Jacob's First Day of School 2018

You had your first day of full time school today. You started Knights Plus - a clever program for late spring/summer babies who aren't quite ready for Kindergarden, but ready for more than Preschool. You go all five days during the week, for the full day. You pick the bus up near daycare and ride it back again after school. 

We met your teacher earlier this week. You explored the classroom and were too excited to answer any questions really! You found legos and scissors that cut different designs. You helped put away your school supplies and found your cubby and the place to hang your backpack. You were told you'll have a lunch number now and so we practiced it until you had it memorized - it didn't take you long. When I picked you up from daycare on this day, I showed you were you would be getting on and off the bus. You told me, "I know Mom! You don't need to tell me!" I didn't know I didn't need to tell you! 

 

I drove you to the bus stop this morning. While normally I'll drop you off at daycare and then you'll walk, I was having first day nerves. As we drove, I asked you some questions: Do you know where to get off the bus? "At school." Will you follow the other kids into the school building? "Yes." If you don't remember where your classroom is, you should ask an adult - can you do that? "Mom, I don't need to! I remember where my classroom is!" Okay, but in case you get lost, what do you do? "Ask an adult." 

As the bus pulled up, I helped you out of the car and put your backpack on. The other kids were already on the bus so you took off running and yelled "Wait for me!" It was the cutest thing. That image of your running to the bus - a big bus - and stepping on board. You're really growing up. 

I waited for the bus to pull away before getting back in the car. I took a couple of deep breaths. I didn't cry. I was a little surprised by that. I've felt like crying the past few days thinking about your first day. I wish your dad was here to see you head off to school - such a smart little man. I asked him to be with you and watch over you, keep you safe. 

I need you to remember that you are smart. You are brave. You are kind. I will tell you often. I'm so proud you're my son. 


I got a text and a picture from Amber about 3:30 - you made it through your first day! She asked you what was your favorite thing you did at school and you said, "snack!" 

I wasn't surprised by your answer. And it was the same thing you told me when I asked you when I picked you up. You told me you had a great day, that you remembered your lunch number, that you liked eating in the cafeteria. You told me you had fun playing. 

On the drive home, you started to yawn. I said, "You had a long day; are you tired?" And you said "Yes." I asked, "Are you going to go to bed early tonight?" And you said, "Nope!"

Typical. 

I'm so happy you had a great first day. I'm happy you enjoyed riding the bus and there were no issues. I'm happy you're excited to go back again tomorrow. I'm happy for the friends you're going to make and the things you're going to learn. I'm happy that you're so happy! 

Here's to a great year of Knights Plus, Buddy. I love you. 

Our Current Struggles

Some days, the struggle is so much harder. I mean, it's never easy. But then there are those days where it kicks you in the ass. 

It seems I've been having more of those really tough struggle days lately. I wish I knew why these are happening. But do we ever really know? 

I hate "playing this card", but being a single mom is hard. I hate playing that card because I still question whether I can call myself a single mom when I live with my parents. But for the most part, taking care of Jacob falls solely on my shoulders.

Jacob has taken on some very difficult personality traits lately. Luckily, this is not 24/7 but it's enough to be draining. He will openly ignore me when I'm asking him not to do something naughty. He has been demanding of the things he wants rather than asking nicely for them as he was taught. And then he gets super upset when he doesn't get what he wants. He's been refusing to get dressed or pick up his toys, claiming he can't do it when he's perfectly capable. 

And I get it. He's four. He's so little and is dealing with big emotions. I understand that, I do. But as a single parent, you take 100% of the blunt force of these emotions. And I can't quite explain how emotionally draining that is for you, as the parent. 

But what's really been a struggle... bedtime. Jacob has become very persistent about wanting to "sleep with mommy in the tall bed". (aka, Mommy's bed) And I mean super persistent. He'll cry and scream and throw a fit. He won't stay in his own bed, continuing to make the trip to my room over and over. Climbing into my bed. I'll put him in the crib (yes, I still have the crib set up - no he hasn't tried climbing out of it), but then the bloody murder screams will start. Some nights I try to out last him. But the kid is stubborn. And he normally wins. One, I hate the fact that his screams keep my parents up (their bedroom right above his) and two, with school starting school, I know that trying to get him to go to bed earlier rather than later is pretty important. 

And then the knife twist happens... through all of this, all the screaming, the tears, are the words he'll say to me. 

"I want to cuddle with mommy because I love you. I love cuddling with mommy. I love you mommy. Cuddling with you is fun. Please, mommy. I want to cuddle." 

He knows how to pull at the heartstrings. And this is where I struggle. This is where I go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth again. 

He's only little once. There will come a day where he'll want nothing to do with me, much less want to cuddle in my bed. Soon he will be too big for all of that. Soon he'll think he won't need me anymore. Soon it might not be so easy to get the words "I love you" out of him. 

And so after a full day of maneuvering big emotions from a little person, being asked a thousand questions, each a hundred times, being climbed on by someone who doesn't understand personal space and always needing to be present and paying attention to this little person, I am tired. 

I am in desperate need of some 'me time'. I just want to catch up on social media. I want to read my book. I want to watch an adult-only show. I want to spend some time in the quiet, reflecting. I want to lay on the bed with no one kicking me or pushing me. I want to eat some ice cream without sharing. 

But often, I lose this fight. I hear his words and they cut deep. I hear his desperate want to be near me. Sometimes I feel like I can hear some fear in his cries. 

Because this is where else we're struggling. We're struggling with finding a consistent routine for Jacob to see his dad. Between end of summer vacations and crazy work schedules, those visits have been less than normal. And its when that happens, when it's been longer than "normal" since he's seen his dad, I can see a change a home. 

