2020: Bloom

 My 2020 Word of the Year was Bloom. I'm pretty sure I never wrote about it at the beginning of the year. Mostly because it was a word that came to me in an pretty uneventful manner. I took a quiz on Dayspring.com and that was what it suggested. I didn't have anything better in mind, so I took it.

But, looking back at 2020?? Bloom was a very fitting word. 

I don't need to tell you what 2020 was like. It was... well, you know. A lot of things sucked. But there was also quite a bit of good that happened. 

I talked a little bit about Bloom in my recent post reflecting on one year at the YMCA. And this is really where I think my word of the year was most evident. Starting a new job right before a world pandemic is not something I anticipated doing. Learning the ropes at a new job is always challenging. Learning the ropes and building new ropes as you navigate unknown territories? Woah. 

I'm incredibly proud of the work I've accomplished at the Y. I personally always feel I work better when I have a good challenge or have a lot of different projects to work on. And in 2020, I had challenge after challenge and projects on top of projects. It was stressful, wonderful, demanding, fun, crazy and so much more.

I was already looking forward to this position at the Y to help me grow in my profession. But 2020 gave me the opportunity to really bloom; to thrive. And I'm grateful for that. 

For the past few years, since AJ's death, I've felt like I was in survival mode. I had no choice to stop or even pause really. I had to keep going, but I was going at the bare minimum. Doing just what I had to do in order to survive. At work. At home. With Jacob. With myself. 

This past year, I finally found myself in a place where I could start moving past that. I found myself thinking more about what I want for the future. I felt more comfortable taking risks and trying new things. Thanks in a large part to consistent therapy throughout the year, I really started taking a look at figuring out the person I am in this life I never expected. 

Obviously I have a long way yet before I feel like I'm truly thriving in all aspects of my life, but I have definitely started blooming. I can't tell you how refreshing it feels to be able to think past survival mode. And to be clear, me moving past survival mode does not diminish the grief and difficulties that came after losing AJ and that continue today. But I am in a better place. And I'm grateful for that. 

About halfway through the year, I came up with this:

B: Be confident & beautiful
L: Love myself
O: Offer myself grace
O: Open to new adventures
M: Mindful gratitude

I'll admit I didn't follow it as much as I probably should have. But there's no reason I can't try to continue this into the new year! Each of those things are still things that I struggle with on a daily basis. 

Also, about mid-year, I started reading a book and this quote was the start of chapter 1:

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom" -Anais Nin

I really connected with this quote and took it as encouragement from God that I'm on the right path. 

I also created a list of other ways I felt I've bloomed over the past year: 

• Bought a brand new electric bike and named her Rose
• Which meant spending more time outdoors with Jacob and my parents 
• Kept going to therapy on a consistent basis, rather than just when things fall apart
• I joined the church council at church, along with the Peace & Justice Commission
• Kicking butt at the YMCA professionally :) 
• Did more volunteering through church on a couple of projects
• I randomly bought myself flowers just because (more than once!), which also allowed me to support a local business 
• Doing video chats with some amazing friends that I can't even begin to explain just how important they've been for me
• I gave a sermon at church about my 2018 word of the year
• I read a total 70 books throughout the year (20 past my goal!) 
• I started Bible Journaling again and connecting with God 
• I was fortunate enough to not only stay employed all year, but to be in a position where I could give to help others throughout the year
• I worked another season at Fun.com and am so close to completely paying off all my debt
• I stayed engaged with politics on all levels - okay, so this isn't new for me, but I think was very important this past year and will continue to be so
• I was preapproved for a mortgage and started looking at houses (nothing yet though)
• I had some tough conversations with people that I love and care about it and that have strengthened those relationships
• I'm eager to learn about myself in this moment of my life
• I'm trying to learn to love myself better 
• And moving past that survival mode to whatever comes next 

Obviously life is a constant journey. But I can't say that 2020 was a complete dumpster fire for me. And I am so grateful for that. 

I don't yet have my Word of the Year for 2021; I'm still doing some thinking. But I will definitely find something. This has become something I look forward to at the start of each new year and something that helped me throughout each year. 

And just for fun, here's a look at the Pinterest board I created for BLOOM: https://www.pinterest.com/lizzaruba/2020-bloom/ 

A New Place

Well we've gotten ourselves through another successful move! Seriously, we are pros at this whole moving thing! I actually starting thinking about this the other night... how many places I've lived at in my 28 years. And it is a lot. Let's review...

My first home was the red and white house on Prince St, from there it was the house on Oakland, then that little blue house next to the fire station. Then we lived at Lily Lakes Estates and then the little yellow house we rented until we moved out to the farm. Now some of these were during college so I wasn't always living there, but I'm counting them. These were the places I called home. Then there was college: I lived in Centennial Hall for two years, and in two rooms so I'm counting this one twice because I did have to move completely out and back in again. Then there was Founders Hall, I did a brief stint in the Manors for May Term before moving to a condo in Waverly for the summer. There were also the Wartburg West apartments in Denver and finally, Knights Village my senior year. Then it was my first apartment after college, the place on Pinehurst in Waterloo. Crappy apartment, but for the right price. Then Austin and I moved to an apartment on Edgemont (still in Waterloo) for a short six months. After that was the "big move" out west. We lived in a really great apartment but on the dreaded third floor in Council Bluffs before moving to a neat little apartment in Oakland for two years. Next we moved back east and lived in a small house in Reinbeck before a temporary move to Austin's parents until we finally found a place of our own in Lisbon. Where we are now. 

