It's hard to know where to start. We're living during a time like none other before. The use of social media and apps like TimeHop will be helpful in remembering all the events that have led us to this current place. Because that really is a beast of its own.
I've decided what I want to do is blog my personal experience during these COVID days. It has been insane how quickly the situation continues to change, day by day and hour by hour even.
I was suppose to take a trip to Seattle, leaving March 26. If you were to talk to me just one week ago, I was still fairly confident that I would be going. But by Wednesday of last week, that started to falter and then it faltered quickly. We have postponed the trip.
On Friday, Gov. Walz held a press conference letting Minnesotans know he was "opening the toolbox" to make sure we had all our tools prepared and ready to go when we need them. By Sunday, he held another conference to state that all schools would close by Wed. March 18 for two weeks for educators to prepare for long-distance learning. Tonight he's announced certain closures for bars, restaurants and other businesses. It is a crazy, crazy time.
For me, I work at the YMCA. I'm the Marketing Director. It's a whole team of... well, me. I have to admit that it wasn't until Friday of last week that I realized, "hey, I'm the one that's responsible for coordinating and managing all of our communication out to members as the Y makes some tough decisions!" Ha ha. I can honestly say that I never imagined being in charge of an organization's communication and marketing plan during a worldwide pandemic. Why don't they teach you to prepare for that sort of stuff in college?!?
The days are not necessarily 9-5 right now. (even now I can hear my phone chiming with the sound of incoming emails...) Some of the excitement started in on Sunday night, needing to make some announcements. And it extended into today. I have to add here that today was, if possible, even more chaotic than it could have been. Our Executive Director was home with the flu (awful timing!) and another senior manager was on her way back from out East. It's hard to make decisions when some of your leadership isn't readily available. But, we made it work.
But once we decided what we finally wanted to say, we weren't ready for the questions we were going to get. It was a reminder of just how difficult and confusing this time is right now - for everyone. There is no roadmap, no template on how to do this. We're making it up as we go.
Many of the questions we were getting was about membership. For our already busy membership director, things were going to get worse. And so one of the accomplishments I was proud of today was creating a standard response that could be sent to all members, directing them to our website where they were asked to fill out a form with their specific membership update request. We got the form created and online and are hopeful that it will help us process the requests in a more timely manner.
I also needed to add a section to our webpage where we could continue to update members on different programming and such. One central location they can go to see everything we've had to say so far, and see how quickly it continues to change.
Tomorrow, we plan to create some sort of form that will work for our different programs as well. Anything to make this process a bit smoother.
I also sent out a social media plan to the office staff, asking them to start brainstorming some specific ideas for their areas on how we can stay present on social media while the Y is closed.
It was an exhausting day. And it made me realize that if this was an exhausting day for me, I can't even imagine what it's been like and what it's going to continue to be like for our healthcare professionals, for our elected and community leaders, for those that continue to work on the frontlines of this. All I can do is lift those people up in prayer and ask God to provide them the strength they need.
Today was also Jacob's first day with no school. Luckily his Aunt Meg is home for a couple of days and was able to take care of today. Once we got word that schools were closing, we started to plan some activities for Jacob. I downloaded some learning apps on the tablet. He was so excited to "homeschool". He said Meg was the teacher and that Papa was the principal. But that he didn't want to be sent to the principal's office (which was the bedroom because Papa is currently out with a cold). Haha.
Even this morning, when I was in the shower, he came into the bathroom and sat on the floor with the tablet and said, "I'm so excited to learn!" He's too cute.
But Megan did a great job with him today. They stuck to a schedule, Jacob had limited screen time and they even did the Doodles with Mo Willems! How fun!
I've been extremely impressed by the number of companies offering up free online educational services, or virtual museum tours, or fun activities to help with the kids while they're home. Social media is proving to be a key factor in keeping us all connected while we're not together.
Showing posts with label exhausted. Show all posts
Showing posts with label exhausted. Show all posts
Monday, March 16, 2020
Thursday, September 7, 2017
Our Current Struggles
Some days, the struggle is so much harder. I mean, it's never easy. But then there are those days where it kicks you in the ass.
It seems I've been having more of those really tough struggle days lately. I wish I knew why these are happening. But do we ever really know?
I hate "playing this card", but being a single mom is hard. I hate playing that card because I still question whether I can call myself a single mom when I live with my parents. But for the most part, taking care of Jacob falls solely on my shoulders.