Jacob acts like he has to constantly be in my sight. He always wants me paying attention. If I wander downstairs, I'll hear him yelling for me "Mommy where did you go?" If Nana picks him up from daycare and I'm not home when they get home, "Where is my mommy?" Even in the morning when I get out of bed to shower, "where are you going mommy?" It's enduring, but exhausting. I guess I can't tell you 100% that these reactions are a result of him seeing less of his dad, but it certainly feels that way.

Also, I have to say here, I'm not placing blame on anyone. We're still trying to figure out this whole co-parenting thing. I'm also not looking for advice. Yes, I should stop this habit before it gets out of control. Yes, I should just cuddle him while he's still little. I'll figure it out. Or I won't, and we'll just move on to the next thing. Sometimes I just need to write out my thoughts and feelings to help me process them. To make sense of them. Maybe this last paragraph should be my disclaimer on all blog posts. Haha! 

The Big 3-0.

Today is my last day of my 20's. 

I have to admit, the day kind of sneaked up on me. I knew it was coming. I've been wishing friends a "Happy 30th Birthday" now for a while, each time knowing it was one day closer to my own birthday. And I thought I was handling it well. Today... maybe not so much. :) 

One of my friends who recently turned 30 posted to Facebook "The last decade saw the highest of highs and the lowest of lows but I know that this new decade will bring amazing things."

This really spoke out to me. I had only ever thought of turning 30 as an end to my 20's. I never thought of it as a new beginning. And when I think back on my 20's, I can wholeheartedly agree that they did give me the highest of highs and lowest of lows. 

My 20's brought me new life long friends, a college degree, finding the love of my life and marrying him, new jobs and adventures and of course, Jacob. But my 20's also brought me hard life lessons, living separate from my husband, lost jobs, money woes, health issues and more that don't need to be brought up here. My biggest ups and downs have happened in the past decade. My 20's have shaped me to be the person I am today. They have helped me grow and learn. 

So maybe, saying goodbye to my 20's is not a tearful goodbye to my youth, but rather a thankful and appreciative goodbye for all that I learned. And with that thought, I can begin my 30's with a new outlook. 

But here's where my mind has taken a twist... and here is where I think my anxiety is coming from today. Now that I've taken a good hard look at the past decade, looking forward to the next one, I'm wanting great expectations. 

My 30's have to be better than my 20's right? And in order for that to happen, I have to take some responsibility in the path my life takes. While there is so much that I love about my life right now, there are also so many things I want to change. Some of which I've started working on, others... not so much. In my mind, I've psyched myself up to the fact that tomorrow begins a new decade and therefore a better decade. But what I need to remember, is that there will still be lows. There will still be failures. There will still be struggles. 

The one thing I do have going for me in my 30's however, is that I have all of those mistakes and failures from my 20's that I've learned from. I have everything I need to avoid making those same mistakes again. 

So, here's to my 30's. To my 20's, you've been great. You were fun and stupid and hard and incredible and everything in between. I will not forget you and will think of you often. To 30 and beyond, I welcome you with open arms. May we become the best of friends and work together to make this decade great. Cheers.  

Just because

Just a quick update because I can... :)

 

My baby continues to grow every day! Jacob can now sit by himself, although we tend to still keep the boppy or pillows around him because he'll occasionally fall over reaching for a toy or something and our hardwood floors are no fun to fall on! He also loves to face-plant himself into the pillows we put around him. He'll lean forward, face in the pillows, then sit back up with a huge smile on his face. It's pretty adorable. Jacob loves to explore and learn. He absolutely loves his activity table with a walker around it and has learned how to move himself some around the table to reach different toys. Just the other night, after finally getting batteries in the table, Jacob would hit some of the buttons and just squeal in delight! He will also work so hard to try and get something he wants. There's one toy that spins but Jacob wanted to put it in his mouth but it doesn't bend, just spins. But Jacob tried and tried to get it closer to his mouth, spinning it away! It was pretty cute to watch. He's still not crawling but is a pro and rolling back and forth from his back to tummy or tummy to back. And he is getting so close to crawling!

 

We've also tried some new things with Jacob to help with some tummy issues recently. Jacob has now tried prunes... something he is not a fan of! His face was priceless after those first bites! And he's tried some apple juice - out of sippy cup even - and he kept making a face when he would get a taste but wanted more! I'm sure it was pretty sweet and tart for him! I'm glad we gave it to him in a sippy cup versus a bottle because it was such a new flavor for him. Jacob also LOVES to watch us eat our food. And of course, he wants some! :) He's such a curious boy! And he'll reach out and try to grab our food if it's close enough! In fact, he was quick enough to grab Great-Grandpa's roll at Thanksgiving! I think it's going to be really fun to start introducing him to new foods since he's so curious! I'm planning on making all our baby food too so that should be quite an adventure for me! :)

 

Jacob has been teething for a while now, dealing with sore gums - which has not been fun for any of us! He loves to just gnaw on anything he can get his hands on - teethers, clothes, burp clothes, toys... But finally we can say some of his pain has been worth all the trouble its caused! Jacob's first tooth has started to make an appearance! His bottom front right tooth has cut. Pretty exciting find for me as I was letting Jacob chew on my finger the other night. :)

Our bath chair finally came in the mail and has made bath time a lot more fun and a lot easier! We actually put the chair in a laundry basket in the tub for two reasons. One, the bottom of our tub is textured so the chair won't suction to it. And two, the laundry basket actually keeps all of his toys reachable for him! Thank you Pinterest for the life hack! :) So bath time is still a lot of fun for Jacob! And he knows after he eats, he gets to take a bath. He will eagerly look towards the bathroom when he hears the water running!

And eating his evening meal is getting so much easier! Jacob has gotten so great about opening his mouth wide for a big spoonful of rice cereal! As we get closer to his 6 month appointment, I'm excited for when we can start trying new foods! I'm still planning on making all our baby food too so it would be nice to get a start on that!

