Happy 10th Birthday, Jacob!

Jacob! You're 10! TEN!! One. Zero. Double Digits! I can't believe it. 

10 years ago you came into this world and we instantly fell in love with you. A whole decade of loving you and watching your grow into this amazing person you are today! Wow. 

I'm sure I write this every year, but I continue to be amazed by you and who you are. You are an incredible boy and I am so lucky to get to be your mom. Every single day, I am reminded why you are my most favorite person.

You had an incredible year at school, completely rocking 3rd grade! As much as you say you don't like school, you continue to excel. Mr. Malay was your teacher and in your card to him at the end of the year, you wrote "You were one of the greatest teachers I've ever had!" I couldn't agree more. In fact, I wrote Mr. Malay a separate note myself to let him know how much I appreciated the fact that he was your teacher. Mr. Malay's personality and teaching style reminds me so much of your dad. And I am so grateful that you were able to experience having a teacher like that. Watching you interact with Mr. Malay, I can imagine what it might have been like if you ever would have had your dad as a teacher. 

You also have a strong group of friends. The nice thing about Jefferson is that it's a very small school, just two classes per grade. And you have the type of personality that can become friends with everyone. And you do. In fact, you invited 9 kids to your birthday party this year! And six of them were able to make it! That was a crazy time (mostly for me)! It's so fun to watch you with your friends and when you meet new kids as well. And it makes me so happy to see how kind you are to everyone.

You are still an amazing reader and I love that you love books, even when you don't admit it. But recently, you discovered the 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' series and you have devoured the books. I just love to see it. :) You are also still obsessed with wanting to be the one in charge, the boss, the CEO. You love to talk about business organizational structures - boards, shareholders, founders, manager, etc. You have your own company, Jacob, Inc. which is very successful. :) You still love space but you have also become very interested in nations. You know where nations are on the map, you can identify flags. You watch videos on YouTube that show you lists of countries by size, GDP, population, military size, etc. You know the craziest things. You also enjoy watching YouTube videos where you watch other people play video games. I'm not sure I understand it, but you love it. And of course you love to play videos games. And sometimes, pretend you're creating your own YouTube video. Your newest game is Ages of Conflict (I think?), which is a war simulator where the countries fight to conquer each other. You also still love playing TABS, Roblox, Minecraft and different Mario games on the switch. 

You are also a very good thespian and you add a dramatic flair to almost everything you do - which is extremely funny when you're in a good mood but not all that fun if you're in a bad mood! ;-) You are still witty as ever, quick thinking, goofy and funny. You are so much like your dad in that sense. You love being the center of attention as long as it's on your own terms and not so much if you're being forced to like a church performance or school music performance. You have this thing where you are against music - not wanting to like music or learn how to sing. Probably because you've grown up hearing how musical your dad was and I am. And so, probably to spite me, you dig your heels into the ground when it comes to anything musical. :) Whenever we have people over for dinner, you are always the last one to finish eating because you talk so much and want to drive the conversation. 

As much as you pretend to love all things bad and claim you want to be ruler of the world, you are a very kind boy. You are so good, so intuitive to those around you, so empathetic, so loving. Even now, you love to cuddle. And I LOVE that you will still cuddle with me. You don't like to see other people hurt and you either want to help fix it or you try to make people feel better by getting them to laugh. I am so proud of the person you are, Jacob. 

I love the person you are. I love listening to everything you have to say and I love learning new things that you teach me. I love watching you grow and learn and discover who you are and where you fit in in this world. I love watching your personality grow, even when you're butting heads with me and we both get frustrated. I still love to watch you sleep, no matter how creepy you think that might be. In fact, I just love watching you do whatever it is you're doing! You truly are the very best thing I've ever done. And I love you more than words could ever describe. 

As you enter your double digits, I wish I could say that I hope for only good things for you. And while I do very much hope for many good things for you, I know that life is not only full of good things. And unfortunately, you already know that too. But it is the combination of the good things in our lives and the bad, the hard, the struggles, that help make us into the people we are. And so I hope that you are able to take everything that happens in your life and let it make you into an incredible, wonderful human. 

I hope that your 10th year here on Earth is filled with love, family, happiness, friends, memories, laughs and whatever else you hope for. I am so excited to be with you every step of the way and continue to watch you as you learn new things and continue to grow. I love you.

Happy Birthday, Jacob! 

Happy 9th Birthday, Jacob!

Happy Birthday Jacob! 

Today you are 9 years old. Nine years you've been on this earth, bringing me joy and love and laughter every single day. 

I continue to be amazed by you as you grow and learn new things. You are extremely clever, witty, goofy, smart, kind, caring, lovable, silly, curious, bright and so much more! You constantly remind me of your father while at the same time continue to flourish into your own person. 

---

I started that letter above to you right before you turned 9. But I never finished it. I'm not sure why. But I remember feeling like the right words weren't coming. And soon it was long past your birthday. 

