10 days and counting

People have been asking me if I was feeling nervous for the surgery. And for awhile, I could honestly say that no, I wasn't really nervous for the surgery itself, at least, not yet. I was more nervous for the 19th, the day before surgery. Both my dad and I have to get some lab work done and I have this fear that something will have changed while we've been waiting and that surgery will have to be canceled. 

I still have that fear, but now with surgery so close, I am starting to feel nervous for the surgery as well. It's strange though, I was talking to my therapist about it and I think sometimes in my mind, I equate this upcoming surgery with my c-section surgery I had with Jacob. I had a lifting restriction then, I'll have a lifting restriction now. After the c-section, I felt great, it was a very smooth recovery and I was definitely lifting more than I should have been sooner than I should have been. So in my mind, a part of me thinks that it will be the same this time. And who knows, maybe it will. But it's also a much different surgery. A much different incision, in a different location. 

I'm worried about waking up only to be told that something went wrong, with either me or my dad and it wasn't successful. I'm nervous for my dad and his surgery and his recovery which will be much more intense than my own. I'm worried for my mom, my sister, my brother in their caretaker roles. I worry for Brandon who has also agreed to help take care of me and how he's going to survive the number of Holiday Baking Championship episodes I'm going to make him watch. 

We're 10 days away. This week is my last full week of work. I watched a video this morning from Mayo on how to help prepare myself to make my surgery and recovery go more smoothly. It's all feeling very suddenly real. 

Not that it never was not real, but you know what I mean. The closer something like this gets, the more it consumes your every thought. At night, laying in bed, my mind races with my to-do lists, trying to figure out what I still need to get done. I want to try and plan ahead for how things are going to work for after surgery, but a lot of that is going to depend on how both surgeries go and what our recoveries are looking like. 

One thing I do know is that we are incredibly blessed. As a family, we have received so many prayers, good thoughts, well wishes, "let me know how I can help" from the people in our lives. Family, friends, church family members. We are so blessed to have so many people in our lives who care and love us so much. And we hope you know just how grateful we are to each of you. 

We are also extremely grateful because (mostly thanks to my mom LOL), we have about 6 different church congregations praying for us. God's definitely got our back. :) 

So yes, while the anxiety and nerves are definitely here, there is also some peace in knowing that we will have people who love us around us the entire time. While there is some anxiety about not getting everything done on my to-do lists, I am working on coming to terms with the fact that it will be figured out without me. While there are nerves and anxiety about the recovery, I can only listen to the advice of the doctors and actually do whatever it is they're telling me. 

If you're looking for a way to help, please send us your prayers. Send us your good thoughts about being mindful of peace and calm, your well wishes for a smooth recovery. That is really what we need most right now. 

Thank you.