Also, if you haven't visited our Vimeo video page recently, check it out. I try to update it as much as possible with some fun little videos of Jacob! I think it helps for all our family since they live far away. :)

Four Month Check Up

I've been so busy lately that I haven't had time to update the blog... even though I've had a lot to say. Or a lot that I could say. Or want to say. :) But between a baby, starting a new job and life, things get put to the back burner. But I did want to do a quick update after Jacob's four month check up! So here we go! 

Jacob is still a "perfect" baby. Meaning, his numbers are all looking great. Although I'd argue he's perfect in all ways! :) He weighed in at a whopping 17lbs 11oz! At four months!! His cousin weighed around 17lbs at 9 months! So I'd say he's getting well fed! Ha! His weight is in the 86 percentile. He's 25 inches long, 38% and his head is 17 inches, 87%. He's had a bit of a cold for a while and so the doctor showed us how to properly clean out his nose and man, did he have a lot of snot up in that little nose of his! And Jacob was not a fan of having his nose suctioned out! haha He screamed pretty hard, but he can breath so much easier now! He still has a bit of a cough and hopefully that gets better soon. He also got his four month shots and these were a lot better than at 2 months. For one, Daddy got to help hold him down so Mommy didn't have to! But he didn't cry nearly as much, maybe he was still traumatized from the nose suctioning! 

The doctor also gave us the go ahead to start some rice cereal! So at his evening meal, we add a tablespoon of rice cereal in with some milk, so not a lot. But we feed it with a spoon, which is a messy ordeal! But he'll get the hang of it soon! I was hesitant to want to start with the rice cereal and when Austin asked me why, I confessed it's because I feel Jacob is growing up too fast and I want it to stop! :) But I know that just can't happen.

Jacob is becoming more and more fun to interact and play with every day. He is still a little talker, telling stories to whoever will listen! Although sometimes he picks some very inopportune times... like 5:30am! But it's a lot of cooing, blowing bubbles and raspberries, and a lot of vowels sounds. It's so fun listening to him try and communicate! He also loves to be upright. He hasn't figured out his balance yet to sit by himself, but he's working hard at it. Sometimes he'll get it for a second or two before tumbling over! He also LOVES to stand! He, of course, can't do this by himself yet either but has the leg strength to stand up and even help himself stand up. He just squeals whenever you let him stand. 

He still loves mirrors - he'll just look, smile and talk to himself in that mirror all day long! He also has really gotten the hang of grabbing toys and blankets. Before he would just hold his arms out and try to grab things by putting his arms together but now he knows how to reach out and grab hold with his hands. And he's grabbing all sorts of toys and bringing them to his mouth. The doctor said he was starting to teethe! Nothing through yet but it might not be long! So he just loves playing with all his different toys. And he's really figured some of them out too, pulling on certain ones that vibrate or make noise. He also has this spinning ball toy, one on each his activity chair and activity table that he knows how to spin and play with. I just love watching him as he learns and figures all of these things out. 

He's also still great at rolling. He'll roll to his sides a lot when he's playing on his back. During tummy time, he'll roll to his back a lot quicker. He still isn't always a big fan of tummy time, especially when we try to keep him from rolling to help strength those muscles and maybe start moving towards crawling! He's also found his feet. Putting them up in the air and grabbing on to them, or trying to grab them and then trying to put them in his mouth. He hasn't figured out if he can actually do that yet or not. 

And Jacob still gives the best, award winning smiles that can just melt your heart! I love picking him up at daycare and once he sees me, he just gets this huge smile on his face! Or when he hears his dad talk, he'll just smile and smile! No matter what else is going on, his smiles always make me smile. 

So that's about it for a Jacob update! And that's about all I have time for right now! Hopefully more soon! 

Identity Crisis

I'm not sure 27 is old enough to have a mid-life crisis, so maybe I'm just having an identity crisis. I've had a lot of time to think lately, during feedings and nap times, while applying for jobs. And I'm struggling to figure out my place in this world. 

I've written about this before, it's not the first time I've had this struggle. I'm not sure what my passion in life is. With a degree in Communications, it allows me to do a wide variety of things when it comes to finding a job. And that's part of the reason why I majored in Communications. In fact, my fellow comm arts majors and I would joke that the only reason why we're majoring in communications is because we don't know what we want to do in life. But I guess there's some truth in that too. 

I don't know what I want to do in life. 

I haven't found my calling, my vocation - the thing that Wartburg was suppose to help you find. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Even when I get asked that question - if you could do anything in the world, your dream job, what would it be? - I don't know what to answer. 

I envy those who know what their calling and their passion in life is. My husband, for one. He's a talented, amazing, passionate music teacher. He knows that this is what he should be doing. He's great at his job, he has the passion, the energy, the drive. There's no doubt in his mind that this isn't what he should be doing with his life. Not that he doesn't have his bad days, or even weeks. Everyone does. My sister is another. She just started her first calling as a Pastor in Northern Minnesota. She knows that God has called her to that role. And for that type of job, you have to know that is was a calling from God. And when you see her in her element, you can see she's doing what she should be doing. 

Now, don't get me wrong. I've enjoyed my past jobs. At Kruger, I loved the variety and multiple aspects and projects of the job. I even loved working with farmers. :) But there was not really any room to move up at that job, unless I was willing to relocate to St. Louis and that was something I didn't want to do. And looking at the company now, the marketing department is no longer there. I would have either had to move to St. Louis or lost my job. And I have to say that looking back and remembering the struggle it was to leave that job and move to Western Iowa so Austin could start his first job, God's plan is amazing. 
At UNO, I loved the people I worked with. And I really enjoyed going out and talking to students about UNO and education, helping them make important decisions about their future. And now looking at that, it's a little ironic my job was to help others start working towards their plans for future careers when I didn't know what my future holds! But that job required a lot of travel and that wasn't something I wanted to do forever either. And moving up in higher education is hard without a Masters degree and even then, opportunities are someone limited unless you're willing to move to find them. 