But now, you are 9 and a half years old. Actually, 9 years and 7 months tomorrow. And I find myself unable to sleep and instead thinking about just how awesome you are. 

You brought home a reading/writing assessment from school this week. At the end of it, you were told to continue to story using one of the prompts. I'll post a picture of the story below (I told you I was going to save this forever!!). 

I read your story and it took away my breath. I sat in awe at the kitchen table thinking, "wow". And yes, all moms are going to think that their kid is amazing and best. And I do think that about you. I was amazed by your imagination, I was impressed by your talent but I also felt this deep admiration for the story itself that you told. A story with such beauty. From my own little boy. 

I think the story caught me by surprise. When I started to read it, I thought it would end somewhere with world destruction and evil wins all - things you love to talk about. But instead, your story reminded me of who you really are.

Yes, you still talk about how you want evil to win, how you wish you were a god who could control the world, how the bad guys are always better. But truly you are the most sweetest, kindest, caring, and loving boy. You just don't like to show those things to the rest of the world. :) 

But I am convinced that you have a truly good soul inside of you. You have a very big heart inside of you. You are a very special kid.

In the back of my mind I can see you rolling your eyes at me, trying to hide or even getting upset with me because you dislike it when you are praised or to hear anyone say good things about you. But luckily for me, you likely won't read this for many years down the road so hopefully this is something you've outgrown!

Jacob, you are, so very truly, the most spectacular kid. You are smart. You are insightful. You are curious. You are full of wit. You are funny. You are dramatic. You are the biggest cuddler, even at age 9. You are kind and caring. You are goofy and silly. You are my most favorite person in the whole world. 

We talk a lot about how much you're like your dad. And that's true. In so many ways, I see your dad in you. How much you love to talk, how you have to 'regenerate' before you can finish eating, your love of farts, your dramatic tendencies. But as much as you are like your dad, you are also your own amazing self. 

I have loved watching you grow over the past 9 years. I feel so privileged to have a front row seat to watch you grow into the person you are today and will become. I am constantly amazed by what you do or what you say. My heart feels like it's constantly bursting at the seams with my love for you. I am so lucky to be your mom. 

I think the first half of year 9 has been good for you. You've got a great teacher, Mr. Malay, at Jefferson and a great group of friends you play Monkey King with at recess. You're taking swim lessons at the Y and continue to improve every time you get in the pool. You're still an avid reader even though you say you don't like to read. But I often catch you reading books when you haven't been told to do some reading. You're astonishingly good at spelling - unlike me, which Nana and Papa like to remind us all of... You still enjoy science and space and a thirst for knowledge of the most random things. You're constantly wanting to google something on my phone for a question you've come up with. 

You've also wanted to learn all that you can about how companies work, who are the managers, the bosses, the CEOs, the board of directors, the shareholders... You want to know it all. And you have your own (imaginary at the moment) company called Jacob, Inc. And while you're the boss and board chair and whatever title you come up with, you're also a very generous boss who pays his employees very generously. :) 

You still really love playing Roblox, TABS, Minecraft and Mario Builder and Mario Party. You went through a time where all you wanted to play though was Monopoly. You finally got the hang of riding your bike and started doing some longer rides with Nana. The one thing I haven't been able to get you interested in yet is music. Either singing or playing piano. Much to my (and probably your father's) chagrin. ;-)   

In just a few short months, you will be 10. Double digits. The rate at which you grow before my eyes never fails to amaze me. You are the best thing I've ever done. 

I love you buddy. So much. And I'm so incredibly proud of the boy you are. Even if you won't let me tell you. 

COVID-19 March 18, 2020

I saw this quote on Twitter yesterday

Every day represents a day like we’ve never had before. 

It could not be more true. When the conversations first started about the possibility of social distancing and isolation and self-quarantines, much of the talk seemed to be around "this is a time to slow down". What a perfect time to reconnect with your family, call up friends you haven't talked to in a while, play some board games, read some books, enjoy the outdoors. A chance to be still in God's presence and connect with Him. 

It sounded almost glamorous. A welcomed retreat from the world. An opportunity to breathe. And I was looking forward to being able to have this type of experience. 

But in reality? While so much has halted, I have never felt busier at my job. I have never felt so frazzled and overwhelmed with information coming at me from every direction.  I've never felt such an urgency to make sure I'm doing the right and best thing for Jacob. 

Suddenly, in addition to my own work, I feel obligated to collect as much information/resources as possible to provide Jacob over the next few weeks. (Please know, that I am extremely grateful for all of the resources that are being provide online and by our amazing teachers!!) I need to find him a place at the house where he can do some of his school work and activities. I need to clean my house! Because now that we're suddenly going to be spending a ton of time, I realize just how dirty and messy it is. I feel the need to put a schedule into place for Jacob, to limit his screen time, to keep him busy but with purposeful and meaningful activities. 

