Sometimes I suck at blogging...

Ha! 

Life comes at you fast. One moment, it's the middle of fall and I'm working two jobs and the next moment, it's 2020 and I have a completely new job! So let's recap, shall we? 

My last update was in August. So we'll pick up there. 

We of course got another State Fair trip in. You just can't finish summer without going to the State Fair! The food!! :) It was a bit rainy, but overall a great day. 

Jacob is loving Kindergarten. He has an amazing and supportive teacher and is really thriving. The year started a bit rough, with Jacob having some of the same issues he did the year before on concentrating and staying on task. We decided to start up the daily check in/check out charts that he did in Knights Plus. These have 100% helped keep Jacob focused. It solved the behavioral problems we were having and really keeps Jacob on task. He is bringing home 100% on his charts pretty much every day. I'm very proud of him. 

When it comes to reading and math, Jacob is rocking it as well. His teacher told me at conferences last fall that Jacob is in the advanced reading group, often getting future sight words ahead of time so that he stays challenged. It's so much fun listening to him read books to us. He also loves math and is probably more advanced here too, mostly because we tend to make Jacob do more math at home and create our own problems for him. He is a smart cookie. It's also fun to see the different art projects he brings home and how his talent is evolving - and his imagination! 

In September and October I once again took on a part time job at Fun.com. I was hoping to use the extra cash this year for Christmas shopping and such, but ended up spending most of it on unexpected dental work I had to get done. Super fun. It was another crazy season and I've promised my family that it was my last season at Fun.com. I've told everyone to hold me to this next fall! :)  

We did manage to get some fall fun adventures in though! We spent a day at the Center Creek Orchard, which was a lot of fun for everyone there, except my Dad. We also got a trip into the Minnesota Zoo before school started. We went to the Children's Museum's Dig It Event, where Jacob got to climb, ride and even help drive some large equipment. It was so fun to watch him explore and play. His Aunt Megan came for a visit in October as well and did some fun science experiments, visited the local history museum and spent some time outdoors. Jacob really enjoys his visits with Aunt Meg! 

For Halloween, Jacob was spoiled with two costumes (Thank you, Fun.com employee discount!). He was a red devil for his school party and then for trick or treating, a very scary angler fish! That costume was a hit and even won Jacob the Most Creative Costume prize at the Rec Center party!

Jacob and I had a weekend adventure in November, full of fun! We started on Friday night at the Razzle Dazzle Light Parade in Madelia, a reading festival and some time at the Pepsi Rec Room at the YMCA on Saturday morning. We saw some huge dinosaurs at Jurassic Quest that afternoon and ended the day seeing Frozen II. On Sunday, we hit up the Mall of America and explored the Crayola Experience. It was such a fun time of making memories! 

Jacob also lost his first tooth in November!! On a Friday night he said, "Mommy, guess what!? I have a loose tooth!" and on Monday, I got a picture from school - Jacob had lost that tooth! He was super excited for his first visit from the tooth fairy and even slept in his own bed that night! (Woot!) He's growing up quickly. 

The holidays and December weren't anything special. We were fortunate to spend time with family, both in Iowa and Minnesota. And that's truly what matters most. I did make one change this year and decided not to sing at the Christmas Eve services at CTK. My mom had made a comment that Jacob should spend Christmas Eve in Iowa because the rest of us spend the entire day at church and that's not fun for a little boy, and that he needs some sort of tradition. And it stuck with me, only I didn't want to spend Christmas Eve without Jacob! So we created a new tradition! On Christmas Eve, we celebrate Grinchmas! We went to church and spent the day hanging out in Whoville, watching the different Grinch movies and having ourselves a Grinchmas Feast! 

And to start off the new year, we took a family vacation to Hawaii to celebrate my mom's birthday! We spent the week on Maui, exploring, going on different tours and spending plenty of time at the beach. It was a much more relaxing vacation that our last family trip (Disney World) and I think everyone agreed they'd visit Hawaii again. In fact, Jacob already wants me to start planning our next trip there. For next week. ;-) 

Now January has come and gone as well, but the year is off to a good start. Work, school and all is going well. Jacob has started swimming lessons at the Y and he goes to those on Tuesday and Thursday nights. I'm not sure if it was because we had just gotten back from vacation and spending so much time in the water, but Jacob is really thriving at lessons. He's dunking his head in, jumping in and really starting to get the hang of swimming. It's been a blast to watch. 

And in other news.... 

Also in November, I stayed true to my "two years per job" tradition and started as the Graphic Design and Marketing Director at the Mankato YMCA. To say I was excited for this new adventure is an understatement. 

I am so grateful and appreciative of my time at Eide Bailly. I worked with an incredible team, made some great friends and learned a lot. And looking back on my time with Eide Bailly, it was absolutely the job I needed at that point in my life. It was a secure job that paid well and had great benefits. But it was also a job where I wasn't the one in charge. I didn't have to make the big decisions, I did what I was told. And this is exactly what I needed in this time of my life with so much else going on. Some days it took everything I had to focus on work. During this time when everything else was falling apart, taking all of my energy and focus, I needed a job that I could come into every day and be told what to do from 8-5 and not leave at 5 still thinking about work. Eide Bailly gave me that. 

As time went on, I would be asked what I thought my future looked like. Asked how I wanted to grow in my career, what my next move was going to be. And I honestly didn't have an answer. I felt stuck, unsure where to go next. Yet I started to want more, I just didn't know what that was. 

One day I saw a Facebook posting for a job at the YMCA. Graphic Design and Marketing Director. And it was like this fire was ignited inside of me. I read through the job description multiple times. I couldn't help but think this is the perfect opportunity. I applied and received a call about an interview the very next day. I interviewed, I thought it went great, I became even more excited for this prospect. But then I didn't hear anything. And I realized just how much I wanted this job, because of how disappointed I was thinking I didn't get it. Luckily, that wasn't the ending. I did get a call again and was offered the job. I accepted. 

I started in early November and I can honestly say that I love this job. Not a day goes by where I doubt my decision to be here. Each day is crazy busy, full of variety, and allows me to be creative in ways I haven't been in years. It's overwhelming and challenging all in a good way. In the short time I've been here, I've been pushed professionally, helping me grow and be better. And when I say that my To Do List is never-ending, I am not exaggerating! 

I love being back at a nonprofit. I love feeling like I'm making a difference. I love being able to see my work come together and make something. I love the team of people that I get to work with every day. I love their passion and their enthusiasm. I also love their support of me in my position. 

Christmas 2017

I love Christmas.

It is by far one of my favorite holidays. I love the decorations. I love the music. I love the lights. I love the family time. I love the stories and the movies. And I love the meaning of Christmas. Hearing the Christmas story, hearing God's word.

This year has been no different. I will admit, I was a little nervous about how this Christmas would go, the first one since the divorce. How would time get split with Jacob? I was selfishly wanting him to be with me on Christmas but didn't want to take away an opportunity for him to see family he doesn't get to see very often either. Luckily, everything seemed to fall into place. Jacob was able to go down to Des Moines the weekend before Christmas and my dad picked him up on Christmas Eve day to bring him back home.

What from I can tell and was told, Jacob had an absolutely fabulous time in Iowa. He seriously loves his cousins so much!! I saw a few short videos of them playing and it just warms my heart. I hate that they don't get to see each other more. I'm also jealous of the fact that I'm not there anymore to really watch and enjoy that interaction between the three of them. They're at such a fun age with great imaginations. Jacob, of course, loved opening up presents as well! Who doesn't!? And he came home with plenty of new toys and clothes! Although, strangely enough, his favorite "toy" was a tape measure! :) It's always the little things!

