I love Christmas.
It is by far one of my favorite holidays. I love the decorations. I love the music. I love the lights. I love the family time. I love the stories and the movies. And I love the meaning of Christmas. Hearing the Christmas story, hearing God's word.
This year has been no different. I will admit, I was a little nervous about how this Christmas would go, the first one since the divorce. How would time get split with Jacob? I was selfishly wanting him to be with me on Christmas but didn't want to take away an opportunity for him to see family he doesn't get to see very often either. Luckily, everything seemed to fall into place. Jacob was able to go down to Des Moines the weekend before Christmas and my dad picked him up on Christmas Eve day to bring him back home.
What from I can tell and was told, Jacob had an absolutely fabulous time in Iowa. He seriously loves his cousins so much!! I saw a few short videos of them playing and it just warms my heart. I hate that they don't get to see each other more. I'm also jealous of the fact that I'm not there anymore to really watch and enjoy that interaction between the three of them. They're at such a fun age with great imaginations. Jacob, of course, loved opening up presents as well! Who doesn't!? And he came home with plenty of new toys and clothes! Although, strangely enough, his favorite "toy" was a tape measure! :) It's always the little things!
I was certainly wrapped up in a lot of Christmas music this year. The Advent Cantata put on at Christ the King was a big one this year. Our director certainly put us to work with a lot of music and not very easy music. But all the hard work absolutely paid off, and we had some great performances. We heard a lot of great compliments. I still find myself singing some of those songs too!
I also agreed to sing at the services on Christmas Eve. While there were a total of four services, the praise band only sang at three. And we had three very difficult songs that included quite a few instruments. I was pretty nervous we weren't going to get the songs ready in time for the service, but we did and they were some really fun songs to sing. While my performing was done after three services, I also went with my mom out to Butternut; she had volunteered to play the piano. And then, Jacob and I went along to the 10pm candlelight service at CTK. So there was plenty of more singing!
But in addition to the singing, I really enjoyed the two messages I heard that day. And I enjoyed how they tied into each other. If you want to hear one of the messages, you can view past services of CTK on their website. But I have a bible journaling entry in mind for these messages so I'll let that speak for itself once I have it done. :)
Once we got home, very late and very much past our bedtime, a very tired Jacob helped me put out cookies and milk and reluctantly let me take his picture in front of the tree before climbing into bed. The next morning, Daddy joined us to see what Santa had brought Jacob! It took a groggy Jacob a moment to realize that Santa had brought presents but when he did, the first thing he noticed was "the booger game!!" Yes, Santa brought Jacob a Gooey Louie game. If you're not familiar with this, you basically pick booger's out of Louie's nose and try not to be the one who blows his brains out. This was what Jacob asked for. Boys. As Daddy worked putting that together, he went through his stocking, getting very excited about the chocolate and wanting it for breakfast. There was also a stuffed toy that Jacob had basically thrown aside in his excitement to get to the booger game, but when I held it out to him and asked him what it was, he happily yelled "It's the Grinch!!" How the Grinch Stole Christmas has been a favorite book and movie of Jacob's this year. He can practically recite the whole book himself. He was very excited to have his own Grinch. He opened some other presents that weren't quite as exciting - new PJs, socks, underwear - and then got to open the biggest present under the tree. It was a dinosaur attack playset from his dad. As soon as Jacob saw that big dinosaur, oh boy! He started yelling and jumping up and down - "dinosaur! dinosaur! dinosaur! dinosaur!" :) Let's just say, it was a big hit.
Later that day, we had a nice mid-afternoon meal of appetizers and desserts. Meg made it home and Missy & Joe and Grandma and Grandpa joined us. Jacob also got to open another present from his great-grandparents - a big book on the t-rex! These people know Jacob. :)
Daniel and Josh got home on Wednesday night and Daniel brought the flu with him. :-/ On Friday, we celebrated our family Christmas. We opened presents that morning while we ate sticky buns. We had a big Christmas dinner that evening. It finally felt like Christmas was here. Mom and Dad both got exactly what they wanted for Christmas, without any surprise, thanks in part to Amazon and Jacob. haha For a sibling exchange, we did books. It started out as a cookbook exchange but a well known fact about me is that I don't cook. So I have no need for a cookbook. Well, Dan had my name and when I opened the box - a cookbook on the basics, including over 1000 pictures! My brother is so funny. My dad said I have to cook supper twice a month now. I must think of some sort of revenge. But Daniel also got me two books that were actually on my list, so maybe not any big revenge....
Jacob, of course, continued to get spoiled by everyone. Books and dinosaurs and toys! He also got a new dinosaur bed set and dinosaur lamp for his room. I'm hoping this will be exciting for Jacob as we transition him into sleeping in his own bed again. Wish me luck. He also got a toy from Nana and Papa that he had seen in the store - Mr. Dusty - a dump truck that scoops up toys like legos. He literally jumped up and down when he opened that gift. The only problem with this toy? The noise was not on when we viewed it in the store. It's loud and obnoxious and has a very short list of phrases. Haha. But Jacob loves it. Actually, I don't think there was anything that he didn't really love.
We also played a small "game". Mom bought a bunch of small gifts from the Dollar Tree and wrapped them all up. Then we took turns pulling gifts out of the bag and opening them. Or if someone else got something we wanted, we could steal. It was pretty fun, but Jacob was definitely the most excited! He just loves opening presents! :)
On Saturday, we had another family gathering with my dad's side of the family. There were a lot of people in our house, a lot of kids and noise, and a lot of food and drink. It was nice to see so many family members and enjoy that time together. The basement did become a bit of a madhouse when the kids discovered the trampoline... hehe
The rest of the holidays were spent just spending time together, binge watching the Crown on Netflix and playing some games. It's always hard when we have to say goodbye to everyone, but it definitely makes us appreciate our time together.
Overall, it was a very successful Christmas season.
Sunday, December 31, 2017
Thursday, December 21, 2017
Jacob's Anecdotes vol. 3
These never get old...
One night that AJ called to say goodnight to Jacob, we were still at church so he left a voicemail. When Jacob and I got in the car, I gave him the phone to listen to the message. Jacob listened to it over and over and over. When he handed me back the phone, I asked him if he liked listening to that voicemail. He said "Yes!" I asked him what his favorite part was. Jacob said, "When daddy said no momy's bed." (We're still trying to get Jacob to sleep in his own bed....lol) I asked Jacob if that meant he was going to sleep in his own bed like a big boy! He said, "yes!" I said, really?! And Jacob said (in the most serious voice), "No." Oy. The next morning when we were on the phone with daddy again, he asked Jacob if he slept in his own bed the night before. Jacob said, "You said no mommy's bed so I slept in mommy's bed" with a huge smile on his face. He's too smart for his own good.... He still asks to listen to this voicemail, insisting that the "no mommy's bed" part is the funniest.
***
***
No matter what Jacob says or does, whenever I laugh at his antics, he has to ask me, "What are you laughing at?" Then once I tell him, he'll laugh too and then, of course, continue to try and make me laugh again and again.
***
Jacob was going to spend the weekend in Iowa with his favorite cousin! The night before he left, I asked him, "Will you miss me?" And Jacob says, "No. I love Evie. She's my cousin. My cousin Evie." He's always saying things like this! He loves his cousin Evie! :)
***
Sometimes when we're reading a story or if we start doing something, Jacob will hold up his hand and say PAUSE! Then he'll go grab some toy or book, cuddle back in next to you and say "okay, you can go now" or sometimes he'll "pause" us because he wants to be the one to say the prayer. Super adorable.
One night as we were driving home from church, a bunch of houses had their Christmas lights on. Jacob asked if we were at the park. (Sibley Park does a huge Christmas light display that Jacob loves!!) I told him no, that those were just people's houses. He asked if we had Christmas lights up on our house. I said, no and when he asked why, I told him because it's a lot of work and Papa didn't want to do it. I said to Jacob, maybe when we have our own house one day, we can put lights on it! Jacob got excited and agreed! But then he got all serious and said, "But I won't be able to help you." When I asked why not, he said "Because I'm too little! I'm sorry!" He was so sincere!
***
One night as we were driving home from church, a bunch of houses had their Christmas lights on. Jacob asked if we were at the park. (Sibley Park does a huge Christmas light display that Jacob loves!!) I told him no, that those were just people's houses. He asked if we had Christmas lights up on our house. I said, no and when he asked why, I told him because it's a lot of work and Papa didn't want to do it. I said to Jacob, maybe when we have our own house one day, we can put lights on it! Jacob got excited and agreed! But then he got all serious and said, "But I won't be able to help you." When I asked why not, he said "Because I'm too little! I'm sorry!" He was so sincere!
***
We took Jacob to see Santa the other week. The photographer kept saying, "Say cheeseburger!" And so Jacob said cheeseburger. After a couple of times though, you could see something click in Jacob's mind. The next time the photographer asked him to say cheeseburger, Jacob proudly says "Cheese sandwich!" Haha
***
One night at supper, Papa handed Jacob the dish of pickles. He said "Take one and pass it to your mother" (meaning the pickle dish). Jacob took one pickle out of the dish and passed it to me. HAHAHA! At least he was listening!! :)
Thursday, December 14, 2017
Coming to an end...
It's hard to believe that 2017 is coming to an end already! I definitely plan to do a recap of the whole year, but for now, let me catch you up on things since my last update post.
I survived working at Fun.com for the Halloween season. I think it was harder on Jacob this year, having me gone so much. He was so excited when I told him I wouldn't have to go to work at night anymore. While I love the extra money, I might have to reconsider doing it again next year, or at least cut back some of my hours.
Speaking of Halloween, Jacob went as a dinosaur to school and then, because he didn't want to take that costume off, a Dinosaur/Frank the Combine for trick-or-treating. Ha! I managed to finish the Frank the Combine costume, with some help from my parents on the final touches. It was indeed A LOT of work. And I probably made it too big because Jacob would only wear it for a while at a time before wanting a break! I think I've learned my lesson and will just be buying a costume from now on. :)
Jacob of course clocked in as much time as he could on the combine again this fall. Something he never gets tired of. We also got some family pictures done and I absolutely love how they turned out!
