A long overdue 2019 update...

This year has not been good for my blogging skills and I'm long overdue an update to 2019. But it was recently pointed out to me that often the second year after a loved one's death is harder than the first. That first year, you're in shock, you're in survival mode. But the second year, that's when you really start to process your feelings of loss, your grief. And that can have an impact on daily activity or function. 

At the start of 2019, I chose FOCUS as my Word of the Year. But I've got to tell you, I have not been focused this year. I have struggled staying focused - in so many ways. I started the year strong, with clear goals in mind of what I wanted to accomplish. But many quickly became goals I just couldn't grasp. There have been many days when nothing in particular has been wrong, but I've just felt off. I think this is an effect of my grief. 

While the year has definitely not gone the way I wanted to, it has still been busy. I'll do my best to recap the past 7 and half months. 

I started the year getting a few things organized for Jacob and I. I created a schedule that hangs in Jacob's room that we can put up of all the day's activities. Jacob likes to know what's going on. Jacob was busy with Rainbow Room at church and swimming lessons at the Rec Center. I had joined Minnesota Valley Chorale again this season and choir practices started up quickly. We also spent one very cold Saturday exploring the St. Paul Winter Carnival and an Ice Castle! I have to admit, the ice castle was really cool!! ;-) We also froze bubbles outside in the -20 degrees weather!

In February I got to participate in Pedal Past Poverty, as part of my mom's church group from Messiah. Jacob was there to cheer us all on - myself, Nana and Papa. 

Pedal Past Poverty

We also took Jacob tubing for the first time at Mt. Kato. He had a blast!! Our first trip up the conveyor belt, Jacob kept losing his balance and falling over, getting carried along and struggling to get up. It was funny to watch. The rest of the day he got pulled in the tube and so he was not nearly as exhausted as Brandon and I were! I also managed to fall the down the stairs while carrying a sick Jacob. Sprained my foot and had Jacob throw up all over me. Winning parenting moments. Overall, we got entirely too much snow and storms and wind this winter. That was not fun. I summed up the month of February in my planner as "survived".

March started a busy church season of Lent but we manged some fun in there too. Jacob and I got a trip down to Iowa in right away and it was so much fun to watch Jacob play with his cousins. Brandon and I went with some friends to the Four Daughters Winery for a dueling piano event where we have a table right in front - so fun. We also went to Rochester to see my very good friend in her local theater's performance of Avenue Q! She, of course, was amazing! And the show so funny! Although, it had been years since I last saw the show and you can tell it was written in a slightly different time. 

Great Wolf Lodge

Marshmallow Pit

Jacob, Brandon and I also spent a weekend in the cities at the Mall of America where explored Candytopia - basically a dream come true for me. It was so fun and neat to see everything made out of candy - really like Willy Wonka! Jacob really enjoyed the marshmallow pit at the end! We spent the weekend at the Great Wolf Lodge enjoying the water park - especially the wave pool! 

Candytopia

Sips for Shelter

April was busy with church and choir practices. Throughout the month of April, I was singing in four different choirs! The Worship Choir and Chamber Choir were both a part of church. Then there was MN Valley Chorale and the Mankato Children's Choir - more on that later. I tried taking Jacob to an egg scramble, but there were too many people and he didn't want to participate. He did enjoy playing at the playground though! The weather was super nice that day. Jacob got to spend an extended weekend in Iowa with his grandparents and cousins, which he LOVED. Chelsea and I managed a girls day while helping a good cause at the Sips for Shelter event, put on by Partners for Affordable House. We spent the day being bused around to different local wineries and breweries and it really was a super fun time. 

Also in April, I made my final payment of student loans!!! YAY!!!! 

MCC Concert

In May things started to slow down, choir-wise. I decided to sing in the Alumni Choir of the Mankato Children's Choir with a good friend. We both grew up singing in MCC and thought it would be fun to do the alumni choir as part of the 25th Anniversary concert - and it was! It was great to see some familiar faces and old directors! While the Minnesota Valley Chorale had our two concerts in April, we were still practicing. We had been invited to sing with the Mankato Symphony Orchestra. They were doing Handel's Messiah. This was my first time ever singing with an orchestra and singing so much of the Messiah. But it was such an amazing experience, I'm glad I did it. 

