Little Things & Sand Dunes

Being apart from my husband has taught me to treasure the little things in life. Liking being able to cuddle at night. Like sleeping in my own bed. Like being able to hold hands. Like kissing each other goodnight. Like watching Friends before going to bed. Like eating dinner together. Like singing in the car along with the radio together. Like being able to stare at my husband whenever I want, just to know he's there. Like waking up next to someone. Like watching movies together. Like the amazing back rubs he gives. Like giving him haircuts in our bathroom. Well... I could go on.

I know I've said this before, but it gets harder and harder to leave AJ every time we have to say goodbye. Although I don't know if I want it to get easier... the fact that it's still hard to say goodbye tells me that our love is not faltering. It tells me that AJ still means the world to me and that we will be okay.

The weekend of our anniversary, however, seemed really hard to say goodbye. That weekend, we were together Friday night until Wednesday morning. I think this was the longest amount of time we have been able to spend with each other since being apart. On a normal weekend, we see each other Friday night until Sunday afternoon/early evening. It's an incredibly short amount of time, all things considered. And because of this, we tend to treasure every moment we have together. It actually feels like we're just starting to date again! Everything is fun and exciting and we're so eager to just spend that time with the other person. We don't spend those weekends arguing about little married things or getting on each others nerves. It's all happiness.

Back to our anniversary weekend - that weekend was extended. And I think that we - or at least I - fell back into our normal married routine. We got more comfortable with each other again and weren't afraid to pick some fights. And as strange as it may sound, I realized that I missed that. While spending our weekends like a new dating couple can be fun, I miss the normalcy of being married. I miss the "mundane" things like fighting over what to have for supper. I miss just being able to sit on the couch with each other, but not having to talk. I miss our routine. And because I had gotten a feeling of that routine again, it was extremely hard to say good bye to AJ on Wednesday morning when we both headed off to work. It was harder to leave what I once had, but hadn't experienced in a couple months. It was hard.

There are some days, those really bad days, that I start to question God. Okay, maybe not question God, but definitely question His plan. Because honestly, I don't really like the plan that He has for AJ and I right now. Actually, it sucks. I start to ask, haven't we been apart long enough? Haven't we proved that we're strong enough for this? Can we be rewarded and live together as a husband and wife should? But nothing changes, there are no job leads or phone calls and we remain separated. And so I think, there must be a reason. There has to be a reason. Maybe it's because the 'perfect' job hasn't come along yet. Maybe, heaven forbid, we're being tested now because of something that could happen in the future and this way we'll be better prepared - again, heaven forbid. Who knows. God does have a plan. I believe that. I've always believed that. But I wish I knew what that plan was. What the time line looked like. When things might start to look better.

I came across a quote the other day so I put it as my Facebook status. The quote read: "So maybe life is suppose to be hard. Maybe the people who have it easy are missing out on an adventure." But then someone posted a comment: "I would have to say that the adventure is just a different one. Do you want to get a workout with a hike or have a leisurely stroll?"

I have to say that I hadn't thought of that. But she made a very good point. This journey that AJ and I are on is only going to be what we make of it. We are the ones to determine what the adventure will be. Are we taking a hike? Or just a stroll around the block? This question, in turn, made me think back to an experience I had as a sophomore in college.

During May Term my sophomore year, I traveled to Africa and spent three weeks on a safari in Namibia and South Africa. One morning, when we were still in Namibia, we woke up extra early - when it was still dark out. Then we drove a little ways to this huge sand dune. The dune was about a mile high. Most of the sand dunes are off limits but this one is open to the public and you can climb to the top. So we started the mile high hike on the sand dune. I don't know if any of you have every tried to climb a giant pile of sand, but let me tell you. It is not the easiest thing to do. For every step you take, you go back a little because there is nothing firm to find your footing on. I got about half way up and I was exhausted. I decided that I wasn't going to make it any higher up and was going to wait where I had stopped. After about 5 minutes, with more and more people passing me on their way up to the top, I changed my mind. I worked my way up the rest of the sand dune and finally made it to the very top. I remember being so proud of myself for deciding to push myself and make the rest of the climb. And once I was up there, the reward was amazing. We all sat down and waited. We waited and watched. We watched the most spectacular sunrise come up over the desert and other sand dunes. To this day, it is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. We literally watched as the sun made it's light fall across the desert. I wish I could describe what it was like, but it was simply too amazing. One of God's greatest creation. It was completely worth every hard and exhausting step of the climb up. 

Would the sunrise would have been just as beautiful from halfway up the sand dune? Probably. But would I have enjoyed the sight more? I'm not sure. Knowing how hard I had to work to make it to the top made the pay off that much more amazing. I'd like to think that this is the point AJ and I are at. We've been climbing for a while now... we're both exhausted. We're ready to be done. But it doesn't look like we're at the top yet. It looks like we still have some climbing to do. We have to keep pushing ourselves. We have to keep climbing. But I know that the top is in sight. There is a point that we'll get to when we'll be up there. And then we'll be able to enjoy that beautiful sunrise together. I know that when we get to that point, our reward will be great. And most importantly, we'll be enjoying it together.