November came and went pretty quickly. Things at Eide Bailly are definitely keeping me busy. I was able to go to the YWCA Women's Leadership Conference at the beginning of the month and really enjoyed that experience. I also spent a full Saturday-Sunday-Wednesday singing at all the church services so let's just say I really got the sermon that week. :)
I got myself a new tattoo - something I had been thinking about for a long time, but really decided what I wanted just this past year. I have the words "Let God" on the inside of my wrist. My daily reminder to let go of those things I can't control and to let God take control. It is the thing I struggled with most this past year.
I also hit a deer and totaled my "new" car. That was an awful experience but I'm thankful it wasn't any worse. I have finally bought a new car (the exact same one as my old car, only different color and with more miles). It's been quite the learning experience dealing with insurance and warranties and car loans. When all is said and done, I'll still owe about $1500 on the old car loan which hurts, but could be worse.
Megan came down for a week of vacation and Thanksgiving and it was super great having her around. Jacob LOVES his aunt Megan! Thanksgiving was good - we ate out in the barn at the Butternut farm, which was super fun. And of course, good food!
The following weekend, Jacob went up north with my mom and dad to visit Meg and spend a couple days at a resort near Duluth. I think even with Jacob, they had a pretty relaxing time. :)
Jacob is still a ball of energy. He seriously never slows down. He's still enjoying preschool and not only is he learning a lot academically, he's learning how to play with other kids his own age. We've been discussing this a lot at home recently. As an only child, he's use to playing by himself or playing with grown-ups. At daycare, most of the kids are younger. It is a learning experience for him to know how to interactively play with other kids and doing things like taking turns.
He still loves to learn. He still comes home singing songs. He loves to count and often wants to count all the way to 100! He loves asking us "what does this say" on a book or a sign. He likes to ask "what does ______ start with?" and together, we figure out the answer. He still likes writing letters and even some numbers but coloring or drawing still isn't high on the list. He still loves for us to read him stories but he also likes to take books and read to himself. It's super adorable and I hope his love of reading continues. He also still loves all things dinosaurs, tractors, trucks, cars, bugs... typical boy things. :)
Some things have been hard. Due to a number of reasons, Jacob was spending too much time on the tablet and we needed to cut some screen time out. Thankfully, we were able to start that the week Megan was down and having her around really helped make this easier. We've also been struggling at bedtime. Again, there are a number of reasons why this is probably happening but it's exhausting to say the least.
But for the most part, Jacob is a healthy and happy kid. He continues to be the joy of my life. He is funny and smart and adorable. :)
I think that's about it for now. Watch for my year recap soon!
I survived working at Fun.com for the Halloween season. I think it was harder on Jacob this year, having me gone so much. He was so excited when I told him I wouldn't have to go to work at night anymore. While I love the extra money, I might have to reconsider doing it again next year, or at least cut back some of my hours.
Speaking of Halloween, Jacob went as a dinosaur to school and then, because he didn't want to take that costume off, a Dinosaur/Frank the Combine for trick-or-treating. Ha! I managed to finish the Frank the Combine costume, with some help from my parents on the final touches. It was indeed A LOT of work. And I probably made it too big because Jacob would only wear it for a while at a time before wanting a break! I think I've learned my lesson and will just be buying a costume from now on. :)
Jacob of course clocked in as much time as he could on the combine again this fall. Something he never gets tired of. We also got some family pictures done and I absolutely love how they turned out!
November came and went pretty quickly. Things at Eide Bailly are definitely keeping me busy. I was able to go to the YWCA Women's Leadership Conference at the beginning of the month and really enjoyed that experience. I also spent a full Saturday-Sunday-Wednesday singing at all the church services so let's just say I really got the sermon that week. :)
I got myself a new tattoo - something I had been thinking about for a long time, but really decided what I wanted just this past year. I have the words "Let God" on the inside of my wrist. My daily reminder to let go of those things I can't control and to let God take control. It is the thing I struggled with most this past year.
I also hit a deer and totaled my "new" car. That was an awful experience but I'm thankful it wasn't any worse. I have finally bought a new car (the exact same one as my old car, only different color and with more miles). It's been quite the learning experience dealing with insurance and warranties and car loans. When all is said and done, I'll still owe about $1500 on the old car loan which hurts, but could be worse.
Megan came down for a week of vacation and Thanksgiving and it was super great having her around. Jacob LOVES his aunt Megan! Thanksgiving was good - we ate out in the barn at the Butternut farm, which was super fun. And of course, good food!
The following weekend, Jacob went up north with my mom and dad to visit Meg and spend a couple days at a resort near Duluth. I think even with Jacob, they had a pretty relaxing time. :)
Jacob is still a ball of energy. He seriously never slows down. He's still enjoying preschool and not only is he learning a lot academically, he's learning how to play with other kids his own age. We've been discussing this a lot at home recently. As an only child, he's use to playing by himself or playing with grown-ups. At daycare, most of the kids are younger. It is a learning experience for him to know how to interactively play with other kids and doing things like taking turns.
He still loves to learn. He still comes home singing songs. He loves to count and often wants to count all the way to 100! He loves asking us "what does this say" on a book or a sign. He likes to ask "what does ______ start with?" and together, we figure out the answer. He still likes writing letters and even some numbers but coloring or drawing still isn't high on the list. He still loves for us to read him stories but he also likes to take books and read to himself. It's super adorable and I hope his love of reading continues. He also still loves all things dinosaurs, tractors, trucks, cars, bugs... typical boy things. :)
Some things have been hard. Due to a number of reasons, Jacob was spending too much time on the tablet and we needed to cut some screen time out. Thankfully, we were able to start that the week Megan was down and having her around really helped make this easier. We've also been struggling at bedtime. Again, there are a number of reasons why this is probably happening but it's exhausting to say the least.
But for the most part, Jacob is a healthy and happy kid. He continues to be the joy of my life. He is funny and smart and adorable. :)
I think that's about it for now. Watch for my year recap soon!
Monday, November 20, 2017
Oh Deer.
Let me tell you a little story....
It was a Friday night, in November. It was dark, foggy and spitting rain. Interstate 35. I had just got done meeting Jacob's grandparents so Jacob could spend the weekend in Des Moines with the family.
I was cruising right along. Listening to my audiobook, anxious to get back to Mankato for a hockey game. I was driving in the right hand lane when suddenly, there was a deer. It looked like it was just walking across the road, but because of the fog, it appeared before me quickly.
I managed to hit my breaks and brace myself for impact. Is that what you're suppose to do? Brace yourself? Tense up? Anyway, that's what I did. I hit the deer full on. The impact caused my airbag to go off, which I remember only briefly brushing against my face. The car skidded and jerked to a stop but I had no idea where my car was - on the road? Near the ditch? I didn't think I had gone in the ditch.
Everything was dark and silent. I struggled to remember where my flashers were, finally grabbing my phone to light up the dash. I found the button but when I hit it, nothing happened. The entire car was dead. I had no lights, no nothing.
It was about then that I noticed all the lights in my rearview mirror. The lights of the fast oncoming cars, headed right at me. Headed right at me and unable to see me. Hitting the deer was no big deal. Sitting in a dead car with vehicles approaching from behind, unable to see me, terrifying. I thought for sure I was going to get hit. I was waiting for the impact.
I was literally talking out loud to myself. I was trying to call 911 on my phone but it wasn't working. (Side note: has anyone else had this problem trying to call 911 on a cell phone???) I kept asking myself if I should get out of the car or stay put. I was buckling and unbuckling my seat beat. I was telling myself a car was going to hit me. I was questioning why no cars seemed to be stopping to help me.
I opened the driver door, as much as I could from the impact anyway, when I finally saw a gentleman coming to me. He asked if I was alright, if anyone was else was in the car and told me I need to get out of the car right away. He ran me to the middle of the ditch. I was shaking. I couldn't catch my breath. I had thought for sure I was going to get hit by another car and couldn't even imagine what might have happened then.
Once I was out and away from the car, I could see where my car was. In the left hand lane. I was not near the side of the road. I was near the center of the interstate. I knew then it was a miracle that I wasn't hit from behind.
The two gentlemen started to direct traffic into the one lane the best they could with flashlights, while we waiting for highway patrol to come. I was still shaking. Walking in small paces around in the ditch, trying to slow my breathing. I noticed the hood of my car was peeled back and laying on my windshield. That was why I couldn't see where in the road I was, not because I didn't have my lights on.
Apparently, the accident had been reported as a three car accident and soon after highway patrol arrived, a firetruck pulled up. There was another on the way along with two ambulances. Luckily, they sent those back. The gentleman that came to my car later told me he was driving behind me and saw me hit the deer. He was able to swerve, driving in the ditch, to avoid hitting me, but clipped the deer. Once his truck stopped, he came back to help me.
I was taken to the firetruck for some questions and to get out of the rain. I declined any medical treatment. The firefighter told me that I had hit the deer in the area they called the Bermuda Triangle, because there are so many accidents that happen along this stretch of highway.
After a while, another firefighter came back to the truck to inform me that I had hit a 16 point deer. Well, at least I had something to be proud of.
I had called my parents as soon as I was out of the car. I told them roughly where I was and they said they would come to get me. And here's the thing. They had been in Rochester, my dad was getting a small procedure done. It was scheduled to take place Friday morning but had been delayed, causing my parents to remain in Rochester long after they wanted to. So when I called at 6pm to let them know I had hit a deer, they were only an hour away.
Finally, they got the road cleaned up of all the pieces of my car I had lost. They had loaded the deer up to take away (I later heard in the patrol car that someone was given permission to take it... I should have thought of that), and the tow truck came and loaded up my car. The officer was going to drop me off at the Welcome Center, where my parents were waiting for me. We drove to the tow place to clean out my car.
It was only then that I really got a good look at the damage. And it looked bad. We spent the next 20 minutes or so, trying to clean out my car by flashlight, unable to open the back door, all while I was on the phone filing my claim with Progressive and making sure they were covering this tow.