"This is fine."

While the Y has closed its doors temporarily, the job has not stopped. Communication to our members has never been more important. Creating resources to manage the chaos is essential. Creating resources to stay engaged with our members needs to happen right now. And every day, we have more questions and no answers. The situation is so fluid. 

I try to take some small comfort in knowing that literally everyone else is having the same sort of struggles. I try to remind myself that this is not a time for judgement but a time for grace. Grace for myself, grace for others. 

"Into the unknown!!!"

We are all, quite literally, heading into the unknown. And so, let's do this together. Let's be supportive of each other. Let's not judge each other. Let's show each other love and kindness. 

And while there is much fear and worry of what happens next, we must remember that God is with us. He is always here. And He will provide comfort. 

COVID-19 March 16, 2020

It's hard to know where to start. We're living during a time like none other before. The use of social media and apps like TimeHop will be helpful in remembering all the events that have led us to this current place. Because that really is a beast of its own. 

I've decided what I want to do is blog my personal experience during these COVID days. It has been insane how quickly the situation continues to change, day by day and hour by hour even. 

I was suppose to take a trip to Seattle, leaving March 26. If you were to talk to me just one week ago, I was still fairly confident that I would be going. But by Wednesday of last week, that started to falter and then it faltered quickly. We have postponed the trip. 

On Friday, Gov. Walz held a press conference letting Minnesotans know he was "opening the toolbox" to make sure we had all our tools prepared and ready to go when we need them. By Sunday, he held another conference to state that all schools would close by Wed. March 18 for two weeks for educators to prepare for long-distance learning. Tonight he's announced certain closures for bars, restaurants and other businesses. It is a crazy, crazy time. 

For me, I work at the YMCA. I'm the Marketing Director. It's a whole team of... well, me. I have to admit that it wasn't until Friday of last week that I realized, "hey, I'm the one that's responsible for coordinating and managing all of our communication out to members as the Y makes some tough decisions!" Ha ha. I can honestly say that I never imagined being in charge of an organization's communication and marketing plan during a worldwide pandemic. Why don't they teach you to prepare for that sort of stuff in college?!? 

The days are not necessarily 9-5 right now. (even now I can hear my phone chiming with the sound of incoming emails...) Some of the excitement started in on Sunday night, needing to make some announcements. And it extended into today. I have to add here that today was, if possible, even more chaotic than it could have been. Our Executive Director was home with the flu (awful timing!) and another senior manager was on her way back from out East. It's hard to make decisions when some of your leadership isn't readily available. But, we made it work. 

But once we decided what we finally wanted to say, we weren't ready for the questions we were going to get. It was a reminder of just how difficult and confusing this time is right now - for everyone. There is no roadmap, no template on how to do this. We're making it up as we go. 

Many of the questions we were getting was about membership. For our already busy membership director, things were going to get worse. And so one of the accomplishments I was proud of today was creating a standard response that could be sent to all members, directing them to our website where they were asked to fill out a form with their specific membership update request. We got the form created and online and are hopeful that it will help us process the requests in a more timely manner. 

I also needed to add a section to our webpage where we could continue to update members on different programming and such. One central location they can go to see everything we've had to say so far, and see how quickly it continues to change. 

Tomorrow, we plan to create some sort of form that will work for our different programs as well. Anything to make this process a bit smoother. 

I also sent out a social media plan to the office staff, asking them to start brainstorming some specific ideas for their areas on how we can stay present on social media while the Y is closed. 

It was an exhausting day. And it made me realize that if this was an exhausting day for me, I can't even imagine what it's been like and what it's going to continue to be like for our healthcare professionals, for our elected and community leaders, for those that continue to work on the frontlines of this. All I can do is lift those people up in prayer and ask God to provide them the strength they need. 

Today was also Jacob's first day with no school. Luckily his Aunt Meg is home for a couple of days and was able to take care of today. Once we got word that schools were closing, we started to plan some activities for Jacob. I downloaded some learning apps on the tablet. He was so excited to "homeschool". He said Meg was the teacher and that Papa was the principal. But that he didn't want to be sent to the principal's office (which was the bedroom because Papa is currently out with a cold). Haha. 

Even this morning, when I was in the shower, he came into the bathroom and sat on the floor with the tablet and said, "I'm so excited to learn!" He's too cute. 

But Megan did a great job with him today. They stuck to a schedule, Jacob had limited screen time and they even did the Doodles with Mo Willems! How fun! 

I've been extremely impressed by the number of companies offering up free online educational services, or virtual museum tours, or fun activities to help with the kids while they're home. Social media is proving to be a key factor in keeping us all connected while we're not together. 

February is my least favorite month...

February sucks. I've never really had a least favorite month, but I think February is rising to that spot. 

Two years ago, in February, Austin took his life. That day will forever be one of the worst days of my life. It changed everything. It altered our future. 

