From PAH to EB

And just like that, it's all different. 

Last Wednesday was my last day at Partners for Affordable Housing. It honestly didn't really hit me until about 4:45pm that I wouldn't be coming back the next morning. Looking back over the past two years, I am so thankful for the experience I had and gained at PAH. 

PAH brought me back to the community I grew up in. It helped increase my self-worth and self-confidence. It gave me a chance for my creativity to grow and shine. It introduced me to some amazing and incredible people. PAH brought to attention a huge need in our community and a desire to help fight for that cause. It even helped strengthen my muscles with all the furniture moving. :) 

My time at PAH was exactly what I needed, when I needed it. It's crazy to look back and be able to see how that happens. (But God always knows what He's doing!)  I needed to be involved with a type of work that provided purpose and meaning. I needed the chance to really let my wings grow. I needed to have those people in my life, both personally and professionally.  

Deciding to leave PAH was a hard choice. So incredibly hard. I realized that this is the first time in my career that I decided to leave a job that I really love on my own terms. I obviously have reasons why I was looking elsewhere, but that did not make having to tell my team I was leaving any easier. It's a strange feeling. 

To my PAH family: I'm not even sure what I can say about the past two years. Thank you. Thank you for the fun and crazy work experiences. Thank you for being such a supportive group. Thank you for your friendships that have grown over the past two years. Thank you for your humor and your jokes. Thank you for your huge and caring hearts. Thank you for the work that you do for our community. There is truly nothing else like being a part of the PAH family. And I'm glad that we keep the family growing and that we can't get rid of each other. :) I am excited to continue to work with you all in this new capacity. And I'm excited that our friendships will be able to continue to grow. #PAHlife forever!! 

And then, it was Thursday morning. My first day at Eide Bailly. My first day at EB was.... one for the books. It also had me reflecting on my first week with PAH... Within a couple days of starting, I was already in paint clothes, painting an upstairs apartment with my new co-workers, in the summer heat with no AC. My first day at EB did not quite include that much hard labor! :) 

I arrived at Eide Bailly at 8:30. I received a very quick (and partial) office tour, I was out the door by 8:45 and headed to St. Peter for a recruiting fair for accounting students at Gustavus. I spent the morning learning about what EB has to offer accounting students for their internship options and probably could have given the spiel myself before the morning ended. I was back at the office around 12:30 and had lunch with the Office Coordinator. I spent the next couple of hours going over the new hire paperwork. I finally had a chance to get back to my desk around 2:45 and had some time to read through all that paperwork and explore some of the training information online. I realized I should open my email and see if there was anything and there were 30 emails waiting for me. Then at 3:45 I was headed downtown for an Estate Planners event where I spent the rest of my day acting as bartender. 

Everyone kept promising me that every day was not like this. I'm not sure if I should believe them. :) But honestly, it was a great way to start a new job. Jumping right in, getting a feel for things. There is a huge learning curve as I start to learn as much as I can about this new industry and how to market it. It was nice to know that I can still jump in and do some things right away! And to everyone's credit, Friday was a much more relaxed day. I had a chance to work on some projects, continuing reviewing the training information but also familiarizing myself with the different tools that I'll be using and learning that new information. 

I also had a chance to go out to lunch with my new Marketing team. I can honestly say that I think this is going to be a good fit. They're a great group of people, eager for me to start doing more and more than willing to help me understand everything. It will also be a chance for me to grow professionally with some of the things I'll be doing. My position is a newly created position and I'll be working between three different areas. So it will be interesting to see how the job grows as I learn to manage my time between these areas and learn how to prioritize between them. But if there's one thing I like, it's a challenge. 

It is going to take some time to adjust back into the corporate world setting. Going from a small nonprofit with seven full time employees to a company with 29 offices in 13 states and close to 80 people just in our office... it makes things interesting! But that's all part of the fun. Everyone I have met so far has been super nice. 

I'm excited for this new step. I'm excited to see what it will bring. I'm excited to continue to meet more new people. I'm just excited. :) 

To close, #EideLike to say that I'm thankful for this new opportunity. Let's go! 

Confidence

I feel like a page has been turned. 

