I am about to turn 35.
My sister (jokingly?) asked
about a month ago if I was starting to freak out yet. Apparently, according to
her, I had a mini freak out before turning 30. I don't recall such a thing
happening, but hey, I am getting old.
But she did get me thinking.
I am about about to turn 35. Should I be freaking out? And if I should be
freaking out, what should I be freaking out about exactly? Nothing really
sprang to mind, but I decided to take stock of where I am in life. So here we go.
I am about to turn 35. I live
in my parents' basement. I have lived in my parents' basement for five years. I
have an amazing and smart seven year old boy who is my whole world and who I
let sleep in my bed with me because he is the best at snuggling. I am divorced
and widowed, although I sometimes question the widow thing because of the
divorce thing. I am incredibly blessed to have my family - both my Minnesota
family and my Iowa family. I also have some seriously awesome friends that I
don't know what I would do without.
I love sleep. But then I
often stay up way too late finishing a book or writing down my random thoughts
(like this blog). I go to therapy, fairly sporadic over the past five
years, but hopefully finally making this commitment to myself and going on a
regular basis. I could probably lose some weight, I think about it often, but I
love sweets too damn much. I'm a creative person who loves writing, doodling,
singing, journaling, photography, designing. Also, huge bookworm.
After over 10 years in the workforce, I am at a job that I truly love and enjoy. A job where I can create, where I am challenged, where I am respected and where I feel like I can make a difference. I have a church community I love; a place where I feel like I belong, a place where I can be involved and a place where I can share my gifts. I've worked incredibly hard over the past five years to arrive to this place where I am within reaching distance of being completely debt-free.
I am stubborn and bossy. I'm discovering I've become very independent over the past few years and I like this. I'm very opinionated and not afraid to speak my mind. I may comment on political posts on social media more than I should. I care deeply and love hard. I sometimes feel like an introverted extrovert. I've been told over the past few years that I am strong, but sometimes I have a hard time believing that.
I love fall. And October. I
love orange and pink. I love sweets and Dr. Pepper. Thunderstorms are my
favorite. I could sit all day in front of a fire or a body of water. I
love reading and all kinds of music. I have a thing for pillows. I like playing
video games and The Sims. I might be slightly obsessed with Friends and have probably seen every
episode dozens of times. I miss traveling. I sometimes feel like a romantic at heart and at the
same time realistic of the fact that life is not like the books I read or
movies I watch.
Sometimes I’ll stay awake at night to watch Jacob sleep, marveling
at this person I created, holding my hand to his head, absorbing this
overwhelming feeling of love. Sometimes I’ll wear one of AJ’s old sweatshirts
and think about all that I’ve lost. And I sometimes cry pretty easily at books,
movies, music or TV shows.
I’m about to turn 35. And I am a very different person now than
who I was just five years ago. My 2020 Word of the Year is Bloom. And I’m
trying to apply that to myself. I am trying to open myself up to discover who I
am today. I want to learn more about this person and figure out how to love
myself as the person I am today. I’m reflecting on the events of life that has
brought me to this point in life and that have made me this person.
So. 35. I think I'm doing okay. I think I'll save any freak out until I hit 40... :)
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