So would I like to continue to work in higher education? Yes, possibly. But I'm not in a place where I want to go back to school right now. And in that case, I don't know what I would get a Masters degree in either. Would I like to find work in marketing or communications? Sure, but I haven't found that actual job or industry that I feel really passionate about. 

The other thing I struggle with is achievements. When I look around to my peers, people that I've graduated with or have even graduated after me, some of them are in great jobs that they're really passionate about. And some of them are in really great positions, i.e. managers, directors, etc. I look at myself and doubt my skills - would I be able to be in a position like that? I feel like I haven't had opportunities to prove (mostly to myself) if I could or not. Or maybe I haven't tried hard enough. Or maybe I'm really just not good enough. But I feel jealous of those people. Not only because they're doing something they love, but because they've been successful when I haven't. It makes me feel like a failure. 

Someone recently posted an article on Facebook titled "Five Lies every Twenty-something Needs to Stop Believing". And I'm not going to lie, I think it was posted for me. I needed to read it. I need to re-read it. Again and again. It made a lot of good points about struggling, success and feeling like a failure. And so it was a great reminder. I'm only 27. I have a lot of life ahead of me still. I can still do great things. But then I'm back to... what is it that I'm suppose to be doing in life to do those great things?

I've recently become a mother. And for the past 10 weeks, I've spent every day, and almost every hour, with my precious baby. And for the past 10 weeks, I have loved every day. There were certainly times when I was stressed out and overwhelmed with taking care of a baby, but I still loved it. I love being a mom. I love having someone little, who is so dependent on me, to take care of. I love watching him grow and change every day. I love interacting with him. I love teaching him. I love loving him. 

I think that I would love to be a stay at home mom. I would love to stay at home everyday with my baby boy. Being able to spend that precious time with him day in and day out. Help him grow. Teach him how to walk, how to talk. To see every moment happen. That's what I think I would love. But unfortunately, it's just not realistic. We need two incomes. If only I could get paid to be a mom. Let's be real, I'd be a millionaire because I'm such an awesome mom. ;-) 

So I've had a couple interviews. Some with jobs I think I would really enjoying doing and others for jobs that I could most certainly do, but might not fully enjoy. I haven't gotten any job offers yet though and every time I get a phone call or email saying "no thanks" or "we've gone a different direction", I get that feeling of failure again. And I know God has a plan, I do. If I had gotten any of the jobs I had earlier interviews for, I would already be back to work. Instead I've gotten to spend more time with my little man. And so I'm confident that something is going to come along. And I'm confident that it will be what I'm suppose to be doing right now. But will it be my calling? My passion? I'm not entirely sure. Maybe time will tell. 

But I'm definitely learning how to be patient. Job searching tests my patience every day. Putting in applications and then waiting. Getting an interview and then waiting. Always waiting. And I'm not a very patient person. So each day I remind myself - patience, Liz, patience. God has a plan. God will provide. It can get very overwhelming, especially as my maternity leave is coming to an end. So again, I say to myself - it will all work out. God knows what He's doing. Even when he doesn't tell me! :) 

And so here I am. Waiting to find a job. Waiting for my calling. Waiting to find my place in this world. Waiting. 

But while I wait, I'll go spend some more time with that cute baby of mine.

December already?

I've decided it was time for another update blog post. I mean, I know how much you all love these! ;-)

November came and was quickly gone again. Sometimes I can't believe it's already December! But November was still a fairly busy time for us. I was busy finishing up my high school visits and AJ was busy preparing for his all-school talent show. I spent some time up in Minnesota for a friend's baby shower and it was so good to see my high school friends. We always have a great time whenever we can get together! But you can tell we're all getting older as our gatherings now include babies! :)
The all-school talent show went great for AJ and I think he was really pleased with all the acts and how well all of his students did. And then we even had some visitors! Amber and Ariel came over and the three of us (we left AJ at home...) went to go see Breaking Dawn. We've seen the last two Twilight movies together so it's become a fun tradition for us!

And then it was already Thanksgiving! We spent the weekend up in Minnesota with my family. It was great to not only have some time with just our immediate family, but to also spend Thanksgiving day with our extended family as well. And again, you can tell we're all growing up as we now have little ones to entertain us throughout the day. :) AJ especially had fun playing Ring-Around-the-Rosie with them! We spent the rest of the weekend relaxing and enjoying our time off from work. We did do some Black Friday shopping - but not until later in the morning! And seeing some other friends while we were home as well. Overall, it was a great weekend! And plenty to be thankful for!

And now it's December! We welcomed December with a bit of snow on the first but nothing that really stuck. And then that first Saturday we had quite a bit of snow! It was one of those really beautiful snowfalls with the big fluffy flakes. Unfortunately, we were in Omaha for the day as I was at work and we had some shopping to do. Luckily though, we didn't run into too many problems on the drive home. Now however, all of snow has melted! And I must admit, I don't like it. I'm a big fan of having a white Christmas! Must be the whole growing up in Minnesota thing... :) But I need to have snow on Christmas. And from what my parents tell me, they don't have any snow back at home either! So here's hoping that we do get another snowfall that sticks - here, in Tipton and in Minnesota! Give me snow! :)

On Dec. 2nd, AJ had his Middle School Winter Concert. The fun part about that is that he had family that came over to surprise him! I knew ahead of time and it was fun to see his surprised face at the concert! His Mom, Grandma, Aunt Lisa and Amber all came for the concert. It was fun to have AJ walk around the corner and see them standing there! We are so blessed to have such amazing family that supports us so much! The concert itself was also amazing! Especially for a middle school concert, the sound was very good. The students were engaged and focused on what they were doing! AJ definitely knows what he's doing. I think his family were very impressed with the quality of concert it was as well, for being a middle school concert.