It was around 9pm by the time we got home. I decided I wasn't leaving the house and instead put on my PJs, took some Tylenol, got the heating pad and watched a movie. My weekend plans to relax, do nothing and worry about nothing were pretty much gone. While I did get some relaxing in, I'm also dealing and waiting on the insurance claim, waiting to hear that my car is indeed totaled, waiting for them to tell me they have no money to give me after paying the car off, and starting the annoying search for another car. I am mourning the fact that I haven't even had that car for a full year...
However. I am thankful. I am incredibly blessed. I am so so so thankful Jacob was not in the car with me. Every time I think about hitting the deer, I thank God Jacob was not there. I thank God that I was not hit by another car. I thank God that I was not hurt. I thank God that no one was hurt. I thank God my parents were close by. I thank God for watching over me. Because he was obviously doing just that. God is good.
It was a Friday night, in November. It was dark, foggy and spitting rain. Interstate 35. I had just got done meeting Jacob's grandparents so Jacob could spend the weekend in Des Moines with the family.
I was cruising right along. Listening to my audiobook, anxious to get back to Mankato for a hockey game. I was driving in the right hand lane when suddenly, there was a deer. It looked like it was just walking across the road, but because of the fog, it appeared before me quickly.
I managed to hit my breaks and brace myself for impact. Is that what you're suppose to do? Brace yourself? Tense up? Anyway, that's what I did. I hit the deer full on. The impact caused my airbag to go off, which I remember only briefly brushing against my face. The car skidded and jerked to a stop but I had no idea where my car was - on the road? Near the ditch? I didn't think I had gone in the ditch.
Everything was dark and silent. I struggled to remember where my flashers were, finally grabbing my phone to light up the dash. I found the button but when I hit it, nothing happened. The entire car was dead. I had no lights, no nothing.
It was about then that I noticed all the lights in my rearview mirror. The lights of the fast oncoming cars, headed right at me. Headed right at me and unable to see me. Hitting the deer was no big deal. Sitting in a dead car with vehicles approaching from behind, unable to see me, terrifying. I thought for sure I was going to get hit. I was waiting for the impact.
I was literally talking out loud to myself. I was trying to call 911 on my phone but it wasn't working. (Side note: has anyone else had this problem trying to call 911 on a cell phone???) I kept asking myself if I should get out of the car or stay put. I was buckling and unbuckling my seat beat. I was telling myself a car was going to hit me. I was questioning why no cars seemed to be stopping to help me.
I opened the driver door, as much as I could from the impact anyway, when I finally saw a gentleman coming to me. He asked if I was alright, if anyone was else was in the car and told me I need to get out of the car right away. He ran me to the middle of the ditch. I was shaking. I couldn't catch my breath. I had thought for sure I was going to get hit by another car and couldn't even imagine what might have happened then.
Once I was out and away from the car, I could see where my car was. In the left hand lane. I was not near the side of the road. I was near the center of the interstate. I knew then it was a miracle that I wasn't hit from behind.
The two gentlemen started to direct traffic into the one lane the best they could with flashlights, while we waiting for highway patrol to come. I was still shaking. Walking in small paces around in the ditch, trying to slow my breathing. I noticed the hood of my car was peeled back and laying on my windshield. That was why I couldn't see where in the road I was, not because I didn't have my lights on.
Apparently, the accident had been reported as a three car accident and soon after highway patrol arrived, a firetruck pulled up. There was another on the way along with two ambulances. Luckily, they sent those back. The gentleman that came to my car later told me he was driving behind me and saw me hit the deer. He was able to swerve, driving in the ditch, to avoid hitting me, but clipped the deer. Once his truck stopped, he came back to help me.
I was taken to the firetruck for some questions and to get out of the rain. I declined any medical treatment. The firefighter told me that I had hit the deer in the area they called the Bermuda Triangle, because there are so many accidents that happen along this stretch of highway.
After a while, another firefighter came back to the truck to inform me that I had hit a 16 point deer. Well, at least I had something to be proud of.
I had called my parents as soon as I was out of the car. I told them roughly where I was and they said they would come to get me. And here's the thing. They had been in Rochester, my dad was getting a small procedure done. It was scheduled to take place Friday morning but had been delayed, causing my parents to remain in Rochester long after they wanted to. So when I called at 6pm to let them know I had hit a deer, they were only an hour away.
Finally, they got the road cleaned up of all the pieces of my car I had lost. They had loaded the deer up to take away (I later heard in the patrol car that someone was given permission to take it... I should have thought of that), and the tow truck came and loaded up my car. The officer was going to drop me off at the Welcome Center, where my parents were waiting for me. We drove to the tow place to clean out my car.
It was only then that I really got a good look at the damage. And it looked bad. We spent the next 20 minutes or so, trying to clean out my car by flashlight, unable to open the back door, all while I was on the phone filing my claim with Progressive and making sure they were covering this tow.
It was around 9pm by the time we got home. I decided I wasn't leaving the house and instead put on my PJs, took some Tylenol, got the heating pad and watched a movie. My weekend plans to relax, do nothing and worry about nothing were pretty much gone. While I did get some relaxing in, I'm also dealing and waiting on the insurance claim, waiting to hear that my car is indeed totaled, waiting for them to tell me they have no money to give me after paying the car off, and starting the annoying search for another car. I am mourning the fact that I haven't even had that car for a full year...
However. I am thankful. I am incredibly blessed. I am so so so thankful Jacob was not in the car with me. Every time I think about hitting the deer, I thank God Jacob was not there. I thank God that I was not hit by another car. I thank God that I was not hurt. I thank God that no one was hurt. I thank God my parents were close by. I thank God for watching over me. Because he was obviously doing just that. God is good.
 |
| My first view of the car |
 |
| This is where my car ended up |
 |
| Coming off the tow truck |
 |
| My airbag went off |
 |
| Unbelievable |
 |
| My poor car... |
Friday, November 3, 2017
Jacob's Anecdotes vol. 2
I love this kid.
After waking up one morning after a really good sleep, Jacob sat up groggily and slowly lifted up one hand. With a confused look on his face, he says to me, "My hand is buzzy" I LOVE his creative way of telling me about his hand falling asleep/waking up, since he doesn't understand that yet!
This isn't necessarily just one story, but Jacob has started to become very.... confident? Ha! More than once he's been asked "Who's in charge here?" when he isn't listening to what was being told/asked of him. His response? "I am." Or I'll say, "Jacob, you're being a little bossy." And he says, "Yes, I am." Another... "Jacob, are you going to be a pill tonight?" "Yes, I'm going to be a pill." Oy. He's only four!?!
Jacob has always been a fan of the "Pigeon" books. If you haven't read them, check them out. His current favorite is where the Pigeon finds a hot dog! At one point in the book, frustrated with the Duckling, the Pigeon says "Oh for Pete's sake!" This has become Jacob's new catch phrase! He'll say it as an answer to anything and even roll his eyes with it! It's pretty adorable.
Jacob and Nana were saying bedtime prayers the other night and were doing "God Bless..." God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy... etc. And Jacob said to my mom, "Everybody loves Jacob because I'm cute!"
***
After waking up one morning after a really good sleep, Jacob sat up groggily and slowly lifted up one hand. With a confused look on his face, he says to me, "My hand is buzzy" I LOVE his creative way of telling me about his hand falling asleep/waking up, since he doesn't understand that yet!
***
This isn't necessarily just one story, but Jacob has started to become very.... confident? Ha! More than once he's been asked "Who's in charge here?" when he isn't listening to what was being told/asked of him. His response? "I am." Or I'll say, "Jacob, you're being a little bossy." And he says, "Yes, I am." Another... "Jacob, are you going to be a pill tonight?" "Yes, I'm going to be a pill." Oy. He's only four!?!
***
Jacob has always been a fan of the "Pigeon" books. If you haven't read them, check them out. His current favorite is where the Pigeon finds a hot dog! At one point in the book, frustrated with the Duckling, the Pigeon says "Oh for Pete's sake!" This has become Jacob's new catch phrase! He'll say it as an answer to anything and even roll his eyes with it! It's pretty adorable.
***
Jacob and Nana were saying bedtime prayers the other night and were doing "God Bless..." God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy... etc. And Jacob said to my mom, "Everybody loves Jacob because I'm cute!"
***
While talking to Jacob on the phone (a regular phone call), he'll often try to tell you or show you what he's doing or playing with. Tonight on the phone, Jacob said to me, "Watch this! Oh wait! You can't see!" Hahaha
***
The other Sunday at church, Pastor Patrick invited all of the kids to come up for the children's sermon to listen to a story. Jacob went quickly and excitedly, something he doesn't always do. The story was read without too much interruption... only towards the end did Jacob realize he could see himself on the big screens up front and had to point that out. On his way back to his seat, once he got a little closer to me, he said (in not a whisper), "That was a good story." :)
***
The other night, Jacob and I were having some conversation that included him asking me a bunch of questions I don't really know the answer to, so typical parenting. And then this happened... Jacob: "Mommy, why are bugs so small?" Me: "I don't know, I guess because God made them that way." Jacob: "Yeah! And God made my butt!" Yup. That too. LOL Tuesday, October 24, 2017
The first Un-Anniversary
I've been thinking about this day a lot. Watching it come closer... for close to two months. If were you were to ask me back then how I thought I might feel about this day, I wouldn't be able to tell you. I think it was probably a mixture of mourning, regret, sadness...
I never thought this would be my life. I never imagined myself divorced. I feel comfortable saying the divorce was what needed to happen. But it still pains me to think back over the past 10 years and remember what use to be.
There definitely was a lot of love. A lot of great memories. And best of all, our amazing and incredible son.
Now I have these moments... moments that are both pleasant and unpleasant. Moments when I see a funny meme on Facebook or something and you'd normally be the first person I'd send it to. Or I'll make some 'Friends' reference only to remember that you're not there to appreciate it. I'll find something I know you'll like but realize it's not my place anymore to get it for you. A song will trigger some old memory of some great experience we had and I'll wish that we could do something similar again before understanding we can't.