The last few months of school were somewhat challenging for Jacob. While he's a smart kid, he was having trouble staying focused. Sounds like the beginning of this post! He wasn't listening like he should, would rather walk around by myself than do his school work or listen at story time. He was using some "potty words", trying to get the other kids to laugh and distracting the class as a whole. We tried a couple of different things and we talked through it with Jacob's therapist. (He regularly sees a therapist and has been since the start of 2018.) Finally, we found a system that seems to connect with him. Jacob would have daily sheets sent home that would tell us how he did for each party of the day. He would get a smiley face, an OK face or a sad face. His points would get added up and he had a goal he tried to meet each day. There were rewards both at school and at home when he met certain goals. By the end of the school year, Jacob seemed to be on track and doing what he needed to be doing. I was extremely proud of the progress he made and thankful for the teachers that helped us at school. 

Champagne Bar

Brandon and I also decided to take a vacation during May and spent five days in California where we explored Wine Country and San Francisco. We both decided the vacation was too short but we had a fun time wandering around and relaxing. I even convinced Brandon to do a spa day with me which included a mud bath! I'm not going to lie, it was a little weird but super relaxing. The weather was perfect while we were out there. 

Chicago 

Jacob meanwhile, spent a few days in Chicago with my parents and had a blast. He really enjoyed going to the top of the tallest building and standing out in that glass cube. I admire his bravery! 

And then it was summer! Ah the start of summer. When the weather gets better, the days get long, you have a ton of fun plans and then you only manage to do a fraction of them.. 

I did get to spend a weekend in Rochester catching up with two very amazing friends. We went and saw the super funny movie "Booksmart" and spent the weekend catching up and talking about life. We managed to get to the Air Spectacular event as well and saw some really awesome airplanes doing some amazing tricks. We also went to the Lake Days parade in Lake Crystal and enjoyed the marching bands. We found a new seating spot this year, right at the beginning and I'm pretty sure it's our new favorite spot. We ended the month in Iowa, celebrating Jacob's birthday with family. 

Cousins!

July was a bit busier. We started the month celebrating the 4th, Jacob's birthday again and the wedding of a cousin's out at the family farm. All of us cousins were finally in the same place at the same time! It was a miracle. Jacob did TWO weeks of Vacation Bible School - one at Messiah with Nana and one at CTK. While he might not have been a fan of going that much, he was a trooper and did good! 

Girls Weekend

I also enjoyed an extended Girls Weekend getaway with some high school friends. This was our second year of having a girls weekend and it was just as much fun and definitely needed. It's always amazing when you can get together with friends who you don't see very often and sometimes don't talk to very often, but it's like nothing changes. I love having such a great group of women in my life and I love all the fun we have. 

At work, we had a Office Family Outing at the Mankato Moondogs game at the end of the month. It was a fun afternoon of food, drinks and baseball! Then, I ended the month up in Fargo, at our headquarters for our annual marketing meeting. This was the second time I've been to Fargo for a marketing meeting and the second time I did not manage to get a visit to Dan and Josh in! There's always next year. 

And finally, August. We spent one Thursday exploring a new park up in Jordan with some friends and had a great time. The park had a great playground, a splash pad and a little beach! We would definitely go back. Then Jacob and I went to Iowa to take part in the 2nd Annual Focus Up on Mental Health 5K, which is organized by Austin's sister, in his memory. It was a very successful event and a great weekend to spend with family. But our weekends down there are never long enough and Jacob did not want to leave that Sunday. 

Just last week, Jacob had Camp MidKnight at school. This is where they invite all the incoming kindergartners to come experience what a typical school day will be like once school starts. It's so amazing because they have not only the Kindergartner teachers there, but also many of the preschool teachers. They have practically the whole school to themselves, get lunch and meet new friends. Jacob had a really fun time, saw some friends from Knights Plus and made some new friends. While he's excited to finish out his summer vacation, I think he's also really excited to start school again. 

