Transitions

I've been thinking a lot about transitions in life. When I think about the past five years, I think transitions. That's what our life has been. A lot and a lot of transitions. Or at least, it certainly feels that way. 

Transitioning from college to a job. Transitions from living with your parents to living on your own to living with your husband to living with a kid. Transitions from your first job to a new job. And another job. And another job.... Transitions to new places to live, new communities, new people to meet. Transitioning from raising a baby to raising and parenting a toddler. 

This is what I feel the past five+ years have been for us. Transitions. Always waiting for what's next. Waiting on new opportunities. Waiting to see if this is a good fit. And then preparing for what's next. Preparing for the next opportunity.

And when I think about it this way, it actually exhausts me. It makes me tired. It makes me yearn for something permanent.  I want to find a job that I know I will be at for at least five years. I want to find a place where I know we plan on staying. I want to find a place that we stay long enough to really become a part of the community. To meet fellow parents. To develop close friendships. I want to find a place where we can buy a house. 

We still have wedding presents in their boxes because we haven't had the space for them. We have boxes at both parents' houses because we don't have the space or didn't want to keep moving them. We still have packed boxes in our apartment because we know it's not going to be long term. 

This is what I'm most tired of - the boxes. I hate that things are all over the place and not easily accessible. I want to be able to unpack every box and have a place for it. Or throw away the junk. I want a yard for Jacob to be able to run and play. I want a space for visitors to be able to stay. I want that permanent feeling. 

I believe there have been a couple times where things have started to feel more permanent to us, then life throws a curve ball and we have to adjust. And we've always managed to adjust well in time, but I want more stability. I know that life will always be throwing curve balls and we will constantly be adjusting to things. However, when I think about this, I think that if we have a house and a permanent place to call home, the other adjustments might not be as bad. So this is what I crave. 

And if I'm being completely honest, what I crave is a home in Minnesota. I want to be closer to family, closer to a place where I have more friends close by. I want a place that feels like we belong. I want a place to raise Jacob in a world that plays Duck Duck Grey Duck. ;-) And that place is Minnesota. 

But here's the funny thing. When I think about honestly moving to Minnesota, about the very real possibility that it could happen in the near future, I start to have anxiety. Anxiety about leaving Iowa, leaving this place I've called home for over 10 years. I believe that it will be hard to say goodbye. It feels different to be possibly leaving Iowa than it did to be leaving Minnesota when I left for college. Probably because at that point, I didn't know what would happen after college, there was always the possibility of returning to Minnesota. If we move to Minnesota now, that will most likely be it. So it's hard to think about having to say good-bye. But. We're not going anywhere yet. 

I do feel like we're in the middle of another transition though. With GE announcing the sale of GE Capital, my job could be eliminated or I could move to another company. So we sit and wait in this transition period again. Wondering what's next and where it will take us. I guess only time will tell.