Sometimes I suck at blogging...

Ha! 

Life comes at you fast. One moment, it's the middle of fall and I'm working two jobs and the next moment, it's 2020 and I have a completely new job! So let's recap, shall we? 

My last update was in August. So we'll pick up there. 

We of course got another State Fair trip in. You just can't finish summer without going to the State Fair! The food!! :) It was a bit rainy, but overall a great day. 

Jacob is loving Kindergarten. He has an amazing and supportive teacher and is really thriving. The year started a bit rough, with Jacob having some of the same issues he did the year before on concentrating and staying on task. We decided to start up the daily check in/check out charts that he did in Knights Plus. These have 100% helped keep Jacob focused. It solved the behavioral problems we were having and really keeps Jacob on task. He is bringing home 100% on his charts pretty much every day. I'm very proud of him. 

When it comes to reading and math, Jacob is rocking it as well. His teacher told me at conferences last fall that Jacob is in the advanced reading group, often getting future sight words ahead of time so that he stays challenged. It's so much fun listening to him read books to us. He also loves math and is probably more advanced here too, mostly because we tend to make Jacob do more math at home and create our own problems for him. He is a smart cookie. It's also fun to see the different art projects he brings home and how his talent is evolving - and his imagination! 

In September and October I once again took on a part time job at Fun.com. I was hoping to use the extra cash this year for Christmas shopping and such, but ended up spending most of it on unexpected dental work I had to get done. Super fun. It was another crazy season and I've promised my family that it was my last season at Fun.com. I've told everyone to hold me to this next fall! :)  

We did manage to get some fall fun adventures in though! We spent a day at the Center Creek Orchard, which was a lot of fun for everyone there, except my Dad. We also got a trip into the Minnesota Zoo before school started. We went to the Children's Museum's Dig It Event, where Jacob got to climb, ride and even help drive some large equipment. It was so fun to watch him explore and play. His Aunt Megan came for a visit in October as well and did some fun science experiments, visited the local history museum and spent some time outdoors. Jacob really enjoys his visits with Aunt Meg! 

For Halloween, Jacob was spoiled with two costumes (Thank you, Fun.com employee discount!). He was a red devil for his school party and then for trick or treating, a very scary angler fish! That costume was a hit and even won Jacob the Most Creative Costume prize at the Rec Center party!

Jacob and I had a weekend adventure in November, full of fun! We started on Friday night at the Razzle Dazzle Light Parade in Madelia, a reading festival and some time at the Pepsi Rec Room at the YMCA on Saturday morning. We saw some huge dinosaurs at Jurassic Quest that afternoon and ended the day seeing Frozen II. On Sunday, we hit up the Mall of America and explored the Crayola Experience. It was such a fun time of making memories! 

Jacob also lost his first tooth in November!! On a Friday night he said, "Mommy, guess what!? I have a loose tooth!" and on Monday, I got a picture from school - Jacob had lost that tooth! He was super excited for his first visit from the tooth fairy and even slept in his own bed that night! (Woot!) He's growing up quickly. 

The holidays and December weren't anything special. We were fortunate to spend time with family, both in Iowa and Minnesota. And that's truly what matters most. I did make one change this year and decided not to sing at the Christmas Eve services at CTK. My mom had made a comment that Jacob should spend Christmas Eve in Iowa because the rest of us spend the entire day at church and that's not fun for a little boy, and that he needs some sort of tradition. And it stuck with me, only I didn't want to spend Christmas Eve without Jacob! So we created a new tradition! On Christmas Eve, we celebrate Grinchmas! We went to church and spent the day hanging out in Whoville, watching the different Grinch movies and having ourselves a Grinchmas Feast! 

And to start off the new year, we took a family vacation to Hawaii to celebrate my mom's birthday! We spent the week on Maui, exploring, going on different tours and spending plenty of time at the beach. It was a much more relaxing vacation that our last family trip (Disney World) and I think everyone agreed they'd visit Hawaii again. In fact, Jacob already wants me to start planning our next trip there. For next week. ;-) 

Now January has come and gone as well, but the year is off to a good start. Work, school and all is going well. Jacob has started swimming lessons at the Y and he goes to those on Tuesday and Thursday nights. I'm not sure if it was because we had just gotten back from vacation and spending so much time in the water, but Jacob is really thriving at lessons. He's dunking his head in, jumping in and really starting to get the hang of swimming. It's been a blast to watch. 