I was certainly wrapped up in a lot of Christmas music this year. The Advent Cantata put on at Christ the King was a big one this year. Our director certainly put us to work with a lot of music and not very easy music. But all the hard work absolutely paid off, and we had some great performances. We heard a lot of great compliments. I still find myself singing some of those songs too!

I also agreed to sing at the services on Christmas Eve. While there were a total of four services, the praise band only sang at three. And we had three very difficult songs that included quite a few instruments. I was pretty nervous we weren't going to get the songs ready in time for the service, but we did and they were some really fun songs to sing. While my performing was done after three services, I also went with my mom out to Butternut; she had volunteered to play the piano. And then, Jacob and I went along to the 10pm candlelight service at CTK. So there was plenty of more singing!

But in addition to the singing, I really enjoyed the two messages I heard that day. And I enjoyed how they tied into each other. If you want to hear one of the messages, you can view past services of CTK on their website. But I have a bible journaling entry in mind for these messages so I'll let that speak for itself once I have it done. :)

Once we got home, very late and very much past our bedtime, a very tired Jacob helped me put out cookies and milk and reluctantly let me take his picture in front of the tree before climbing into bed. The next morning, Daddy joined us to see what Santa had brought Jacob! It took a groggy Jacob a moment to realize that Santa had brought presents but when he did, the first thing he noticed was "the booger game!!" Yes, Santa brought Jacob a Gooey Louie game. If you're not familiar with this, you basically pick booger's out of Louie's nose and try not to be the one who blows his brains out. This was what Jacob asked for. Boys. As Daddy worked putting that together, he went through his stocking, getting very excited about the chocolate and wanting it for breakfast. There was also a stuffed toy that Jacob had basically thrown aside in his excitement to get to the booger game, but when I held it out to him and asked him what it was, he happily yelled "It's the Grinch!!" How the Grinch Stole Christmas has been a favorite book and movie of Jacob's this year. He can practically recite the whole book himself. He was very excited to have his own Grinch. He opened some other presents that weren't quite as exciting - new PJs, socks, underwear - and then got to open the biggest present under the tree. It was a dinosaur attack playset from his dad. As soon as Jacob saw that big dinosaur, oh boy! He started yelling and jumping up and down - "dinosaur! dinosaur! dinosaur! dinosaur!" :) Let's just say, it was a big hit.

Later that day, we had a nice mid-afternoon meal of appetizers and desserts. Meg made it home and Missy & Joe and Grandma and Grandpa joined us. Jacob also got to open another present from his great-grandparents - a big book on the t-rex! These people know Jacob. :)

Daniel and Josh got home on Wednesday night and Daniel brought the flu with him. :-/ On Friday, we celebrated our family Christmas. We opened presents that morning while we ate sticky buns. We had a big Christmas dinner that evening. It finally felt like Christmas was here. Mom and Dad both got exactly what they wanted for Christmas, without any surprise, thanks in part to Amazon and Jacob. haha For a sibling exchange, we did books. It started out as a cookbook exchange but a well known fact about me is that I don't cook. So I have no need for a cookbook. Well, Dan had my name and when I opened the box - a cookbook on the basics, including over 1000 pictures! My brother is so funny. My dad said I have to cook supper twice a month now. I must think of some sort of revenge. But Daniel also got me two books that were actually on my list, so maybe not any big revenge....

Jacob, of course, continued to get spoiled by everyone. Books and dinosaurs and toys! He also got a new dinosaur bed set and dinosaur lamp for his room. I'm hoping this will be exciting for Jacob as we transition him into sleeping in his own bed again. Wish me luck. He also got a toy from Nana and Papa that he had seen in the store - Mr. Dusty - a dump truck that scoops up toys like legos. He literally jumped up and down when he opened that gift. The only problem with this toy? The noise was not on when we viewed it in the store. It's loud and obnoxious and has a very short list of phrases. Haha. But Jacob loves it. Actually, I don't think there was anything that he didn't really love.

We also played a small "game". Mom bought a bunch of small gifts from the Dollar Tree and wrapped them all up. Then we took turns pulling gifts out of the bag and opening them. Or if someone else got something we wanted, we could steal. It was pretty fun, but Jacob was definitely the most excited! He just loves opening presents! :)

On Saturday, we had another family gathering with my dad's side of the family. There were a lot of people in our house, a lot of kids and noise, and a lot of food and drink. It was nice to see so many family members and enjoy that time together. The basement did become a bit of a madhouse when the kids discovered the trampoline... hehe

The rest of the holidays were spent just spending time together, binge watching the Crown on Netflix and playing some games. It's always hard when we have to say goodbye to everyone, but it definitely makes us appreciate our time together.

Overall, it was a very successful Christmas season.

A recap of Spring

Life continues to move at fast pace around here. I can't believe tomorrow is already June. I can't believe my little man is going to four soon!! 

Work has been crazy. We've been trying to fill some positions for a while and that always keeps things interesting - especially when you work at a small nonprofit. The work never stops. We finished our first ever Hats, Horses & Hope fundraiser. The weather was beautiful and overall, the day was a success. We definitely learned a lot and know what changes we'd make in the future. We also made some money! Which is always helpful when doing a fundraising event. We also found out our Executive Director is leaving for another job. This has been hard to process. We have a great team, a great energy and a lot of passion. In the close to 2 years that I've been with PAH, our executive director has been a major point in all of that. While I'm happy for her new job opportunity, I am also incredibly sad. And while I had hoped the summer would slow down a little, it now appears that I'll be helping get our new executive director started. Like I said, the work never stops. :) 

Personally, life has been.... _____. Who knows. Fill in the blank. AJ and I have struggled (I have struggled) some in defining what our relationship looks like now with the divorce. I'm still working through this. I still love him and I still care about him and I still want to support him, but I can't do that as his wife anymore. I'm not sure how to do this yet. 

AJ was recently asked to leave the halfway house he was completing treatment at. This is his story to tell but he found himself without a place to live. Since being at the halfway house, he hasn't been able to come over and visit much and spend much time with Jacob. Most of the time we would see him would be quick visits and almost never at the house. Well the night AJ found himself without a place to live, he came over, played with Jacob and helped put him to bed. That night, I didn't think about sharing anything about what was happening with Jacob. I should have. 

The next morning, he woke up calling for his daddy. When I told him that daddy had to leave last night and was no longer there, Jacob told me "I want to play with daddy. I want to go visit daddy's house soon". Later on the car ride to daycare, Jacob asked me where daddy was, if he was at House of Hope. (We had told Jacob that daddy was living there while he was working on getting better, but nothing more specific). I told him I wasn't sure right now. Then Jacob asked, "Is daddy fixed yet?" 

This broke my heart. It shattered my illusion that I had been successful at protecting Jacob from everything that's been happening. It caused me to question if I've been doing any of this right with Jacob. How much do you tell a three year old? How much detail do you go into? How do you tell him his parents aren't together anymore? I don't have the answers for any of these questions. But Jacob has not been oblivious. 

AJ was able to go stay with his parents for awhile and has found a place to live, is looking for a job and to get back into an outpatient treatment program. But he's no longer in the area. And we have to figure out how to explain this to Jacob. 