It's those sorts of things that sometimes hurt the most. The little, normal every day things. It's those types of thoughts and feelings I have that make me wonder how many years they'll continue to happen. I wonder if you have those moments too.
Then there are those more obvious signs... an expiration date on my bag of chips that is our wedding date. A bible verse from our wedding, beautifully written on a lovely floral fall print. Wedding pictures showing up on social media's time-vault apps.
For me, it comes in waves. And seemingly out of nowhere. The absolute feeling of loss and sorrow comes crashing over me. Sometimes it feels like I might drown.
The time we were together, absolutely every thing was intertwined. Everything was connected. There are no memories that don't include you. And we'll never be able to go back to that. At least not in the same way. And that... hurts deep. I mourn the loss of our life together. I mourn the loss of our relationship. I mourn the loss of what could have been.
We both made mistakes. I'm sure we both have regrets. I know I do.
I feel like October 24th is going to always be a weird sort of day. It will always have a place in my heart. A day to remember all the good. All the things I wouldn't change. All the love we had for each other. But I feel like it will be a day to mourn as well.
I read this quote from another article and it states exactly what I feel:
Since this will be the first "Un-Anniversary", I can't tell you yet how the day went, what I did or what I felt. But the writer of that article goes on to write about what her "Un-Anniversaries" have been like...
Those absolutely hit home. I feel like the day could be both filled with celebration and mourning. Celebrate what once what and what it brought us and mourn what no longer is and what the future will not be.
As the days inch closer, that feeling of loss grows stronger. I find myself dwelling on the loss. I think about that beautiful stained glass hanging and wonder if it will ever see sunlight again. I think about the wedding scrapbook I started but will probably never finish now.
I never thought this would be my life. I never imagined myself divorced. I feel comfortable saying the divorce was what needed to happen. But it still pains me to think back over the past 10 years and remember what use to be.
There definitely was a lot of love. A lot of great memories. And best of all, our amazing and incredible son.
Now I have these moments... moments that are both pleasant and unpleasant. Moments when I see a funny meme on Facebook or something and you'd normally be the first person I'd send it to. Or I'll make some 'Friends' reference only to remember that you're not there to appreciate it. I'll find something I know you'll like but realize it's not my place anymore to get it for you. A song will trigger some old memory of some great experience we had and I'll wish that we could do something similar again before understanding we can't.
It's those sorts of things that sometimes hurt the most. The little, normal every day things. It's those types of thoughts and feelings I have that make me wonder how many years they'll continue to happen. I wonder if you have those moments too.
Then there are those more obvious signs... an expiration date on my bag of chips that is our wedding date. A bible verse from our wedding, beautifully written on a lovely floral fall print. Wedding pictures showing up on social media's time-vault apps.
For me, it comes in waves. And seemingly out of nowhere. The absolute feeling of loss and sorrow comes crashing over me. Sometimes it feels like I might drown.
The time we were together, absolutely every thing was intertwined. Everything was connected. There are no memories that don't include you. And we'll never be able to go back to that. At least not in the same way. And that... hurts deep. I mourn the loss of our life together. I mourn the loss of our relationship. I mourn the loss of what could have been.
We both made mistakes. I'm sure we both have regrets. I know I do.
I feel like October 24th is going to always be a weird sort of day. It will always have a place in my heart. A day to remember all the good. All the things I wouldn't change. All the love we had for each other. But I feel like it will be a day to mourn as well.
I read this quote from another article and it states exactly what I feel:
"I always wonder what to do that day. Clearly there isn’t an anniversary to celebrate, but it seems somehow wrong to just let the day go by without any acknowledgement of what that day represents."
Since this will be the first "Un-Anniversary", I can't tell you yet how the day went, what I did or what I felt. But the writer of that article goes on to write about what her "Un-Anniversaries" have been like...
"For me, the day represents a loss of many hopes and dreams, plans that were never made, adventures that will never be gone on, and a life that turned out differently than I had expected. My un-anniversary is not a happy day, but a day that fills me with sadness and regret."
Those absolutely hit home. I feel like the day could be both filled with celebration and mourning. Celebrate what once what and what it brought us and mourn what no longer is and what the future will not be.
As the days inch closer, that feeling of loss grows stronger. I find myself dwelling on the loss. I think about that beautiful stained glass hanging and wonder if it will ever see sunlight again. I think about the wedding scrapbook I started but will probably never finish now.
I'm mourning. Grieving. Lamenting. It's a strange sort of loss to experience. I've lost something and someone that was so much a part of me, who I loved incredibly much. But in the physical sense, you're still here. I still see you, talk to you. Sometimes it feels like my grief will be like a wound, reopening every time I interact with you, never able to completely heal.
In addition to mourning the loss of our relationship, I ache over the loss of other relationships that have faded after the divorce. Relationships with your family. With people I loved as my own family. I haven't stopped loving your family. Just as you and I are in this awkward stage of maneuvering this new relationship, the same goes to your family I think. And I get it. They're your family. There are sides to these things. But I've really been feeling that loss lately. I don't know what's appropriate to say or do.
I feel like I'm starting to ramble... Every day it seems there is some sort of new feeling, new decision to be made, new reaction to what we've done. I don't know what our lives look like going forward. But I know that if we can maybe just take things day by day, things will start to feel like a new normal.
But until then, I'll raise a glass. To the first Un-Anniversary.
But until then, I'll raise a glass. To the first Un-Anniversary.
Tuesday, October 17, 2017
Busy Busy
I'm officially a month into the new job. It feels both like I've been here forever and for no time at all. I'm enjoying all the work so far although there is a huge learning curve and that will only get better with time. But so far, I think this was the right move to make.
I don't think I could tell you where the past month went....
Jacob started preschool and his first day did not start out like I expected. He had been asking to go to school for months! So excited to ride the bus! When we pulled up to the school that first day, Jacob said to me "I want to go to Amber's". Broke my heart. The poor kid did not want to get out of the car, he was so nervous! Which isn't like him at all! We finally got him into the school and once he was in his classroom, he was good to go! He saw the dinosaurs and was ready to play! On his second day, he said to me in the car, "I'm not scared to go to school today, Mom." :)
He's been enjoying school every since! He gets dropped off in the mornings by either myself or his Grandpa or most likely his Grandma... there was some adventure there on whether or not Jacob was old enough* to ride the bus to school in the morning. (*Grandparents not being ready for this! ha!) He rides a smaller bus and gets dropped off right at Amber's door before lunch. He wouldn't really share too much about school at first but he's slowly opening up more and telling us things. He's always excited to share when he gets to be a helper with something - the carpet squares, weather, bell ringer, etc.
He can spell his own name and gets very excited every time he sees the letter "J"! I had him trace his name on a card the other day and he was saying things like "Down, around, curve around..." It was so cute! I love watching him learn new things and grow! He'll also come home singing different songs which of course, is adorable. He went on a field trip to the apple orchard a couple of weeks back and came home and told us how you "grab and twist" to pull down the apples.
My only problem with school is that Jacob does get pretty tired in the morning and will generally take a really good nap at daycare. By the time bedtime rolls around, the kid has all of his energy back!! Maybe he was ready for a full day of school! :)
Jacob also started swimming lessons again. I think he misses the lessons when parents would go in the pool to because he keeps asking both me and his dad, "Are you coming in?" :) Also, Jacob is definitely that kid that won't do anything the teacher is asking and instead stands back a little ways, looks around for us and waves with a big smile on his face! haha I also have to say that this class (why only this class, I have no idea) is giving me mini-heart attacks! HA! There's just two teachers and a handful of four year olds. They move themselves along the wall of the pool into the deeper section and sit on the edge. Jacob's sat on the edge of the pool no problem before but there are a couple of other kids who like to jump or slide off the edge when they're not suppose to - i.e. no one is there to catch them! It's terrifying and I'm just waiting for Jacob to decide to do that as well! I am no okay with this! I swear, Jacob better not be any good at sports (his parents' histories help here...) because I do not think I'm going to be the type of mom who can just watch things happen without freaking out! Seriously!
Jacob also got to enjoy some time at a temporary daycare, literally just down the street from Amber's while Amber had her baby! He did really well with this transition! As we kept getting closer to him going back to Amber's, I would ask if he was excited to see and play with the new baby. And his response would be, "Yes, I'm going to play with the little Frank the Combine" hahaha Jacob is obsessed with Frank the Combine from the movie Cars. He has a Frank toy, but at Amber's there is a smaller one. He kept telling us that he wanted to get a smaller one and that we should go buy one. Finally I said maybe for Christmas or Easter he could get it.
And speaking of Frank the Combine, this is what Jacob will be going as for Halloween.... as soon as I finish the costume. He super excited. He also said that mommy has to be Lightning McQueen and daddy is Tow-Mater. So, AJ and I both have t-shirts to wear so Jacob can chase us. Then he said that Nana and Papa were going to be the tractors that tip over! This kid.
Jumping in at Eide Bailly and learning as much as I can, as quickly as I can, things have stayed very busy. There is definitely plenty of work to do and it does get a little bit easier every day. What's nice about the job though is that it's very easy to leave everything at work when I'm done for the day. And I love that. Everyone has been very welcoming so far and I've also realized that I'm probably going to gain a bunch of weight while working here. Almost every day it seems like there are some sort of treats or desserts or snacks in the lunch room! I've got to work up my self-control!
I also started at Fun.com again and am really enjoying that. It's pretty easy money, doing customer service via chat and email. And because it feels so easy, I keep wanting to put myself down to work more hours... forgetting of course that my parents can only handle so much of Jacob on top of everything else and that I need sleep. My mom (well and a lot of other people) kept telling me to slow down. But I'm so close to paying off my last credit card and I was racing towards that finish line. But my body decided it needed to remind me slow down and I got a cold that just knocked me out. I basically slept for two days and while I still don't have much of a voice, I am feeling better. And ready to jump back into things... :) I just have to make it to November......