Leading up to the start of February, I could feel this thing lurking behind me, something big, dark, heavy. It would move closer every day. I could feel a physical, mental and emotional shift happening to me. 

I can only assume this is grief. 

And this grief feels like it's literally clinging to my back, weighing me down. I can feel the extra weight, exhausting my already drained body. It sits in my brain like a heavy fog, making my mind think a mile a minute of all the 'what ifs' while at the same time, think nothing at all. It's wrapped around my heart, constraining it, leaving me feeling on edge and on the verge of a hundred different emotions at any one minute. 

Add in the fact that February is generally cold, dark and cloudy, well, it's not a good combination. Add in any number of the other worldly events/challenges/disasters/bad news, and it's almost unbearable. 

It's only February 4, and it feels like this month has been dragging on forever. 

So, I could do what sounds easiest, comes easiest. I could write my blog. Pour out my feelings of grief. Sit and wallow in my grief, stay lazy and not doing anything, ignore my real world responsibilities, let things slide for the month. And oh boy, believe me. That is what I would love to do. 

But I shouldn't. I can't. It's not fair to Jacob and it doesn't help me. So what am I going to do? 

I'm going to plan some mini-adventures for Jacob and I. A hotel stay or maybe a visit to Aunt Meg. Get us out of the house on the weekends. Visit new places. Or old places. Spend more one-on-one time with Jacob, playing together or reading together. (Not just allowing screen time while I nap...)

I need to take some breaks from social media. Or at least spend less time on social media, fretting over the state of our nation. I need to start using my Y membership. I need to start using my lunch breaks to walk. Bring Jacob to the Child Watch or Pepsi Rec Room while I start working out. I should start a bedtime yoga routine to help me sleep better. 

Let's see if I can start making some of these changes to get me through the month. And if I do, what's stopping me from continuing them after this month is over? 

Sometimes I suck at blogging...

Ha! 

Life comes at you fast. One moment, it's the middle of fall and I'm working two jobs and the next moment, it's 2020 and I have a completely new job! So let's recap, shall we? 

My last update was in August. So we'll pick up there. 

We of course got another State Fair trip in. You just can't finish summer without going to the State Fair! The food!! :) It was a bit rainy, but overall a great day. 

Jacob is loving Kindergarten. He has an amazing and supportive teacher and is really thriving. The year started a bit rough, with Jacob having some of the same issues he did the year before on concentrating and staying on task. We decided to start up the daily check in/check out charts that he did in Knights Plus. These have 100% helped keep Jacob focused. It solved the behavioral problems we were having and really keeps Jacob on task. He is bringing home 100% on his charts pretty much every day. I'm very proud of him. 

When it comes to reading and math, Jacob is rocking it as well. His teacher told me at conferences last fall that Jacob is in the advanced reading group, often getting future sight words ahead of time so that he stays challenged. It's so much fun listening to him read books to us. He also loves math and is probably more advanced here too, mostly because we tend to make Jacob do more math at home and create our own problems for him. He is a smart cookie. It's also fun to see the different art projects he brings home and how his talent is evolving - and his imagination! 

In September and October I once again took on a part time job at Fun.com. I was hoping to use the extra cash this year for Christmas shopping and such, but ended up spending most of it on unexpected dental work I had to get done. Super fun. It was another crazy season and I've promised my family that it was my last season at Fun.com. I've told everyone to hold me to this next fall! :)  

We did manage to get some fall fun adventures in though! We spent a day at the Center Creek Orchard, which was a lot of fun for everyone there, except my Dad. We also got a trip into the Minnesota Zoo before school started. We went to the Children's Museum's Dig It Event, where Jacob got to climb, ride and even help drive some large equipment. It was so fun to watch him explore and play. His Aunt Megan came for a visit in October as well and did some fun science experiments, visited the local history museum and spent some time outdoors. Jacob really enjoys his visits with Aunt Meg! 

For Halloween, Jacob was spoiled with two costumes (Thank you, Fun.com employee discount!). He was a red devil for his school party and then for trick or treating, a very scary angler fish! That costume was a hit and even won Jacob the Most Creative Costume prize at the Rec Center party!

Jacob and I had a weekend adventure in November, full of fun! We started on Friday night at the Razzle Dazzle Light Parade in Madelia, a reading festival and some time at the Pepsi Rec Room at the YMCA on Saturday morning. We saw some huge dinosaurs at Jurassic Quest that afternoon and ended the day seeing Frozen II. On Sunday, we hit up the Mall of America and explored the Crayola Experience. It was such a fun time of making memories! 

Jacob also lost his first tooth in November!! On a Friday night he said, "Mommy, guess what!? I have a loose tooth!" and on Monday, I got a picture from school - Jacob had lost that tooth! He was super excited for his first visit from the tooth fairy and even slept in his own bed that night! (Woot!) He's growing up quickly. 