Luckily, Jacob was able to go spend some time in Iowa over the Memorial Day weekend with his daddy, cousin Evie and Nana and Papa Z. It sounds like they all had a blast and that Jacob and Evie played hard together! I also think that Jacob really enjoyed the time with just his daddy around - I know AJ did. :) 

I spent the holiday weekend on my self-care. Indulging in some foods I've been trying to avoid in order to eat healthier, catching up on movies I've been wanting to see and TV shows that are impossible to watch with a toddler running around. :) I even got a massage on Saturday and it was wonderful heaven. On Sunday I got to see some cousins who I don't get to see nearly enough and then spent the evening/night in the Twin Cities with two girl friends who I also don't get to see nearly enough. It was a fantastic time to just escape everything for a while, have some fun, but also catch up and have some really great conversations with some really important people to me. 

I think we're looking forward to summer around here and being able to enjoy the warmer weather and spend more time outdoors. Looking back on the past few weeks, Easter was good. We enjoyed having Uncle Dan and Josh and Aunt Megan down, Jacob went on an Easter egg hunt, found his Easter basket from the Easter Bunny and just enjoyed being the center of attention with everyone around. :) My Grandpa's service up at Fort Snelling and the funeral in Mankato were days filled with memories, love, laughter, tears and family. I felt very blessed for such an amazing family. 

I also bought a new car! I finally decided it was time to upgrade and purchased a 2014 Honda CR-V. I'm really loving the extra space and will really enjoy the All-wheel drive this winter! Jacob is also a big fan. :)

Jacob sang really well with his Rainbow Room class for the end of the year. They sang "This little light is mine" and Jacob was front and center! :) However, within the next two days, we were at the doctor's office battling an ear infection. Jacob was not a fan of his medicine! But bribery works. Ha!! 

Mother's Day was a great day. Jacob did a great job sitting through two church services while I sang. We enjoyed a nice meal with some family and spent the day just enjoying each other's company. :) I am so blessed to be Jacob's mother. He may push my buttons more often than not, but I wouldn't change him for the world! I love that kid. 

Stand in the Rain

The past week.... has sucked. I feel run-down. I feel defeated. I feel low. I feel like I'm just going through the motions. 

At the beginning of last week, I was in South Dakota, visiting Austin at Keystone as part of the family program. While Austin has been working the program and putting a lot of effort into this recovery, it was still a hard day. A lot of information to process. A lot of stories to hear from other families. A lot of your own personal feelings to process. 

I feel hopeful for Austin's recovery at this point but was also reminded about how fragile it is and how easily it could still slip away. I feel grateful that Austin's addiction wasn't to anything harder or his journey more difficult, but still must remember that he is just as sick. I feel unsettled at the thought of how to put our lives back together with Austin sober. I feel hopeless when wondering how to start the process of trusting Austin again. 

The family program was two days but I could only stay on Monday. After 12 hours at Keystone, I made it home shortly before midnight. Tuesday morning I was at the justice center, in front of a judge, explaining why my marriage was not repairable. 

Ironically, after spending the day with Austin at Keystone and seeing him take responsibility for his addiction and sobriety, I started to feel hopeful about our future together. Maybe this could work. I no longer felt that we were at our lowest point. So while I had that hope in my heart, I still logically knew the divorce needed to happen. The biggest reasons being Jacob and financial security. 

The judge said he's sign off on the papers later that day. We were officially divorced. 

On Wednesday morning, I got a message from my dad around 9:00am, my Grandpa R. had passed away. He had been on hospice care since February so while the death was not a big surprise, it was a loss all the same. Luckily, I had been up to see him just a week before but was really hoping to make it up there once more before he passed. But Grandpa was ready to go. And the one thought that keeps running though my head is how happy he must be to be with Grandma again. 

On top of all that, it was of course Holy Week which meant that with a Mom as a pastor and as a member of the church choir, it was a busy second half of the week. Austin also completed treatment at Keystone and moved back to Mankato to the House of Hope, a halfway house where he'll live and continue outpatient treatment. 

Every day feels like I'm just going through the motions. Doing what I need to do to get by, but not much more. With still so much going on at work and taking care of Jacob, I feel like I can't afford to "waste time" mourning the loss of my marriage, wondering about the future with Austin or even properly grieving for my Grandpa. Everything happened so quickly together that I haven't had time or I haven't let myself process all those feelings I know are inside somewhere. Honestly, I'm not even sure how to process these feelings. 

Last Wednesday, as I drove to church for choir practice, it was raining and the song "Stand in the Rain" by SuperChick came across my playlist. You know when you find that song that perfectly describes your current life or a current moment in life, this was that for me. I listened to it on repeat the whole way to church and I think the whole way home. 

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

A New Place

Well we've gotten ourselves through another successful move! Seriously, we are pros at this whole moving thing! I actually starting thinking about this the other night... how many places I've lived at in my 28 years. And it is a lot. Let's review...

My first home was the red and white house on Prince St, from there it was the house on Oakland, then that little blue house next to the fire station. Then we lived at Lily Lakes Estates and then the little yellow house we rented until we moved out to the farm. Now some of these were during college so I wasn't always living there, but I'm counting them. These were the places I called home. Then there was college: I lived in Centennial Hall for two years, and in two rooms so I'm counting this one twice because I did have to move completely out and back in again. Then there was Founders Hall, I did a brief stint in the Manors for May Term before moving to a condo in Waverly for the summer. There were also the Wartburg West apartments in Denver and finally, Knights Village my senior year. Then it was my first apartment after college, the place on Pinehurst in Waterloo. Crappy apartment, but for the right price. Then Austin and I moved to an apartment on Edgemont (still in Waterloo) for a short six months. After that was the "big move" out west. We lived in a really great apartment but on the dreaded third floor in Council Bluffs before moving to a neat little apartment in Oakland for two years. Next we moved back east and lived in a small house in Reinbeck before a temporary move to Austin's parents until we finally found a place of our own in Lisbon. Where we are now. 

Did you lose count? If you did, that's 20 places. 20 places I've called home for any amount of time. 20 places in 28 years. Our family are angels for helping us move so much. We have a reputation among our friends as the ones that move the most. And it's probably true. It's just been how things have worked out. For the most part, we probably could have stayed put a couple of times. :) 

And as much as I hate packing and moving boxes and furniture, there are somethings I love about a new move. I love the way a place is empty before you bring everything it. It offers a new beginning. It offers the possibilities of making this place your own. Making it a home. And I do enjoy the unpacking part. I love finding places for everything and making sure everything is organized - even if it never stays organized! I love added the personal touches to make it our home, hanging pictures on the wall or a rug on the floor. I love that feeling of a new place. Your own place. But then the novelty wears off... maybe that's why we keep moving. :) 

I would like to say that this is our last move before we look into buying a house and really settling down, but I can't. I can't say something like that because I've learned that life is going to happen. Events happen, people change their mind. Would I like to be looking at buying a house? Absolutely. Both Austin and I feel like we're at that point. But because we have moved so much, I think we're both hesitant about making that big of a commitment to one place. Are we really ready to settle down here? Is this where we want to be? What we want to be doing? Those are questions we don't know the answers to yet. But maybe someday. 

And now back to updating you on our life...

We've moved to Lisbon and so far we're really enjoying it. We're working on getting into our own routine. The shorter commutes to work have been so fantastic. I feel like we get to spend more time with Jacob. 

And speaking of Jacob, some of you may have seen, he got to spend almost a full week up in Minnesota with his Grandparents. He went up right after we moved and Austin and I were able to take advantage of the Jacob-free time to really unpack and organize everything. Jacob had a great time in Minnesota and even got to venture way up North to visit his Aunt Meg and Uncle Dan even came over from Fargo for a visit! As much fun as he had, we were sure glad to get him back home. It was crazy how much we missed him! I've honestly never missed anyone more in my life. A parent's love is a crazy thing! 