This past weekend we had some guests come and hang out with us! My friend Amanda and her baby Thor drove down for the weekend! The visit had been a long time coming and we were so happy it finally happened! We had a fun-filled weekend of playing with Thor and getting in some quality clans-people time! :) On Saturday we spent most of the day in Omaha at one of the malls. Amanda wanted to take Thor to see Santa! And the pictures she got were priceless! Definitely worth the 45 minutes we spent waiting in line! We all got some shopping done and ended the day at the Cheesecake Factory - which made my husband very happy! :) On Sunday we all just relaxed and didn't really do much of anything! Although we did give Thor a bath and taught him how to splash... haha They drove back home yesterday (Monday) and it was sad to see them go! We had a lot of fun! And we got a pretty good idea of what it's like to have a baby around 24/7! :) Not quite sure if we're ready for that yet... haha

Our string of visitors didn't stop there however! Yesterday we also welcomed my parents into town! They came down to see AJ's concert last night! It was wonderful of them to drive down and always great to see them! Plus, it was the first time my mom had seen our new apartment! After the concert we all went out for dinner and definitely had a good time! No offense to my sister and brother, but it was nice to spend some quality time with just AJ and my parents. I'm not sure we've really ever gotten the chance to do that. And it was really great. Again, we are truly blessed to have such supportive families! :) And today, before they headed back home to Minnesota, they drove into Omaha to see where I work and walk around UNO's campus! It's always fun to show off the place where I work and tell them about campus! :) I was even treated with a Jones Bros Cupcake before they left! Lucky me! And AJ... we of course bought one for him too!

So, as I mentioned, last night was AJ's High School Winter Concert - and his last concert for the year. The concert was incredible! It's been amazing to see how far the choir has progressed in just one short year! AJ has tripled his choir size and you could definitely tell the difference in the concert last night. Their sound was so good and the level of singing has definitely improved. AJ just has a way with students and knows how to get them to focus on what they're doing and to really put on a great show. The level of one of the songs they did was so impressive - it was a very difficult song - an All-State song, especially for such a young choir like AJ's but they did outstanding! Like I said, they've come a long way in just one year and it'll be exciting to see how Contest will go this spring and what will happen next year! It was a great concert!

I was thinking last night during the concert about when AJ first got offered the job at Riverside. I remember thinking that after he accepted the job, even though I somehow knew it was the right decision, I couldn't imagine leaving Northeast Iowa... I couldn't imagine living in Council Bluffs, in a place that was so foreign and far away from our family and friends. It was hard for me to picture what our life would be like here. But last night, as I watched AJ conduct the choir and watch how the kids responded to him, I can't imagine us being anywhere else right now.
Yes we're far away from our family. But this is where we're suppose to be. I know that without a doubt. This job at Riverside has been the perfect job for AJ. It's allowed him to really build up a program. It's allowed him to start making a name for himself. It's helped him to really develop his teaching skills and styles and to develop the program. We're in a community that has welcomed us with open arms and one that simply adores AJ. I love tagging behind AJ after a concert to listen to all the amazing compliments he receives from parents and members of the community. I love hearing AJ come home and tell me the nice things that the principal said to him that day after observing his class. I love reading emails that AJ gets from mentors or parents that talk about how they've never seen a skill and energy level like his from a second year teacher. I love being able to be so proud of my husband.

Not only has this place been great for AJ and his career, it's also been perfect for mine. I remember having to leave Kruger, a place where I've become comfortable and try to figure out what I was going to do over here. I remember applying for job and job, just trying to find anything. And then I was lucky enough to interview at UNO for the Admissions Counselor position. Getting in to admissions work in higher education is something I've always wanted to do since I graduated. I worked as a student in Wartburg's Admissions Office and loved it! But it can be hard to get into the field without having experience! So I have been so grateful for the opportunity I've been given here at UNO. And I believe that this job has helped me realize that I want to continue my career in higher education. Trying to figure out what I've wanted to do with my life has been a struggle of mine since college. And while I still don't know entirely what I want to do in life, I know I would like to stay within education - specifically higher education. And that's a good feeling.

I know I say this a lot, but God really does know what He's doing. It's just always amazing when you think back over the past year or two and you can see how everything has fallen into place exactly like it's suppose to. Looking back and and then looking at the present, seeing everything is how it's suppose to be, it makes going through those rough patches easier. It's helpful to know that those rough patches are sometimes necessary to make you stronger or to help get you to the place you are now.
Everything just takes time. Time and patience. And that's something that not a lot of us have. God's timeline is much different than ours but His is the one that counts. And it's always good when you can finally see that.

So, I strayed a bit and didn't just keep this an update blog but hopefully that's okay. :) And anyhow... right now I think AJ and I are both looking forward to Christmas break! One thing I love about my job is that we get the week off in between Christmas and New Year's! And since AJ also has a break, this means that we get some extended time with our families!! Which we love!! :) So next week we'll be heading to Tipton for a Zaruba Christmas and then the following week we're driving up to Minnesota for a late Reedstrom Christmas. It should be a great, fun and relaxing time! Now if it would just hurry up and get here! :)

Growing Up

The time has come, I believe, for another post about growing up. Because no matter how many times I'm reminded daily that I'm growing up and getting older, I still seem surprised. It's like there are a set of giant steps that each of us must climb. And you can always tell by the events that are going on around you when it's time to take another step. The first big change happens around high school - entering a new building, taking harder classes, etc. And then it's taking your driver's test - wondering how many times you'll have to take it before you pass! Then it's graduation and we're all heading off to college. At college came a lot of other changes - freedom, even harder classes and more homework, new friends and making and learning from mistakes. Then it was the 21st parties, then college graduation and having to find a "real job". And then it was engagements which came along with bridal showers and bachelorette parties and finally the wedding. 