The holidays and December weren't anything special. We were fortunate to spend time with family, both in Iowa and Minnesota. And that's truly what matters most. I did make one change this year and decided not to sing at the Christmas Eve services at CTK. My mom had made a comment that Jacob should spend Christmas Eve in Iowa because the rest of us spend the entire day at church and that's not fun for a little boy, and that he needs some sort of tradition. And it stuck with me, only I didn't want to spend Christmas Eve without Jacob! So we created a new tradition! On Christmas Eve, we celebrate Grinchmas! We went to church and spent the day hanging out in Whoville, watching the different Grinch movies and having ourselves a Grinchmas Feast! 

And to start off the new year, we took a family vacation to Hawaii to celebrate my mom's birthday! We spent the week on Maui, exploring, going on different tours and spending plenty of time at the beach. It was a much more relaxing vacation that our last family trip (Disney World) and I think everyone agreed they'd visit Hawaii again. In fact, Jacob already wants me to start planning our next trip there. For next week. ;-) 

Now January has come and gone as well, but the year is off to a good start. Work, school and all is going well. Jacob has started swimming lessons at the Y and he goes to those on Tuesday and Thursday nights. I'm not sure if it was because we had just gotten back from vacation and spending so much time in the water, but Jacob is really thriving at lessons. He's dunking his head in, jumping in and really starting to get the hang of swimming. It's been a blast to watch. 

And in other news.... 

Also in November, I stayed true to my "two years per job" tradition and started as the Graphic Design and Marketing Director at the Mankato YMCA. To say I was excited for this new adventure is an understatement. 

I am so grateful and appreciative of my time at Eide Bailly. I worked with an incredible team, made some great friends and learned a lot. And looking back on my time with Eide Bailly, it was absolutely the job I needed at that point in my life. It was a secure job that paid well and had great benefits. But it was also a job where I wasn't the one in charge. I didn't have to make the big decisions, I did what I was told. And this is exactly what I needed in this time of my life with so much else going on. Some days it took everything I had to focus on work. During this time when everything else was falling apart, taking all of my energy and focus, I needed a job that I could come into every day and be told what to do from 8-5 and not leave at 5 still thinking about work. Eide Bailly gave me that. 

As time went on, I would be asked what I thought my future looked like. Asked how I wanted to grow in my career, what my next move was going to be. And I honestly didn't have an answer. I felt stuck, unsure where to go next. Yet I started to want more, I just didn't know what that was. 

One day I saw a Facebook posting for a job at the YMCA. Graphic Design and Marketing Director. And it was like this fire was ignited inside of me. I read through the job description multiple times. I couldn't help but think this is the perfect opportunity. I applied and received a call about an interview the very next day. I interviewed, I thought it went great, I became even more excited for this prospect. But then I didn't hear anything. And I realized just how much I wanted this job, because of how disappointed I was thinking I didn't get it. Luckily, that wasn't the ending. I did get a call again and was offered the job. I accepted. 

I started in early November and I can honestly say that I love this job. Not a day goes by where I doubt my decision to be here. Each day is crazy busy, full of variety, and allows me to be creative in ways I haven't been in years. It's overwhelming and challenging all in a good way. In the short time I've been here, I've been pushed professionally, helping me grow and be better. And when I say that my To Do List is never-ending, I am not exaggerating! 

I love being back at a nonprofit. I love feeling like I'm making a difference. I love being able to see my work come together and make something. I love the team of people that I get to work with every day. I love their passion and their enthusiasm. I also love their support of me in my position. 

Jacob's Anecdotes vol. 5

More fun anecdotes from Jacob!

Jacob was playing hide & seek with his cousins recently and it was his turn to count. He closed his eyes and very quickly counted to 10. His poor cousins hadn't even had a real chance to hide yet! I said to Jacob, "Jacob, you counted too fast, they're still trying to hide!" Without missing a beat he yells, "It is what it is Mom!" and took off after his cousins!! 

--

Jacob came up to me and gave me a big hug. He told me, "The problem is I love you so much." Aw. 

--

One of the struggles I have with Jacob is getting him to sleep in his own bed. Aunt Megan recently asked how it was going and Jacob (proudly) said he had been sleeping in my bed. So I decided it was time to work on getting Jacob back to his own bed. The first night in his bed Jacob said to me, "This is all Megan's fault. She ruined everything." HAHA 

When we were talking about it again another morning, I told Jacob "Kindergartners sleep in their own bed!" And Jacob immediately replied, "Not this Kindergartner!" Oh boy... 

--

Jacob: I can't wait to get married.
Me: Why's that?
Jacob: Because then I can change my name!
Me: What are you going to change your name to?
Jacob: Jake!

--

Scene: Aunt Megan walking to the farm with Jacob
J: points to the rumble strips. When I went biking with Papa he always drove so I went on those things.
M: oh, really? Did you bounce around a lot and go "aahh!"?
J: no, I was embarrassed of him.
M: really?
J: yeah. What does embarrassed mean?
M: it means you didn't want to be with him because you thought what he was doing was silly or weird.
J: oh, okay. I was embarrassed of him.