It's funny but I've come to think of October as the one month out of the year that I want to both go by incredibly fast and take as long as possible. Totally doable, right? I love working at Fun but sometimes wish that time away, ready to relax in November. But October is also my favorite month and I don't want that time to just fly by. I love the weather and the activities. There's not enough time for both! Maybe one year, I'll just have one job in October. :)
One of those two days of sleeping was my birthday, so it was pretty low-key. My parents and Jacob sang to me in the morning, Jacob showed me the brownies he and my mom made and gave me a present that he picked out - a lovely smelling candle! Then my mom said to Jacob, "Jacob, what did you want to get mommy for her birthday?" And Jacob said "A small Frank the Combine!" hahaha Sadly, they were out of those at the store.
Jacob got to spend the other weekend down in Iowa with his Zaruba Nana and Papa and his favorite cousin Evie! He had an absolute blast! We also went to a Vehicle Fair and Harvest Festival at the Children's Museum, visited another Fall Festival out at Terrace View golf course, went to a Fall Festival at the elementary school and harvested grapes. It's been a pretty busy fall! And of course, Papa and Mark have finally been able to get into the fields so Jacob has had a couple of combine rides. And he is still in heaven. He took a ride with mark the other day and basically talked nonstop the entire time! Mark had a phone call and the guy on the phone even asked "Who's in the combine with you?!" HA!
I think that's about it for an update for us right now. I'm sure they'll be more again soon!
I don't think I could tell you where the past month went....
Jacob started preschool and his first day did not start out like I expected. He had been asking to go to school for months! So excited to ride the bus! When we pulled up to the school that first day, Jacob said to me "I want to go to Amber's". Broke my heart. The poor kid did not want to get out of the car, he was so nervous! Which isn't like him at all! We finally got him into the school and once he was in his classroom, he was good to go! He saw the dinosaurs and was ready to play! On his second day, he said to me in the car, "I'm not scared to go to school today, Mom." :)
He's been enjoying school every since! He gets dropped off in the mornings by either myself or his Grandpa or most likely his Grandma... there was some adventure there on whether or not Jacob was old enough* to ride the bus to school in the morning. (*Grandparents not being ready for this! ha!) He rides a smaller bus and gets dropped off right at Amber's door before lunch. He wouldn't really share too much about school at first but he's slowly opening up more and telling us things. He's always excited to share when he gets to be a helper with something - the carpet squares, weather, bell ringer, etc.
He can spell his own name and gets very excited every time he sees the letter "J"! I had him trace his name on a card the other day and he was saying things like "Down, around, curve around..." It was so cute! I love watching him learn new things and grow! He'll also come home singing different songs which of course, is adorable. He went on a field trip to the apple orchard a couple of weeks back and came home and told us how you "grab and twist" to pull down the apples.
My only problem with school is that Jacob does get pretty tired in the morning and will generally take a really good nap at daycare. By the time bedtime rolls around, the kid has all of his energy back!! Maybe he was ready for a full day of school! :)
Jacob also started swimming lessons again. I think he misses the lessons when parents would go in the pool to because he keeps asking both me and his dad, "Are you coming in?" :) Also, Jacob is definitely that kid that won't do anything the teacher is asking and instead stands back a little ways, looks around for us and waves with a big smile on his face! haha I also have to say that this class (why only this class, I have no idea) is giving me mini-heart attacks! HA! There's just two teachers and a handful of four year olds. They move themselves along the wall of the pool into the deeper section and sit on the edge. Jacob's sat on the edge of the pool no problem before but there are a couple of other kids who like to jump or slide off the edge when they're not suppose to - i.e. no one is there to catch them! It's terrifying and I'm just waiting for Jacob to decide to do that as well! I am no okay with this! I swear, Jacob better not be any good at sports (his parents' histories help here...) because I do not think I'm going to be the type of mom who can just watch things happen without freaking out! Seriously!
Jacob also got to enjoy some time at a temporary daycare, literally just down the street from Amber's while Amber had her baby! He did really well with this transition! As we kept getting closer to him going back to Amber's, I would ask if he was excited to see and play with the new baby. And his response would be, "Yes, I'm going to play with the little Frank the Combine" hahaha Jacob is obsessed with Frank the Combine from the movie Cars. He has a Frank toy, but at Amber's there is a smaller one. He kept telling us that he wanted to get a smaller one and that we should go buy one. Finally I said maybe for Christmas or Easter he could get it.
And speaking of Frank the Combine, this is what Jacob will be going as for Halloween.... as soon as I finish the costume. He super excited. He also said that mommy has to be Lightning McQueen and daddy is Tow-Mater. So, AJ and I both have t-shirts to wear so Jacob can chase us. Then he said that Nana and Papa were going to be the tractors that tip over! This kid.
Jumping in at Eide Bailly and learning as much as I can, as quickly as I can, things have stayed very busy. There is definitely plenty of work to do and it does get a little bit easier every day. What's nice about the job though is that it's very easy to leave everything at work when I'm done for the day. And I love that. Everyone has been very welcoming so far and I've also realized that I'm probably going to gain a bunch of weight while working here. Almost every day it seems like there are some sort of treats or desserts or snacks in the lunch room! I've got to work up my self-control!
I also started at Fun.com again and am really enjoying that. It's pretty easy money, doing customer service via chat and email. And because it feels so easy, I keep wanting to put myself down to work more hours... forgetting of course that my parents can only handle so much of Jacob on top of everything else and that I need sleep. My mom (well and a lot of other people) kept telling me to slow down. But I'm so close to paying off my last credit card and I was racing towards that finish line. But my body decided it needed to remind me slow down and I got a cold that just knocked me out. I basically slept for two days and while I still don't have much of a voice, I am feeling better. And ready to jump back into things... :) I just have to make it to November......
It's funny but I've come to think of October as the one month out of the year that I want to both go by incredibly fast and take as long as possible. Totally doable, right? I love working at Fun but sometimes wish that time away, ready to relax in November. But October is also my favorite month and I don't want that time to just fly by. I love the weather and the activities. There's not enough time for both! Maybe one year, I'll just have one job in October. :)
One of those two days of sleeping was my birthday, so it was pretty low-key. My parents and Jacob sang to me in the morning, Jacob showed me the brownies he and my mom made and gave me a present that he picked out - a lovely smelling candle! Then my mom said to Jacob, "Jacob, what did you want to get mommy for her birthday?" And Jacob said "A small Frank the Combine!" hahaha Sadly, they were out of those at the store.
Jacob got to spend the other weekend down in Iowa with his Zaruba Nana and Papa and his favorite cousin Evie! He had an absolute blast! We also went to a Vehicle Fair and Harvest Festival at the Children's Museum, visited another Fall Festival out at Terrace View golf course, went to a Fall Festival at the elementary school and harvested grapes. It's been a pretty busy fall! And of course, Papa and Mark have finally been able to get into the fields so Jacob has had a couple of combine rides. And he is still in heaven. He took a ride with mark the other day and basically talked nonstop the entire time! Mark had a phone call and the guy on the phone even asked "Who's in the combine with you?!" HA!
I think that's about it for an update for us right now. I'm sure they'll be more again soon!
Sunday, September 17, 2017
From PAH to EB
And just like that, it's all different.
Last Wednesday was my last day at Partners for Affordable Housing. It honestly didn't really hit me until about 4:45pm that I wouldn't be coming back the next morning. Looking back over the past two years, I am so thankful for the experience I had and gained at PAH.
PAH brought me back to the community I grew up in. It helped increase my self-worth and self-confidence. It gave me a chance for my creativity to grow and shine. It introduced me to some amazing and incredible people. PAH brought to attention a huge need in our community and a desire to help fight for that cause. It even helped strengthen my muscles with all the furniture moving. :)
My time at PAH was exactly what I needed, when I needed it. It's crazy to look back and be able to see how that happens. (But God always knows what He's doing!) I needed to be involved with a type of work that provided purpose and meaning. I needed the chance to really let my wings grow. I needed to have those people in my life, both personally and professionally.
Deciding to leave PAH was a hard choice. So incredibly hard. I realized that this is the first time in my career that I decided to leave a job that I really love on my own terms. I obviously have reasons why I was looking elsewhere, but that did not make having to tell my team I was leaving any easier. It's a strange feeling.
To my PAH family: I'm not even sure what I can say about the past two years. Thank you. Thank you for the fun and crazy work experiences. Thank you for being such a supportive group. Thank you for your friendships that have grown over the past two years. Thank you for your humor and your jokes. Thank you for your huge and caring hearts. Thank you for the work that you do for our community. There is truly nothing else like being a part of the PAH family. And I'm glad that we keep the family growing and that we can't get rid of each other. :) I am excited to continue to work with you all in this new capacity. And I'm excited that our friendships will be able to continue to grow. #PAHlife forever!!
And then, it was Thursday morning. My first day at Eide Bailly. My first day at EB was.... one for the books. It also had me reflecting on my first week with PAH... Within a couple days of starting, I was already in paint clothes, painting an upstairs apartment with my new co-workers, in the summer heat with no AC. My first day at EB did not quite include that much hard labor! :)
I arrived at Eide Bailly at 8:30. I received a very quick (and partial) office tour, I was out the door by 8:45 and headed to St. Peter for a recruiting fair for accounting students at Gustavus. I spent the morning learning about what EB has to offer accounting students for their internship options and probably could have given the spiel myself before the morning ended. I was back at the office around 12:30 and had lunch with the Office Coordinator. I spent the next couple of hours going over the new hire paperwork. I finally had a chance to get back to my desk around 2:45 and had some time to read through all that paperwork and explore some of the training information online. I realized I should open my email and see if there was anything and there were 30 emails waiting for me. Then at 3:45 I was headed downtown for an Estate Planners event where I spent the rest of my day acting as bartender.
Everyone kept promising me that every day was not like this. I'm not sure if I should believe them. :) But honestly, it was a great way to start a new job. Jumping right in, getting a feel for things. There is a huge learning curve as I start to learn as much as I can about this new industry and how to market it. It was nice to know that I can still jump in and do some things right away! And to everyone's credit, Friday was a much more relaxed day. I had a chance to work on some projects, continuing reviewing the training information but also familiarizing myself with the different tools that I'll be using and learning that new information.
