I want to know how much my paycheck is going to be so we can figure out bills. I want to know when AJ will get a job and how much he'll be getting paid. (Please don't read this as greedy, it's a feeling of anxiety about paying bills and paying off some debt) I want to know if we'll be able to pay off some debt while saving money by staying with my parents. I want to know when we'll do the big move of all the furniture and everything in the apartment. I want to know where we're going to put it all! I want to find a good daycare for Jacob, one that we will all love as much as our current daycare.
I also find myself wishing time away. I long for the day when we can buy a house. To finally be settled somewhere. To put down roots. In my mind, I associate buying a house with the opportunity of being able to accomplish everything else that's getting pushed aside right now.
Once we have a house, we'll finally be able to have all of our things, boxes and unopened wedding presents in one place. Once we have a house, we will finally go through all of our boxes, get rid of what we don't need and then completely organize everything else on shelves in tubs with detailed lists of everything inside. Once we have a house, we can finally get that king size bed. We can go back to having dish and a DVR! Once we have a house, Jacob will finally have the space to run around and a yard to play in. Once we buy a house, I'll find more time to work out, maybe join the rec center. AJ and I will be able to slow down and spend more time on us.
These are the things I hope/want to happen. I know it's unrealistic. But that's what my mind thinks. And while I ponder away at these things, I'm missing life right now. I'm missing my last few days in Iowa. I'm missing Jacob watching the trucks drive by our apartment. I'm missing spending time with AJ before we have to be a part for awhile.
So this is where I struggle. I struggle to stay in the presence and not worry about what I don't know will happen in our future. But that's exactly what I need to do. And I know God is telling me the same thing. In fact, just this morning, there was an email in my inbox. A prayer from the Unveiled Wife. This morning's prayer was a prayer for couples moving.
Dear Lord, I pray for husbands and wives who are in the transition of moving. There can be so many reasons for couples to move, such as job opportunities or fresh starts. I pray that these couples would not feel overwhelmed by the work it takes to move. Send them helping hands to get it done! I also pray that where they are moving to is a healthy environment. I hope that these couples do not feel alone or friendless. Send people to welcome them and get them connected to the community. May You bless their move and show them all the awesome things about the new move. I pray that their would be no contention within their marriage about the move, but that they would submit to and rely on You in Jesus' name. AMEN!