--
"Mommy, I'm sorry to tell you this but the vegetable singing about cheeseburgers sings better than you" The kid knows how to cut you deep.

To Jacob, on your first day of Kindergarten

Jacob,

Today is your first day of Kindergarten. And I think I've been lying to myself about how big of deal today actually is - for both of us. 

I thought your first day of Kindergarten wasn't a huge deal because you already did Knights Plus last year. You've already done school five days a week and for the full day. You've already ridden the bus, gotten lunch in the cafeteria, navigated the hallways and discovered the rules of the playground at recess. You did these things for a year already. 

So I wasn't worried about today. I wasn't worried you would feel lost or get overwhelmed. There is no doubt in my mind that you'll have a great first day of Kindergarten. 

Where I do start to worry is about the rest of the year. Because Kindergarten is a big first step. It's the official start of your formal education. It's the beginning of you being a big kid. Now there are various expectations and requirements and obligations. This is when you start to really grow and learn. This is when you start to form friendships that could later be tested and those that endure. This is when you start to discover more about yourself - your likes, your dislikes, your passions, your strengths. This is when things get real. 

There is much that I hope and want for you, Jacob. Over the next year and again over the next thirteen plus years of school. 

I hope that you grow to love learning and continue to seek out new things to learn. I hope that you will ultimately succeed in all that you decide to do. But I also hope that you realize that in order to succeed you will have mistakes and failures. I hope that you can accept your mistakes and learn from them. I hope that you continue to have a kind and compassionate heart. I hope that you will make friends easily and encompass many. I hope that you will always remember your manners. I hope that you will be brave and always stand up for what you believe in. I hope that your strength and bravery will also stand up for others in need. I hope that you always have the courage to do the right thing. I hope that you will learn to be grateful. 

What I want, of course, is for life to be relatively easy for you. I want you to have minimal struggles and heartbreaks and disappointments. But since this is not how life works, I want - need - you to know that you will always be supported. You will always be loved. I want you to understand that you will always have people in your life who are there to help and guide you - myself, family, teachers, friends, our church community. I want you to understand that no matter what life throws at you, you are never alone. I want you to know that whatever happens in life, you are worth it. 

As you begin Kindergarten, know that I will be here by your side. Know that your daddy is watching down on you from heaven. Know that you have a God that loves you and has amazing plans for you. And know that every day, I will pray for you. 

I love you,
Mommy  

PS Here's another letter to a Kindergartner wrote by another mom and that also speaks to my heart. 

A long overdue 2019 update...

This year has not been good for my blogging skills and I'm long overdue an update to 2019. But it was recently pointed out to me that often the second year after a loved one's death is harder than the first. That first year, you're in shock, you're in survival mode. But the second year, that's when you really start to process your feelings of loss, your grief. And that can have an impact on daily activity or function. 

At the start of 2019, I chose FOCUS as my Word of the Year. But I've got to tell you, I have not been focused this year. I have struggled staying focused - in so many ways. I started the year strong, with clear goals in mind of what I wanted to accomplish. But many quickly became goals I just couldn't grasp. There have been many days when nothing in particular has been wrong, but I've just felt off. I think this is an effect of my grief. 

While the year has definitely not gone the way I wanted to, it has still been busy. I'll do my best to recap the past 7 and half months. 

I started the year getting a few things organized for Jacob and I. I created a schedule that hangs in Jacob's room that we can put up of all the day's activities. Jacob likes to know what's going on. Jacob was busy with Rainbow Room at church and swimming lessons at the Rec Center. I had joined Minnesota Valley Chorale again this season and choir practices started up quickly. We also spent one very cold Saturday exploring the St. Paul Winter Carnival and an Ice Castle! I have to admit, the ice castle was really cool!! ;-) We also froze bubbles outside in the -20 degrees weather!

In February I got to participate in Pedal Past Poverty, as part of my mom's church group from Messiah. Jacob was there to cheer us all on - myself, Nana and Papa. 

Pedal Past Poverty

We also took Jacob tubing for the first time at Mt. Kato. He had a blast!! Our first trip up the conveyor belt, Jacob kept losing his balance and falling over, getting carried along and struggling to get up. It was funny to watch. The rest of the day he got pulled in the tube and so he was not nearly as exhausted as Brandon and I were! I also managed to fall the down the stairs while carrying a sick Jacob. Sprained my foot and had Jacob throw up all over me. Winning parenting moments. Overall, we got entirely too much snow and storms and wind this winter. That was not fun. I summed up the month of February in my planner as "survived".