And in other news.... 

Also in November, I stayed true to my "two years per job" tradition and started as the Graphic Design and Marketing Director at the Mankato YMCA. To say I was excited for this new adventure is an understatement. 

I am so grateful and appreciative of my time at Eide Bailly. I worked with an incredible team, made some great friends and learned a lot. And looking back on my time with Eide Bailly, it was absolutely the job I needed at that point in my life. It was a secure job that paid well and had great benefits. But it was also a job where I wasn't the one in charge. I didn't have to make the big decisions, I did what I was told. And this is exactly what I needed in this time of my life with so much else going on. Some days it took everything I had to focus on work. During this time when everything else was falling apart, taking all of my energy and focus, I needed a job that I could come into every day and be told what to do from 8-5 and not leave at 5 still thinking about work. Eide Bailly gave me that. 

As time went on, I would be asked what I thought my future looked like. Asked how I wanted to grow in my career, what my next move was going to be. And I honestly didn't have an answer. I felt stuck, unsure where to go next. Yet I started to want more, I just didn't know what that was. 

One day I saw a Facebook posting for a job at the YMCA. Graphic Design and Marketing Director. And it was like this fire was ignited inside of me. I read through the job description multiple times. I couldn't help but think this is the perfect opportunity. I applied and received a call about an interview the very next day. I interviewed, I thought it went great, I became even more excited for this prospect. But then I didn't hear anything. And I realized just how much I wanted this job, because of how disappointed I was thinking I didn't get it. Luckily, that wasn't the ending. I did get a call again and was offered the job. I accepted. 

I started in early November and I can honestly say that I love this job. Not a day goes by where I doubt my decision to be here. Each day is crazy busy, full of variety, and allows me to be creative in ways I haven't been in years. It's overwhelming and challenging all in a good way. In the short time I've been here, I've been pushed professionally, helping me grow and be better. And when I say that my To Do List is never-ending, I am not exaggerating! 

I love being back at a nonprofit. I love feeling like I'm making a difference. I love being able to see my work come together and make something. I love the team of people that I get to work with every day. I love their passion and their enthusiasm. I also love their support of me in my position. 

A long overdue 2019 update...

This year has not been good for my blogging skills and I'm long overdue an update to 2019. But it was recently pointed out to me that often the second year after a loved one's death is harder than the first. That first year, you're in shock, you're in survival mode. But the second year, that's when you really start to process your feelings of loss, your grief. And that can have an impact on daily activity or function. 

At the start of 2019, I chose FOCUS as my Word of the Year. But I've got to tell you, I have not been focused this year. I have struggled staying focused - in so many ways. I started the year strong, with clear goals in mind of what I wanted to accomplish. But many quickly became goals I just couldn't grasp. There have been many days when nothing in particular has been wrong, but I've just felt off. I think this is an effect of my grief. 

While the year has definitely not gone the way I wanted to, it has still been busy. I'll do my best to recap the past 7 and half months. 

I started the year getting a few things organized for Jacob and I. I created a schedule that hangs in Jacob's room that we can put up of all the day's activities. Jacob likes to know what's going on. Jacob was busy with Rainbow Room at church and swimming lessons at the Rec Center. I had joined Minnesota Valley Chorale again this season and choir practices started up quickly. We also spent one very cold Saturday exploring the St. Paul Winter Carnival and an Ice Castle! I have to admit, the ice castle was really cool!! ;-) We also froze bubbles outside in the -20 degrees weather!

In February I got to participate in Pedal Past Poverty, as part of my mom's church group from Messiah. Jacob was there to cheer us all on - myself, Nana and Papa. 