Jacob is still being stubborn and not really walking. He's more than capable, just lazy. :) He is standing a lot more and taking steps away from furniture own his own, so it's really just a matter of time before he figures how walking is so much better than crawling. Jacob seems to really like the new apartment, especially the sliding doors -they're perfect for him to look outside. We do have a small balcony and we've spent some time out there blowing and popping bubbles - something Jacob loves to do! 

Jacob continues to be a good eater, but he's not always interested in his own food - he wants to eat whatever you're eating! So there's a lot of sharing at our house now. He also is getting better at saying new words - which I love. He can say "cracker", "bye", "gone" "baby", "nigh nigh", "duck", "quack", "kitty", "dog", "bubble" and "z". :) He also tries to say "thank you". We've starting saying "all gone" when Jacob eats all of his food otherwise he'll continue to ask for more so we hold up our hands and show him that they're empty and say "all gone". Well Jacob has started to do it too! He'll put his arms out and say "gone" but he puts his arms out behind him - too cute. This morning when Daddy left for work, I said to Jacob, "Where'd Daddy go?" Jacob held out his arms and said "gone"! It was adorable. :) 

He does do a lot of "talking"... he'll "read" books to us, talk to his toys or the cupboards. And he also has "learned" how to talk on the phone... if you haven't see the picture or video, you check them out on Facebook. It's so funny! Sometimes when he reads a book, he has to put it right up to his face. And sometimes he puts a lot of emotion into his readings! :) He also LOVES to have you point to things. Anything. But he has to help. He likes to grab your finger and have you point to things. Pictures in a book, pictures or hangings on the wall, the ceiling fan, the mouse in Goodnight Moon, the Owl on the rug... it's endless. And only cute until he won't let you stop. :) The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is still his favorite TV show and he will dance up a storm when it's time for the Hot Dog Song! 

Jacob has also already started the Terrible Twos... which I thought weren't suppose to start until he was actually two! Nope! They've started already. Now, some of this might because we moved to a new place and then sent him to Minnesota so his routine was very much disturbed, I don't know. But he has started to throw fits. When you won't let him play with your phone, when you tell him no and stop playing in the blinds, when you won't give him another cracker, when you won't pick him up because you're doing the dishes, when his toy shapes won't fit in the hole they're not supposed to go in.... you get the idea. And I know it's hard because he can't really communicate to us any other way. Just another joy of parenthood. 

Jacob has finally started to do more and more walking. And he'll do it on his own, without us trying to get him to walk. He'll pull himself up and slowly walk around. He also loves to dance - to pretty much any music! But he will almost always stop when a theme song for a TV show comes on and dance to it, it's pretty cute. He also likes to nod his head yes or shake it no, although I'm not sure he knows what that means yet. :) And he just recently started doing this "big smile" thing where he will show all his teeth and squint his eyes! And he finally enjoys brushing his teeth! Every night, after bath, we go look in the mirror and Jacob will try to push it open. I grab his toothbrush and he'll open his mouth and point to his teeth, ready for me! It makes me smile!  

This is such a fun stage because Jacob is constantly learning and developing and I can't tell you how fun it is to watch! :) 

Happy (Belated) Birthday Jacob!

Our sweet, funny, amazing, goofy, smart, adorable, lovable baby boy is no longer a baby. We officially have a toddler on our hands now. Jacob turned one (almost a month ago already, due to my poor blogging skills...) and I have no idea what happened to the past year. By all accounts it was the most interesting, most stressful, most fun, most difficult, most exciting, most amusing, most sleep-deprived, most adventurous year I think I've ever had. There were tears, laughter, mistakes, learning, growing, moving, challenges and love. More love than I've ever known possible. Becoming a parent really does change everything. And in ways you will never understand until you become a parent. 

I created this fun poster to help showcase Jacob's first year. 

Also during Jacob's first year, he has already lived in three different places (in three towns even and different parts of the state!), been to Nebraska and Minnesota in addition to his home state of Iowa, has visited a zoo, gone for some tractor rides, loves looking at himself in a mirror, looking at pictures of himself or watching videos of himself. He has developed an adorable belly laugh that I cannot get enough of. He's made new friends at two different day-cares, both of which have been great. He loves to go swimming and making noise - any kind of noise. He loves to eat and can make the funniest faces. He went as both Charlie Brown and Jake from State Farm for Halloween because we couldn't decide and he spent is first Christmas at home with just Mom and Dad. He's also already been to a Wartburg Outfly and Homecoming, so he's well on his way to becoming a Knight. And that cute little cone-head he was born with turned into an even cuter perfectly round head. :) 

Jacob is already a spoiled kid and had two birthday parties! We had one in Minnesota and then another one a week later in Iowa. I figured it would be easier for family and friends this way. And Jacob was blessed by everyone that came and helped out. We are so grateful for you all. The birthday party theme was of course, Goodnight Moon, after Jacob's favorite book! As much as Jacob loved the cake during his cake smash photo shoot, he wasn't into it at either birthday party. For his credit, he was probably tired and overwhelmed with all the people and a different schedule though. He did want to eat a lot of the fruit though, and I know I should be thankful my son wanted the fruit rather than the cake, but where's the fun in that? :) 

Jacob also had his one year check up and of course, is still a healthy baby! And he's finally a well proportioned boy! :) Haha! He weighed 23.3 lbs (81%), is 30 3/4 inches tall (83%) and his head was 18 3/4 inches (87%). In the 80% for everything - first time that's happened! He also got some more shots which I was nervous about because Austin couldn't get off work to be there with me, but I successfully distracted him with the "Hot Dog Song". 

Jacob is getting closer and closer to being able to really walk on his own. He has taken his first steps, but won't go more than a half a dozen steps before sitting back down or falling over. He's great at standing unsupported though. And those first couple of steps he took? They were towards mama, but I was also playing the "Hot Dog Song" on my phone, so I'm not sure I can take the credit. :) He also loves to talk a lot, but we're not hearing any real words yet. Although he is getting closer I think. The other day it sounded like he said "yeah" to a question we asked him and last weekend, it sounded like he was trying to mimic the words "I love you". 

We also successfully quit nursing. I was actually very surprised at how well Jacob did with this. I had been slowly weaning him, cutting out feedings until we were just nursing at night before bed. But Jacob started taking a bottle instead with no problems! In fact, we've even stopped giving him bottles already and just use a sippy cup. The doctor had told me at his appointment that he'd like to see Jacob not using a bottle or his pacifier by 18 months. So the bottle is done but I think his pacifier might be a bit more of a challenge. Although, I generally just let him have it in the car and at nap and bedtime. 

Jacob has also started cutting his molars and it has not been fun. I think this has been much worse than his other teeth. He seems to get fussy at random times but especially at meal times. When he's normally been such a good eater, now it can be a give or take. Although he does like things that he can crunch, probably feels good. And he also loves to eat whatever we're eating. So my food is no longer my own... I better get use to sharing! :) 

In other news, Jacob and I got to spend the week of July 4th up in Minnesota with my family. My sister Meg was down on vacation too and she was able to get in a lot of Jacob time, which is good because we don't get to see her much now that she lives up North. :) Austin was able to come up and join us on Thursday and it was nice to finally have him there too. It was a perfect week of relaxing and spending time with family and friends that we don't get to see nearly enough. 

Writing this also reminded me that in mid-June, I had my 10 year high school reunion! I don't think I ever mentioned that here so I'll do it now. It was so great to be able to see those friends again. Some of us were able to get together a day early and brought the kids and husbands (if they weren't working) for some nice family time. And there sure are a lot of kids when we get together now! :) Then at the reunion, it was great to just have some fun adult time with no kids! After that, I realized how much I miss my high school friends but how thankful I am that we can still get together, even if it's just once a year, and it's like nothing has changed. We also had a great time going over old yearbook pictures and memories! Always a good time! 

