Because here's the thing. I'm on the other side of a suicide. I am someone that struggles with the unexpected loss and grief after someone I love ended their life. And it is a place that I wish no one else would have to be in.
The grief and pain I felt after losing Austin was something I've never experienced. It was raw and sharp and heavy. And while the edges are slowly starting to dull, it is still a pain I have trouble explaining. We as Austin's loved ones were left with so many unanswered questions. That's truly one of the hardest things. We have hundreds of questions and we will never get a single answer.
These past few days have been especially hard. Was it because I started seeing things for Suicide Prevention Awareness? Maybe. It also just seemed that Austin was around in a lot of places lately. I still can't accurate describe the feelings and emotions I've struggled with over the past couple of days. If I had to try, each day felt like one big, deep sigh. It was hard to concentrate on anything. I literally wanted to do nothing. I was extremely tired, feeling down and even my body felt heavy and exhausted.
It's these days that I really hate the fact that Austin is gone. That he left us. That he left Jacob. It's a deep pain for me.
But then I try to think about the type of pain Austin must have been in. I try to think about how low he must have felt. And still that provides no answers and only more pain.
I've struggled to talk a lot openly about Austin and how he died. But I think that I need to. I have a voice I can use to help others. I have a voice that could maybe save someone else.
When was the last time you checked in on some of your loved ones? When was the last time you made sure they knew you loved them. Or that you're always available to listen? Or that they are worthy?
The WHO recently reported that every 40 seconds, a life is lost to suicide. Every 24 minutes, one American dies by firearm suicide. That is far too many souls lost.
The Coalition to Stop Gun Violence recently created a new website to help prevent firearm suicide. I urge you to get educated, as I plan to do myself.
Another helpful article, written by an attempt survivor: Stop telling people "It Gets Better".
Bishop Elizabeth Eaton of the ELCA recently shared this message: "Suicide can be prevented. We are never beyond God's mercy and compassion."
And if you know of someone grieving the loss of someone by suicide, please do not call those suicide victims selfish or weak. And other reminder of why we should stop saying "committed suicide".
So today, on this World Suicide Prevention Day, and every day, in memory of Austin, I ask that you get educated, that you become aware, that you reach out to your loved ones and that you help end the stigma.