I also had the chance to attend my 15 year High School Reunion last week!!! What?! Yes, 15 years. We all kind of missed the ball on this and so the event was thrown together last minute. But we still managed a good showing and it was fun to see old friends and classmates that I haven't seen since probably our 10 year reunion! :) 

Jacob and I have spent the last 10 days fending for ourselves while Nana and Papa are enjoying a trip overseas! And I'm happy to report that we are surviving! And while it's nice to know we're capable of taking care of ourselves, we're also looking forward to the return of Nana and Papa. And if I'm not mistaken, I think they're glad we aren't taking this newfound freedom of living independently too seriously and that we'll probably stick with the basement a while longer. :) 

So here's to the rest of summer vacation, my favorite season fall and then winter before we know it. 

More pictures from the year:

Like I said, entirely too much snow

Cousins!

Kindergarten Roundup!

Happy Easter!

Air Spectacular 

Celebrating 150 Years at Our Saviour's Butternut

From PAH to EB

And just like that, it's all different. 

Last Wednesday was my last day at Partners for Affordable Housing. It honestly didn't really hit me until about 4:45pm that I wouldn't be coming back the next morning. Looking back over the past two years, I am so thankful for the experience I had and gained at PAH. 

PAH brought me back to the community I grew up in. It helped increase my self-worth and self-confidence. It gave me a chance for my creativity to grow and shine. It introduced me to some amazing and incredible people. PAH brought to attention a huge need in our community and a desire to help fight for that cause. It even helped strengthen my muscles with all the furniture moving. :) 

My time at PAH was exactly what I needed, when I needed it. It's crazy to look back and be able to see how that happens. (But God always knows what He's doing!)  I needed to be involved with a type of work that provided purpose and meaning. I needed the chance to really let my wings grow. I needed to have those people in my life, both personally and professionally.  

Deciding to leave PAH was a hard choice. So incredibly hard. I realized that this is the first time in my career that I decided to leave a job that I really love on my own terms. I obviously have reasons why I was looking elsewhere, but that did not make having to tell my team I was leaving any easier. It's a strange feeling. 

To my PAH family: I'm not even sure what I can say about the past two years. Thank you. Thank you for the fun and crazy work experiences. Thank you for being such a supportive group. Thank you for your friendships that have grown over the past two years. Thank you for your humor and your jokes. Thank you for your huge and caring hearts. Thank you for the work that you do for our community. There is truly nothing else like being a part of the PAH family. And I'm glad that we keep the family growing and that we can't get rid of each other. :) I am excited to continue to work with you all in this new capacity. And I'm excited that our friendships will be able to continue to grow. #PAHlife forever!! 

And then, it was Thursday morning. My first day at Eide Bailly. My first day at EB was.... one for the books. It also had me reflecting on my first week with PAH... Within a couple days of starting, I was already in paint clothes, painting an upstairs apartment with my new co-workers, in the summer heat with no AC. My first day at EB did not quite include that much hard labor! :) 

I arrived at Eide Bailly at 8:30. I received a very quick (and partial) office tour, I was out the door by 8:45 and headed to St. Peter for a recruiting fair for accounting students at Gustavus. I spent the morning learning about what EB has to offer accounting students for their internship options and probably could have given the spiel myself before the morning ended. I was back at the office around 12:30 and had lunch with the Office Coordinator. I spent the next couple of hours going over the new hire paperwork. I finally had a chance to get back to my desk around 2:45 and had some time to read through all that paperwork and explore some of the training information online. I realized I should open my email and see if there was anything and there were 30 emails waiting for me. Then at 3:45 I was headed downtown for an Estate Planners event where I spent the rest of my day acting as bartender. 

