An end to 2013

2013 has been quite the year - to say the least. It has, by far, been the most exciting, challenging, wonderful, frustrating, thrilling, amazing, exhausting, surprising, incredible and miraculous year. We've made a lot of mistakes, learned some hard lessons, grown into parents and created a ton of memories.

We started the year by announcing we were expecting a little bundle of joy! It was great to finally be able to shout about it! :) And my morning sickness had pretty much disappeared so I was finally able to enjoy the rest of my pregnancy.

Austin had a very successful spring with his Choir at Riverside, which made it very bittersweet when he decided to accepted a new job so we could be closer to family. Saying goodbye to such a supportive community after three years was very hard and the longer we're away, the more we miss them. We also celebrated my sister's graduation from seminary, a major accomplishment!

In June, we welcomed Jacob into this world and everything changed. We immediately fell in love with this sweet little boy. We spent the summer adjusting to life as new parents, while also packing and getting ready to move. Luckily we have great family and friends who made all of this so much easier on us!

This fall Austin and I both started new jobs, which has been very challenging for both of us for different reasons. I think that we both agree while we love being closer to family, a big part of us wishes we were still back in Western Iowa. But every day, we grow and learn something new and hoping there's a shift and we can start enjoying what we do. We also celebrated 4 years of marriage in October. Hard to believe that much time has past already!

We're ending the year celebrating with family, remembering the good times from the past year but also ready to move on to new beginnings in 2014. And here's hoping we can do exactly that. Cheers.

Things I've Learned

There are a lot of things I've learned in the past six months as a mom. And there are a lot of things they don't tell you about before you become a mom. Or they do tell you, but you're not really listening or you don't fully understand. But whatever the case, there are a lot of surprises about being a mom. And they're not all bad, just surprising. Here's my list.

•  It is amazing how well you learn to function on so little sleep and how quickly you learn
• Breastfeeding is hard. Like really hard. And there's a lot that goes along with it. Yes, it's better for baby and much cheaper than formula. But breastfeeding comes with it's own struggles. Like how so many things can affect your supply, how time-consuming it is to breastfeed and then if you're going to back to work, how time-consuming pumping is, how inconvenient it is to breastfeed outside of your home if you're not comfortable with it, how you're always wondering if you have enough milk for baby... I could probably go on
• Having to leave your baby at daycare for the very first time is one of the hardest things you'll have to do
• The constant worry you'll do about everything. Is my baby's head flat? Is he getting enough to eat? Am I taking care of all his needs correctly? On and on it goes...
• Being a mother is time consuming. The first few weeks, it seems like all I did was feed and change diapers. It was a never ending cycle! Then as he got older, it was still a lot of feeding but with more awake time, it was making sure he was having play time but always watching to make sure he was safe. And now , as we've started rice cereal and a bedtime routine, it seems my evening is gone before it even started. Getting the cereal ready, feeding (which takes a lot longer than breastfeeding!), bath time, stories and some songs and then trying to put him down and then I still need to pump before going to bed. Being a mom is exhausting.
• Even though being a mom is exhausting, it's amazing how you manage to still function and do what needs to be done. Before becoming a mom, I was pretty lazy. I enjoyed doing nothing, laying around and napping as often as I could. I was surprised at how quickly I was able to transition into being a mom and being responsible for a little one
• You also become a pro at multi-tasking. And also multi-thinking or multi-list making! :) Being able to do and think about so many things at once! Get the bath started, find some pajamas, warm some milk, find myself something to eat, call the doctor... the list could go on and on!
• And along with that, your to-do list is never-ending! There is always something to do, someone that needs to eat, dishes that need to be washed, laundry that needs to get done, books that you want to read.... But never enough time!
• There are no amount of words that can describe just how much and how deep you love your baby. And that you would do absolutely anything for that little one
• Listening to your baby cry is not fun, even when you know the crying is 'okay' (i.e. getting his nose suctioned out by the doctor), it's heartbreaking
• Having a baby is expensive. Yeah, we've all heard this one before. But it seems to hit you like a ton of bricks. I'm not just talking about things like diapers, wipes, food, etc. I'm talking about things that maybe slipped your mind... hospital bills (even more so if you have a c-section!), doctor visits, daycare and health insurance! Do you know how much a family insurance plan is versus a single? Let me tell you, it's a crap ton more.
•  You forget how to take care of yourself when you become a mom. You get put to the backburner. Baby comes first. It's a big adjustment to learn how to take care of a baby but also take care of yourself, because if you aren't well (physically, mentally, emotionally), your baby won't be either
• Even after the sleepless nights, the crying, the spit up, the poopy diapers, the exhaustion, you realize your baby isn't such a little baby anymore. And you want another one. Even if you had a hard pregnancy, a tough delivery, you miss being pregnant and you want to do it again. It's a crazy feeling. One that can't be explained to your husband who is still very much adjusting to life with just one little one around!  