Pedal Past Poverty

We also took Jacob tubing for the first time at Mt. Kato. He had a blast!! Our first trip up the conveyor belt, Jacob kept losing his balance and falling over, getting carried along and struggling to get up. It was funny to watch. The rest of the day he got pulled in the tube and so he was not nearly as exhausted as Brandon and I were! I also managed to fall the down the stairs while carrying a sick Jacob. Sprained my foot and had Jacob throw up all over me. Winning parenting moments. Overall, we got entirely too much snow and storms and wind this winter. That was not fun. I summed up the month of February in my planner as "survived".

March started a busy church season of Lent but we manged some fun in there too. Jacob and I got a trip down to Iowa in right away and it was so much fun to watch Jacob play with his cousins. Brandon and I went with some friends to the Four Daughters Winery for a dueling piano event where we have a table right in front - so fun. We also went to Rochester to see my very good friend in her local theater's performance of Avenue Q! She, of course, was amazing! And the show so funny! Although, it had been years since I last saw the show and you can tell it was written in a slightly different time. 

Great Wolf Lodge

Marshmallow Pit

Jacob, Brandon and I also spent a weekend in the cities at the Mall of America where explored Candytopia - basically a dream come true for me. It was so fun and neat to see everything made out of candy - really like Willy Wonka! Jacob really enjoyed the marshmallow pit at the end! We spent the weekend at the Great Wolf Lodge enjoying the water park - especially the wave pool! 

Candytopia

Sips for Shelter

April was busy with church and choir practices. Throughout the month of April, I was singing in four different choirs! The Worship Choir and Chamber Choir were both a part of church. Then there was MN Valley Chorale and the Mankato Children's Choir - more on that later. I tried taking Jacob to an egg scramble, but there were too many people and he didn't want to participate. He did enjoy playing at the playground though! The weather was super nice that day. Jacob got to spend an extended weekend in Iowa with his grandparents and cousins, which he LOVED. Chelsea and I managed a girls day while helping a good cause at the Sips for Shelter event, put on by Partners for Affordable House. We spent the day being bused around to different local wineries and breweries and it really was a super fun time. 

Also in April, I made my final payment of student loans!!! YAY!!!! 

MCC Concert

In May things started to slow down, choir-wise. I decided to sing in the Alumni Choir of the Mankato Children's Choir with a good friend. We both grew up singing in MCC and thought it would be fun to do the alumni choir as part of the 25th Anniversary concert - and it was! It was great to see some familiar faces and old directors! While the Minnesota Valley Chorale had our two concerts in April, we were still practicing. We had been invited to sing with the Mankato Symphony Orchestra. They were doing Handel's Messiah. This was my first time ever singing with an orchestra and singing so much of the Messiah. But it was such an amazing experience, I'm glad I did it. 

The last few months of school were somewhat challenging for Jacob. While he's a smart kid, he was having trouble staying focused. Sounds like the beginning of this post! He wasn't listening like he should, would rather walk around by myself than do his school work or listen at story time. He was using some "potty words", trying to get the other kids to laugh and distracting the class as a whole. We tried a couple of different things and we talked through it with Jacob's therapist. (He regularly sees a therapist and has been since the start of 2018.) Finally, we found a system that seems to connect with him. Jacob would have daily sheets sent home that would tell us how he did for each party of the day. He would get a smiley face, an OK face or a sad face. His points would get added up and he had a goal he tried to meet each day. There were rewards both at school and at home when he met certain goals. By the end of the school year, Jacob seemed to be on track and doing what he needed to be doing. I was extremely proud of the progress he made and thankful for the teachers that helped us at school. 

Champagne Bar

Brandon and I also decided to take a vacation during May and spent five days in California where we explored Wine Country and San Francisco. We both decided the vacation was too short but we had a fun time wandering around and relaxing. I even convinced Brandon to do a spa day with me which included a mud bath! I'm not going to lie, it was a little weird but super relaxing. The weather was perfect while we were out there. 

Chicago 

Jacob meanwhile, spent a few days in Chicago with my parents and had a blast. He really enjoyed going to the top of the tallest building and standing out in that glass cube. I admire his bravery! 

And then it was summer! Ah the start of summer. When the weather gets better, the days get long, you have a ton of fun plans and then you only manage to do a fraction of them.. 