Now I'll admit. All of those steps were pretty easy to handle. None of those steps seemed like that large of step. Maybe had to stretch my legs for a couple of them, but fairly easy. It's these next steps. The next phase of life that's really changing everything up. It's the process of buying our first homes. It's the idea of starting a family. Of having to be so responsible for another person's life. That's a BIG step.

I've had my first couple of baby showers already so I know I'm officially in this next stage of life. That's not to say that AJ and I are ready to have kids - because we're not. :) But I know we're at that point where we're starting to have those serious conversations about our future and what we want for our family someday. And I will admit, although AJ and I are not yet at that stage in life, we are so far enjoying that stage with some of our friends. :)

Liz, Thor & Amanda

My best friend and roommate from college, Amanda and her husband welcomed a baby boy to this world at the end of February. Amanda is one of my closest friends and we've always agreed that we've wanted our children to grow up together. And so it was assumed that we would have close relationships with each other's children as well. So before Thor was born, we tried to come up with a nickname for the baby to call AJ and I. See, Amanda has a really big family and this baby was already going to have a lot of aunts and uncles and we wanted to have something a little different. And so we looked and thought and looked some more, but found nothing. There are just no good nicknames out there for close family friends! However, AJ happened to stumble upon the word clans-people and made a joke that should be our nickname. Well, it stuck. :) Thor is now our clans-baby and AJ and I are his proud Clans-Uncle and Clans-Aunt (or Clans-People). Although Thor is just a couple of months old, AJ and I are looking forward to watching this little one grow up and being apart of his life. 

I would also like to add that part of this growing up has domesticated me in some ways. I have even been able to surprise my mother with that fact! :) I have learned how to cross-stitch and have been cross-stitching bibs for my friends. This one was my first one and it was for Thor.



Another great friendship story is one that is about all of my high school friends. 

The Oven Mitt

There is a group of us that have managed to stay pretty close since high school and trying to get together as much as possible - although you have no idea how difficult that has become since we're literally all over the place! But I think we've done pretty good. And we had this fun little tradition that we started when the first one of us was set to be married (although I'm not sure we knew it would become a tradition). Naomi was given an oven mitt at her bachelorette party that said "Newlyweds heat it up in the kitchen". Then she passed it on to Shateen, the next in line getting married. And soon it became a rotating gift between us. It was fun to always expect that gift to show up when we celebrated the next one to get married.

But now, before we knew it, we're starting to have baby showers for each other. Well we wanted to keep the tradition alive and had thought about what else we could pass along at each other's baby showers. Finally we decided on a quilt with a quote on the back where each child will leave their foot print and name. I wrote a little something to go along with the blanket as well.

What started out as a fun little gag gift,
has turned into an anticipated tradition
It started off in high school with our silly boyfriend drama
Then it became celebrations on getting our driver's licenses and debating who would drive to whichever house we would be TPing
Next came the graduation parties, learning to temporarily say good bye as we each headed out to explore the world
With that came more boyfriend drama and
hours of homework on top of that
But then we were turning 21 and learning how to celebrate
and make mistakes as adults
We starting celebrating bachelorette parties and making sure we would be "heating up the kitchen" as newlyweds
After that it was debating about what color flowers we wanted and praying it didn't rain on our big day
Now it's become something bigger than the rest
We're making homes and starting families
Soon our stories will be about first steps and first words
They'll become stories of spelling bees won
and first playground crushes
And before we know it, we'll be dreading those first driver's licenses and graduation parties
But throughout the past and forever in our future,
one thing has stayed the same
Our friendships grow stronger with time and
we can see no end in sight
As this next chapter in our lives begin, we pray God will continue to bless our friends and our new families
And we pray all these children will grow to know,
these friends we hold so dear

High School Friends Baby Quilt

Inscription on the back

Summer & Graduation

Summer is here! Well maybe not the "official" date of summer, but it sure feels like it! AJ is done with school and is enjoying some time off by staying up late and sleeping in. :) It is extremely hot - at least down here in Omaha. And my little brother is officially graduated from high school!

Over the Memorial weekend, AJ and I traveled to Tipton to spend some time with our family there. It was really great to see them but we were a little disappointed that it wasn't quite warm enough to use the pool! :) But we had a great time hanging out with our parents - doing some shopping and cleaning out some cars. On Sunday we attended Mass in Solon in remembrance of the one year anniversary of the death of AJ's Grandpa. It was really great to have so much of the family together and the service was pretty eventful. A very loud storm came through involving pounding rain, high winds and even hail. So that was exciting. After church, we ran (literally, because it was still raining!) up the road to the Firemen's Breakfast - which they had moved indoors because of the storm and enjoyed some yummy pancakes! And we made a stop out at the graveyard to say hello to Grandpa as well.

While we were in Tipton we switched vehicles with AJ's dad so that we could haul some stuff up to Minnesota the following weekend. We learned quickly to enjoy our small and gas efficient cars versus the large truck! But we were grateful to be able to borrow it.

This past weekend we drove up to Minnesota for the weekend. We arrived on Friday night and were woken up early on Saturday to help get the house ready for Dan's graduation party. It started out by setting up a tent - which actually wasn't too bad. What was bad were all the gnats. They were no fun. But we got the tent sent up and some of those bug repellent candles and torches set up and it was much better! We had the party from about 11am to 2pm and it was a lot of fun. We had a lot of people stop by and it was really fun to see so many family and friends. Dan even did a great job playing host for the day. :) The food and the cake were of course great and the root beer keg was a hit! We also had some fun playing with our cousin's seven month old son and another family friend's daughter. AJ especially had a lot of fun and made some new friends. After the party we cleaned up the house and even took a little nap - or at least I did. :) That night we just relaxed by a bonfire and reminisced about old stories.