Everyone kept promising me that every day was not like this. I'm not sure if I should believe them. :) But honestly, it was a great way to start a new job. Jumping right in, getting a feel for things. There is a huge learning curve as I start to learn as much as I can about this new industry and how to market it. It was nice to know that I can still jump in and do some things right away! And to everyone's credit, Friday was a much more relaxed day. I had a chance to work on some projects, continuing reviewing the training information but also familiarizing myself with the different tools that I'll be using and learning that new information. 

I also had a chance to go out to lunch with my new Marketing team. I can honestly say that I think this is going to be a good fit. They're a great group of people, eager for me to start doing more and more than willing to help me understand everything. It will also be a chance for me to grow professionally with some of the things I'll be doing. My position is a newly created position and I'll be working between three different areas. So it will be interesting to see how the job grows as I learn to manage my time between these areas and learn how to prioritize between them. But if there's one thing I like, it's a challenge. 

It is going to take some time to adjust back into the corporate world setting. Going from a small nonprofit with seven full time employees to a company with 29 offices in 13 states and close to 80 people just in our office... it makes things interesting! But that's all part of the fun. Everyone I have met so far has been super nice. 

I'm excited for this new step. I'm excited to see what it will bring. I'm excited to continue to meet more new people. I'm just excited. :) 

To close, #EideLike to say that I'm thankful for this new opportunity. Let's go! 

A month recap

First things first. I want to thank my amazing family and friends for all of your support and love following the last blog post. You all lifted me up, encouraged me and said things I needed to hear. I'm blessed to have each and every one of you in my life. Thank you. 

Second, I want to say again that I will continue to support Austin and his fight against addiction. He is still someone very special to me, someone I love, the father to our child, someone that I want the very best for. I hope that you'll join me in encouraging Austin in his fight for sobriety and show him the love and support he'll need in this battle. 

It's hard to believe the month of January is already gone. Overall, the month was pretty good. Work was super busy - we're hosting our Fifth Annual Pedal Past Poverty race on Saturday February 25 - feel free to look for ways to help! :) But preparations are in full swing.  

One not so great thing is I have a kidney stone. I've been dealing with it for nearly four weeks... I finally did a CT scan and the stone is 3mm. Meaning they can't do anything for me. :-/ So this has slowed me down quite a bit but working through each day. The one upside is that I'm drinking so much water, I have been able to completely cut out pop! 

On Saturday, January 21, I also proudly took part in the Women's March Minnesota in the Twin Cities. It was an inspiring day and amazing to know that I participated in something that will be a big part of history - nearly 90K people in Minnesota alone! I'm proud of the work the organizers for the March did and look forward to the continued work over the next four years. 

I'm going to take a quick pause here and say that I'm keeping this blog nonpolitical. Believe me, I have plenty of things to say regarding politics, but that place is not here. Instead, you can read those thoughts over at my other blog: PB&J. 

Back to the 21st... I have to admit that as much fun and for how amazing the day was, I really did myself in. That was the most activity I've done since getting kidney stones. And I did not drink nearly enough water. That night, I was in an incredible amount of pain. If you've never had kidney stones, it feels a lot like giving birth, but maybe worse. That Saturday night was definitely a long and terrible night. 

In continuing with the Year of Me... I've started to get my life more organized. Jacob and I have switched bedrooms and I'm working on making his room a place where he can really play and move the toys out of the living room. :) I'm going through boxes and getting rid of things we don't need and organizing what we do need. I'm getting a space set up to keep my bills, medical stuff, Jacob stuff, etc. organized. I've taken a look at my budget and made sure I'm making the most of each paycheck and getting more into savings. It's all a slow process, but I'm making some steps. 

We signed Jacob up for a few activities as well! He is officially in the "big boy" swimming lessons - where parents don't go in the pool with the kids! :) This is much easier for mom and dad and so fun to watch Jacob interact and learn on his own with just the teachers' help. We're also doing ECFE class again. It is amazing how much Jacob loves school. I really hope this continues! :) And in another big step, we submitted his application for preschool next year. I'm still not sure I'm ready for that, but Jacob certainly is! He's already excited and looking forward to it! 