**knocking on wood** I don't want to jinx this. 

You know those moments in life that leave you a bit in awe? Those moments that you know are going to a defining moment of your life? 

I think I'm having one of those. 

But let's back up a little first...

I think I've always struggled with my self-confidence. In all areas, but particularly when it comes to my performance at work. It's always been there some, but I had one bad experience at a job that left what little self-confidence I did have pretty much shattered. I struggled for a long time after that. Questioning everything... my purpose; my calling; my past work performances... 

Fast forward about a year and I find a job that I absolutely love. A job back in the field of communications but also working with volunteers and working for an organization that every day was making the difference in people's lives. 

I needed that job. I needed the feeling of purpose. I needed the feeling of making a difference, of feeling accomplished. Little did I know how much I would need the amazing team that I got to work with every day. 

Looking back over the two years I've spent there, I can see some of that self-confidence starting to rebuild. I started to feel better about the work I was doing, even while knowing that it could always be more. I became proud of the work I was doing. Looking back, I can see the clearly successful events; I can see the increase in awareness on such an important issue. I love seeing our hard work recognized. 

Don't get me wrong. I still struggle with my self-confidence. I still struggle with the idea of recognizing my own ideas and promoting them as my own. Honestly, I love doing a good job, seeing the finished product, and knowing it was successful. And I don't want the credit for that. I like the behind-the-scenes aspect. But why shouldn't I own up to my ideas, especially the good ones? 

For example, just recently, I was in a event planning committee meeting. I made a comment along these lines... "At the United Way Kickoff Rally, we had this idea of....." and finished explaining the idea. My ED immediately said, "No, that was your idea and I really like it!" Why is it so hard for me to take credit, to take ownership of my ideas? I know they won't all be good, but still. 

And so we've landed at the present time. I think I've written a bit about this previously, but I've been struggling with the idea of staying in this job I love. When I look at my life now as a single parent, the importance of financial stability and benefits are much stronger. When I look at my career path, I want to be able to see an opportunity for growth, for progress. And while I love what I do, while I love the organization and all that they stand for, while I love my team and the amazing work and difference they make every day, I came to understand that personally, I needed more. 

I started applying for jobs when I saw something that sounded interesting. Obviously I was looking for jobs that would provide an increase when it came to benefits and financial stability. I was looking for jobs where I could see an opportunity to promotion and growth. 

One day, I saw a job posting. It was a marketing job back in the corporate world. It was with a company I was somewhat familiar with through our nonprofit work. The more I researched the company, the more I saw a company that wants to give back to the communities it serves. I had seen this personally. I saw a company that promotes learning and growth. I saw opportunity. 

Going through the interview process only confirmed all of this. I was told about how the company promotes a healthy work/life balance and how they offer their employees time to volunteer and match donations given. I was walked through a benefits package with benefits that I had completely forgotten even existed but will be so valuable to me as a single mom. It was a lengthy interview process with quite a bit of paperwork, but I saw the value in everything and understood that the company wants to invest in the right person. I was super intrigued. 

I spoke to no one (almost) about the interview. I told no one who I was interviewing with. Deep down, I wanted it too badly but didn't want to get my hopes up by sharing it with everyone when I had no idea if the job would be mine. 

Then the call came. 

The job was offered to me. 

I was ecstatic. I was thrilled. This could finally be my opportunity to really find my footing, get a fresh start.
And then the question popped into my head. 

"Should I ask for more money?" 

I have only ever asked for more money with one job and that was because there were no benefits provided so it seemed like a fairly simple ask. I have never asked for more money due to my confidence in my skills. My lack of self-confidence has usually kept me from doing so. 

But I've read plenty of articles and seen studies about this. Men are much more likely to automatically ask for more money. Men are paid more than women in general. What is it that holds women back from asking the same for themselves? For me, it's been that self confidence. 

Thanks to the encouragement, advice and a pep talk from an amazing mentor, I understood that I only had one shot to ask for more money. One shot to advocate for myself. One shot to look out for my family and how I can provide for us.  

And so I did it. I called back and asked for more money. I even went a little higher, I figured if they were to come back and say yes, they'd offer me less than what I wanted. I was told that HR would need to discuss it the managers and they'd get back to me. 