I also had a chance to go out to lunch with my new Marketing team. I can honestly say that I think this is going to be a good fit. They're a great group of people, eager for me to start doing more and more than willing to help me understand everything. It will also be a chance for me to grow professionally with some of the things I'll be doing. My position is a newly created position and I'll be working between three different areas. So it will be interesting to see how the job grows as I learn to manage my time between these areas and learn how to prioritize between them. But if there's one thing I like, it's a challenge.
It is going to take some time to adjust back into the corporate world setting. Going from a small nonprofit with seven full time employees to a company with 29 offices in 13 states and close to 80 people just in our office... it makes things interesting! But that's all part of the fun. Everyone I have met so far has been super nice.
I'm excited for this new step. I'm excited to see what it will bring. I'm excited to continue to meet more new people. I'm just excited. :)
To close, #EideLike to say that I'm thankful for this new opportunity. Let's go!
Last Wednesday was my last day at Partners for Affordable Housing. It honestly didn't really hit me until about 4:45pm that I wouldn't be coming back the next morning. Looking back over the past two years, I am so thankful for the experience I had and gained at PAH.
PAH brought me back to the community I grew up in. It helped increase my self-worth and self-confidence. It gave me a chance for my creativity to grow and shine. It introduced me to some amazing and incredible people. PAH brought to attention a huge need in our community and a desire to help fight for that cause. It even helped strengthen my muscles with all the furniture moving. :)
My time at PAH was exactly what I needed, when I needed it. It's crazy to look back and be able to see how that happens. (But God always knows what He's doing!) I needed to be involved with a type of work that provided purpose and meaning. I needed the chance to really let my wings grow. I needed to have those people in my life, both personally and professionally.
Deciding to leave PAH was a hard choice. So incredibly hard. I realized that this is the first time in my career that I decided to leave a job that I really love on my own terms. I obviously have reasons why I was looking elsewhere, but that did not make having to tell my team I was leaving any easier. It's a strange feeling.
To my PAH family: I'm not even sure what I can say about the past two years. Thank you. Thank you for the fun and crazy work experiences. Thank you for being such a supportive group. Thank you for your friendships that have grown over the past two years. Thank you for your humor and your jokes. Thank you for your huge and caring hearts. Thank you for the work that you do for our community. There is truly nothing else like being a part of the PAH family. And I'm glad that we keep the family growing and that we can't get rid of each other. :) I am excited to continue to work with you all in this new capacity. And I'm excited that our friendships will be able to continue to grow. #PAHlife forever!!
And then, it was Thursday morning. My first day at Eide Bailly. My first day at EB was.... one for the books. It also had me reflecting on my first week with PAH... Within a couple days of starting, I was already in paint clothes, painting an upstairs apartment with my new co-workers, in the summer heat with no AC. My first day at EB did not quite include that much hard labor! :)
I arrived at Eide Bailly at 8:30. I received a very quick (and partial) office tour, I was out the door by 8:45 and headed to St. Peter for a recruiting fair for accounting students at Gustavus. I spent the morning learning about what EB has to offer accounting students for their internship options and probably could have given the spiel myself before the morning ended. I was back at the office around 12:30 and had lunch with the Office Coordinator. I spent the next couple of hours going over the new hire paperwork. I finally had a chance to get back to my desk around 2:45 and had some time to read through all that paperwork and explore some of the training information online. I realized I should open my email and see if there was anything and there were 30 emails waiting for me. Then at 3:45 I was headed downtown for an Estate Planners event where I spent the rest of my day acting as bartender.
Everyone kept promising me that every day was not like this. I'm not sure if I should believe them. :) But honestly, it was a great way to start a new job. Jumping right in, getting a feel for things. There is a huge learning curve as I start to learn as much as I can about this new industry and how to market it. It was nice to know that I can still jump in and do some things right away! And to everyone's credit, Friday was a much more relaxed day. I had a chance to work on some projects, continuing reviewing the training information but also familiarizing myself with the different tools that I'll be using and learning that new information.
I also had a chance to go out to lunch with my new Marketing team. I can honestly say that I think this is going to be a good fit. They're a great group of people, eager for me to start doing more and more than willing to help me understand everything. It will also be a chance for me to grow professionally with some of the things I'll be doing. My position is a newly created position and I'll be working between three different areas. So it will be interesting to see how the job grows as I learn to manage my time between these areas and learn how to prioritize between them. But if there's one thing I like, it's a challenge.
It is going to take some time to adjust back into the corporate world setting. Going from a small nonprofit with seven full time employees to a company with 29 offices in 13 states and close to 80 people just in our office... it makes things interesting! But that's all part of the fun. Everyone I have met so far has been super nice.
I'm excited for this new step. I'm excited to see what it will bring. I'm excited to continue to meet more new people. I'm just excited. :)
To close, #EideLike to say that I'm thankful for this new opportunity. Let's go!
Friday, September 8, 2017
A Hesitant Welcome to Fall
For maybe the first time ever, I am hesitant for the start of fall.
Fall has always been my absolute favorite time of the year. The cooler weather. The beautiful colors. Open windows and warm drinks. Hay rides, apple orchards and pumpkins. Bonfires and football. Sweatshirts and boots. A fall rain. Birthdays and anniversaries. The start of a new school year and new school supplies. Homecomings and Outfly. Halloween and candy corn. The season of harvest and combine rides.
While my love of fall has not diminished, I must admit that I'm welcoming this fall season with a touch of hesitancy and melancholy.
This fall season will be my first since the divorce. I'm not sure I understand how to handle that.
How do I reflect on that fateful September weekend? How do I handle the memories of wedding planning or the pictures that show up on social media? Should I expect my birthday to feel different? How do I acknowledge the date of our wedding?
I don't know how to feel about these. I don't know if there should be a specific emotion. It doesn't feel right to just let it all slip by but it also doesn't feel right to make a big fuss.
In addition to all of that, Jacob is starting preschool. And while logically this has to happen and kids grow up, there is still some gut punching feeling of sending your baby off to school. Proud, yet nervous. Excited, yet scared. Happy, yet sad.
His first year of school. A new phase of his life. A new start. A new adventure. A new beginning. It's a bit terrifying.
We had orientation night the last week of the month and Jacob of course was in heaven, playing with the dinosaurs. And earlier this week, Jacob had his first "conference" where we had a chance to meet his teacher one and one (Jacob played with the dinosaurs) and got his picture taken!
We had orientation night the last week of the month and Jacob of course was in heaven, playing with the dinosaurs. And earlier this week, Jacob had his first "conference" where we had a chance to meet his teacher one and one (Jacob played with the dinosaurs) and got his picture taken!
And in case you've missed the news, I'm starting a new job.
I'll be working as a Marketing Assistant at Eide Bailly. I'm excited and nervous. I'm anxious and trying to stay confident. I'll have a lot to learn as this is a new industry for me, but that's part of the challenge I enjoy. Eide Bailly is a CPA and consulting firm. I think it's going to be a great next step as I continue my career.
I am incredibly sad to be leaving PAH and the amazing team I work with. But part of what I loved about getting a job at Eide Bailly is their willingness to give back to the community. I'm excited to continue supporting PAH, just in a different capacity.
Fall seems to demand these new and fresh starts. I found this quote on pinterest and it really seems to fit my life.
Looking back at the month of August, I would say we had a successful last month of summer. Jacob got to spend some time in Iowa at the beginning of the month - something he ALWAYS looks forward to! :) We did manage to freeze some corn this summer. We didn't do any last summer because the crop wasn't great. Let me tell you, freezing corn is not as much fun when there are only three people working! Ha! But we managed!
We made it to another Tractor Pull as well, but Jacob didn't last as long as I thought he would! Jacob and I also went camping in the backyard on night! This was Jacob's first time in a tent and he was super excited! He was a great helper too when it came to pitching the tent and taking it down. And we also made it to a "On the Move" event where Jacob could go exploring different vehicles like a dump truck, school bus, firetruck, etc. He loved it.
We took a week vacation and headed north. We had a small cottage on the lake at a resort near Meg's. The weather was a little chillier than we were hoping for, but we still managed to have some boat time out on the lake and Jacob even did a bit of swimming. We visited different parks for some hikes and even drove up to International Falls one day! It was as relaxing as a vacation can be with a four year old. :)
We also got a State Fair visit in! Jacob was a big fan of the food and really wanted to try out all the rides. Unfortunately time limited us there but we did make it down the big slide once! Megan and I stuck around the cities and went back to the State Fair that night for the Pentatonix concert!! Megan got tickets for her birthday and invited me along. It was amazing! Such a great concert, I wish it would have lasted a lot longer!!
Looking forward to the next couple of months, things will pick up and be extremely busy as we apparently like to be during this fall season. Jacob will be doing swimming again, which will start at the end of September. There are a couple of fall festivals that we plan on attending around the area and hopefully another visit to Iowa for Jacob!
I will once again be working part time at Fun.com and might be even crazier for doing that this year on top of a brand new job. But I'm going to give it a shot. And so, if you're willing and able to watch Jacob, let me know. I'll probably take you up on the offer! :)
Jacob has been asking if it was fall yet for a while. He's been so excited to start school, to ride the combine and to dress up as Frank the Combine (Disney's Cars) for Halloween! :) And speaking of which... I should probably get started on that costume...
Welcome, Fall.
We made it to another Tractor Pull as well, but Jacob didn't last as long as I thought he would! Jacob and I also went camping in the backyard on night! This was Jacob's first time in a tent and he was super excited! He was a great helper too when it came to pitching the tent and taking it down. And we also made it to a "On the Move" event where Jacob could go exploring different vehicles like a dump truck, school bus, firetruck, etc. He loved it.
We took a week vacation and headed north. We had a small cottage on the lake at a resort near Meg's. The weather was a little chillier than we were hoping for, but we still managed to have some boat time out on the lake and Jacob even did a bit of swimming. We visited different parks for some hikes and even drove up to International Falls one day! It was as relaxing as a vacation can be with a four year old. :)
We also got a State Fair visit in! Jacob was a big fan of the food and really wanted to try out all the rides. Unfortunately time limited us there but we did make it down the big slide once! Megan and I stuck around the cities and went back to the State Fair that night for the Pentatonix concert!! Megan got tickets for her birthday and invited me along. It was amazing! Such a great concert, I wish it would have lasted a lot longer!!