Did you lose count? If you did, that's 20 places. 20 places I've called home for any amount of time. 20 places in 28 years. Our family are angels for helping us move so much. We have a reputation among our friends as the ones that move the most. And it's probably true. It's just been how things have worked out. For the most part, we probably could have stayed put a couple of times. :) 

And as much as I hate packing and moving boxes and furniture, there are somethings I love about a new move. I love the way a place is empty before you bring everything it. It offers a new beginning. It offers the possibilities of making this place your own. Making it a home. And I do enjoy the unpacking part. I love finding places for everything and making sure everything is organized - even if it never stays organized! I love added the personal touches to make it our home, hanging pictures on the wall or a rug on the floor. I love that feeling of a new place. Your own place. But then the novelty wears off... maybe that's why we keep moving. :) 

I would like to say that this is our last move before we look into buying a house and really settling down, but I can't. I can't say something like that because I've learned that life is going to happen. Events happen, people change their mind. Would I like to be looking at buying a house? Absolutely. Both Austin and I feel like we're at that point. But because we have moved so much, I think we're both hesitant about making that big of a commitment to one place. Are we really ready to settle down here? Is this where we want to be? What we want to be doing? Those are questions we don't know the answers to yet. But maybe someday. 

And now back to updating you on our life...

We've moved to Lisbon and so far we're really enjoying it. We're working on getting into our own routine. The shorter commutes to work have been so fantastic. I feel like we get to spend more time with Jacob. 

And speaking of Jacob, some of you may have seen, he got to spend almost a full week up in Minnesota with his Grandparents. He went up right after we moved and Austin and I were able to take advantage of the Jacob-free time to really unpack and organize everything. Jacob had a great time in Minnesota and even got to venture way up North to visit his Aunt Meg and Uncle Dan even came over from Fargo for a visit! As much fun as he had, we were sure glad to get him back home. It was crazy how much we missed him! I've honestly never missed anyone more in my life. A parent's love is a crazy thing! 

Jacob is still being stubborn and not really walking. He's more than capable, just lazy. :) He is standing a lot more and taking steps away from furniture own his own, so it's really just a matter of time before he figures how walking is so much better than crawling. Jacob seems to really like the new apartment, especially the sliding doors -they're perfect for him to look outside. We do have a small balcony and we've spent some time out there blowing and popping bubbles - something Jacob loves to do! 

Jacob continues to be a good eater, but he's not always interested in his own food - he wants to eat whatever you're eating! So there's a lot of sharing at our house now. He also is getting better at saying new words - which I love. He can say "cracker", "bye", "gone" "baby", "nigh nigh", "duck", "quack", "kitty", "dog", "bubble" and "z". :) He also tries to say "thank you". We've starting saying "all gone" when Jacob eats all of his food otherwise he'll continue to ask for more so we hold up our hands and show him that they're empty and say "all gone". Well Jacob has started to do it too! He'll put his arms out and say "gone" but he puts his arms out behind him - too cute. This morning when Daddy left for work, I said to Jacob, "Where'd Daddy go?" Jacob held out his arms and said "gone"! It was adorable. :) 

He does do a lot of "talking"... he'll "read" books to us, talk to his toys or the cupboards. And he also has "learned" how to talk on the phone... if you haven't see the picture or video, you check them out on Facebook. It's so funny! Sometimes when he reads a book, he has to put it right up to his face. And sometimes he puts a lot of emotion into his readings! :) He also LOVES to have you point to things. Anything. But he has to help. He likes to grab your finger and have you point to things. Pictures in a book, pictures or hangings on the wall, the ceiling fan, the mouse in Goodnight Moon, the Owl on the rug... it's endless. And only cute until he won't let you stop. :) The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is still his favorite TV show and he will dance up a storm when it's time for the Hot Dog Song! 

Jacob has also already started the Terrible Twos... which I thought weren't suppose to start until he was actually two! Nope! They've started already. Now, some of this might because we moved to a new place and then sent him to Minnesota so his routine was very much disturbed, I don't know. But he has started to throw fits. When you won't let him play with your phone, when you tell him no and stop playing in the blinds, when you won't give him another cracker, when you won't pick him up because you're doing the dishes, when his toy shapes won't fit in the hole they're not supposed to go in.... you get the idea. And I know it's hard because he can't really communicate to us any other way. Just another joy of parenthood. 

Jacob has finally started to do more and more walking. And he'll do it on his own, without us trying to get him to walk. He'll pull himself up and slowly walk around. He also loves to dance - to pretty much any music! But he will almost always stop when a theme song for a TV show comes on and dance to it, it's pretty cute. He also likes to nod his head yes or shake it no, although I'm not sure he knows what that means yet. :) And he just recently started doing this "big smile" thing where he will show all his teeth and squint his eyes! And he finally enjoys brushing his teeth! Every night, after bath, we go look in the mirror and Jacob will try to push it open. I grab his toothbrush and he'll open his mouth and point to his teeth, ready for me! It makes me smile!  

This is such a fun stage because Jacob is constantly learning and developing and I can't tell you how fun it is to watch! :) 

Happy (Belated) Birthday Jacob!

Our sweet, funny, amazing, goofy, smart, adorable, lovable baby boy is no longer a baby. We officially have a toddler on our hands now. Jacob turned one (almost a month ago already, due to my poor blogging skills...) and I have no idea what happened to the past year. By all accounts it was the most interesting, most stressful, most fun, most difficult, most exciting, most amusing, most sleep-deprived, most adventurous year I think I've ever had. There were tears, laughter, mistakes, learning, growing, moving, challenges and love. More love than I've ever known possible. Becoming a parent really does change everything. And in ways you will never understand until you become a parent. 

I created this fun poster to help showcase Jacob's first year. 