I did get to spend a weekend in Rochester catching up with two very amazing friends. We went and saw the super funny movie "Booksmart" and spent the weekend catching up and talking about life. We managed to get to the Air Spectacular event as well and saw some really awesome airplanes doing some amazing tricks. We also went to the Lake Days parade in Lake Crystal and enjoyed the marching bands. We found a new seating spot this year, right at the beginning and I'm pretty sure it's our new favorite spot. We ended the month in Iowa, celebrating Jacob's birthday with family. 

Cousins!

July was a bit busier. We started the month celebrating the 4th, Jacob's birthday again and the wedding of a cousin's out at the family farm. All of us cousins were finally in the same place at the same time! It was a miracle. Jacob did TWO weeks of Vacation Bible School - one at Messiah with Nana and one at CTK. While he might not have been a fan of going that much, he was a trooper and did good! 

Girls Weekend

I also enjoyed an extended Girls Weekend getaway with some high school friends. This was our second year of having a girls weekend and it was just as much fun and definitely needed. It's always amazing when you can get together with friends who you don't see very often and sometimes don't talk to very often, but it's like nothing changes. I love having such a great group of women in my life and I love all the fun we have. 

At work, we had a Office Family Outing at the Mankato Moondogs game at the end of the month. It was a fun afternoon of food, drinks and baseball! Then, I ended the month up in Fargo, at our headquarters for our annual marketing meeting. This was the second time I've been to Fargo for a marketing meeting and the second time I did not manage to get a visit to Dan and Josh in! There's always next year. 

And finally, August. We spent one Thursday exploring a new park up in Jordan with some friends and had a great time. The park had a great playground, a splash pad and a little beach! We would definitely go back. Then Jacob and I went to Iowa to take part in the 2nd Annual Focus Up on Mental Health 5K, which is organized by Austin's sister, in his memory. It was a very successful event and a great weekend to spend with family. But our weekends down there are never long enough and Jacob did not want to leave that Sunday. 

Just last week, Jacob had Camp MidKnight at school. This is where they invite all the incoming kindergartners to come experience what a typical school day will be like once school starts. It's so amazing because they have not only the Kindergartner teachers there, but also many of the preschool teachers. They have practically the whole school to themselves, get lunch and meet new friends. Jacob had a really fun time, saw some friends from Knights Plus and made some new friends. While he's excited to finish out his summer vacation, I think he's also really excited to start school again. 

I also had the chance to attend my 15 year High School Reunion last week!!! What?! Yes, 15 years. We all kind of missed the ball on this and so the event was thrown together last minute. But we still managed a good showing and it was fun to see old friends and classmates that I haven't seen since probably our 10 year reunion! :) 

Jacob and I have spent the last 10 days fending for ourselves while Nana and Papa are enjoying a trip overseas! And I'm happy to report that we are surviving! And while it's nice to know we're capable of taking care of ourselves, we're also looking forward to the return of Nana and Papa. And if I'm not mistaken, I think they're glad we aren't taking this newfound freedom of living independently too seriously and that we'll probably stick with the basement a while longer. :) 

So here's to the rest of summer vacation, my favorite season fall and then winter before we know it. 

More pictures from the year:

Like I said, entirely too much snow

Cousins!

Kindergarten Roundup!

Happy Easter!

Air Spectacular 

Celebrating 150 Years at Our Saviour's Butternut

A 2018 Update

It's officially June 2018 and I haven't done a proper update for any of 2018. Understandable, all things considered, but I still think it's important to provide an update. I love being able to go back and read old blog posts to see what sort of things were going on in our lives at that point. So, here it goes. 

The year started out like any other. Early in January, I auditioned for a local choir, Minnesota Valley Chorale and was offered a spot in the choir. I was excited to get back to more singing! I also underestimated the demand and level of excellence that was expected from me with the group. But I'm not complaining, it was like being back with the Wartburg Choir, and fun do to some really challenging pieces of music again. Unfortunately, we only got to perform one of our concerts, the other being cancelled by a blizzard. The experience was amazing and I hope to continue to be a part of the group! 

*****

Well, I started this post in June. It's now August 3rd. So this post seems to be going about the same as 2018, it feels like. Let's see if I can wrap this up. 