And finally, we're moving! Again! I know, shocker. We found a two bedroom apartment in Lisbon and will be moving around the second week of August - let us know if you're available to come help. ;-) It's a little smaller than where we've been, but it's nice and super close to work for me - only 8 minutes! And it's only 20 minutes for Austin. Hopefully within a year or so, we can start looking for a house to buy. It's about time we try to settle down in one place, right? No? Maybe. We'll see. :) 

Longing

Today I have a longing in my heart. I have wants that are pulling at my heart-strings. Life is anything but predictable. I've learned that the hard way. But today, that is what I want. I want predictability. I want a plan that I know is going to work the way I want it to. I want reassurance.

As I look at those few sentences I've just written, I see the words "I" and "want" a lot. Two words that God probably laughs at. Because what I want and what God has planned, are not always the same. I've also learned that the hard way.

The past five years have taught me so much, allowed me to grow, beaten me down and raised me higher than I could have ever imagined. It's been a lot in such a relatively short amount of time. But looking back, would I have done anything different? Would I have asked for different outcomes? I don't think so. There are certainly times that I don't wish to ever have to repeat, but I know that I've grown from those times. Learned from those times. But looking forward on my life, I want more.

Don't get me wrong, there is a lot about my life that I absolutely love. My son. My husband. My family. My friends.

Maybe I'm being selfish for wanting more. But I do. I want more. I want a house to call ours. I want a community that we feel welcomed and accepted in. I want a community where we have friends to visit with and events to go to. I want a group of people to have a card club with. I want to be a stay at home mom, even though I don't think it will ever be possible financially. And if I can't do that, I want a career. Not just a job. I want a career that I love. That I'm passionate about. I want to figure out what that is. I want to feel like I've accomplished something. Whatever it is.

I want to not have to worry about things. Even if it's just for a while. I want to live care-free. I want to live debt free from our student loans and medical bills. I want to have a time in my life where things are great for an extended period of time. I want a time that is "bump free". I want to know what the future holds. Not my whole future, just the foreseeable future.

I also want to be the best mom I can be for my son. I want to be able to give him all that he needs. I want to be able to provide for his future. I want to be the best wife I can be to my husband. I want to be able to support him in all that he does. I want to be the person that both my boys need more than anyone.

I want to have all the answers. I want things to fall into place. I want to know.


So that's it. That's all I want. That's not too much, is it? Is what I want what God wants for me? I don't know. I pray for answers. I pray for what I want. And I pray for God to show me His plans. His wants. And that's what I'm waiting for.

An end to 2013

2013 has been quite the year - to say the least. It has, by far, been the most exciting, challenging, wonderful, frustrating, thrilling, amazing, exhausting, surprising, incredible and miraculous year. We've made a lot of mistakes, learned some hard lessons, grown into parents and created a ton of memories.

We started the year by announcing we were expecting a little bundle of joy! It was great to finally be able to shout about it! :) And my morning sickness had pretty much disappeared so I was finally able to enjoy the rest of my pregnancy.

Austin had a very successful spring with his Choir at Riverside, which made it very bittersweet when he decided to accepted a new job so we could be closer to family. Saying goodbye to such a supportive community after three years was very hard and the longer we're away, the more we miss them. We also celebrated my sister's graduation from seminary, a major accomplishment!

In June, we welcomed Jacob into this world and everything changed. We immediately fell in love with this sweet little boy. We spent the summer adjusting to life as new parents, while also packing and getting ready to move. Luckily we have great family and friends who made all of this so much easier on us!

This fall Austin and I both started new jobs, which has been very challenging for both of us for different reasons. I think that we both agree while we love being closer to family, a big part of us wishes we were still back in Western Iowa. But every day, we grow and learn something new and hoping there's a shift and we can start enjoying what we do. We also celebrated 4 years of marriage in October. Hard to believe that much time has past already!

We're ending the year celebrating with family, remembering the good times from the past year but also ready to move on to new beginnings in 2014. And here's hoping we can do exactly that. Cheers.

Two Months Old

Jacob is officially two months old! I'm not really sure where the past two months have gone but they've gone quickly! We've finally settled into a routine here  in our new home and that makes things easier with Jacob. There are certainly days that are still hard because Jacob is changing and growing every day! But we're learning to adjust better. 

With Jacob being two months old, that means we were back at the doctor for his two month check up! This was our first appointment with our new pediatrician and I think we're really going to like him. The great news is that we were told we have a "perfect baby"! Everything checked out great with Jacob and he's right on track. He weighed 12lb 9oz, which is in the 55 percentile. His height was 60% and his head a whopping 100%! Big headed little guy! :) The bad news about this appointment is that Jacob got his first shots. This was probably harder on mommy than it was for Jacob! Luckily the nurses were great and it was over fairly quickly but when they stuck him, his eyes shot open and he was crying so hard he couldn't catch his breath! It made me cry! Austin told me I'm not allowed to watch Jacob's face the next time he has to have shots! But once they were done and we fed Jacob, he was just fine. He was a little fussy the next couple of days but nothing too bad. 

Jacob is definitely growing and changing every day! Towards the beginning of August, when he was around 7 weeks, he rolled from his tummy onto his back for the first time! He did have to have a little help from mom and dad because he was on the edge of a folded up blanket and couldn't get over the little bump. And he hasn't rolled over since then either because he's not a fan of tummy time (as you can see from videos on our vimeo site!) and I can only listen to him cry a little bit before having to make it better! He has also rolled from his back to his tummy once as well! This was recently, at 9 weeks old. I put him on the ground to change his diaper, went to the bathroom quick and when I came back he was on his tummy! I was very impressed and I think Jacob was a little startled and not sure how he got there! Haha! 
Jacob also loves to sit up so he can look around at the world. We often prop him up on the couch or hold him on our knees so he can see everything around him. We did buy him a little seat with an activity tray but he's not a huge fan of it yet I think because it doesn't have a full back like he's use to having from sitting on the couch. He's also interacting more and more with us every day! We get a lot more smiles out of him and every time I see one, it literally melts my heart! We haven't gotten a full giggle from him yet but it's probably going to happen very soon! You can tell he wants to laugh! 
I think he's also starting to want to reach out and grab at things, he hasn't yet but I think he wants to. He'll hold on to certain toys or blankets if you help him. He also wants to put things in him mouth, again toys, blankets and his fists or fingers! :) Every day it's something new and a different adventure. And I love it all! 

I still don't have a job but I've had a good number of interviews so hopefully something will work out here soon. As much as I know I need to go back to work since we need the money, I really wish I could stay home with Jacob. I'm not sure I'm ready to leave him yet! But I've been fortunate to have been able to spend so much time with him! 

Austin, on the other hand, is in full swing at school. Last week was a little different because the school had early outs every day due to extreme heat. So while it made things a little difficult because Austin didn't have full class times, it might have helped with the transition of starting school again. He's busy learning what his 100+ student choir is capable of and helping students determine their voice parts. He's also getting adjusted to teaching 3rd and 4th grade again, something he hasn't done since student teaching. And finally, starting to get ready for the fall musical. So he has plenty to keep him busy! He has also realized how much work this year is going to be since it's a new school and a new program. Like anything, it's going to take time for him to find his pace but soon I know he'll have a success program on his hands, like he did at Riverside. 