Also during Jacob's first year, he has already lived in three different places (in three towns even and different parts of the state!), been to Nebraska and Minnesota in addition to his home state of Iowa, has visited a zoo, gone for some tractor rides, loves looking at himself in a mirror, looking at pictures of himself or watching videos of himself. He has developed an adorable belly laugh that I cannot get enough of. He's made new friends at two different day-cares, both of which have been great. He loves to go swimming and making noise - any kind of noise. He loves to eat and can make the funniest faces. He went as both Charlie Brown and Jake from State Farm for Halloween because we couldn't decide and he spent is first Christmas at home with just Mom and Dad. He's also already been to a Wartburg Outfly and Homecoming, so he's well on his way to becoming a Knight. And that cute little cone-head he was born with turned into an even cuter perfectly round head. :) 

Jacob is already a spoiled kid and had two birthday parties! We had one in Minnesota and then another one a week later in Iowa. I figured it would be easier for family and friends this way. And Jacob was blessed by everyone that came and helped out. We are so grateful for you all. The birthday party theme was of course, Goodnight Moon, after Jacob's favorite book! As much as Jacob loved the cake during his cake smash photo shoot, he wasn't into it at either birthday party. For his credit, he was probably tired and overwhelmed with all the people and a different schedule though. He did want to eat a lot of the fruit though, and I know I should be thankful my son wanted the fruit rather than the cake, but where's the fun in that? :) 

Jacob also had his one year check up and of course, is still a healthy baby! And he's finally a well proportioned boy! :) Haha! He weighed 23.3 lbs (81%), is 30 3/4 inches tall (83%) and his head was 18 3/4 inches (87%). In the 80% for everything - first time that's happened! He also got some more shots which I was nervous about because Austin couldn't get off work to be there with me, but I successfully distracted him with the "Hot Dog Song". 

Jacob is getting closer and closer to being able to really walk on his own. He has taken his first steps, but won't go more than a half a dozen steps before sitting back down or falling over. He's great at standing unsupported though. And those first couple of steps he took? They were towards mama, but I was also playing the "Hot Dog Song" on my phone, so I'm not sure I can take the credit. :) He also loves to talk a lot, but we're not hearing any real words yet. Although he is getting closer I think. The other day it sounded like he said "yeah" to a question we asked him and last weekend, it sounded like he was trying to mimic the words "I love you". 

We also successfully quit nursing. I was actually very surprised at how well Jacob did with this. I had been slowly weaning him, cutting out feedings until we were just nursing at night before bed. But Jacob started taking a bottle instead with no problems! In fact, we've even stopped giving him bottles already and just use a sippy cup. The doctor had told me at his appointment that he'd like to see Jacob not using a bottle or his pacifier by 18 months. So the bottle is done but I think his pacifier might be a bit more of a challenge. Although, I generally just let him have it in the car and at nap and bedtime. 

Jacob has also started cutting his molars and it has not been fun. I think this has been much worse than his other teeth. He seems to get fussy at random times but especially at meal times. When he's normally been such a good eater, now it can be a give or take. Although he does like things that he can crunch, probably feels good. And he also loves to eat whatever we're eating. So my food is no longer my own... I better get use to sharing! :) 

In other news, Jacob and I got to spend the week of July 4th up in Minnesota with my family. My sister Meg was down on vacation too and she was able to get in a lot of Jacob time, which is good because we don't get to see her much now that she lives up North. :) Austin was able to come up and join us on Thursday and it was nice to finally have him there too. It was a perfect week of relaxing and spending time with family and friends that we don't get to see nearly enough. 

Writing this also reminded me that in mid-June, I had my 10 year high school reunion! I don't think I ever mentioned that here so I'll do it now. It was so great to be able to see those friends again. Some of us were able to get together a day early and brought the kids and husbands (if they weren't working) for some nice family time. And there sure are a lot of kids when we get together now! :) Then at the reunion, it was great to just have some fun adult time with no kids! After that, I realized how much I miss my high school friends but how thankful I am that we can still get together, even if it's just once a year, and it's like nothing has changed. We also had a great time going over old yearbook pictures and memories! Always a good time! 

And finally, we're moving! Again! I know, shocker. We found a two bedroom apartment in Lisbon and will be moving around the second week of August - let us know if you're available to come help. ;-) It's a little smaller than where we've been, but it's nice and super close to work for me - only 8 minutes! And it's only 20 minutes for Austin. Hopefully within a year or so, we can start looking for a house to buy. It's about time we try to settle down in one place, right? No? Maybe. We'll see. :) 

Long Overdue

This post is long overdue. I'm not even sure I'll be able to remember everything that's happened in the last couple of months! :) 

Since the last post, Jacob had another couple short bouts of sickness, including bronchitis. It took him a while to get over that one, we were doing breathing treatments for quite a while. He also got the hand foot and mouth disease from daycare but only had a small fever for one day and then was acting like his normal self again. He did get spots though all over his body and didn't really have any sores in his mouth, so I don't think he was in too much, if any pain. He also has eczema, so that made it look a little worse too. Since then though, he's been healthy! 

Jacob has grown and changed so much in the last two months! He's officially self feeding, no more pureed foods. I was still sending some to daycare but only to get rid of what I had in my freezer. Jacob loves to eat. And he can eat a lot! He's pretty good about chewing, but likes to shove a lot in his mouth and then he signs 'more' before he's even done chewing what he already has! He's really good about signing 'more' for us too when he's eating and in fact, has starting doing it now if we do something else he likes and wants to see more of. We just started working on signing 'please' with him too. He loves peas, carrots, cheese, chicken and strawberries. But he's a good sport and will almost always try something new. Sometimes he'll pick up a new food, try it, spit it back out only to pick it up again and put it right back in his mouth! Haha! We've also been spoiling him with the occasional marshmallow and ice cream cone. :) 

Jacob loves to go swinging and before it was really warm enough, he loved to kick his feet in the pool at Grandma and Grandpa's house. We did finally get him in the pool last weekend and he LOVED it. He splashed the entire time with a huge smile on his face! We also have a small ball pit (a $5 garage sale find) that he loves. Okay, mostly he loves just sitting in it and throwing all the balls out of it. :) But he's mastered climbing in and out of it on his own. He also still loves anything that makes noise or plays music. In fact, he's started to dance with the music, mostly swaying side to side or shaking his head, but it is too cute. He's also really figured out some of his toys. Like putting the rings on the stacker -   and then looking around waiting for us to clap for him. He also has this gear toy that turns the gears when you press a button and he's figured out where to put the gears to make them turn and he also likes to put them on the largest gear and watch them turn on that too. So smart! Jacob also enjoys opening and closing doors. If you're holding him, he'll make sure to help and when he's on the floor, he'll crawl to open it and then crawl to the door again to close it, curling his little toes so they're out of the way. 