I also helped my aunt during the first two months as she ran for MN House Rep in a special election. It was a fun and crazy experience - I can't even image how crazy for her! And it also gave me a small idea of what it would be like if I ever decided to run for office and um... well, let's just say I'm not sure about that any more. :) 

Jacob continued to do great at preschool

*****

Seriously, I'm on a role. It's August 30th. Let's see if I can actually finish this thing. (I said this last time...)

Jacob continued to do great at preschool. This fall he'll be doing the Knights Plus program - basically a pre-kindergarden program for late spring/summer birthday kids. It's a level higher than preschool and he'll be at school five days a week for the full day. I'm really excited for this opportunity for Jacob! I think it's going to be the perfect fit for him. He's excited to get started, to able to ride the bus both to school and back to daycare, and we're excited to meet his teacher next week at conferences. 

Honestly, after February, much of the year so far seems a blur. Life obviously continued to go on and our lives were busy. But I think I was - and sometimes still - functioning on survival mode. 

I tried to stay present for Jacob. I set a goal to go on adventures this summer, just Jacob and I. And I'll admit, we didn't do nearly as many as I wanted. The few we did were very fun adventures though. I can't believe that summer is coming to end. It flew by. It seems like we were so busy yet didn't do anything. 

I did have some opportunities to hang out with old friends, ones I don't see to see very often. And I can't tell you how refreshing that is. I only wish we could do it more! But I'm grateful for these friendships and our time together and conversations. 

At the beginning of August, I got to do something I've never done before. I particpated in a 5K. I'm not big on the whole excerise thing. :) But this 5K had been planned in memory of Austin. Focus Up on Mental Health. Bringing awareness to mental health, donating the proceeds to NAMI. It was an honor to be a part of. It was good to honor AJ's memory. It felt like we were fighting for something, helping others. 

I love this picture of Jacob. Running to the finish line. As the group I was walking with entered the track again, Jacob joined us. While I thought he would walk with us, holding my hand, he took off, running the length of the track and across the finish line. I'm not sure Jacob truly understood what we were doing or why, but I do believe that his dad was with him at this moment. 

Earlier this month, we took our first big family vacation, with all of us kids now being adults. The seven us flew down to Florida to celebrate my dad's 60th birthday - it was totally a birthday wish come true for him! :) We spent three and half days in Orlando at Disney and Universal Studios. Jacob was an absolute champ. He surived all three park days without a stroller and at least 6 or 7 hours at the parks each day. There were of course some mini meltdowns and too many gifts bought... but I was very proud of how he did. We spent some time at the Kennedy Space Center and then a full day at Cocoa Beach. Thank goodness for the beach umbrellas at our Airbnb! Although a majority of us still got sunburned and I got stung by a jellyfish. So super fun times! :) Jacob loved the ocean and the waves and it was so amazing to experience his first trip to the ocean. Once we landed back in Minnesota, Jacob decided he could finally rest since vacation was over. Immediately after we got off the plane, Jacob fell asleep while my dad, Dan and I carried his dead weight through the airport. :) 

It was super hot in Florida and while that was nice some of the time - or all the time if you're my mom - it was nice to come back to some cooler weather. Although it immediately put me in the mood for fall. And yesterday seemed to be a step through that Summer-Fall transition. The weather has been cooler and sleeping with the windows open has been amazing. I had orienation at Fun.com where I'll work my third year doing customer service for their busy season. Worship choir rehearsal started back up again. And my calendar is quickly filling up with all those activities that come with school starting, church activities and other fall fun. 

I reread a post from this time last year and how I was hesitant to welcome fall. It's unbelievable how much as changed in a year. But I'm more ready for fall this year. I'm ready for this next season. I'm ready for the fresh start fall promises. I'm ready to turn a new leaf and start moving past survival mode. Now let's see if I can actually make that happen. 

A Hesitant Welcome to Fall

For maybe the first time ever, I am hesitant for the start of fall. 