Jacob has taken on some very difficult personality traits lately. Luckily, this is not 24/7 but it's enough to be draining. He will openly ignore me when I'm asking him not to do something naughty. He has been demanding of the things he wants rather than asking nicely for them as he was taught. And then he gets super upset when he doesn't get what he wants. He's been refusing to get dressed or pick up his toys, claiming he can't do it when he's perfectly capable.
And I get it. He's four. He's so little and is dealing with big emotions. I understand that, I do. But as a single parent, you take 100% of the blunt force of these emotions. And I can't quite explain how emotionally draining that is for you, as the parent.
But what's really been a struggle... bedtime. Jacob has become very persistent about wanting to "sleep with mommy in the tall bed". (aka, Mommy's bed) And I mean super persistent. He'll cry and scream and throw a fit. He won't stay in his own bed, continuing to make the trip to my room over and over. Climbing into my bed. I'll put him in the crib (yes, I still have the crib set up - no he hasn't tried climbing out of it), but then the bloody murder screams will start. Some nights I try to out last him. But the kid is stubborn. And he normally wins. One, I hate the fact that his screams keep my parents up (their bedroom right above his) and two, with school starting school, I know that trying to get him to go to bed earlier rather than later is pretty important.
And then the knife twist happens... through all of this, all the screaming, the tears, are the words he'll say to me.
He's only little once. There will come a day where he'll want nothing to do with me, much less want to cuddle in my bed. Soon he will be too big for all of that. Soon he'll think he won't need me anymore. Soon it might not be so easy to get the words "I love you" out of him.
And so after a full day of maneuvering big emotions from a little person, being asked a thousand questions, each a hundred times, being climbed on by someone who doesn't understand personal space and always needing to be present and paying attention to this little person, I am tired.
I am in desperate need of some 'me time'. I just want to catch up on social media. I want to read my book. I want to watch an adult-only show. I want to spend some time in the quiet, reflecting. I want to lay on the bed with no one kicking me or pushing me. I want to eat some ice cream without sharing.
But often, I lose this fight. I hear his words and they cut deep. I hear his desperate want to be near me. Sometimes I feel like I can hear some fear in his cries.
Because this is where else we're struggling. We're struggling with finding a consistent routine for Jacob to see his dad. Between end of summer vacations and crazy work schedules, those visits have been less than normal. And its when that happens, when it's been longer than "normal" since he's seen his dad, I can see a change a home.
Jacob acts like he has to constantly be in my sight. He always wants me paying attention. If I wander downstairs, I'll hear him yelling for me "Mommy where did you go?" If Nana picks him up from daycare and I'm not home when they get home, "Where is my mommy?" Even in the morning when I get out of bed to shower, "where are you going mommy?" It's enduring, but exhausting. I guess I can't tell you 100% that these reactions are a result of him seeing less of his dad, but it certainly feels that way.
Also, I have to say here, I'm not placing blame on anyone. We're still trying to figure out this whole co-parenting thing. I'm also not looking for advice. Yes, I should stop this habit before it gets out of control. Yes, I should just cuddle him while he's still little. I'll figure it out. Or I won't, and we'll just move on to the next thing. Sometimes I just need to write out my thoughts and feelings to help me process them. To make sense of them. Maybe this last paragraph should be my disclaimer on all blog posts. Haha!
It seems I've been having more of those really tough struggle days lately. I wish I knew why these are happening. But do we ever really know?
I hate "playing this card", but being a single mom is hard. I hate playing that card because I still question whether I can call myself a single mom when I live with my parents. But for the most part, taking care of Jacob falls solely on my shoulders.
Jacob has taken on some very difficult personality traits lately. Luckily, this is not 24/7 but it's enough to be draining. He will openly ignore me when I'm asking him not to do something naughty. He has been demanding of the things he wants rather than asking nicely for them as he was taught. And then he gets super upset when he doesn't get what he wants. He's been refusing to get dressed or pick up his toys, claiming he can't do it when he's perfectly capable.
And I get it. He's four. He's so little and is dealing with big emotions. I understand that, I do. But as a single parent, you take 100% of the blunt force of these emotions. And I can't quite explain how emotionally draining that is for you, as the parent.