 

Just because

Just a quick update because I can... :)

 

My baby continues to grow every day! Jacob can now sit by himself, although we tend to still keep the boppy or pillows around him because he'll occasionally fall over reaching for a toy or something and our hardwood floors are no fun to fall on! He also loves to face-plant himself into the pillows we put around him. He'll lean forward, face in the pillows, then sit back up with a huge smile on his face. It's pretty adorable. Jacob loves to explore and learn. He absolutely loves his activity table with a walker around it and has learned how to move himself some around the table to reach different toys. Just the other night, after finally getting batteries in the table, Jacob would hit some of the buttons and just squeal in delight! He will also work so hard to try and get something he wants. There's one toy that spins but Jacob wanted to put it in his mouth but it doesn't bend, just spins. But Jacob tried and tried to get it closer to his mouth, spinning it away! It was pretty cute to watch. He's still not crawling but is a pro and rolling back and forth from his back to tummy or tummy to back. And he is getting so close to crawling!

 

We've also tried some new things with Jacob to help with some tummy issues recently. Jacob has now tried prunes... something he is not a fan of! His face was priceless after those first bites! And he's tried some apple juice - out of sippy cup even - and he kept making a face when he would get a taste but wanted more! I'm sure it was pretty sweet and tart for him! I'm glad we gave it to him in a sippy cup versus a bottle because it was such a new flavor for him. Jacob also LOVES to watch us eat our food. And of course, he wants some! :) He's such a curious boy! And he'll reach out and try to grab our food if it's close enough! In fact, he was quick enough to grab Great-Grandpa's roll at Thanksgiving! I think it's going to be really fun to start introducing him to new foods since he's so curious! I'm planning on making all our baby food too so that should be quite an adventure for me! :)

 

Jacob has been teething for a while now, dealing with sore gums - which has not been fun for any of us! He loves to just gnaw on anything he can get his hands on - teethers, clothes, burp clothes, toys... But finally we can say some of his pain has been worth all the trouble its caused! Jacob's first tooth has started to make an appearance! His bottom front right tooth has cut. Pretty exciting find for me as I was letting Jacob chew on my finger the other night. :)

Our bath chair finally came in the mail and has made bath time a lot more fun and a lot easier! We actually put the chair in a laundry basket in the tub for two reasons. One, the bottom of our tub is textured so the chair won't suction to it. And two, the laundry basket actually keeps all of his toys reachable for him! Thank you Pinterest for the life hack! :) So bath time is still a lot of fun for Jacob! And he knows after he eats, he gets to take a bath. He will eagerly look towards the bathroom when he hears the water running!

And eating his evening meal is getting so much easier! Jacob has gotten so great about opening his mouth wide for a big spoonful of rice cereal! As we get closer to his 6 month appointment, I'm excited for when we can start trying new foods! I'm still planning on making all our baby food too so it would be nice to get a start on that!

Also, if you haven't visited our Vimeo video page recently, check it out. I try to update it as much as possible with some fun little videos of Jacob! I think it helps for all our family since they live far away. :)

Guest Blogger: Pastor Megan

As many of you probably know, I have an incredibly talented little sister. I continued to be amazed by her every day. I still think back to when she was just a little girl and was SO shy. I mean, so shy. She wouldn’t talk to anyone! Not even grandparents on the phone! Much less talk in front of a group of people! But that’s who my sister was, shy Megan. So I can still very clearly remember the day… it was at a TEC meeting, Megan and I were both working at an upcoming meeting and Megan was going to give a talk. And so when she stood up in front of the group of teens and adults at the meeting and spoke so passionately and eloquently, I think I went into shock! Where was my shy little sister? She had disappeared! And before me stood a woman of God. God so clearly had (has) this great plan for Megan. She is meant to help lead people. She is meant to be an instrument that God will talk through. She is going to do great things. I’ve seen this over and over in the past few years and once again, more recently. My mom forwarded me Megan’s sermon from a Sunday in October and I would have sworn it was written just for me. It was just what I needed to hear at that time in my life. And so I wanted to share it with you. Maybe it’s what you need to hear right now. Maybe you know someone else that needs to hear it. Or maybe I want to share it to brag about my talented sister. :) Either way, read. And enjoy. 