He's still not walking but he is a crawling machine! And he can really zoom across the room when he wants! He's also really figured out how to get from a standing to a sitting position now so when we try to get him to stand and walk, he just plops his butt down if he doesn't want to. But he'll get there in his own time. He can pull himself into a standing position really great too. He also has 7 teeth, with an eighth close to cutting. Jacob loves to hear himself and is in a phase of screeching. He will screech to get our attention or when he wants more of something. It's cute at first, but gets old pretty quickly. :) He still talks a lot and sometimes it even sounds like he's singing. He also still does the Jacob Jig - which is when he gets really excited, holds his arms out and opens and closes his fists. It's the cutest thing! Sometimes he'll wave his arms around during songs and it looks like he's conducting! His new favorite song is the "Hot Dog Song" from the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. I found a YouTube clip of this one song on repeat for an hour and while I don't enjoy listening to it that long, it satisfies Jacob! 

As for Austin and myself, a lot has changed in the past two months as well. We've relocated (again) and are currently living with Austin's parents in Tipton. We were waiting to find a place to live until Austin found a job and now that he's working, we're looking for a place probably in the Mt. Vernon/Lisbon area. Austin has started working at Tipton Structural Fabrication as a steel cutter. Very different from teaching, very physically demanding, but he's really enjoying the change of pace. My job is still going great as well. It's getting easier and I'm understanding a lot more, but there is still a lot to learn! 

Well that's about it for now. I'm sure I could think of more things the longer I sit here but this is plenty. :) Our sweet baby boy turns one on Thursday and I'm still struggling to figure out where the past year has gone. But more on that in the next post... in about six months. ;-) 

9 Months Old

Note: I wrote this blog shortly after Jacob's 9 month check up, but never published it because I kept forgetting to get his measurements from the note at home to put in there! And now my baby is almost 11 months old! Oh well, better late than never! :) 

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I haven't been as good about keeping on top of this! But my little baby isn't such a little baby anymore. Jacob is 9 months old! He's officially been out in this world longer than he was inside of me. Crazy. And he's changing so much, every single day. I was just telling Austin last night that I feel like even in the past two or three days, Jacob has made huge strides in learning new things! It's such a fun stage to watch him learn, figure out new things, see how proud he is of himself and praise him for it all! :) 

I mentioned in the last post that Jacob had gotten sick and had an ear infection. Well that wasn't the end of it, unfortunately. At the end of that week of him being sick, Jacob picked up a separate stomach bug at daycare. It hit him on Friday night and he was throwing up quite a bit. We didn't even try any foods - just a lot of breastmilk. And then on Saturday night, it hit me and by Sunday, AJ. It took us all down. I have to tell you, that those 48 hours or so that all three of us were sick, were some of the worst. I've struggled quite a few times as a mom - we all do. But during that time of sickness, I didn't know if I would make it. It was that bad. Luckily(?) Jacob was still under the weather so he didn't need quite as much attention from us, which was good because we would not have been able to give it. But, thankfully, it passed. And we survived. And it took a good while for Jacob to really get back on track. When we had our follow up at the doctor, he still had an ear infection so we got some stronger medication for him. He seemed to like this one better and it finally knocked out that infection. But it took a couple weeks before he was back to eating normally again. 

At Jacob's 9 month check up, he did great! He did actually develop a rash over his body just like a day or so before we were suppose to go to the doctor so we were glad we already had the appointment scheduled. We also decided that "googling" baby rashes is not a great idea... ha! We were trying to figure out if it was from new foods we were trying with him, new laundry detergent or different water... we weren't sure. Luckily, the doctor told us it was just a post-infection rash that babies can get from being sick. It doesn't itch or bother Jacob at all and would go away on its own. Other than that, he is a perfect and healthy baby! His weight was 20lbs 4oz (67%), height 28" (33%) and head 18.5" (92%). Not really any weight gain from his 6 month check up but I think he lost some weight being sick and not eating like he normally was. So, a great appointment and no shots! 

Like I mentioned above, Jacob is in a really fun stage! He's learning so much! He's figured out how to clap and loves to make noise! He's still very much experimenting with his mouth and vocal chords and it's so fun to listen to him make all that noise! Although, maybe not when we're trying to watch TV. :) He also has really figured out some of his toys and it's so entertaining to watch him play. 

And we officially have a little mover on our hands. Jacob has finally figured out how to really move around. His crawl is a little unique and sometimes he'll crawl on one knee and one foot... silly boy. But he can effectively get across the room to get a toy or to come to mommy. :) And we're also quickly realizing how much more he needs to be watched and what types of things we can't leave laying around. Jacob has also been getting much better at standing without any type of support. You can see the determination on his face and he's working on his balance and sometimes he'll hold his breath! :) But he's able to stand by himself much longer. He can also pull himself into a standing position. He's done this in his crib, climbing up on Daddy or holding on to your hands. And when you walk with him, he wants to sometimes let go of your hands but don't quite have that balance yet. It won't be long before he'll be up and walking though! 