But what's really been a struggle... bedtime. Jacob has become very persistent about wanting to "sleep with mommy in the tall bed". (aka, Mommy's bed) And I mean super persistent. He'll cry and scream and throw a fit. He won't stay in his own bed, continuing to make the trip to my room over and over. Climbing into my bed. I'll put him in the crib (yes, I still have the crib set up - no he hasn't tried climbing out of it), but then the bloody murder screams will start. Some nights I try to out last him. But the kid is stubborn. And he normally wins. One, I hate the fact that his screams keep my parents up (their bedroom right above his) and two, with school starting school, I know that trying to get him to go to bed earlier rather than later is pretty important.
And then the knife twist happens... through all of this, all the screaming, the tears, are the words he'll say to me.
"I want to cuddle with mommy because I love you. I love cuddling with mommy. I love you mommy. Cuddling with you is fun. Please, mommy. I want to cuddle."He knows how to pull at the heartstrings. And this is where I struggle. This is where I go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth again.
He's only little once. There will come a day where he'll want nothing to do with me, much less want to cuddle in my bed. Soon he will be too big for all of that. Soon he'll think he won't need me anymore. Soon it might not be so easy to get the words "I love you" out of him.
And so after a full day of maneuvering big emotions from a little person, being asked a thousand questions, each a hundred times, being climbed on by someone who doesn't understand personal space and always needing to be present and paying attention to this little person, I am tired.
I am in desperate need of some 'me time'. I just want to catch up on social media. I want to read my book. I want to watch an adult-only show. I want to spend some time in the quiet, reflecting. I want to lay on the bed with no one kicking me or pushing me. I want to eat some ice cream without sharing.
But often, I lose this fight. I hear his words and they cut deep. I hear his desperate want to be near me. Sometimes I feel like I can hear some fear in his cries.
Because this is where else we're struggling. We're struggling with finding a consistent routine for Jacob to see his dad. Between end of summer vacations and crazy work schedules, those visits have been less than normal. And its when that happens, when it's been longer than "normal" since he's seen his dad, I can see a change a home.
Jacob acts like he has to constantly be in my sight. He always wants me paying attention. If I wander downstairs, I'll hear him yelling for me "Mommy where did you go?" If Nana picks him up from daycare and I'm not home when they get home, "Where is my mommy?" Even in the morning when I get out of bed to shower, "where are you going mommy?" It's enduring, but exhausting. I guess I can't tell you 100% that these reactions are a result of him seeing less of his dad, but it certainly feels that way.
Also, I have to say here, I'm not placing blame on anyone. We're still trying to figure out this whole co-parenting thing. I'm also not looking for advice. Yes, I should stop this habit before it gets out of control. Yes, I should just cuddle him while he's still little. I'll figure it out. Or I won't, and we'll just move on to the next thing. Sometimes I just need to write out my thoughts and feelings to help me process them. To make sense of them. Maybe this last paragraph should be my disclaimer on all blog posts. Haha!
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
A time to feel overwhelmed
Life has these stages or periods when you're going through a change. First, we were in that Waiting Period of the unknown. Luckily, we seem to be moving from that phase to the next fairly quickly. While there are still plenty of unknowns, at least we're moving along. This next phase, I'm going to call the Overwhelming Time.
These past two weeks have been some of the most overwhelming. Austin and I have been living/working in two different states. We've spent our weekends and any free time packing or arranging space. And so much time on the road. It has been exhausting and overwhelming to the max. From one job ending to another one starting right away. Living out of suitcases while you start to pack and move, not really knowing where anything is. Worrying about finding a daycare as soon as possible to bring some structure back to your kid's life. To searching for jobs, getting an interview and then a job offer. To finally doing that big move and returning the keys to the apartment. It's been a busy two weeks. And there has honestly not been a minute to rest. Or at least it feels like that.
So in case you had a hard time following all that... let's break it down. :)
I started at Partners for Affordable Housing on Thursday, July 9th. My first two days flew by as they were filled with information and meeting people. I quickly realized that this job is going to keep me busy. I have so much more to say on this job but I think I'll save that for a completely different blog post. On Saturday, we were back down to Iowa, meeting Austin half way to exchange car and truck. The rest of the weekend was spent packing and cleaning while Jacob spent some time with Grandma and Grandpa Z.