Looking forward to the next couple of months, things will pick up and be extremely busy as we apparently like to be during this fall season. Jacob will be doing swimming again, which will start at the end of September. There are a couple of fall festivals that we plan on attending around the area and hopefully another visit to Iowa for Jacob!
I will once again be working part time at Fun.com and might be even crazier for doing that this year on top of a brand new job. But I'm going to give it a shot. And so, if you're willing and able to watch Jacob, let me know. I'll probably take you up on the offer! :)
Jacob has been asking if it was fall yet for a while. He's been so excited to start school, to ride the combine and to dress up as Frank the Combine (Disney's Cars) for Halloween! :) And speaking of which... I should probably get started on that costume...
Welcome, Fall.
Thursday, September 7, 2017
Our Current Struggles
Some days, the struggle is so much harder. I mean, it's never easy. But then there are those days where it kicks you in the ass.
It seems I've been having more of those really tough struggle days lately. I wish I knew why these are happening. But do we ever really know?
I hate "playing this card", but being a single mom is hard. I hate playing that card because I still question whether I can call myself a single mom when I live with my parents. But for the most part, taking care of Jacob falls solely on my shoulders.
Jacob has taken on some very difficult personality traits lately. Luckily, this is not 24/7 but it's enough to be draining. He will openly ignore me when I'm asking him not to do something naughty. He has been demanding of the things he wants rather than asking nicely for them as he was taught. And then he gets super upset when he doesn't get what he wants. He's been refusing to get dressed or pick up his toys, claiming he can't do it when he's perfectly capable.
And I get it. He's four. He's so little and is dealing with big emotions. I understand that, I do. But as a single parent, you take 100% of the blunt force of these emotions. And I can't quite explain how emotionally draining that is for you, as the parent.
But what's really been a struggle... bedtime. Jacob has become very persistent about wanting to "sleep with mommy in the tall bed". (aka, Mommy's bed) And I mean super persistent. He'll cry and scream and throw a fit. He won't stay in his own bed, continuing to make the trip to my room over and over. Climbing into my bed. I'll put him in the crib (yes, I still have the crib set up - no he hasn't tried climbing out of it), but then the bloody murder screams will start. Some nights I try to out last him. But the kid is stubborn. And he normally wins. One, I hate the fact that his screams keep my parents up (their bedroom right above his) and two, with school starting school, I know that trying to get him to go to bed earlier rather than later is pretty important.
And then the knife twist happens... through all of this, all the screaming, the tears, are the words he'll say to me.
He's only little once. There will come a day where he'll want nothing to do with me, much less want to cuddle in my bed. Soon he will be too big for all of that. Soon he'll think he won't need me anymore. Soon it might not be so easy to get the words "I love you" out of him.
And so after a full day of maneuvering big emotions from a little person, being asked a thousand questions, each a hundred times, being climbed on by someone who doesn't understand personal space and always needing to be present and paying attention to this little person, I am tired.
I am in desperate need of some 'me time'. I just want to catch up on social media. I want to read my book. I want to watch an adult-only show. I want to spend some time in the quiet, reflecting. I want to lay on the bed with no one kicking me or pushing me. I want to eat some ice cream without sharing.
But often, I lose this fight. I hear his words and they cut deep. I hear his desperate want to be near me. Sometimes I feel like I can hear some fear in his cries.
Because this is where else we're struggling. We're struggling with finding a consistent routine for Jacob to see his dad. Between end of summer vacations and crazy work schedules, those visits have been less than normal. And its when that happens, when it's been longer than "normal" since he's seen his dad, I can see a change a home.
Jacob acts like he has to constantly be in my sight. He always wants me paying attention. If I wander downstairs, I'll hear him yelling for me "Mommy where did you go?" If Nana picks him up from daycare and I'm not home when they get home, "Where is my mommy?" Even in the morning when I get out of bed to shower, "where are you going mommy?" It's enduring, but exhausting. I guess I can't tell you 100% that these reactions are a result of him seeing less of his dad, but it certainly feels that way.
Also, I have to say here, I'm not placing blame on anyone. We're still trying to figure out this whole co-parenting thing. I'm also not looking for advice. Yes, I should stop this habit before it gets out of control. Yes, I should just cuddle him while he's still little. I'll figure it out. Or I won't, and we'll just move on to the next thing. Sometimes I just need to write out my thoughts and feelings to help me process them. To make sense of them. Maybe this last paragraph should be my disclaimer on all blog posts. Haha!
It seems I've been having more of those really tough struggle days lately. I wish I knew why these are happening. But do we ever really know?
I hate "playing this card", but being a single mom is hard. I hate playing that card because I still question whether I can call myself a single mom when I live with my parents. But for the most part, taking care of Jacob falls solely on my shoulders.
Jacob has taken on some very difficult personality traits lately. Luckily, this is not 24/7 but it's enough to be draining. He will openly ignore me when I'm asking him not to do something naughty. He has been demanding of the things he wants rather than asking nicely for them as he was taught. And then he gets super upset when he doesn't get what he wants. He's been refusing to get dressed or pick up his toys, claiming he can't do it when he's perfectly capable.
And I get it. He's four. He's so little and is dealing with big emotions. I understand that, I do. But as a single parent, you take 100% of the blunt force of these emotions. And I can't quite explain how emotionally draining that is for you, as the parent.
But what's really been a struggle... bedtime. Jacob has become very persistent about wanting to "sleep with mommy in the tall bed". (aka, Mommy's bed) And I mean super persistent. He'll cry and scream and throw a fit. He won't stay in his own bed, continuing to make the trip to my room over and over. Climbing into my bed. I'll put him in the crib (yes, I still have the crib set up - no he hasn't tried climbing out of it), but then the bloody murder screams will start. Some nights I try to out last him. But the kid is stubborn. And he normally wins. One, I hate the fact that his screams keep my parents up (their bedroom right above his) and two, with school starting school, I know that trying to get him to go to bed earlier rather than later is pretty important.
And then the knife twist happens... through all of this, all the screaming, the tears, are the words he'll say to me.
"I want to cuddle with mommy because I love you. I love cuddling with mommy. I love you mommy. Cuddling with you is fun. Please, mommy. I want to cuddle."He knows how to pull at the heartstrings. And this is where I struggle. This is where I go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth again.
He's only little once. There will come a day where he'll want nothing to do with me, much less want to cuddle in my bed. Soon he will be too big for all of that. Soon he'll think he won't need me anymore. Soon it might not be so easy to get the words "I love you" out of him.
And so after a full day of maneuvering big emotions from a little person, being asked a thousand questions, each a hundred times, being climbed on by someone who doesn't understand personal space and always needing to be present and paying attention to this little person, I am tired.
I am in desperate need of some 'me time'. I just want to catch up on social media. I want to read my book. I want to watch an adult-only show. I want to spend some time in the quiet, reflecting. I want to lay on the bed with no one kicking me or pushing me. I want to eat some ice cream without sharing.
But often, I lose this fight. I hear his words and they cut deep. I hear his desperate want to be near me. Sometimes I feel like I can hear some fear in his cries.
Because this is where else we're struggling. We're struggling with finding a consistent routine for Jacob to see his dad. Between end of summer vacations and crazy work schedules, those visits have been less than normal. And its when that happens, when it's been longer than "normal" since he's seen his dad, I can see a change a home.
Jacob acts like he has to constantly be in my sight. He always wants me paying attention. If I wander downstairs, I'll hear him yelling for me "Mommy where did you go?" If Nana picks him up from daycare and I'm not home when they get home, "Where is my mommy?" Even in the morning when I get out of bed to shower, "where are you going mommy?" It's enduring, but exhausting. I guess I can't tell you 100% that these reactions are a result of him seeing less of his dad, but it certainly feels that way.
Also, I have to say here, I'm not placing blame on anyone. We're still trying to figure out this whole co-parenting thing. I'm also not looking for advice. Yes, I should stop this habit before it gets out of control. Yes, I should just cuddle him while he's still little. I'll figure it out. Or I won't, and we'll just move on to the next thing. Sometimes I just need to write out my thoughts and feelings to help me process them. To make sense of them. Maybe this last paragraph should be my disclaimer on all blog posts. Haha!
Tuesday, September 5, 2017
Confidence
I feel like a page has been turned.
**knocking on wood** I don't want to jinx this.
You know those moments in life that leave you a bit in awe? Those moments that you know are going to a defining moment of your life?
I think I'm having one of those.
But let's back up a little first...
I think I've always struggled with my self-confidence. In all areas, but particularly when it comes to my performance at work. It's always been there some, but I had one bad experience at a job that left what little self-confidence I did have pretty much shattered. I struggled for a long time after that. Questioning everything... my purpose; my calling; my past work performances...
Fast forward about a year and I find a job that I absolutely love. A job back in the field of communications but also working with volunteers and working for an organization that every day was making the difference in people's lives.
I needed that job. I needed the feeling of purpose. I needed the feeling of making a difference, of feeling accomplished. Little did I know how much I would need the amazing team that I got to work with every day.
Looking back over the two years I've spent there, I can see some of that self-confidence starting to rebuild. I started to feel better about the work I was doing, even while knowing that it could always be more. I became proud of the work I was doing. Looking back, I can see the clearly successful events; I can see the increase in awareness on such an important issue. I love seeing our hard work recognized.
Don't get me wrong. I still struggle with my self-confidence. I still struggle with the idea of recognizing my own ideas and promoting them as my own. Honestly, I love doing a good job, seeing the finished product, and knowing it was successful. And I don't want the credit for that. I like the behind-the-scenes aspect. But why shouldn't I own up to my ideas, especially the good ones?
For example, just recently, I was in a event planning committee meeting. I made a comment along these lines... "At the United Way Kickoff Rally, we had this idea of....." and finished explaining the idea. My ED immediately said, "No, that was your idea and I really like it!" Why is it so hard for me to take credit, to take ownership of my ideas? I know they won't all be good, but still.