I think that just about wraps it up for us. Let's see if I can continuing with my blogging this year. :) 

A Reflection on 2016

I've been awful at blogging this past year. Just awful. I really hope to start doing better again because I really enjoy going back and reading old blog posts when they show up in my Time-hop app. They can be so insightful and mostly just fun to reminisce. I'd like to say that I'll do better next year but I can make no such promises. If anything, I've learned that life is too unpredictable for that.

So. 2016. Quite frankly, it was a little bit of a ... well just not that great. I'm sure you've seen some posts or the memes... 

It was just a crazy year. For pretty much everyone.

For the Zaruba family personally... well it was another roller coaster of a year. 

2016 started out great. Megan and I went to Hawaii and it was an amazing trip. It was also the longest Megan and I have spent together just the two of us in a long time and I won't lie - we were reminded how different we can be sometimes! :) But overall the trip was the perfect getaway and relaxation I think we both needed. It's also become one of my favorite places I've ever visited. I would definitely go back. 

In the winter, Jacob enjoyed playing in the snow. Over the year we've done swimming lessons, ECFE classes and some other fun activities. It's so much fun to do these things with him as he gets older and can really understand and interact. We've visited a couple Children's museums, went to a Twins game, a pumpkin patch, Jacob vacationed up north with Nana and Papa, he spend a week down in Iowa with Nana and Papa Zaruba and cousin Evie. He started going to Sunday School in the Rainbow Room at church, we went swimming at the lake, we went to a tractor pull, the state fair and we even went to the zoo and saw the dinosaurs!! 

Jacob continues to grow up so much every day. I often tell him he needs to stay little but he replies, "No mommy, I get bigger!" :) He loves telling people that he's getting bigger. He loves talking and telling stories. He loves asking questions - about everything. :) He's learning so much more and exploring every day. He really is the light and joy of my life. 

Work is still going great. I hit my one year mark and finally felt like I had a better understanding of everything needed to do this job. New things continue to pop up but I'm loving every day. I still get that feeling of worth and purpose knowing I am helping make a difference for people in our community. In February, our Pedal Past Poverty fundraiser was a huge success, raising the most money we have ever raised so that was definitely a huge highlight! It was so rewarding to see all that hard work pay off. Overall, we've had a great year and continue to get more and more visibility within the community. We're still working hard to get a larger shelter and more affordable housing. I'm hoping to start expanding some of my roles here too and help with grant writing and getting involved with some of the political aspects and learning what we can do to gain more affordable housing. 

I joined the choir at Christ the King and have really enjoyed getting back into singing. It fills a hole I didn't know was there. And our choir director really pushes us hard! I learned very quickly how musically out of shape I've been! :) I thought about joining a local community choir this fall as well but decided to take a second job instead. Probably my craziest idea of the year. I worked part time during the months of September and October at a local costume company doing customer service. The month of October was particularly crazy and stressful but I survived and really enjoyed the extra money. 

In May we went up to Fargo to watch Dan graduate. It was so amazing and fun to see him in his element in the lab and graduating from such a big school! It was actually the only time I made it to Fargo while he was at NDSU! Jacob and I ended up going on a last minute vacation with my parents in early December and we spent a weekend visiting Meg. It's always so much fun to go visit her and attend her church services. This weekend was no different. Then we spent a majority of the week over at a little cottage on Lake Superior between Duluth and Two Harbors. It was a perfect getaway to just relax and reflect. I'd definitely go back. 

Austin has worked at a few jobs this year, trying to find a good fit for him. He also moved into a lower costing apartment which will be really helpful as he continues to try and get back on his feet. With his addiction and things with us... it's been tough. A lot of ups and downs. Going forward in 2017, things are probably going to look different for us. But we continue to be a family and support each other when we can.  