On Sunday, Austin actually was able to drive back to Minnesota with us (and bringing another car load of stuff) as he had gotten an interview on Monday at a fabrication shop in North Mankato. This allowed him to spend some extra time with Jacob and we even got to meet for lunch! After his interview however, it was back down to Iowa as he had to work on Tuesday. My second week of work was another great one, and another busy one! Also during the week, Austin got a call and was offered the job! Although this meant he had to come back up to Minnesota Thursday night for an early Friday morning drug and strength tests and back down to Iowa to work the rest of the day. Then on Friday evening, it was back down to Iowa, this time with the truck and trailer in tow.
Austin and I spent all weekend getting everything else packed up. I mean, everything else, as in, nothing else had been done. Ha! Sunday morning, his parents came and helped us load up the trailer. Then I took off for Minnesota while they stayed back to do the cleaning and the final walk though with our landlord. After getting to Minnesota, we unloaded some stuff and put it all in the basement of my parents' house and took the rest to a storage unit we're currently renting. As for the stuff we put in the basement, none of it has been put away yet so there are boxes and bags everywhere. At least Jacob's crib is up for him to sleep in!
Austin is still down in Iowa has he has his two weeks to finish up. So he's staying with his parents and making the 45 minute drive into Cedar Rapids every day. He starts his new job on August 3rd. He'll have about three months of training and then he will be working this 2nd shift. This will be a new adjustment for all of us but I think we'll be able to figure it out.
And so this is where we are. After two weeks of non-stop going and packing, things are maybe starting to slow down a bit. But honestly, I think we're both just trying to catch up on some sleep and let our bodies rest. So if you happen to see either one of us and we don't look too excited, or awake - that's to be expected. :)
These past two weeks have been some of the most overwhelming. Austin and I have been living/working in two different states. We've spent our weekends and any free time packing or arranging space. And so much time on the road. It has been exhausting and overwhelming to the max. From one job ending to another one starting right away. Living out of suitcases while you start to pack and move, not really knowing where anything is. Worrying about finding a daycare as soon as possible to bring some structure back to your kid's life. To searching for jobs, getting an interview and then a job offer. To finally doing that big move and returning the keys to the apartment. It's been a busy two weeks. And there has honestly not been a minute to rest. Or at least it feels like that.
So in case you had a hard time following all that... let's break it down. :)
I started at Partners for Affordable Housing on Thursday, July 9th. My first two days flew by as they were filled with information and meeting people. I quickly realized that this job is going to keep me busy. I have so much more to say on this job but I think I'll save that for a completely different blog post. On Saturday, we were back down to Iowa, meeting Austin half way to exchange car and truck. The rest of the weekend was spent packing and cleaning while Jacob spent some time with Grandma and Grandpa Z.
On Sunday, Austin actually was able to drive back to Minnesota with us (and bringing another car load of stuff) as he had gotten an interview on Monday at a fabrication shop in North Mankato. This allowed him to spend some extra time with Jacob and we even got to meet for lunch! After his interview however, it was back down to Iowa as he had to work on Tuesday. My second week of work was another great one, and another busy one! Also during the week, Austin got a call and was offered the job! Although this meant he had to come back up to Minnesota Thursday night for an early Friday morning drug and strength tests and back down to Iowa to work the rest of the day. Then on Friday evening, it was back down to Iowa, this time with the truck and trailer in tow.
Austin and I spent all weekend getting everything else packed up. I mean, everything else, as in, nothing else had been done. Ha! Sunday morning, his parents came and helped us load up the trailer. Then I took off for Minnesota while they stayed back to do the cleaning and the final walk though with our landlord. After getting to Minnesota, we unloaded some stuff and put it all in the basement of my parents' house and took the rest to a storage unit we're currently renting. As for the stuff we put in the basement, none of it has been put away yet so there are boxes and bags everywhere. At least Jacob's crib is up for him to sleep in!
Austin is still down in Iowa has he has his two weeks to finish up. So he's staying with his parents and making the 45 minute drive into Cedar Rapids every day. He starts his new job on August 3rd. He'll have about three months of training and then he will be working this 2nd shift. This will be a new adjustment for all of us but I think we'll be able to figure it out.
And so this is where we are. After two weeks of non-stop going and packing, things are maybe starting to slow down a bit. But honestly, I think we're both just trying to catch up on some sleep and let our bodies rest. So if you happen to see either one of us and we don't look too excited, or awake - that's to be expected. :)
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