Waiting

May 7th, 2010

This week has been very stressful for me. Not in that "so much going on I can't stand it" kind of way, but in that "nothing's happening and it's making me anxious" kind of way.

I keep exploring options for places for us to live and jobs I can apply for. And I'll get really excited about some things. Like the perfect apartment in a small town. Or a great position at a great company. I get excited because I feel like things might just be falling into place! But of course, they don't. The other housing expenses are too high for only one income. Or I never hear back about the possibility of an interview from the job. I get my hopes up and then get disappointed. And it stresses me out.

I have to keep in mind that this has all just happened within the past 2-3 weeks! AJ doesn't start school until the end of August. We probably won't even move until the end of July! We have time. Time to find a place to live. Time to find a great job. Okay, time to find any job. I have to be patient. I have to learn how to wait.

I remember now what this waiting feels like. I experienced it right after graduation, trying to find a job back here in the Cedar Valley close to AJ and then trying to find a place to live. I had forgotten, but it's coming back to me very quickly. For the past few months, it had been me telling AJ to calm down - that a teaching job would come along that will be perfect for him. I kept reminding him to be patient. To trust God and to trust His timing. I also remember AJ telling me that I had forgotten what it was like to have to wait. And I hate to say it, but he was right. I had forgotten. But oh how I remember now. It seems like our roles have switched. Now it'll be AJ reminding me to calm down, to be patient, to trust God.

So God, this is me - surrendering to You. Letting go of my worry and anxiety - or at least to the best of my ability. I will trust Your timing. Your plan. I will wait for You.