March started a busy church season of Lent but we manged some fun in there too. Jacob and I got a trip down to Iowa in right away and it was so much fun to watch Jacob play with his cousins. Brandon and I went with some friends to the Four Daughters Winery for a dueling piano event where we have a table right in front - so fun. We also went to Rochester to see my very good friend in her local theater's performance of Avenue Q! She, of course, was amazing! And the show so funny! Although, it had been years since I last saw the show and you can tell it was written in a slightly different time. 

Great Wolf Lodge

Marshmallow Pit

Jacob, Brandon and I also spent a weekend in the cities at the Mall of America where explored Candytopia - basically a dream come true for me. It was so fun and neat to see everything made out of candy - really like Willy Wonka! Jacob really enjoyed the marshmallow pit at the end! We spent the weekend at the Great Wolf Lodge enjoying the water park - especially the wave pool! 

Candytopia

Sips for Shelter

April was busy with church and choir practices. Throughout the month of April, I was singing in four different choirs! The Worship Choir and Chamber Choir were both a part of church. Then there was MN Valley Chorale and the Mankato Children's Choir - more on that later. I tried taking Jacob to an egg scramble, but there were too many people and he didn't want to participate. He did enjoy playing at the playground though! The weather was super nice that day. Jacob got to spend an extended weekend in Iowa with his grandparents and cousins, which he LOVED. Chelsea and I managed a girls day while helping a good cause at the Sips for Shelter event, put on by Partners for Affordable House. We spent the day being bused around to different local wineries and breweries and it really was a super fun time. 

Also in April, I made my final payment of student loans!!! YAY!!!! 

MCC Concert

In May things started to slow down, choir-wise. I decided to sing in the Alumni Choir of the Mankato Children's Choir with a good friend. We both grew up singing in MCC and thought it would be fun to do the alumni choir as part of the 25th Anniversary concert - and it was! It was great to see some familiar faces and old directors! While the Minnesota Valley Chorale had our two concerts in April, we were still practicing. We had been invited to sing with the Mankato Symphony Orchestra. They were doing Handel's Messiah. This was my first time ever singing with an orchestra and singing so much of the Messiah. But it was such an amazing experience, I'm glad I did it. 

The last few months of school were somewhat challenging for Jacob. While he's a smart kid, he was having trouble staying focused. Sounds like the beginning of this post! He wasn't listening like he should, would rather walk around by myself than do his school work or listen at story time. He was using some "potty words", trying to get the other kids to laugh and distracting the class as a whole. We tried a couple of different things and we talked through it with Jacob's therapist. (He regularly sees a therapist and has been since the start of 2018.) Finally, we found a system that seems to connect with him. Jacob would have daily sheets sent home that would tell us how he did for each party of the day. He would get a smiley face, an OK face or a sad face. His points would get added up and he had a goal he tried to meet each day. There were rewards both at school and at home when he met certain goals. By the end of the school year, Jacob seemed to be on track and doing what he needed to be doing. I was extremely proud of the progress he made and thankful for the teachers that helped us at school. 

Champagne Bar

Brandon and I also decided to take a vacation during May and spent five days in California where we explored Wine Country and San Francisco. We both decided the vacation was too short but we had a fun time wandering around and relaxing. I even convinced Brandon to do a spa day with me which included a mud bath! I'm not going to lie, it was a little weird but super relaxing. The weather was perfect while we were out there. 

Chicago 

Jacob meanwhile, spent a few days in Chicago with my parents and had a blast. He really enjoyed going to the top of the tallest building and standing out in that glass cube. I admire his bravery! 

And then it was summer! Ah the start of summer. When the weather gets better, the days get long, you have a ton of fun plans and then you only manage to do a fraction of them.. 

I did get to spend a weekend in Rochester catching up with two very amazing friends. We went and saw the super funny movie "Booksmart" and spent the weekend catching up and talking about life. We managed to get to the Air Spectacular event as well and saw some really awesome airplanes doing some amazing tricks. We also went to the Lake Days parade in Lake Crystal and enjoyed the marching bands. We found a new seating spot this year, right at the beginning and I'm pretty sure it's our new favorite spot. We ended the month in Iowa, celebrating Jacob's birthday with family. 

Cousins!

July was a bit busier. We started the month celebrating the 4th, Jacob's birthday again and the wedding of a cousin's out at the family farm. All of us cousins were finally in the same place at the same time! It was a miracle. Jacob did TWO weeks of Vacation Bible School - one at Messiah with Nana and one at CTK. While he might not have been a fan of going that much, he was a trooper and did good! 

Girls Weekend

I also enjoyed an extended Girls Weekend getaway with some high school friends. This was our second year of having a girls weekend and it was just as much fun and definitely needed. It's always amazing when you can get together with friends who you don't see very often and sometimes don't talk to very often, but it's like nothing changes. I love having such a great group of women in my life and I love all the fun we have. 