Fall has always been my absolute favorite time of the year. The cooler weather. The beautiful colors. Open windows and warm drinks. Hay rides, apple orchards and pumpkins. Bonfires and football. Sweatshirts and boots. A fall rain. Birthdays and anniversaries. The start of a new school year and new school supplies. Homecomings and Outfly. Halloween and candy corn. The season of harvest and combine rides.

While my love of fall has not diminished, I must admit that I'm welcoming this fall season with a touch of hesitancy and melancholy.

This fall season will be my first since the divorce. I'm not sure I understand how to handle that.

How do I reflect on that fateful September weekend? How do I handle the memories of wedding planning or the pictures that show up on social media? Should I expect my birthday to feel different? How do I acknowledge the date of our wedding?

I don't know how to feel about these. I don't know if there should be a specific emotion. It doesn't feel right to just let it all slip by but it also doesn't feel right to make a big fuss.

In addition to all of that, Jacob is starting preschool. And while logically this has to happen and kids grow up, there is still some gut punching feeling of sending your baby off to school. Proud, yet nervous. Excited, yet scared. Happy, yet sad.

His first year of school. A new phase of his life. A new start. A new adventure. A new beginning. It's a bit terrifying. 

We had orientation night the last week of the month and Jacob of course was in heaven, playing with the dinosaurs. And earlier this week, Jacob had his first "conference" where we had a chance to meet his teacher one and one (Jacob played with the dinosaurs) and got his picture taken! 

And in case you've missed the news, I'm starting a new job.

I'll be working as a Marketing Assistant at Eide Bailly. I'm excited and nervous. I'm anxious and trying to stay confident. I'll have a lot to learn as this is a new industry for me, but that's part of the challenge I enjoy. Eide Bailly is a CPA and consulting firm. I think it's going to be a great next step as I continue my career.

I am incredibly sad to be leaving PAH and the amazing team I work with. But part of what I loved about getting a job at Eide Bailly is their willingness to give back to the community. I'm excited to continue supporting PAH, just in a different capacity. 

Fall seems to demand these new and fresh starts. I found this quote on pinterest and it really seems to fit my life. 

Looking back at the month of August, I would say we had a successful last month of summer. Jacob got to spend some time in Iowa at the beginning of the month - something he ALWAYS looks forward to! :) We did manage to freeze some corn this summer. We didn't do any last summer because the crop wasn't great. Let me tell you, freezing corn is not as much fun when there are only three people working! Ha! But we managed! 

We made it to another Tractor Pull as well, but Jacob didn't last as long as I thought he would! Jacob and I also went camping in the backyard on night! This was Jacob's first time in a tent and he was super excited! He was a great helper too when it came to pitching the tent and taking it down. And we also made it to a "On the Move" event where Jacob could go exploring different vehicles like a dump truck, school bus, firetruck, etc. He loved it. 

We took a week vacation and headed north. We had a small cottage on the lake at a resort near Meg's. The weather was a little chillier than we were hoping for, but we still managed to have some boat time out on the lake and Jacob even did a bit of swimming. We visited different parks for some hikes and even drove up to International Falls one day! It was as relaxing as a vacation can be with a four year old. :) 

We also got a State Fair visit in! Jacob was a big fan of the food and really wanted to try out all the rides. Unfortunately time limited us there but we did make it down the big slide once! Megan and I stuck around the cities and went back to the State Fair that night for the Pentatonix concert!! Megan got tickets for her birthday and invited me along. It was amazing! Such a great concert, I wish it would have lasted a lot longer!!  

Looking forward to the next couple of months, things will pick up and be extremely busy as we apparently like to be during this fall season. Jacob will be doing swimming again, which will start at the end of September. There are a couple of fall festivals that we plan on attending around the area and hopefully another visit to Iowa for Jacob! 

I will once again be working part time at Fun.com and might be even crazier for doing that this year on top of a brand new job. But I'm going to give it a shot. And so, if you're willing and able to watch Jacob, let me know. I'll probably take you up on the offer! :) 

Jacob has been asking if it was fall yet for a while. He's been so excited to start school, to ride the combine and to dress up as Frank the Combine (Disney's Cars) for Halloween! :) And speaking of which... I should probably get started on that costume... 

Welcome, Fall.