Jacob has also cut another tooth! His top right front tooth has peeked through and the left one is close to following. Hopefully this will help ease some of that teething pain, but he has been a biter lately. He bites our arms, fingers and he's biting while nursing. This is a behavior that we're having a hard time trying to stop, but we keep working at it. But I have to admit, with the biting during nursing, I have an internal struggle about continuing to breastfeed. I want to make it a full year, but I hate the biting and am so tempted to quit. I don't have enough in the freezer to get us through June and I also hate pumping so I don't think I'd have the drive to just exclusively pump. So for now, I continue to nurse while trying to teach my son the word "no". I must add, it doesn't help that when he hears us say no he tends to smile, giggle and try to continue doing whatever it is we want him to stop doing. Like, Jacob currently has this strange obsession with throwing himself backwards. He does it when he's on the bed or couch. But he also does in the highchair. Another behavior we're trying to stop. Oh, the joys of parenthood. :) 

Some other fun facts about Jacob: He LOVES the book "Good Night Moon". I mean, loves it. Every time we pull it out, he does his little hand grabbing motion and bounces in his seat. In fact, one time I just started reciting the book without it in the room with us and he looked all around trying to find the book! He also loves to help turn the pages! Bath time is still a favorite activity, especially trying to drink the water these days... He still likes the song "Six Little Ducks" as well. 

More than anything though, Jacob ADORES himself. Okay, so I don't know he really loves himself or just really loves that baby he keeps seeing in mirrors or on our phones. :) We started showing Jacob "the baby" in the bathroom mirror after his bath each night. He would get so excited to see this baby every time! And now, anytime there is a mirror, he loves to see the baby! And when we pull up old pictures or videos on our phones, he will just watch them or stare at the pictures, getting excited. But when we put the camera on so Jacob can see himself, he gets the most excited! He's a fan of selfies. :) It's too cute. 

Jacob is still a great eater. We've tried some fancier foods recently. Still a lot of chicken, but we've had corn chowder; minestrone; braised beef; veggies and cheese sauce; potatoes and peas; chicken with sweet potato and apple; potatoes with leek, carrot and peas; tomato, cauliflower, carrot and basil; and pasta and butternut squash, tomato and cheese. Very fun! And Jacob definitely eats better than Austin and I. Haha! We're also slowly starting to work on letting Jacob feed himself. He does great with puffs and these little biscuits called Mum-mums. But we need to start with small pieces of veggies or fruit for him to pick up by himself.  

Jacob has also slowly been getting better about sleeping. He's not always as fussy when it comes to going down for a nap or at night. It use to be where he had to be rocked or in the swing to fall asleep, or nursed to sleep. But he's been able to put himself to sleep just laying down some times. Austin even sent me a picture of Jacob sleeping on the floor in the living room - he had fallen asleep while playing! That has never happened. He still wakes up to feed at night so I haven't started any real sleep training yet - no point until I know he's capable of sleeping through the night. And when he does wake, he normally eats pretty good so I know he's still hungry. I'm not sure how exactly to start weaning these, maybe try feeding him more during the day or try offering a bottle of just some water at night? That'll be our next adventure though. 

Also, if you have some time, please check out our vimeo page! (link on the right sidebar) If you love videos and love Jacob, you'll love our vimeo page! :) There are plenty of videos to watch, as Austin pointed out to me the other day... 2 pages of personal videos and 9 pages of Jacob videos. I didn't see the problem! 

And in non-Jacob news (boring, I know). I've been at my new job for almost a month and so far I'm really loving every minute. I've really had to jump in with my feet to the ground and start running. It's a busy time of year with planting season soon starting so I've been thrown into a lot and have been kept busy. But I love it! I love being busy, I love learning new things, I love having a lot of projects to work on. I'm still getting comfortable with all the jargon and equipment but that will come in time. But I think this is going to be a really great fit for me. I've talked a lot on this blog about my calling and trying to figure out what I want to do and I have to say, I think this job is a step in the right direction. And that feels great.  

Longing

Today I have a longing in my heart. I have wants that are pulling at my heart-strings. Life is anything but predictable. I've learned that the hard way. But today, that is what I want. I want predictability. I want a plan that I know is going to work the way I want it to. I want reassurance.

As I look at those few sentences I've just written, I see the words "I" and "want" a lot. Two words that God probably laughs at. Because what I want and what God has planned, are not always the same. I've also learned that the hard way.

The past five years have taught me so much, allowed me to grow, beaten me down and raised me higher than I could have ever imagined. It's been a lot in such a relatively short amount of time. But looking back, would I have done anything different? Would I have asked for different outcomes? I don't think so. There are certainly times that I don't wish to ever have to repeat, but I know that I've grown from those times. Learned from those times. But looking forward on my life, I want more.

Don't get me wrong, there is a lot about my life that I absolutely love. My son. My husband. My family. My friends.

Maybe I'm being selfish for wanting more. But I do. I want more. I want a house to call ours. I want a community that we feel welcomed and accepted in. I want a community where we have friends to visit with and events to go to. I want a group of people to have a card club with. I want to be a stay at home mom, even though I don't think it will ever be possible financially. And if I can't do that, I want a career. Not just a job. I want a career that I love. That I'm passionate about. I want to figure out what that is. I want to feel like I've accomplished something. Whatever it is.

I want to not have to worry about things. Even if it's just for a while. I want to live care-free. I want to live debt free from our student loans and medical bills. I want to have a time in my life where things are great for an extended period of time. I want a time that is "bump free". I want to know what the future holds. Not my whole future, just the foreseeable future.

I also want to be the best mom I can be for my son. I want to be able to give him all that he needs. I want to be able to provide for his future. I want to be the best wife I can be to my husband. I want to be able to support him in all that he does. I want to be the person that both my boys need more than anyone.

I want to have all the answers. I want things to fall into place. I want to know.


So that's it. That's all I want. That's not too much, is it? Is what I want what God wants for me? I don't know. I pray for answers. I pray for what I want. And I pray for God to show me His plans. His wants. And that's what I'm waiting for.

Our Six Month Check Up

The time has come for another doctor appointment check up! This is Jacob's 6 month check up. Six months! I have absolutely no idea where the last six months have gone! And can I please have them back? (Okay, maybe not...)