Grace/Effie Services 
October 6, 2013 20th Sunday after Pentecost 
Texts: Habakkuk 1.1-4; 2.1-4 and Luke 17.5-10 

Have you watched the news lately? Or read a newspaper? Or listened to the radio? Then you’ve seen it, heard what’s going on, read about it; all the chaos and brokenness, the destruction and violence in our world. There’s the chemical weapons and fighting in Syria, the ever present conflict in Israel and Palestine, the terrorist attack at the mall in Kenya, all over the world there are people who are starving, who are homeless, who are facing illness and disease with no access to medical care. Our government is partially shut down because our leaders can’t figure out a way to work together and reach a compromise and as a result of the shutdown there are people not getting paid, whose jobs are furloughed, the national parks are closed, the justice system is getting backlogged, among so many other consequences and the fragile recovery that our economy has made might not hold. And who can forget the natural disasters in recent weeks, wildfires, floods, tsunamis, and earthquakes. It’s no wonder that Habakkuk’s cry feels so familiar; that it resonates so deeply with us. “Habakkuk’s cry is our cry.” (Audrey L.S. West, NP)

And it’s not just the chaos and brokenness and destruction and violence on a global scale that makes Habakkuk’s cry so familiar. It’s the stuff going on in our own lives, in your lives that makes Habakkuk’s cry resonate with in us. Maybe money is tight this month and you’re struggling to make ends meet, maybe you or someone you love is facing an illness or waiting for test results or diagnosis. Maybe you or someone you love is facing addiction or mental health problems. Maybe there is strain or conflict or brokenness in a relationship with your spouse, a significant other, a child, another relative, a friend. Habakkuk’s cry is our cry; is your cry. (Paraphrase of Audrey L.S. West, NP)

Habakkuk’s cry is born of the destruction and violence he sees all around him. God’s people have all but lost their moral integrity and things have gotten out of control. So God sends in the Chaldeans to fight against God’s people in the hopes that the fight will help God’s people get their act together. The plan backfires, and things get worse instead of better. The peoples’ ways have become even more perverted, they act even more unjustly toward one another and there is destruction and violence everywhere. And the prophet Habakkuk has had enough; so he cries out to God. “O Lord, how long shall I cry for help, and you will not listen? Or cry to you “Violence!” and you will not save? Why do you make me see wrongdoing and look at trouble? Destruction and violence are before me; strife and contention arise. So the law becomes slack and justice never prevails. The wicked surround the righteous—therefore judgment comes forth perverted.” (1.2-4) 

Maybe, like Habakkuk, you have reached your limit,  you’ve had enough of the destruction and violence, the brokenness and chaos. Maybe, like Habakkuk, you cry out to God. How long are you going to let this go on God? Are you paying attention God, do you see what’s happening? How long do I have to put up with this? Why do I have to go through this God? Why does this person that I love have to go through this? When will you make things better? Where are you God? Are you even listening to me God? Do you even care God, because right now I’m not sure you do.

After Habakkuk files his complaint with God he settles in to watch and wait for God’s response. “I will stand at my watchpost, and station myself on the rampart; I will keep watch to see what he will say to me, and what he will answer concerning my complaint.” (2.1) When I read this verse I find myself picturing Habakkuk as a petulant or maybe defiant child who has expressed his discontent and then stands with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face to wait for a response, wait for what ever has caused his discontent to be changed.

Fortunately for Habakkuk he doesn’t have to wait long for God to respond. “Then the Lord answered me and said: Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so that a runner may read it. For there is still a vision for the appointed time; it speaks of the end and does not lie. If it seems to tarry, wait for it; it will surely come, it will not delay. Look at the proud! Their spirit is not right in them, but the righteous live by their faith.” (2.2-4) I can’t help but think that this wasn’t the response that Habakkuk was hoping for...at all. After all, this response doesn’t solve any of Habakkuk’s current issues, it’s not a solution to any of the problems of Habakkuk’s time or our time for that matter, but an instruction, to wait and be faithful.