At work, we had a Office Family Outing at the Mankato Moondogs game at the end of the month. It was a fun afternoon of food, drinks and baseball! Then, I ended the month up in Fargo, at our headquarters for our annual marketing meeting. This was the second time I've been to Fargo for a marketing meeting and the second time I did not manage to get a visit to Dan and Josh in! There's always next year. 

And finally, August. We spent one Thursday exploring a new park up in Jordan with some friends and had a great time. The park had a great playground, a splash pad and a little beach! We would definitely go back. Then Jacob and I went to Iowa to take part in the 2nd Annual Focus Up on Mental Health 5K, which is organized by Austin's sister, in his memory. It was a very successful event and a great weekend to spend with family. But our weekends down there are never long enough and Jacob did not want to leave that Sunday. 

Just last week, Jacob had Camp MidKnight at school. This is where they invite all the incoming kindergartners to come experience what a typical school day will be like once school starts. It's so amazing because they have not only the Kindergartner teachers there, but also many of the preschool teachers. They have practically the whole school to themselves, get lunch and meet new friends. Jacob had a really fun time, saw some friends from Knights Plus and made some new friends. While he's excited to finish out his summer vacation, I think he's also really excited to start school again. 

I also had the chance to attend my 15 year High School Reunion last week!!! What?! Yes, 15 years. We all kind of missed the ball on this and so the event was thrown together last minute. But we still managed a good showing and it was fun to see old friends and classmates that I haven't seen since probably our 10 year reunion! :) 

Jacob and I have spent the last 10 days fending for ourselves while Nana and Papa are enjoying a trip overseas! And I'm happy to report that we are surviving! And while it's nice to know we're capable of taking care of ourselves, we're also looking forward to the return of Nana and Papa. And if I'm not mistaken, I think they're glad we aren't taking this newfound freedom of living independently too seriously and that we'll probably stick with the basement a while longer. :) 

So here's to the rest of summer vacation, my favorite season fall and then winter before we know it. 

More pictures from the year:

Like I said, entirely too much snow

Cousins!

Kindergarten Roundup!

Happy Easter!

Air Spectacular 

Celebrating 150 Years at Our Saviour's Butternut

Happy 6th Birthday, Jacob!

Happy Birthday to my favorite little boy, although not so little any more!!

Jacob, you continue to amaze me every single day. Watching you grow and learn new things is fascinating. You are, in many ways, your father's son. You talk nonstop. You are a silly goofball who loves to make people laugh. And you are just so happy. 

You make me laugh with your funny little quips and your imagination continues to grow. I love listening to you playing, telling stories or singing your own songs. You are incredibly clever and kind. Although, you do still favor the 'bad guys'.... :) 

You are not shy by any means, not afraid to talk to anyone and everyone. Wherever we go, people around us get to experience the joy of life you share. You'll say hi to everyone or go up to strangers or anyone who will listen and say "guess what?". You also like to talk about yourself probably the most! :) You went through a phase where you were in love with telling jokes. You would make up your own, ask us to tell jokes and just love to laugh. 

You can charm the pants off pretty much anyone, no matter where we are - the dentist, the children's museum, the barbershop, the park... And you don't even realize you're doing it. You're just that sweet and amazing and kind. 

You are still full of questions. You call yourself the Question Boy. You also call yourself Toy Boy in an attempt to continue to get more toys to add to your growing collection... But you love to ask questions. You are so curious about everything. You'll ask about new words you've just learned and what they mean. You'll ask about the why the weather does strange things. You'll ask about bugs or what I'm doing when I'm trying to work. You have to find all the answers. 

You continue to mature every single day. Things that you use to struggle with or not want to do, you now do bravely and without whining. It makes me so incredibly proud. 

You finished a year of Knights Plus at school. You grew so much over the past year. And like so much else in your life, you ended the year much stronger and smarter. I think next year at Kindergarten, you're going to thrive. 

You currently LOVE numbers. All numbers. All things numbers. All things math. You love telling time, knowing the time, wanting to know how much time. You want to know everyone's age. You can count extremely well and even more so, you've learned to do basic addition - both verbally and by writing down math problems. You are so incredibly smart for your age. 

You still love tractor rides and all things dinosaurs. You have also gotten into Transformers, StoryBots and the Magic School Bus. You have a globe that you love looking at and asking questions like "when are we going to go here?" (aka the middle of Russia and probably never) You really love playing with anything because of your amazing creative imagination. You're getting more and more comfortable on your bike too. 

You love to walk and run around, especially at parks and you love to go exploring on the playground equipment. You love bouncy-houses - especially this one that you climb up the one side with a rope and slide down the slide on the other side. 

And you still love reading books. We've been working on reading some sight words and you like to read certain parts of some of your favorite books. Soon you'll be reading on your own! 

Every day I am amazed by you. I love your joy, your happiness, your loving heart. I love your innocent and free spirit and your crazy imagination. I love your laugh and your smile. I love your hugs and your kisses. You are absolutely my favorite boy. 

I love you. Happy Birthday.