On Sunday we went to church in Rapidan where my mom was doing the service for the day. It was a lot of fun to see her up there in her element and she did a great job with the sermon - not too long! ;-) Then before we knew it, it was time to head into town for graduation. We found some good spots and watched as my little brother because a high school graduate. It was a nice ceremony - pretty short since it was a smaller class. It was so weird to see Dan up there - first accepting his honor cords and then accepting his diploma. I can't believe how fast he's grown up but I can say that he has grown up to be a very fine young man. I am very proud to be his older sister. It will be crazy this fall once he is up at NDSU, my sister in Wisconsin for her internship and AJ and I down in Council Bluffs. We really will be all over the place.

So it was a very eventful weekend but a lot of fun! Hopefully this weekend will be spent with just AJ and I enjoying some relaxing time together.

It will be okay

I read a quote once: "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end." Everyone keeps telling us: "It will be okay, things will work out." 

It's easy to read these quotes.  It's easy to tell them to someone else when they're having a hard time. But they're not easy to remember, especially in times when nothing seems okay. So, that might be a little dramatic. Things are 'Okay' - whatever that word really means anyway. We still have each other. We're together. We have our health [or most of it ;-)!]. We have family and friends, many of whom we'll be able to spend the holidays with. Things are 'Okay'. 

But when do they get better? When do they become great? When do things go back to the way it once was? Do they ever go back there? When do we have to stop worrying about paying bills? When do we get to end unemployment? When do we go back to enjoying the simple things in life rather than worrying about all the things I wish we didn't have to worry about? 

I try. I try to be happy, I try to stay positive. I know that AJ and I are blessed much more than so many other people. And I am truly grateful for that. But it's still hard. Unemployment is taking it's toll. Hearing defeat, hearing rejections, or even hearing nothing at all is wearing on me. And how can I even complain? I left my job willingly. After sitting in a recent group interview and hearing that about half that room had lost their jobs and that they had no control over that? I can't imagine. 

I think back to last spring, when AJ first had his interview with Riverside. I remember the call asking if he wanted to job. I remember that next week, praying over the right decision. I remember being confident that saying yes to that job and moving to Western Iowa was the right decision for AJ and I. That is was what God was telling us to do. Then I remember trying to find a job. I remember opportunities that came and went just as quickly. Before long, our time was up and we decided we would have to be apart a while. But with new possible opportunities at work, again I felt confident that this is what God was telling us to do. I remember the time apart. The nightly phone calls, the four hour drive to see each other each weekend, the incredibly hard time saying good bye each Sunday. I remember things not getting any easier. I remember thinking new possibilities at work might not come through. I remember trying to look for jobs again. 

Then I remember the events that changed everything. I remember knowing that I could no longer be four hours away from my husband. I remember knowing it was time to make a decision. I remember making the decision of putting my marriage, my husband, above everything else and sacrificing my job. I remember giving my two weeks notice and I remember my last day at Kruger. 

I remember it all. I remember it very clearly. I remember because I never expected my life, our lives, to take this course. I never expected these... 'bumps' and 'potholes' in the road. But then again, who does? I remember it all. What I'm struggling with now is why. Why did it all happen? Why did things run the course they did? Why am I still not employed, why do we have to worry about the bills? Why are things not better yet? I'm struggling to see how this part fits into God's plan. I'm struggling not to second guess things. Was AJ accepting this job offer the right move? Was my leaving Kruger the right thing to do? Or was it all for nothing? This is where I'm struggling. This is where I'm searching to understand. I have to believe that this is where God wants us, that this is where His road has taken us. I have to believe that. But I'm realizing that believe that is testing my faith. It's hard to let go of all my thoughts and fears and just have faith. To trust God. I struggle with it everyday. 

But now I've laid it all out there. God, you know the struggles on my heart. You know my fears and my worries. I pray to you that you can help me find comfort. Peace. Patience. Faith. I pray that we're following your plan, your road. I pray that we're on the right track and that if we're just patient, you will provide. I pray that you're there with us every step of the way. I pray that you give us guidance and strength to get through these tough spots and I pray you give us the understanding that when it is time, and at the end, it will be okay. It will be great. Amen.

Growing Up & Learning Lessons

I'm probably past due on getting another blog up and for that, I apologize. I know how many of you depend on this blog on a weekly basis and I have failed you. :) 

This weekend, it is my birthday. And I'm turning 25. Yup. 25. I am officially getting old. According to my dad, a quarter of a century! And apparently, the one thing I was looking forward to about turning 25 (a lower car insurance) is just an urban myth! I'm so disappointed! Now, I know a lot of you - especially anyone older than me - are probably thinking "Psh, 25 is NOT old! You're still young and have plenty of years to go!" And you're right. In all aspects, 25 is still very young. But it's also an age where I am getting older and maybe (if I'm lucky!) more mature. I definitely realize that I have a lot of growing up to still do, but I think I'm off to a good start. I'm sure learning a lot of lessons along the way. So I thought I would take the time to share some of these lessons with all of you.

One of the things I've learned is that the real world is not like college. And maybe colleges need to prepare you more for this reality. For one thing, there are no Outfly's in the real world. For those of you not aware, Outfly is a Wartburg holiday tradition. Once a year (in the fall), the student body president declares a day of the week Outfly. However, nobody knows when the day will come and you don't find out until 6:30 that morning when you are woken up by people yelling and banging on doors. Then all our classes are canceled for the day and instead students can do whatever they like - sleep, go shopping, play in the Outfly golf tournament, enjoy other campus activities and games, etc. It is one of the greatest days of the year to a Wartburg student. :) As alum, you get an email sent to you the day of Outfly as well, which is really just a cruel reminder that you are no longer in college and cannot take a day off to catch up on sleep or enjoy the nice weather. Lesson learned.