A couple of weeks ago we were finally able to make it down to Tipton and introduce Jacob to most of Austin's family. We had a big birthday party on Saturday for his grandma and a family reunion on Sunday. So we were definitely busy! But Jacob did great. Although he is at that stage where he's recognizing faces so it is taking him a while to warm up to people. He might be a little use to his mommy as we spend the most amount of time together. :) 
This past weekend we went up to Minnesota for another family reunion. Again, we had a great time and kept busy. Jacob did great, once he got use to all the different people. :)  

Jacob's grandparents (on both sides) are definitely loving all the time they get with the little man! And we love making sure he has time with them! And it's been awesome being back so close to family, or at least closer than we were! It's made things easier too, especially when we've needed some help babysitting so I could go to job interviews. 

I think that's about it for us at the time. More later! 

A Blessed and Busy Weekend

Last Thursday we woke up, did a couple of feedings with Jacob, packed up the car, did another feeding and hit the road. It was our first real road trip with the little man, and it was a long one. We were heading to Minnesota, just under a five hour drive. Luckily, Jacob does great in the car! He seems to really love the carseat and will normally just nap! We ended up stopping only twice to feed and the second stop worked out so we could stop to see Jacob's clans-aunt! 

We made it to Minnesota around dinner time on Thursday evening. On Friday we ran some errands in Mankato and then stopped to see Grandma Reedstrom at work so she could show Jacob off. On Saturday morning, we headed into town for a baby shower for Jacob with some of my high school friends. I love that even after all this time, we can still get together and have plenty of things to talk about. Our get togethers have also become more noisy with toddlers running around and babies crying - but still a ton of fun! Jacob got to meet a lot of family and friends all weekend! Saturday night, Austin's family drove up to Minnesota and we enjoyed a really nice dinner outside and spending time on the porch. But Sunday was definitely the busiest day! 

On Sunday morning, we woke up early and headed to church. It was time to baptize Jacob! My mom suggested it when she was down visiting. Megan was going to be giving the sermon back at my hometown church - the same church my parents got married in, my siblings and I were all baptized and confirmed in. We weren't sure it was going to work since the date was only a couple of weeks away when the idea was brought up but luckily it worked for immediate family so we went ahead and set it up. There was a baptismal gown that my mom had made which my siblings and I all wore at our baptisms and I wanted Jacob to be baptized in it as well. And with the way Jacob has been growing, I didn't want to wait too long! :) 

It had rained some that morning and on our way to church, we saw a rainbow. I had been nervous about getting Jacob baptized because I was worried he was going to scream either the entire service or at the very least during the baptism. And I really didn't want that! But when I saw that rainbow I thought of it as a sign from God that the service was going to go well. Austin later suggested that maybe my Grandma Reedstrom had sent the rainbow to let us know she was with us that day. I like to think that's true. And Jacob did great during the service! We ended up feeding him right at the start of the service and he pretty much slept through the whole thing! Megan gave a great sermon and Jacob even helped with the children's sermon! Then it was time for the baptism! Jacob's sponsors are Megan (my sister) and Amber and Matt (Austin's sister and brother-in-law). Jacob pretty much slept through the baptism but right after Pastor Salim got done pouring the water over his head, Jacob let out a cute little sigh. Jacob is so blessed to have such great family and now he is a part of even a larger family - God's family. It was a great service. 

After church, it was back to the house for lunch with family and friends. Then in the afternoon, we headed back out to church. My little sister was getting ordained! Megan graduated from seminary this past May and recently received her first call (aka, her first job!). She will be heading to the Minnesota north woods to a two-point parish in Bigfork and Effie, Minnesota. So on Sunday afternoon, the bishop of her synod came down to perform her ordination service. It was a really cool service to be able to witness and I could not be more proud of her! She's going to do great things up north! :) We're also excited to be able to head up there eventually and see her house and the churches she'll be working at. Although, it will probably be a little while because it's quite the drive! 

On Monday, we were going to head back to Iowa but the weekend had been so busy and exhausting, we decided to take one more day to rest up and take advantage of family who was willing to hold and watch Jacob while Austin and I slept. :) And on Tuesday, we finally headed back home. As nice as it was to be around so many family and friends, it was also nice to be back at home again. 

During our time in Minnesota, Jacob was more fussy than normal. I think that the change in location, routine, meeting new people and all the new noises were a lot for him. Understandable! But it made the weekend very exhausting. Even though I may have gotten more sleep, I felt more exhausted from trying to comfort Jacob so much and feeding more than normal. Now that we're back at home, we're trying to establish our routine again. And we're slowly getting there. 

But Jacob is definitely growing! He'll have spurts throughout the day where he'll feed every hour! Mostly this happens in the evening and that's also when he's the most fussy. It makes me sad because I don't know if there's something bothering him or if he just feels like crying. We did buy some gas drops to give him when he's being really fussy to see if it helps with tummy problems. And so far it does seem to be helping. 

I read a blog post the other day about surviving the first few weeks home from the hospital with a new baby. Reading it, I could have sworn it could have been taken from a journal I had written. (You can read it here) I had all this energy when we first got home from the hospital, which was surprising because I thought my recovery after a c-section was going to be harder on me. But I had a great recovery with hardly any pain. I wanted to be up and getting things done. But I resisted. Having family there to help me get those things done for me really helped. After the first couple of weeks my energy did start to slow down. I wasn't feeling exhausted but I was definitely finding it easier to stay and bed and take naps with my little man. The blog post had some good tips and the one I loved the most was to watch your newborn sleep. I love doing that so much. He's so peaceful looking when he's sleeping and I can't help but stare. It's very distracting. :) 

Another thing the blog briefly talks about is breastfeeding. This was something I always knew I would do. I wanted to do this. It's healthier for the baby, cheaper for us and I wanted to experience that bonding I had read about. But I have to admit, I don't love it. I don't necessarily enjoy breastfeeding. Please don't get me wrong, I love the fact that I am able to breastfeed because I know some women can't and I can't imagine not being able to provide for my son that way. But it's not something I just can't wait to do again when feeding time comes around - especially during Jacob's cluster feedings! It's exhausting knowing that my body isn't my own during those times. It takes time to get it done. And when we're with other people, I don't like having to excuse myself for 20 plus minutes at a time, missing out on conversations and taking Jacob away from people (because let's be honest, it's him people want to see!). I know I could use a cover (something I still need to buy...) and breastfeed in the room with people, but I just don't feel comfortable with that yet. Jacob and I are still figuring out how to work together. Right now, it just feels tiring, messy and time-consuming. But I know it will get better. And again, don't think I don't want to breastfeed, because I do! Jacob and I just need some more time to get it down to a science. 

But back to the what matters: Jacob! Jacob is officially one month old! And he now weighs just over 10lbs! And my growing boy is getting stronger every day! We're still working on tummy time to help strengthen his neck and back muscles, but he's working on that even when we're not doing tummy time! Putting Jacob up over our shoulder, he'll push himself with arms and hold his head up and look around! And he's doing it longer each time! The other night during tummy time, again he used him arms to push himself up to look around! It's just amazing! His legs are always getting stronger! He will push up against either Austin and I with his legs and hold his cute little butt up in the air. :) I just love watching to see all the new things he does every day! He also continues to find new noises to make, which are too cute! I can't believe one month has gone by already! Time can certainly slow down any day! 

One Month Old - July 26, 2013

3 weeks old

My little baby is three weeks old already! I can't believe how fast time is going by - the weeks and each day! Every day seems to slip by me so quickly! Especially when I spend most of each day just staring at Jacob. Watching him sleep. Watching him during play time. Watching him watch me. I love to just watch him. 