Jacob's doctor's appointment was held on one of the colder days. Normally, Austin and I both try to go to these appointments but because of the time, Austin couldn't leave school early. So it was just me. I decided that this needed to never happen again. Ha! Normally, Austin will drop Jacob and I off at the door so we don't have to walk. This would have been perfect on this cold day! The walk from the car was long and very cold! Plus, Jacob is a big baby. So him plus the weight of the car seat - uff-ta! It really didn't help matters that I was feeling sick and weak myself that day either. So I made a mental note to always schedule his appointments as late in the day as possible so Austin can come along!

Other than that though, the appointment went well. Jacob is measuring right on track! He now weighs 19lbs 12 oz, which puts him in the 85th percentile. His height is 27.25 inches (70%) and his head is 18.25 inches, which puts him back up to 100% there! :) The doctor asked if we were able to fit shirts over Jacob's head and I mentioned that I had just tried to put on a turtleneck that was 12 months but it wouldn't fit over his head. The doctor said he wasn't able to wear turtlenecks until he was a teenager and all of his shirts as a baby had cuts to fit over his head! So he told Jacob that he was probably going to be a doctor with that big head of his! :) Everything checked out great and we go the go ahead to start solids! He also had some more shots, but again, they weren't nearly as bad as that first time and I was able to handle it. :)

Jacob is growing like a weed, and I'm not talking about just his height or weight. The kid is getting smarter every day! He's a great sitter, when he wants to be anyway! Sometimes he likes to just fall over backwards or face first into the pillows around him. He still isn't crawling, he can scoot backwards a little bit though. But mostly, when you put him on his tummy, he'll just roll over. He still loves to stand though, so we're working on doing the motions of walking. Maybe he'll walk before crawling like his daddy did!

Jacob has started to whine if he wants attention or can't reach a toy he wants or he leans forward and rolls over and wants to be set back up. He does this little fake cry. So we're working on him figuring things out for himself. We let him "cry" for a bit to try and get what he wants himself, without our help. My first instinct is to automatically help him out - pick him up or get the toy he wants, but I know he needs to learn to do it himself!

He also has his two bottom front teeth - so cute! But so painful! Teething is not fun for the little man! And you have to be careful putting fingers in his mouth now because those suckers are sharp! Sophie the Giraffe has become one of Jacob's favorite toys right now. It's so easy for him to grab and he loves to chew on it. He'll also put one of the legs in his mouth, bite down and then pull it out. It really is a great toy for any teething baby!

Jacob also received a lot of new toys for Christmas! What a spoiled baby! :) And it's been fun watching him play with those new toys as he figures them out and what they do. He's great about being able to pick up certain toys, reaching out and grabbing new toys. He has one toy that is a dinosaur that has balls that bounce from the inside. Well Jacob has figured out since he can't quite reach inside to grab a ball, he'll grab the side of the toy and tip it sideways to get inside! Such a clever boy!  

Like I mentioned above, we got the go ahead to start solids with Jacob. We've been pretty excited about this and Jacob has definitely been ready. He loves to watch us eat and will often try to reach out and grab our food! I also decided that I wanted to make all of our baby food. I liked the idea of knowing exactly what I was feeding Jacob. We have the Baby Bullet and Steamer and it worked great! Austin and I spent a couple hours over the weekend making different types of baby food and freezing it. It was actually a lot of fun and something we enjoyed being able to do together. We made carrots, pear, apple and sweet potato.

The first food we tried was carrots. Jacob made a lot of faces and it took some time getting use to the taste and texture, but after a couple of days, he is eating them like a pro. We also tried banana and this was much better for Jacob! After just two days, he is eating them up! I think we're going to try the sweet potato next!

Otherwise, I know we're only about a week in, but other than the freezing cold, 2014 is off to a really great start for our family!

An end to 2013

2013 has been quite the year - to say the least. It has, by far, been the most exciting, challenging, wonderful, frustrating, thrilling, amazing, exhausting, surprising, incredible and miraculous year. We've made a lot of mistakes, learned some hard lessons, grown into parents and created a ton of memories.

We started the year by announcing we were expecting a little bundle of joy! It was great to finally be able to shout about it! :) And my morning sickness had pretty much disappeared so I was finally able to enjoy the rest of my pregnancy.

Austin had a very successful spring with his Choir at Riverside, which made it very bittersweet when he decided to accepted a new job so we could be closer to family. Saying goodbye to such a supportive community after three years was very hard and the longer we're away, the more we miss them. We also celebrated my sister's graduation from seminary, a major accomplishment!

In June, we welcomed Jacob into this world and everything changed. We immediately fell in love with this sweet little boy. We spent the summer adjusting to life as new parents, while also packing and getting ready to move. Luckily we have great family and friends who made all of this so much easier on us!

This fall Austin and I both started new jobs, which has been very challenging for both of us for different reasons. I think that we both agree while we love being closer to family, a big part of us wishes we were still back in Western Iowa. But every day, we grow and learn something new and hoping there's a shift and we can start enjoying what we do. We also celebrated 4 years of marriage in October. Hard to believe that much time has past already!

We're ending the year celebrating with family, remembering the good times from the past year but also ready to move on to new beginnings in 2014. And here's hoping we can do exactly that. Cheers.

Another Jacob Update!

So much has seemed to change already that I thought I'd post another blog about it! One, to keep you all updated, but also because I plan to use this blog as I track Jacob's development and milestones.

We're continuing our rice cereal meal in the evening. And Jacob is already becoming a pro and eating from the spoon. He quickly learned that it will get him food and opens his mouth and sometimes even leans forward to get that rice cereal! Some people have asked if we've noticed him sleeping longer through the night with adding cereal to his diet and frankly, we really haven't. But I've also read on some websites that you're suppose to still do a full feeding (i.e. breastfeed) and then feed them the cereal. So I'm wondering if we started doing this if it would make a difference. We've also started implementing a bedtime routine. I've wanted to do this for a while now since Jacob still sometimes has sleep problems and the rice cereal meal has made it easier to get one started. So we eat anytime between 7-8pm, take a bath, get our pajamas on, read a couple stories in the rocking chair and sing some songs. Then we'll either rock until Jacob is asleep or sometimes we'll put him down in the crib semi-awake and let him fall asleep that way. I know the latter is probably better to help his sleeping habits and self-soothing but it's hard.

