Today is one of those bittersweet days. Today is Wartburg College's annual day of giving UKnight Day. It's a day to give back to a place that is so important for many people. A day to reflect about why Wartburg is such a special place for people.
Since AJ passed five years ago, I've used UKnight Day to give back to the place that brought us together in his memory. UKnight Day always falls right around AJ's birthday, so each year I give the amount of how old AJ should be turning that year. It's bittersweet.
AJ and I met at Wartburg. We both sang in the Warburg Choir. It was on a choir tour trip to Prague where we first got to know each other but nine months later before we started dating, shortly after some choir bonding. We got engaged in Venice while on another choir tour trip. Music was the thing that connected AJ and I.
AJ was studying to become a music teacher. Music was his passion. Teaching was his passion. And he was so damn good at it. He just had that spark that drew people close to him. We often joked that he was so good at teaching to kids because really he was just a "big kid" himself. But he found ways to connect with his students. He made them fall in love with music the way he once had. I 100% believe that AJ's purpose in life was to teach music.
So when the mental health struggles, the addiction and eventually the decision to end his own life happened, a part of what I mourned was the lost of AJ's purpose. I mourned the lost of his potential. Because AJ had it. He had what one needed to become great. And he would have been - he would have been so great. He would have done so much. I was always able to see more about AJ's future career path than even my own. And so I mourn for the career AJ should have had. Even during his short time teaching, he touched so many lives. I mourn for the lives that he should have touched, the lives he should have changed.
I follow the Wartburg College Choirs Facebook page. I like staying connected to this amazing group that brought me to AJ. I love to see the new adventures they get to embark on, while fondly remembering my own choir adventures. But sometimes, seeing certain posts also makes me feel resentful. I see posts celebrating collaboration between the Wartburg Choir and various high school choirs from around the state of Iowa and I can't help but think, AJ should be here doing that. He should be bringing kids to visit Wartburg, to hear the Wartburg Choir, to learn from them. It makes me think about all the amazing things that AJ should have gotten to do during his music career but now will never do.
When AJ died, former members of the Wartburg Choir came to his funeral service and sang. They sang Amazing Grace and Give Me Jesus. I will never be able to fully articulate just how much that moment meant for me and what I felt during those songs. It was bittersweet.
After AJ died, his high school classmates raised money to commission a choral musical piece in AJ's memory. The song is called Love Is. The words were written by Brian Newhouse and the music was composed by Connor Koppin. Click here if you want to read a blog post about the piece specifically.
I am so grateful for this gift because I thought there was no better way to remember AJ than with the gift of music.
Sometimes I struggle when I think about AJ's legacy. How do I make sure to honor his memory in a way that's worthwhile? How do I help people remember the bright soul and passion AJ had for music and for teaching? How can I help inspire that type of passion in others? How can I share AJ's story to others who are struggling and help them realize that they are loved and they are wanted?
Selfishly, I want this song to be AJ's legacy. I want this song to reach choirs and audiences across the country, maybe even the world. I want AJ's story inside the front cover as reminder to those who are also struggling that they are loved and ask them to stay. I want it to be a piece that touches the lives of those who hear it. I want it to be a piece that is applauded and recognized for the message it sends to those who are hurting. I want to believe that even after his death, AJ will have an impact in this world. But I have no idea how to make something like that happen.
So on this UKnight Day, I will hold up my alma mater as this incredibly special place that I still call home. I will remember the lessons I learned, the adventures I took part of and my infinite love of the color orange. I will recognize how this place helped shape me into the person I am today. I will forever treasure the people that I met at Wartburg, some of my most favorite people in this world. And I will be forever grateful for Wartburg and the music that brought AJ and I together.
'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, that's life.
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