I made this call right away in the morning. That whole day, I was on pins and needles, waiting for a call back. Nervous about what I had done. Wondering if I should have asked for less or maybe none at all? 

The call came around 4:45 that afternoon. I anxiously answered the call. And then I heard something I was not expecting. "We can do that." 

!!!!!!!

They were agreeing to give me what I asked for! The emotion that washed over me at that moment... wow. 

Not only was there a big relief of knowing how much I'll be able to support my family by myself, but there was this huge feeling of satisfaction and a self-confidence boost. Not only had I taken a chance to advocate for myself, I was shown that they believe enough in my skills and what I can bring to the company to give it to me. I can't explain the awesomeness of that feeling. 

For the first time in - who knows? forever maybe? - I was bursting with self-confidence. I was proud of myself. I felt respected as a professional. 

And it was over the next 12+ hours that I came to realize - why shouldn't I always feel like this? Why do I continue to doubt myself and my skills? Obviously I still have a lot to learn and I will make mistakes. But I shouldn't dwell on that, especially if it hasn't happened yet. We all make mistakes. But we should be confident in our mistakes, taking it as a learning opportunity. 

I got ready that next morning jamming out to the "Bad Moms" soundtrack which was probably the perfect playlist I needed. And here's where that page turn happened. I have the opportunity to go into this new job with a completely different attitude. I can walk in there confident. I can walk in knowing I'm valued. And because of that, I'll walk in there wanting and eager to do the best job I possibly can.

I wrote at the beginning of the year that 2017 was going to be the Year of Me. The Year of Liz. And while I plan on doing a recap at the end of the year to determine if I think it was a successful year of that or not, I think I've realized what my next step should be. And that next step should be to work on boosting my self-confidence. To take pride in myself and my work. 

I'm only starting to realize how much of a difference something like self-confidence can make. 

http://mindingherbusiness.co/ebook/

A new look

"The only thing constant in life is change"

We've all heard this quote. It's the one thing we all know is true. And so with recent life changes and trying to determine my place in this world, I thought the blog could use an update. 

I still plan on using this to update family and friends about the things that are going on in our lives. I love going back and reading old blog posts that help me remember our experiences or fun things we've done. 

But I also plan to use this blog as an outlet for some of my thoughts about life - my personal struggles and experiences. What I see and think and feel. 

I decided to go back to the theme of Sand Dunes. I've written about sand dunes before. It's something that really resonates with me. When I think back to my experience of climbing an actual sand dune, it really summarizes what life feels like so much of the time. At least for me. Below is an excerpt from a previous blog post, with some edits. 

During May Term my sophomore year, I traveled to Africa and spent three weeks on a safari in Namibia and South Africa. One morning, when we were still in Namibia, we woke up extra early - when it was still dark out. Then we drove a little ways to this huge sand dune. The dune was about a mile high. Most of the sand dunes are off limits but this one is open to the public and you can climb to the top. So we started the mile high hike on the sand dune. I don't know if any of you have every tried to climb a giant pile of sand, but let me tell you. It is not the easiest thing to do. For every step you take, you go back a little because there is nothing firm to find your footing on. I got about half way up and I was exhausted. I decided that I wasn't going to make it any higher up and was going to wait where I had stopped. After about 5 minutes, with more and more people passing me on their way up to the top, I changed my mind. I worked my way up the rest of the sand dune and finally made it to the very top. I remember being so proud of myself for deciding to push myself and make the rest of the climb. And once I was up there, the reward was amazing. We all sat down and waited. We waited and watched. We watched the most spectacular sunrise come up over the desert and other sand dunes. To this day, it is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. We literally watched as the sun made it's light fall across the desert. I wish I could describe what it was like, but it was simply too amazing. One of God's greatest creation. It was completely worth every hard and exhausting step of the climb up. Would the sunrise would have been just as beautiful from halfway up the sand dune? Probably. But would I have enjoyed the sight more? I'm not sure. Knowing how hard I had to work to make it to the top made the pay off that much more amazing. 

I hope that you'll continue to join me on this journey of life. Let's keep climbing.