“...in the midst of society-destroying violence God’s word that Habakkuk receives and is to broadcast is this: ‘Live by faith.’” (Gary E. Peluso-Verdend, NP) “God makes a critical promise to the prophet and the prophet’s people, waiting to hear God’s answer: There is still a vision for the appointed time. ... The people are told to wait for it, and in the meantime to be faithful.” (Karl Jacobson, WP) There is still a vision for the appointed time, God tells Habakkuk, things will get better but you’re going to have to wait because it is not yet the appointed time. And the appointed time might not come as quickly as you would like but keep waiting and be faithful. It will come.

So that is where Habakkuk lived and where you and I live, in the waiting. You live in the waiting, the in between, in the anticipation of the appointed time. Commentator Karl Jacobson describes it this way writing, “And this is the life of faith, is it not? To live in between the complaint and struggle on the one hand, and God’s right time on the other. This is where we live as people of faith, active and alive in this world, struggling with injustice against perverted judgments and the slackening of God’s Law, and waiting for God’s promised time, for the promise that God makes, that God has answered us, and will again; that God has saved us through Jesus Christ, and so we are saved.” (Karl Jacobson, WP)

But living faithfully in the waiting, while things are still hard, struggles still present, suffering and pain still felt is hard. We live in a society that thrives on instant gratification so the idea that we have to wait, patiently, faithfully, and trust that in God’s time things will get better doesn’t work well for us. It’s this instruction to wait and the other demands of being a believer, a follower of Jesus Christ that has the disciples asking Jesus to increase their faith in our gospel lesson. But Jesus reminds them that even faith the size of a mustard seed is enough, it’s more than enough. It’s hard to live faithfully in the waiting, but not impossible; because God has promised that the appointed time will come, and God has saved you through Jesus Christ, and God is present with you even in the midst of your deepest darkness and hardest struggles.

And when it gets too hard, when you want to give up take a look at how Habakkuk ends his book. Things haven’t improved, he is still waiting for God’s appointed time and instead of complaining again Habakkuk rejoices and praises God and continues to wait. “Though the fig tree does not blossom, and no fruit is on the vines; though the produce of the olive fails, and the fields yield no food; though the flock is cut off from the fold, and there is no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, and makes me tread upon the heights.” (3.17-19) Amen.        

Another Jacob Update!

So much has seemed to change already that I thought I'd post another blog about it! One, to keep you all updated, but also because I plan to use this blog as I track Jacob's development and milestones.

We're continuing our rice cereal meal in the evening. And Jacob is already becoming a pro and eating from the spoon. He quickly learned that it will get him food and opens his mouth and sometimes even leans forward to get that rice cereal! Some people have asked if we've noticed him sleeping longer through the night with adding cereal to his diet and frankly, we really haven't. But I've also read on some websites that you're suppose to still do a full feeding (i.e. breastfeed) and then feed them the cereal. So I'm wondering if we started doing this if it would make a difference. We've also started implementing a bedtime routine. I've wanted to do this for a while now since Jacob still sometimes has sleep problems and the rice cereal meal has made it easier to get one started. So we eat anytime between 7-8pm, take a bath, get our pajamas on, read a couple stories in the rocking chair and sing some songs. Then we'll either rock until Jacob is asleep or sometimes we'll put him down in the crib semi-awake and let him fall asleep that way. I know the latter is probably better to help his sleeping habits and self-soothing but it's hard.

Jacob also loves bath time! I'll pour water from the cup in front of him and he'll just stare at it so intensely and then reach out and try to grab it! But he has gotten too big for his infant bath seat! His chubby legs hang off the bottom! And he can't sit up by himself yet so it all of this does make for an interesting bath time. But we've got a new bath chair on the way that should make things a lot easier!

And yes, while Jacob can't sit up by himself in the bath yet, he is becoming a much better sitter! We're working on his sitting by using the bobby around him so when he falls to the back or side, he won't hit the ground. It also helps him pull himself back up into the sitting position again - which he is also getting better at! It won't be long before he'll be able to sit by himself with no support needed!