Instead of Outfly's and Movie Knights and everything else you get to do in college, the real world is made up of paying bills, budgeting to make sure you have enough money to pay those bills, remembering when to get your oil changed, keeping the apartment clean so it doesn't turn into a bachelor pad when your wife isn't there... so on and so on. Lesson learned. 


I'm also learning that work isn't everything. Making a lot of money doesn't make things okay if you're not happy. And making a lot of money doesn't matter when all you want to do is live with your husband. A job is just a job. You can make whatever you want from it - make the most out of any job. And you should - you should always work your hardest at any job you have and be grateful, but you also need to be happy doing it. Staying at a job for the wrong reasons isn't going to solve any problems. You need to do what's best for your happiness. For your marriage. For your life. Lesson learned.


As AJ and I grow together as husband and wife, I'm learning that marriage is not perfect. Okay, I'm not sure that 'learning' is the right term here. Maybe it needs to be 'being reminded'. I think that I was naive when it came to this thought. Marriage is a lot of things, but not perfect. It never is. It never will be. Marriage is hard work. It takes patience and courage. It takes commitment and trust. Marriage is trial and error. It's also a support system. Marriage is something that can make things better or make something easier. Marriage is a beautiful friendship. But all of it - the good and the bad - take some effort. Marriage is not like a fairy tale story. Lesson learned.


Another thing I'm learning is that Sundays are currently the worst day of the week. And every week, it gets harder and harder to say good bye to AJ. We have been fortunate enough to be able to see each other every weekend that we've been apart, even if it's just been for one night. But there is never enough time on the weekends. Not enough time when you try to do all the stuff you couldn't do during the week. Not enough time when you spend a lot of hours on the road getting places. Not enough time to  make up all that lost time from the week with your husband. Not enough time when you just want to spend some quality time with your family - who you also don't get to see enough. There is just not enough time and some things have to be pushed until the next weekend. Lesson learned.


So there you have it, 5 lessons I've recently learned. Maybe they've helped you gain some insight for yourself. Or maybe you have some already learned insight that you can share! Whatever the case, we all still have some growing up to do and there will always be lessons to learn.

An Epiphany at Walgreens

April 24th, 2010

So this past week as been quite the week for AJ and I. AJ got a phone call on Monday night. He was offered a teaching position! We were both ecstatic! His first job offer! And for a great position! 6-12 general music and choirs! There was just one problem, the offer was from the Riverside School district, in Oakland, IA - four hours southwest of Waterloo. We didn't know what we were going to do. And we had until Friday morning to decide.

The first thing we did (after making some phone calls to our parents...) was to pray. We asked God to give us guidance to make the right decision. We asked him to speak to our hearts. We asked for an answer. Then we sat and talked about all the different possibilities. About all of our options. The pros and cons. There was a lot of talking this past week. A lot of wondering.

AJ did have another interview on Wednesday of this past week at a school district only an hour away from us now. But it wasn't the ideal position and it was only part-time. Although he felt confident about his interview and the prospect of the job. We talked before we went to bells that night and we had pretty much decided AJ was going to turn down the Oakland job. Although neither of us was probably comfortable with that thought necessarily, we didn't know what else to do. It was just too far to make something work half way and he didn't want me giving up my job at Kruger. And honestly, I wasn't ready to give that up yet either. Again, I asked that God make it clear to us what we needed to do.

We went to bells rehearsal and then I left before choir. I ran to Walgreens to pick some things up and called my mom on the way. While I walked up and down the aisles, I told my mom that AJ is probably going to turn down the job. She told me that she hoped it wasn't something that he regretted later in life. We talked some more and then we said good-bye.

After that, I thought about leaving my job again. On Tuesday, when I had thought about it at work, I got very anxious at the thought. But standing in the Walgreens, I was surprising calm. I was suddenly okay with the idea of having to leave my job and follow AJ to Oakland. I knew then that this was his opportunity to do something great. To really build a program from the ground up. I knew that God was calming my heart and letting me know this was the right choice for us. I couldn't help but smile! I knew this was God making things clear for us. Letting us know that this was the right choice. That we were going to be okay and He would provide all we need. It was a great feeling!

I went home and waited for AJ to get home from choir. When he did, I asked him to sit down so we could talk. I told him I think he needs to take the job in Oakland. At first he didn't understand. I explained to him that I was okay leaving my job. I've got some great experience there but it was time to move on so that he could do this. I didn't know when another opportunity like this would come up and I wanted to make sure he got this chance. We talked some more and after AJ made sure I wouldn't change my mind, he decided to accept the teaching position!

So, AJ has officially signed the contract and has his first teaching job lined up for this fall, working for the Riverside school district. We are very excited about this new opportunity in our life and we believe it is the right move for us right now. The nice thing about Oakland is that its only 40 minutes from Council Bluffs so there are plenty of job opportunities for me in Council Bluffs and Omaha. We don't really have any details figured out yet but the nice part is we have the time to work it all out.

It was a big week for us. A big decision - our first big decision in the six months (today!) that we've been married. This week helped me remember what our marriage is about. It reminded me about what I committed myself to - who I committed myself to when we got married. Marriage is about sacrifice. It's about supporting each other. I lived that this week for the first time. I even told AJ on Wednesday night - there was a reason we had the Bible verse from Ruth in our wedding. "I will go where you go. Live where you live." (see Ruth 1:16 for the full verse) It was a great experience to be able to live that. It reminded me that we're growing up and maturing. We're living this adventure together.

It was a refreshing week. An exciting week. An anxious yet thrilling week. A lot of things will be changing. New adventures will be taking place. We will continue to grow and learn and love together. And we invite you to be a part of that with us.