My 2020 Word of the Year was Bloom. I'm pretty sure I never wrote about it at the beginning of the year. Mostly because it was a word that came to me in an pretty uneventful manner. I took a quiz on Dayspring.com and that was what it suggested. I didn't have anything better in mind, so I took it.
But, looking back at 2020?? Bloom was a very fitting word.
I don't need to tell you what 2020 was like. It was... well, you know. A lot of things sucked. But there was also quite a bit of good that happened.
I talked a little bit about Bloom in my recent post reflecting on one year at the YMCA. And this is really where I think my word of the year was most evident. Starting a new job right before a world pandemic is not something I anticipated doing. Learning the ropes at a new job is always challenging. Learning the ropes and building new ropes as you navigate unknown territories? Woah.
I'm incredibly proud of the work I've accomplished at the Y. I personally always feel I work better when I have a good challenge or have a lot of different projects to work on. And in 2020, I had challenge after challenge and projects on top of projects. It was stressful, wonderful, demanding, fun, crazy and so much more.
I was already looking forward to this position at the Y to help me grow in my profession. But 2020 gave me the opportunity to really bloom; to thrive. And I'm grateful for that.
For the past few years, since AJ's death, I've felt like I was in survival mode. I had no choice to stop or even pause really. I had to keep going, but I was going at the bare minimum. Doing just what I had to do in order to survive. At work. At home. With Jacob. With myself.
This past year, I finally found myself in a place where I could start moving past that. I found myself thinking more about what I want for the future. I felt more comfortable taking risks and trying new things. Thanks in a large part to consistent therapy throughout the year, I really started taking a look at figuring out the person I am in this life I never expected.
Obviously I have a long way yet before I feel like I'm truly thriving in all aspects of my life, but I have definitely started blooming. I can't tell you how refreshing it feels to be able to think past survival mode. And to be clear, me moving past survival mode does not diminish the grief and difficulties that came after losing AJ and that continue today. But I am in a better place. And I'm grateful for that.
About halfway through the year, I came up with this:
B: Be confident & beautiful
L: Love myself
O: Offer myself grace
O: Open to new adventures
M: Mindful gratitude
I'll admit I didn't follow it as much as I probably should have. But there's no reason I can't try to continue this into the new year! Each of those things are still things that I struggle with on a daily basis.
Also, about mid-year, I started reading a book and this quote was the start of chapter 1:
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom" -Anais Nin
I really connected with this quote and took it as encouragement from God that I'm on the right path.
I also created a list of other ways I felt I've bloomed over the past year:
- Bought a brand new electric bike and named her Rose
- Which meant spending more time outdoors with Jacob and my parents
- Kept going to therapy on a consistent basis, rather than just when things fall apart
- I joined the church council at church, along with the Peace & Justice Commission
- Kicking butt at the YMCA professionally :)
- Did more volunteering through church on a couple of projects
- I randomly bought myself flowers just because (more than once!), which also allowed me to support a local business
- Doing video chats with some amazing friends that I can't even begin to explain just how important they've been for me
- I gave a sermon at church about my 2018 word of the year
- I read a total 70 books throughout the year (20 past my goal!)
- I started Bible Journaling again and connecting with God
- I was fortunate enough to not only stay employed all year, but to be in a position where I could give to help others throughout the year
- I worked another season at Fun.com and am so close to completely paying off all my debt
- I stayed engaged with politics on all levels - okay, so this isn't new for me, but I think was very important this past year and will continue to be so
- I was preapproved for a mortgage and started looking at houses (nothing yet though)
- I had some tough conversations with people that I love and care about it and that have strengthened those relationships
- I'm eager to learn about myself in this moment of my life
- I'm trying to learn to love myself better
- And moving past that survival mode to whatever comes next
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