But a lot has happened in the past couple of weeks. Other than the fact that our little man continues to grow and change every day! Just after my last blog post, Austin left us for a few days. He headed over to Dike where he joined other teachers and administrators from D-NH to go to a conference in the Cities. He left on a Saturday and didn't return home until late Wednesday night. We've been apart before so this was nothing new, but this was the first time we'd be apart with Jacob around. And I have to say it was really hard to say good bye to him. Although I'm sure my extra hormones didn't help anything! I wasn't worried about having help with Jacob because my family was coming down to help. But it wasn't the same without Austin around. I didn't know how much I loved having him around and helping with Jacob until he was gone. Plus, I didn't want him to miss having that time with Jacob. If you were to ask him, he would probably tell you that it was hard for him too. Although it was good for him to go and meet some of the new staff he would be working with and conferences are always good for professional development, but we sure missed him around the house. We did skype every night so he could still see Jacob and so Jacob could hear Austin's voice. And we were glad to have him home again! 

Once Austin was home again, Jacob and I each had our two week check-ups at the doctor. Jacob's appointment was first and he did great! Unfortunately his appointment was right around feeding time so he got a little fussy towards the end but it wasn't too bad. He's continuing to gain weight and was up to 9lbs 3oz! The doctor said he looked good and didn't have any concerns about anything! His next appointment won't be until 2 months and by that time we'll be over in the Cedar Valley so we're currently in the process of looking for a new pediatrician over there. 

My appointment also went great, although Jacob kept stealing all the attention of the nurses and Dr. Platt! :) I was told I was looking good as well and was given permission to start lifting some heavier things, but not to over do it. After my c-section, Dr. Platt sent part of my placenta to get tested to see if it was infected and at my appointment we were told that the results had come back and it was infected. This would explain why Jacob had a fever when he was first born. It also means it was a very good thing we had the c-section and we did it when we did. Although this wasn't at all what I wanted, I couldn't be happier with Dr. Platt and we completely trust her judgement. She made sure that Jacob and I were both safe. 

One of the things I was so nervous about having a c-section was the recovery time. But I believe that Dr. Platt did such a great job and because of this, my recovery has been easier than I expected. I have to remind myself that I did have major abdominal surgery! I would completely forget because I felt so great. I think it also helped that I had such amazing family and friends helping me out from the beginning, including Austin of course! I still get a little sore sometimes, but overall, feeling great! I also have to laugh because back in March when my dad broke his foot, I remember telling him to listen to the doctor and just take it easy! Stay off your foot, let other people help you out, etc. Well it turns out I am more like my father than I thought. :) I would try to do a lot of things around the house when we first got home and Austin had to "yell" at me and tell me to take it easy! I'm lucky to have a man who cares about me so much! 

Jacob is now three weeks old. Every day he's growing and changing so much! And overall, he's been an amazing baby. We really have been blessed! His feeding schedule has been pretty consistent as well, which has been good. However, he's hit his three week growth spurt and has had some cluster feedings - where he'll get hungry every hour, hour and half. And he'll feed for a lot longer as well. I have to tell you, this has been exhausting for me. And it also makes me so grateful for his normal feeding schedule! He also seems to be a little more fussy during this growth spurt. Normally he's such a good baby that only cries when he's hungry, needs his diaper changed or has a bubble or something. But right now he's been harder to calm down. I'm hoping this will end with his cluster feedings! But even his fussy times now are nothing compared to what it could be, and for that I'm thankful. It does test your patience though! :) Last night was pretty great though as Jacob slept for six hours! Austin rocked him after I got done feeding and put him down so I could go to sleep and then was blessed with six hours of sleep! During a normal night, he'll feed two, maybe three times. As much as I loved getting those uninterrupted hours of sleep, I'm not sure I want that to continue every night. I think because of our time in the hospital with Jacob's low blood sugar, I get nervous if he goes too long without eating. I'd rather wake him up and feed him so I know he's getting food! Plus I'm afraid if Jacob doesn't feed more at night that it could affect my milk supply. If Jacob continues to sleep well at night, I'll probably try to get up at least once to pump to help my supply. 

Austin and I are also both learning what Jacob wants. We're learning what different cries mean, if he's just fussing or if he's really hungry. When he really gets to crying really hard, it has this quiver to it. Austin hates hearing it and wants to do whatever it takes to make it stop. I, on the other hand, find it a little amusing because Jacob just likes to be dramatic. :) It mostly happens during bath time which Jacob doesn't like. We're still doing sponge baths right now so maybe once we actually give him a bath where he can sit in water, it might be different! 

Jacob's also getting stronger every day! He does great at holding his head up by himself at times and is able to do it longer and longer. We've also been doing tummy time, which he's awesome at! He does best at lifting his head when we have him propped up on the boppy or a pillow. He's even been able to lift and turn his head from one side to the other to follow our voices sometimes. When we put him on his tummy flat on the ground, he doesn't do the best at lifting his head, instead he tries to roll over! And I think he's going to do it before long! He can roll his top half to his side but he hasn't gotten his bottom half to do the same. But he's moving those legs so I know it won't be long! We've also been doing a lot of play time on a play mat that we have and he's starting to focus on some of the toys that are hanging in front of him. Or at least it looks like he is! He's also been really finding his voice these past couple of days. He likes to grunt and almost growl sometimes! But he's making other vocal noises as well and it's so fun to listen to! He also makes the best faces - both while he's awake and sleeping! I can't help but laugh at them sometimes, they're so adorable and funny! 

In other non-Jacob news, we finally have a place to live! We found a cute and small two bedroom house in Reinbeck, Iowa which is just 10 minutes south of Dike. It's a very small town so we'll do most of our major shopping and stuff in the Waterloo/Cedar Falls area but the price was right for a house! We're planning on moving the first weekend in August so if you're available, you can definitely come help us! :) Once we get over there and settled some, I'm going to start looking for jobs again. Although, if we could manage it, I'd love to just stay home with Jacob but we need the money! Austin starts school on August 15th with students starting the 21st. I think he's anxious and excited all at the same time! 

Overall, I think we're falling into a great routine as a family. And we couldn't be happier. It has been a transition and we're still learning and still gaining patience every day. But we also couldn't be anymore in love with Jacob or with this new life. I love being the wife of an amazing father to my son and I love being a mother to the most perfect son! :) 

The days after...

After Jacob was born, it seemed like we lived in that hospital. We were there for almost 6 full days. I wasn't sure we would ever leave! But a lot happened those days we were there. 

Throughout that first day we started to try and breastfeed. This was something I really wanted to do for Jacob. All the books tell you that it can be difficult and it takes some time. And they were right. We were having a hard time. At first he was having problems even latching but then he got the hang of that, but wouldn't suck. We met with the lactation consultant who worked with us but without much luck that first day. After a while we started using a shield which seemed to help. We were told not to worry too about it too much because Jacob's stomach was so small right now anyway that he'd be fine. 

My parents and sister stayed all day and got to spend some time with Jacob. It was great to have them there because while they were busy holding him, Austin and I got to get some sleep in! And boy, did we need it. Around noon on Wednesday, I was treated to a foot and leg massage by the massage therapist at the hospital and it felt amazing! And then, with much help, even got out of bed to shower! Those first couple of steps felt so weird! First off, I didn't have a big baby belly anymore. And second, I had been bed bound for a little over 24 hours! I was very wobbly at first! But the shower felt amazing. 

Everything throughout the day was looking good. All of our checks and tests were great. Right after birth, Jacob scored a 9 in the APGAR test. I can't tell you much more about that first night because everything was such a blur! 

