing or perhaps something more. I've been personally searching for something deep inside of myself. A journey. A relationship. Both with God. Something I use to have a greater appreciation for. Maybe this blog will help me do that. Maybe it will help me grow. Help me listen. Watch. Learn.

Maybe this blog won't help me find my calling for my career at the moment, but maybe I can find a different type of calling. A more personal calling.