Jacob also loves bath time! I'll pour water from the cup in front of him and he'll just stare at it so intensely and then reach out and try to grab it! But he has gotten too big for his infant bath seat! His chubby legs hang off the bottom! And he can't sit up by himself yet so it all of this does make for an interesting bath time. But we've got a new bath chair on the way that should make things a lot easier!

And yes, while Jacob can't sit up by himself in the bath yet, he is becoming a much better sitter! We're working on his sitting by using the bobby around him so when he falls to the back or side, he won't hit the ground. It also helps him pull himself back up into the sitting position again - which he is also getting better at! It won't be long before he'll be able to sit by himself with no support needed!

He also continues to get better every day at reaching out and grabbing things - whether it's a toy, blanket or my hair. :) It's so fun to see him want something and then work to get it! He's also great about putting things into his mouth! He'll try to put any toy he can in his mouth and of course all blankets or clothes. You can tell he's really teething because of all the extra drool, but also because he'll put blankets or certain toys in his mouth, bite down and then pull them out of his mouth. He's also started pulling on the nipple of the bottle when eating. Which he's also started to hold on his own now at daycare! :)

And Jacob is rocking at rolling! But now it's a lot of rolling from his back to his tummy! I'll put him down on his play mat, walk away shortly and when I come back, he's on his tummy! But the great thing about this is when he's on his tummy, he can really support his head and will hold himself up on his arms and hands! We're really working on crawling and you can tell he wants to move so bad! We'll put a toy in front of him and he'll kick his legs to try and get moving! He can sometimes move himself in a circle, but hasn't figured out how to move forward yet! But I'm guessing it won't be long!

Three Months and Everything's Changing

My little baby is three months old! And I'll say it again, time keeps moving way too fast! And I know I'm going to be saying this every time I post here! :) But it's been so much fun watching him grow and learn new things!

Jacob is becoming much more vocal, cooing at us, blowing bubbles, laughing and giggling, buzzing his lips and making random noises. And they are just the cutest things I've ever heard. I could sit and listen to him "talk" to me all day! Especially when he smiles when he talks! He's also getting much better at tummy time, not getting as mad when we put him down but sometimes even enjoying it! He's doing great at pushing himself up on his arms and looking around. And he's even been getting better at rolling over more quickly to his back! He has also rolled from his back to his tummy a few times, although he normally can't get that one arm out from under himself. But he likes to roll to his side a lot and then back to his back again. 
Jacob also loves to put things in his mouth, or try to put things in his mouth! He loves to chew and suck on his own hands. But his coordination is getting much better as well! He can pull some things towards him like blankets and certain toys, which he'll then try to put in his mouth. You can also see that he's trying to reach out and grab at toys around him. Sometimes he'll get them and others he'll just bat at them. We have a little activity chair for him that he's really starting to enjoy sitting in and play with the toys around him. 
He loves to move around all the time - laying down on his play mat, sitting on the couch or even while you're holding him. He will just kick his little legs and swing his arms all around. He's got some great strength in his legs too and is getting better at putting his weight on them when you hold him up. He's definitely going to keep us busy once he becomes mobile!
Overall, he's become much more aware of everything around him and a very active baby! He's a lot of fun to interact with now too because he'll interact back with you! We've decided he's becoming quite the charmer! Everyone who meets automatically falls in love with him! And it's easy to see why! :) 

In other news, Austin is keeping very busy at school. He's doing a fall musical and he's decided to do "Annie" this year. Rehearsals have started and performances are the first weekend in November, so they've got a lot of work to do. He's working with someone from the community to help with some of the drama so he can focus on the music side a little bit more, which is nice. He's also still learning about his students and they're trying to find a groove that fits together. The choir is very different from his choir at Riverside and so there's a learning curve. But I know, with time, they're going to find something that works and he'll be just as successful at D-NH, if not more! I think he's also enjoying teaching the third and fourth graders but would much rather be teaching middle school so he could build up the program more. We'll see if that's something he'll be able to do next year.  

And in case you haven't heard, I'm officially back in the workforce! I've started my new job as the Marketing Coordinator at Maple Manor Village in Aplington, Iowa, which is a nursing home and an assisted living home. A quick overview of what I'll be doing is of course all of their marketing (posters, ads, newsletters, etc.), event planning within the community and working on inquiries and referrals. This will actually be a good mix of my past two jobs - marketing, like I did at Kruger, and then going out into the public and being a face for the company, like I was for UNO. But this is in a totally different industry which means I have a lot to learn. But I think it's going to be a great new and exciting challenge and I'm really looking forward to working here. 

So this also means that Jacob has started daycare. We found a great in-home daycare in Dike, just two blocks from the school. It's run by a husband and wife who are both super nice. We love that it's so close to school, not too many kids, at someone's house but also still structured. I was having some pretty bad anxiety about having to leave Jacob at daycare for his first day, for a number of reasons. I had been able to spend three amazing months at home with him and those are days that I'll treasure forever. So it was going to be a big adjust me for me not to have all that time with him! I was also worried because he had been fighting sleep and would only fall asleep in my arms most of the time and I knew that was something he wouldn't be able to do at daycare. However, the first drop off wasn't nearly as bad as I originally thought. And of course Jacob did great! He's a champ! And all the other kids just loved him! They swarmed his carseat as soon as we got there! :) He's pretty much the center of attention! And daycare has been great for his sleeping habits!