On Thursday, June 27th, Jacob was scheduled for his circumcision that morning. We got an update before and after that everything had gone well. After his recovery, they brought him back in for us to spend some time with him. Before and during the procedure they give him sugar water and this caused him to be pretty sleepy throughout the day. It made trying breastfeeding difficult. We were having luck again using the shield but he would latch and only suck for a very short amount of time before falling asleep. Again, we were told it wasn't a big deal and that we'd keep trying. 

Thursday night is when things started to get a little interesting. First we had to switch rooms because they had a full house at the hospital and need our birthing suite. Our new room was much smaller and didn't have the pull-out couch for Austin to sleep on. There was only a pull-out chair which wasn't nearly as comfortable. So Austin decided to head home that night and sleep there. We were keeping Jacob in the nursery at night and just having him brought in for feedings. I was still working hard at breastfeeding but I didn't feel like I was getting anywhere. 

Around midnight the nursing brought Jacob in and hold me was a little jaundice so they had put him under the warmer for a while. I tried breastfeeding again but wasn't really successful. Over the course of two hours, Jacob only managed to suck around four minutes. He would latch, take a pull or two and then fall asleep. Luckily I had an awesome nurse helping me through all of this. At 4am, I hand expressed some milk/colostrum and we were able to feed it to Jacob by syringe. The nurse put her finger in his mouth and would wait until he sucked before feeding him - trying to make sure he would connect the two. This really seemed to help make things click for Jacob. After that, he was able to latch and fed for about 7 minutes - the longest yet! 

A couple of hours later, the morning nurse came in to tell us that Jacob's blood sugar levels were low. They like to see a newborn's levels between 50 and 100. Jacob's was in the low 30's. So they had us feed him 17mL of formula. I wasn't too excited about this as I really wanted to just breastfeed, but I knew Jacob had to eat. Before our next feeding that morning, we met with the lactation consultant, Rita, again. She has much more patience than either Austin and I but helped us get Jacob to latch without even using the shield! And then he even fed for about 15 minutes! We were all very excited! We were so proud of Jacob at this point. 
Shortly after he got done feeding, our pediatrician came in to talk to us about some concerns she had about Jacob because of the jaundice and low blood sugar levels. She wanted me to pump every two hours so that we could see exactly how much milk Jacob was getting at each feeding. But first, she wanted to give him some formula again because of the low levels. This happened right after we just got done feeding Jacob and the lactation consultant was still in the room with us. I was feeling pretty frustrated at this point because we had just had a great feeding with Jacob and I wasn't sure he needed the formula. I wanted them to check his blood sugar again to see if my feeding had been enough for the little man. I wanted the reassurance that I was doing my job. I could tell Rita (the consultant) was feeling the same way and she was vocal about it to our pediatrician. They really butted heads on it and it put Austin and I in a bit of an uncomfortable situation as new parents who really don't know what we're doing. That was extremely frustrating. 
In the end, the formula was given to Jacob. I was going to be pumping every two hours, before each feeding, and we would feed Jacob with a bottle. If he wasn't getting enough with my milk, formula was going to be supplemented. They were going to be checking his blood sugar levels every hour and run some blood tests to see if the low levels were being caused by an infection or something. While I did have some concerns about Jacob going back and forth between a bottle and straight breastfeeding, I also like the reassurance of knowing exactly how much he was going to be eating each time. No parents want to hear that something is wrong with their baby so we were willing to do what we needed to do to help make him better. 

So this is how our Friday continued. Jacob was getting his blood sugar checked every hour and I was pumping every two hours for feedings. The good news is that I was pumping more than enough milk for each feeding and we didn't have to supplement with any formula. The bad news is that when they would come and prick Jacob's heel to test the levels, my poor baby would just scream and cry. It's a horrible thing to have to watch and probably was more traumatic on Austin and I than on Jacob! He would calm down pretty quickly as soon as it was over and was able to cuddle with mom or dad. But every time the nurse came in and started messing with his foot, he knew what was going to happen and would start to cry again. Every blood sugar test they did however was great! His levels were never below a 50 so we knew he was doing great and getting enough milk! 

On Saturday, June 29th, we were told they were going to use the day as a trial run. The feedings had gone so well all day Friday and through the night that I could stop pumping and go back to just breastfeeding. They were still going to keep checking his levels though to make sure he was getting enough. We were also still doing a strict two-hour feedings. So before each feeding, they came in to check his levels again. All day Saturday his levels were still great! Never dropping below 50. And breastfeeding was getting easier. 

Later in the day, Austin's parents were able to come and visit, along with his sister and brother-in-law and their 7-month old. It was fun for the cousins to meet and I think they're going to be great friends as they grow up together! :) Again, it was great having family there and fun to watch them hold and interact with Jacob. 

Also as the day went on, the blood sugar tests got harder and harder.They kept pricking his little heels and were having a harder time getting blood. Hearing his cries was absolutely no fun. Finally we asked if it was still necessary for checks every two hours since his levels had been so good and luckily the nurses and the pediatrician agreed. They still wanted to keep checking but it would be every four hours. 

On Sunday morning we finally got the go ahead to get discharged! We were going home! Again, all of Jacob's levels checked out great and the blood work came back with no signs of infection. The pediatrician decided that the poor little man just probably didn't get enough to eat those first couple of days. We were glad to hear nothing else was wrong. As we got all of our discharge instructions, I was getting more and more excited to go home. We had been there long enough! One of the nurses walked down to our car with us to check our car seat and help us load everything up. 

As soon as we were good to go and Austin started to drive away, I suddenly became very anxious! It was real. We were leaving the hospital. We had a baby. We had this other life to be responsible for. Such an overwhelming feeling, especially since I was still excited! 

Austin's parents were there to help us get settled in at home and even let us get a quick nap in before they left. It was a great help, especially since we knew it would probably be a long first night at home. And it was a pretty long first night. We had bought a video baby monitor and Austin decided he wanted to set it up to watch Jacob in the bassinet, even though it was right next to the bed. I admit I made fun of him a bit at first but once it was bedtime, I was thankful for that monitor! It was an extra reassurance to be able to watch him sleep, otherwise I'm sure I would have been standing over his bassinet all night!  But we survived the first night. And every day things get a little easier. We're learning as we go and Jacob is sure teaching us the things we need to know! :) 

Since we've been home, we've had family and friends here helping us out. It's been great having them around and they've really been a huge help! It's making the transition easier as well. But soon, it's going to be just the three of us. But I think we're going to be okay. :) My friend Amanda came down for a couple days and cleaned our entire apartment for us! It was cleaner than I think it's ever been! Austin's parents came and helped us get a ton of things packed up before our move later this summer. My family also came down and is helping me around the house while Austin is away. Austin had the opportunity to go to a conference with Dike-New Hartford with some other teachers so he's currently in the Cities for a few days. It's nice to have family here so I'm not by myself. 

We went back to the doctor on Tuesday for a 48 hour follow up with our pediatrician because of the problems we had in the hospital. Luckily, Jacob passed with flying colors. He had already gained back and passed his birth weight! He was 8lbs 7oz! The jaundice was completely gone and he looked great. It was a relief to hear and helped calm my worries some. I felt better after leaving the doctor. 

And so here we are. Living each day as it comes. We've fallen into a pretty good routine. And Jacob's eating schedule is pretty good so far as well. He's a pretty content baby and makes things easy on us. Let's hope it stays that way! :) We also fall more and more in love with Jacob every day! And it's fun to see how much he changes every day! You can't tell much by looking at him, but looking back at pictures from his birth, you can notice differences. He's also just a fun baby to watch sleep. He makes the funniest faces. And the funniest noises! We couldn't be happier!