Overall, between all the politics, the attacks, the hate, the deaths and the personal struggles, 2016 has not been easy. It's been a lot to deal with. And I've struggled with the idea of "where is God's love in all this?" I'm continuing with my bible journaling because it's really gotten me closer to God's word again. I continue to tell myself that I can only control me and my actions. That I must show God's love to others, to not hate, to be welcoming, to be understanding, to be helpful, to love. And so that's what I'm trying to do. To everyone. My husband. The people I work with. Those with different opinions that mine. Those I don't even know. 

Here's hoping that 2017 will be a little bit easier for us all. 

A Sense of Calling

So, some of you may know that for a long time I've struggled with this sense of a calling or passion when it came to jobs. Previous blog posts have outlined this... (Identity Crisis, Longing, Marketing & Branding and Thoughts from Bed)

I've worked at quite a few places over the past seven or so years. I think I have been successful in some and failed at a couple. At each job there were things that I loved and I have been very blessed to say that I've worked with some amazing people. But each job was missing something. Looking back, I'm not sure I could tell you exactly what it was, but it had to do with a sense of calling. 

Every time I found myself looking for new jobs (which seemed like a lot!), I would wonder: what am I doing with my life? What type of job do I want? What would fulfill me in a way that previous jobs haven't? I've always been jealous of those people to know what they're meant to be doing in life and even better, are doing it! I never had that. Each time I would apply for jobs, I would hope and pray that something would just pop out at me and say: "Liz! This is what you need to be doing! This is your job!" Needless to say, it wasn't happening. But still, I hoped. 

When GE decided to sell GE Capital, I decided I did not want to continue working collections under another company. Although I was in no big rush as there was no timeline in the sale at GE, I just started casually looking for jobs in Minnesota. Hey, no better time to move back to my home state, right? And so that's what I did. Occasionally looked for jobs, saving some, but applying to none. 

Then, what I had been praying and hoping for, finally happened. A job appeared on my screen. Communications and Volunteer Coordinator. At a non-profit. In my hometown. It was too good to be true! Being able to use my communications skills, working with volunteers, doing some good in the community and being close to my family. I started working on my application right away. 

It was seriously the only job I applied to during this time. I got a call before Memorial Day weekend asking me to come in for an interview. I stayed and talked with the director for an hour and half. I left feeling excited, feeling motivated and already brainstorming ideas. The next couple of weeks were hard, some issues pushed back the timeline and I was getting nervous that I wouldn't be offered the job. But then, the offer came. Again, with a minor set back, but I couldn't let this opportunity pass me by. I accepted. 

And now I'm here, on the job. My first two days were a whirlwind of HR paperwork and an overload of information. Partners for Affordable Housing is a fairly big organization but with a small staff. I quickly realized there was much to be done. I was overwhelmed with all the information about what we do as an organization and all the ways we help people, but also with the fact that there are so many more people we aren't helping. 

My first full week was another busy one. I learned that PAH has never really had a true Communications person on staff. A local agency generously donates time and services but this can only do so much. The organization itself has been around for a while so we have a good handle on what we do in the community. But the opportunity to tell our story - that is wide open. I have never been more excited to start a job. 

There's a lot that needs to be done before I can really begin to tell our story. Information needs to be collected, organization needs to done. I also have to figure out my time that will be spent as the Volunteer Coordinator (a job that will get busier once school is back in session). But the challenges that are before me are ones that I cannot wait to work on. I can't wait to start telling our story. I can't wait to bring more people in to volunteer and let them help share our story. I can't wait to be able to say that I am making a difference in the lives of the people we help every day. And I can't wait to say that one day, we will be able to help even more people. 

I honestly have never felt this type of excitement or passion in a job, especially right away. I have that sense of calling. That sense of passion. There is so much work to be done in our community when it comes to homelessness and the cost of living. I really want to help make a difference. I want to make people aware of these issues. I want to let people know how they can help. I feel a sense of value and purpose here. And this is what I have been missing. 

There is a lot of opportunity at Partners for Affordable Housing. Not necessarily to move up in positions, but to make a difference. To have an impact. And that is something I cannot wait to do. 

So help me get started! Like us on Facebook  and follow us on Twitter. Like and share and retweet to help us get the word out about what we do! #PAHlife