Rollercoaster Day

Today was a rollercoaster kind of day. I've managed to stay away from the toxic social media stuff for two days now (yay me!) but was feeling anxious this morning. Today I was planning on spending the entire day in my office at the Y. The first time since late March. The first time I hadn't spent at least part of the day at home with Jacob. 

There was a lot to be done at work. We were working with a temporary deadline of opening the Y on Monday, May 18, although none of us really believed it would happen, we wanted to get the building ready so that we could open by then. The biggest thing stressing me out this morning was signs. Seems like it should be simple enough but I promise you, it's complicated. 

After a video chat with a co-worker, I realized that I had an even more urgent problem that needed to be taken care of before signs - our website. My freakout shifted to this new project. In our conference call at the end of the day, I got the green light to make the website my priority and could feel myself take a break, relax a bit. The day had been long and I'm not even sure I accomplished much of anything other than adding more projects and anxiety to my plate! But I left the Y with a bit of a spring in my step. Tomorrow would be a new day.

Then, I got a text from a co-worker. It said "Gyms opening June 1st". 

I've got to be honest, I started to freak out again. Yeah, we were working towards this temporary deadline of Monday but without any real conviction. June 1st was an actual hard deadline. And it's a deadline that we need to meet. And I don't know what you do for work, but you can't just reopen the doors of a business and have everything the way it once was. So much has changed. So much needs to be done. We're working on a reopening plan but it's not done. We need to get the website done, a new reservation tool in place, equipment moved, new policies decided, the list goes on and on and on and on... 

And June 1st seems like it's right around the corner. 

In addition to that, I was told that Jacob had a mini meltdown during the day because he missed me and I wasn't around. The kid's gotten use to me being there! Even if I was always working on my computer. Luckily, no one told me of his meltdown until I left work! :) 

But it's like the train is suddenly moving fast. I was hoping to gradually start transitioning back into working from the office full time, but with such an important deadline, I feel like I have no option but to be at the Y as much as possible until June 1st. Once we open and we figure out how this new normal will work, that can be relaxed a bit. But just as quickly as Jacob's life was changed when school closed, it's changing again with me going back to the office, but him still having no school to go to. It feels a bit... like I'm off balance, maybe? 

I don't know what the next two weeks or so are going to look like, but I have a feeling it's going be intense. Which is also disappointing as I wanted to commit to a more slow season. So bear with me. 

Bear with everyone. Be kind. We all need it. 

A Break

It's hard to believe that we've been in this "new" state of normal for almost two months now. And while we've created new routines and some things have become easier, there is still much that we struggle with, much that we don't understand. And we try to prepare for some sort of new future that we don't know what it will look like or when we might see it. 

It's exhausting. And heartbreaking. 

And it doesn't help that those feelings only exacerbate all the other fear and pain and sadness you were already experiencing. It's a lot for anyone to deal with. And what's worst is that we often feel as if we're dealing with it all alone. 

But nothing could be further from the truth. I listened to a really good sermon yesterday that reminded me that no matter what, God is already here. He is already present. He is always by my side. Instead of seeing him clearly, I let my fear and pain and sadness cloud my vision. 

I've been struggling with some things lately and today I decided I needed a break. A mental health day. And I'm grateful for family and a boss and a job that will allow that to happen. I spent the day off my phone, off social media and instead spent it feeling safe from the world in my room. I spent it talking with God. I spent it getting lost in a TV show. Any by dinnertime, I was feeling better. 

I still had no more answers that when the day started, I still had all my struggles and fears. But I also felt the comfort of His presence. 

After dinner, I opened a book that I've been reading on and off for some months now. And it has been months since I've picked it up. And on that very first page, the author talked about living in a season of slow, often due to pain or suffering. But that when we live in a season of slow, "you quiet down all the outside noise so God's voice can become the loudest voice in your life." (Lysa Terkeurst, "It's Not Supposed To Be This Way") She goes on to talk about how she took a break from social media, from reading the newspaper, from certain activities. 

It was exactly how I had spent my day. And I realized that maybe this has to be more than a one day thing. Maybe I need more of a break so that I can slow down, so that I can be quiet, so that I can connect with God and listen to what He has to tell me. 

And so I'm going to try. I'm going to take as much as a break as I can from this world and live in the quiet. Now, I realize that as a Marketing Director, I'm not able to stay off social media entirely or avoid what's happening in this world. But I can limit it. 

I'll still do what I need to do in order to do my job. I will still use social media to connect with my family and friends. But I'm not going to spend endless hours scrolling and getting caught up in what others have to say. I'm going to be more mindful of these slow times we're living in right now to spend that extra time with God. 

Please know that I still want to connect with all of you. Especially during times like this, we need those connects. So please, keep sending me your Snapchats, posting pictures on Instagram. Keep Facebook messaging me and let's keep doing those video chats. Or even send me a text or give me a call. I might be a bit slow to respond, but I will.