And so we've landed at the present time. I think I've written a bit about this previously, but I've been struggling with the idea of staying in this job I love. When I look at my life now as a single parent, the importance of financial stability and benefits are much stronger. When I look at my career path, I want to be able to see an opportunity for growth, for progress. And while I love what I do, while I love the organization and all that they stand for, while I love my team and the amazing work and difference they make every day, I came to understand that personally, I needed more.
I started applying for jobs when I saw something that sounded interesting. Obviously I was looking for jobs that would provide an increase when it came to benefits and financial stability. I was looking for jobs where I could see an opportunity to promotion and growth.
One day, I saw a job posting. It was a marketing job back in the corporate world. It was with a company I was somewhat familiar with through our nonprofit work. The more I researched the company, the more I saw a company that wants to give back to the communities it serves. I had seen this personally. I saw a company that promotes learning and growth. I saw opportunity.
Going through the interview process only confirmed all of this. I was told about how the company promotes a healthy work/life balance and how they offer their employees time to volunteer and match donations given. I was walked through a benefits package with benefits that I had completely forgotten even existed but will be so valuable to me as a single mom. It was a lengthy interview process with quite a bit of paperwork, but I saw the value in everything and understood that the company wants to invest in the right person. I was super intrigued.
I spoke to no one (almost) about the interview. I told no one who I was interviewing with. Deep down, I wanted it too badly but didn't want to get my hopes up by sharing it with everyone when I had no idea if the job would be mine.
Then the call came.
The job was offered to me.
I was ecstatic. I was thrilled. This could finally be my opportunity to really find my footing, get a fresh start.
And then the question popped into my head.
"Should I ask for more money?"
I have only ever asked for more money with one job and that was because there were no benefits provided so it seemed like a fairly simple ask. I have never asked for more money due to my confidence in my skills. My lack of self-confidence has usually kept me from doing so.
But I've read plenty of articles and seen studies about this. Men are much more likely to automatically ask for more money. Men are paid more than women in general. What is it that holds women back from asking the same for themselves? For me, it's been that self confidence.
Thanks to the encouragement, advice and a pep talk from an amazing mentor, I understood that I only had one shot to ask for more money. One shot to advocate for myself. One shot to look out for my family and how I can provide for us.
And so I did it. I called back and asked for more money. I even went a little higher, I figured if they were to come back and say yes, they'd offer me less than what I wanted. I was told that HR would need to discuss it the managers and they'd get back to me.
I made this call right away in the morning. That whole day, I was on pins and needles, waiting for a call back. Nervous about what I had done. Wondering if I should have asked for less or maybe none at all?
The call came around 4:45 that afternoon. I anxiously answered the call. And then I heard something I was not expecting. "We can do that."
!!!!!!!
They were agreeing to give me what I asked for! The emotion that washed over me at that moment... wow.
Not only was there a big relief of knowing how much I'll be able to support my family by myself, but there was this huge feeling of satisfaction and a self-confidence boost. Not only had I taken a chance to advocate for myself, I was shown that they believe enough in my skills and what I can bring to the company to give it to me. I can't explain the awesomeness of that feeling.
For the first time in - who knows? forever maybe? - I was bursting with self-confidence. I was proud of myself. I felt respected as a professional.
And it was over the next 12+ hours that I came to realize - why shouldn't I always feel like this? Why do I continue to doubt myself and my skills? Obviously I still have a lot to learn and I will make mistakes. But I shouldn't dwell on that, especially if it hasn't happened yet. We all make mistakes. But we should be confident in our mistakes, taking it as a learning opportunity.
I got ready that next morning jamming out to the "Bad Moms" soundtrack which was probably the perfect playlist I needed. And here's where that page turn happened. I have the opportunity to go into this new job with a completely different attitude. I can walk in there confident. I can walk in knowing I'm valued. And because of that, I'll walk in there wanting and eager to do the best job I possibly can.
I wrote at the beginning of the year that 2017 was going to be the Year of Me. The Year of Liz. And while I plan on doing a recap at the end of the year to determine if I think it was a successful year of that or not, I think I've realized what my next step should be. And that next step should be to work on boosting my self-confidence. To take pride in myself and my work.
I'm only starting to realize how much of a difference something like self-confidence can make.
**knocking on wood** I don't want to jinx this.
You know those moments in life that leave you a bit in awe? Those moments that you know are going to a defining moment of your life?
I think I'm having one of those.
But let's back up a little first...
I think I've always struggled with my self-confidence. In all areas, but particularly when it comes to my performance at work. It's always been there some, but I had one bad experience at a job that left what little self-confidence I did have pretty much shattered. I struggled for a long time after that. Questioning everything... my purpose; my calling; my past work performances...
Fast forward about a year and I find a job that I absolutely love. A job back in the field of communications but also working with volunteers and working for an organization that every day was making the difference in people's lives.
I needed that job. I needed the feeling of purpose. I needed the feeling of making a difference, of feeling accomplished. Little did I know how much I would need the amazing team that I got to work with every day.
Looking back over the two years I've spent there, I can see some of that self-confidence starting to rebuild. I started to feel better about the work I was doing, even while knowing that it could always be more. I became proud of the work I was doing. Looking back, I can see the clearly successful events; I can see the increase in awareness on such an important issue. I love seeing our hard work recognized.
Don't get me wrong. I still struggle with my self-confidence. I still struggle with the idea of recognizing my own ideas and promoting them as my own. Honestly, I love doing a good job, seeing the finished product, and knowing it was successful. And I don't want the credit for that. I like the behind-the-scenes aspect. But why shouldn't I own up to my ideas, especially the good ones?
For example, just recently, I was in a event planning committee meeting. I made a comment along these lines... "At the United Way Kickoff Rally, we had this idea of....." and finished explaining the idea. My ED immediately said, "No, that was your idea and I really like it!" Why is it so hard for me to take credit, to take ownership of my ideas? I know they won't all be good, but still.
And so we've landed at the present time. I think I've written a bit about this previously, but I've been struggling with the idea of staying in this job I love. When I look at my life now as a single parent, the importance of financial stability and benefits are much stronger. When I look at my career path, I want to be able to see an opportunity for growth, for progress. And while I love what I do, while I love the organization and all that they stand for, while I love my team and the amazing work and difference they make every day, I came to understand that personally, I needed more.
I started applying for jobs when I saw something that sounded interesting. Obviously I was looking for jobs that would provide an increase when it came to benefits and financial stability. I was looking for jobs where I could see an opportunity to promotion and growth.
One day, I saw a job posting. It was a marketing job back in the corporate world. It was with a company I was somewhat familiar with through our nonprofit work. The more I researched the company, the more I saw a company that wants to give back to the communities it serves. I had seen this personally. I saw a company that promotes learning and growth. I saw opportunity.
Going through the interview process only confirmed all of this. I was told about how the company promotes a healthy work/life balance and how they offer their employees time to volunteer and match donations given. I was walked through a benefits package with benefits that I had completely forgotten even existed but will be so valuable to me as a single mom. It was a lengthy interview process with quite a bit of paperwork, but I saw the value in everything and understood that the company wants to invest in the right person. I was super intrigued.
I spoke to no one (almost) about the interview. I told no one who I was interviewing with. Deep down, I wanted it too badly but didn't want to get my hopes up by sharing it with everyone when I had no idea if the job would be mine.
Then the call came.
The job was offered to me.
I was ecstatic. I was thrilled. This could finally be my opportunity to really find my footing, get a fresh start.
And then the question popped into my head.
"Should I ask for more money?"
I have only ever asked for more money with one job and that was because there were no benefits provided so it seemed like a fairly simple ask. I have never asked for more money due to my confidence in my skills. My lack of self-confidence has usually kept me from doing so.
But I've read plenty of articles and seen studies about this. Men are much more likely to automatically ask for more money. Men are paid more than women in general. What is it that holds women back from asking the same for themselves? For me, it's been that self confidence.
Thanks to the encouragement, advice and a pep talk from an amazing mentor, I understood that I only had one shot to ask for more money. One shot to advocate for myself. One shot to look out for my family and how I can provide for us.
And so I did it. I called back and asked for more money. I even went a little higher, I figured if they were to come back and say yes, they'd offer me less than what I wanted. I was told that HR would need to discuss it the managers and they'd get back to me.
I made this call right away in the morning. That whole day, I was on pins and needles, waiting for a call back. Nervous about what I had done. Wondering if I should have asked for less or maybe none at all?
The call came around 4:45 that afternoon. I anxiously answered the call. And then I heard something I was not expecting. "We can do that."
!!!!!!!
They were agreeing to give me what I asked for! The emotion that washed over me at that moment... wow.
Not only was there a big relief of knowing how much I'll be able to support my family by myself, but there was this huge feeling of satisfaction and a self-confidence boost. Not only had I taken a chance to advocate for myself, I was shown that they believe enough in my skills and what I can bring to the company to give it to me. I can't explain the awesomeness of that feeling.
For the first time in - who knows? forever maybe? - I was bursting with self-confidence. I was proud of myself. I felt respected as a professional.
And it was over the next 12+ hours that I came to realize - why shouldn't I always feel like this? Why do I continue to doubt myself and my skills? Obviously I still have a lot to learn and I will make mistakes. But I shouldn't dwell on that, especially if it hasn't happened yet. We all make mistakes. But we should be confident in our mistakes, taking it as a learning opportunity.
I got ready that next morning jamming out to the "Bad Moms" soundtrack which was probably the perfect playlist I needed. And here's where that page turn happened. I have the opportunity to go into this new job with a completely different attitude. I can walk in there confident. I can walk in knowing I'm valued. And because of that, I'll walk in there wanting and eager to do the best job I possibly can.
I wrote at the beginning of the year that 2017 was going to be the Year of Me. The Year of Liz. And while I plan on doing a recap at the end of the year to determine if I think it was a successful year of that or not, I think I've realized what my next step should be. And that next step should be to work on boosting my self-confidence. To take pride in myself and my work.
I'm only starting to realize how much of a difference something like self-confidence can make.
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| http://mindingherbusiness.co/ebook/ |
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