Like I mentioned, Jacob was having a hard time going to sleep. He would be obviously tired but would fight it really hard. He would not fall asleep on his own, he would just cry and cry and I couldn't stand listening to him cry so hard, so I'd always go pick him up. So we tried swaddling, shushing, rocking, singing, walking, bouncing, going outside, putting him in a swing, opening the freezer door for a cool breeze... I tried it all. And it would take a combination of some of these. And then as a last result, I'd give him a little bit of gripe water and that would almost always calm him down enough for me to get him to sleep. But then I would hold him while he slept, if I tried putting him down, he'd wake up and cry. Even after just a couple of days at daycare, Jacob has been doing better. At daycare, they told me he'll cry for a little bit and then put himself to sleep! So I thought, okay, time to try it at home! Up until this point, Jacob had still been sleeping in our room too. So, the other night, I put him down in his crib while he was still awake, shut the door and waiting for him to start fussing. I expected him to fussy some, but he did nothing! He just fell asleep! I was amazed! The next night, I put him down again while he was still awake. This time he did cry for a bit, but eventually fell asleep again! We've even been putting him down in there for his naps over the weekend and it's been working out pretty good. 

I have noticed that since putting Jacob in his crib, he's been waking up more often to eat but I don't know if the two are related. I've read about the four month sleep regression and he's also had a bit of a cold so who knows what exactly is waking him up more often. But we're making progress in the right direction! And that's all that matters! It's been great having him in his own room finally too. We don't have to be quite as quiet when we're getting ready for bed and can stay up a little bit later, although we're almost always in bed when Jacob goes down! 

So, life is definitely changing and we're adjusting to a new life as two working parents. But I think it's all going well and we're going to like our new life. And it's so much fun watching Jacob change every day! I'm looking forward to seeing where life leads us! But it feels like things are starting to fall into place and we're finally getting some answers to our prayers, which is a great feeling. God is good. 

Two Months Old

Jacob is officially two months old! I'm not really sure where the past two months have gone but they've gone quickly! We've finally settled into a routine here  in our new home and that makes things easier with Jacob. There are certainly days that are still hard because Jacob is changing and growing every day! But we're learning to adjust better. 

With Jacob being two months old, that means we were back at the doctor for his two month check up! This was our first appointment with our new pediatrician and I think we're really going to like him. The great news is that we were told we have a "perfect baby"! Everything checked out great with Jacob and he's right on track. He weighed 12lb 9oz, which is in the 55 percentile. His height was 60% and his head a whopping 100%! Big headed little guy! :) The bad news about this appointment is that Jacob got his first shots. This was probably harder on mommy than it was for Jacob! Luckily the nurses were great and it was over fairly quickly but when they stuck him, his eyes shot open and he was crying so hard he couldn't catch his breath! It made me cry! Austin told me I'm not allowed to watch Jacob's face the next time he has to have shots! But once they were done and we fed Jacob, he was just fine. He was a little fussy the next couple of days but nothing too bad. 

Jacob is definitely growing and changing every day! Towards the beginning of August, when he was around 7 weeks, he rolled from his tummy onto his back for the first time! He did have to have a little help from mom and dad because he was on the edge of a folded up blanket and couldn't get over the little bump. And he hasn't rolled over since then either because he's not a fan of tummy time (as you can see from videos on our vimeo site!) and I can only listen to him cry a little bit before having to make it better! He has also rolled from his back to his tummy once as well! This was recently, at 9 weeks old. I put him on the ground to change his diaper, went to the bathroom quick and when I came back he was on his tummy! I was very impressed and I think Jacob was a little startled and not sure how he got there! Haha! 
Jacob also loves to sit up so he can look around at the world. We often prop him up on the couch or hold him on our knees so he can see everything around him. We did buy him a little seat with an activity tray but he's not a huge fan of it yet I think because it doesn't have a full back like he's use to having from sitting on the couch. He's also interacting more and more with us every day! We get a lot more smiles out of him and every time I see one, it literally melts my heart! We haven't gotten a full giggle from him yet but it's probably going to happen very soon! You can tell he wants to laugh! 
I think he's also starting to want to reach out and grab at things, he hasn't yet but I think he wants to. He'll hold on to certain toys or blankets if you help him. He also wants to put things in him mouth, again toys, blankets and his fists or fingers! :) Every day it's something new and a different adventure. And I love it all! 

I still don't have a job but I've had a good number of interviews so hopefully something will work out here soon. As much as I know I need to go back to work since we need the money, I really wish I could stay home with Jacob. I'm not sure I'm ready to leave him yet! But I've been fortunate to have been able to spend so much time with him! 

Austin, on the other hand, is in full swing at school. Last week was a little different because the school had early outs every day due to extreme heat. So while it made things a little difficult because Austin didn't have full class times, it might have helped with the transition of starting school again. He's busy learning what his 100+ student choir is capable of and helping students determine their voice parts. He's also getting adjusted to teaching 3rd and 4th grade again, something he hasn't done since student teaching. And finally, starting to get ready for the fall musical. So he has plenty to keep him busy! He has also realized how much work this year is going to be since it's a new school and a new program. Like anything, it's going to take time for him to find his pace but soon I know he'll have a success program on his hands, like he did at Riverside. 

A couple of weeks ago we were finally able to make it down to Tipton and introduce Jacob to most of Austin's family. We had a big birthday party on Saturday for his grandma and a family reunion on Sunday. So we were definitely busy! But Jacob did great. Although he is at that stage where he's recognizing faces so it is taking him a while to warm up to people. He might be a little use to his mommy as we spend the most amount of time together. :) 
This past weekend we went up to Minnesota for another family reunion. Again, we had a great time and kept busy. Jacob did great, once he got use to all the different people. :)  

Jacob's grandparents (on both sides) are definitely loving all the time they get with the little man! And we love making sure he has time with them! And it's been awesome being back so close to family, or at least closer than we were! It's made things easier too, especially when we've needed some help babysitting so I could go to job interviews. 

I think that's about it for us at the time. More later!