He also continues to get better every day at reaching out and grabbing things - whether it's a toy, blanket or my hair. :) It's so fun to see him want something and then work to get it! He's also great about putting things into his mouth! He'll try to put any toy he can in his mouth and of course all blankets or clothes. You can tell he's really teething because of all the extra drool, but also because he'll put blankets or certain toys in his mouth, bite down and then pull them out of his mouth. He's also started pulling on the nipple of the bottle when eating. Which he's also started to hold on his own now at daycare! :)

And Jacob is rocking at rolling! But now it's a lot of rolling from his back to his tummy! I'll put him down on his play mat, walk away shortly and when I come back, he's on his tummy! But the great thing about this is when he's on his tummy, he can really support his head and will hold himself up on his arms and hands! We're really working on crawling and you can tell he wants to move so bad! We'll put a toy in front of him and he'll kick his legs to try and get moving! He can sometimes move himself in a circle, but hasn't figured out how to move forward yet! But I'm guessing it won't be long!

Four Month Check Up

I've been so busy lately that I haven't had time to update the blog... even though I've had a lot to say. Or a lot that I could say. Or want to say. :) But between a baby, starting a new job and life, things get put to the back burner. But I did want to do a quick update after Jacob's four month check up! So here we go! 

Jacob is still a "perfect" baby. Meaning, his numbers are all looking great. Although I'd argue he's perfect in all ways! :) He weighed in at a whopping 17lbs 11oz! At four months!! His cousin weighed around 17lbs at 9 months! So I'd say he's getting well fed! Ha! His weight is in the 86 percentile. He's 25 inches long, 38% and his head is 17 inches, 87%. He's had a bit of a cold for a while and so the doctor showed us how to properly clean out his nose and man, did he have a lot of snot up in that little nose of his! And Jacob was not a fan of having his nose suctioned out! haha He screamed pretty hard, but he can breath so much easier now! He still has a bit of a cough and hopefully that gets better soon. He also got his four month shots and these were a lot better than at 2 months. For one, Daddy got to help hold him down so Mommy didn't have to! But he didn't cry nearly as much, maybe he was still traumatized from the nose suctioning! 

The doctor also gave us the go ahead to start some rice cereal! So at his evening meal, we add a tablespoon of rice cereal in with some milk, so not a lot. But we feed it with a spoon, which is a messy ordeal! But he'll get the hang of it soon! I was hesitant to want to start with the rice cereal and when Austin asked me why, I confessed it's because I feel Jacob is growing up too fast and I want it to stop! :) But I know that just can't happen.

Jacob is becoming more and more fun to interact and play with every day. He is still a little talker, telling stories to whoever will listen! Although sometimes he picks some very inopportune times... like 5:30am! But it's a lot of cooing, blowing bubbles and raspberries, and a lot of vowels sounds. It's so fun listening to him try and communicate! He also loves to be upright. He hasn't figured out his balance yet to sit by himself, but he's working hard at it. Sometimes he'll get it for a second or two before tumbling over! He also LOVES to stand! He, of course, can't do this by himself yet either but has the leg strength to stand up and even help himself stand up. He just squeals whenever you let him stand. 

He still loves mirrors - he'll just look, smile and talk to himself in that mirror all day long! He also has really gotten the hang of grabbing toys and blankets. Before he would just hold his arms out and try to grab things by putting his arms together but now he knows how to reach out and grab hold with his hands. And he's grabbing all sorts of toys and bringing them to his mouth. The doctor said he was starting to teethe! Nothing through yet but it might not be long! So he just loves playing with all his different toys. And he's really figured some of them out too, pulling on certain ones that vibrate or make noise. He also has this spinning ball toy, one on each his activity chair and activity table that he knows how to spin and play with. I just love watching him as he learns and figures all of these things out. 

He's also still great at rolling. He'll roll to his sides a lot when he's playing on his back. During tummy time, he'll roll to his back a lot quicker. He still isn't always a big fan of tummy time, especially when we try to keep him from rolling to help strength those muscles and maybe start moving towards crawling! He's also found his feet. Putting them up in the air and grabbing on to them, or trying to grab them and then trying to put them in his mouth. He hasn't figured out if he can actually do that yet or not. 

And Jacob still gives the best, award winning smiles that can just melt your heart! I love picking him up at daycare and once he sees me, he just gets this huge smile on his face! Or when he hears his dad talk, he'll just smile and smile! No matter what else is going on, his smiles always make me smile. 

So that's about it for a Jacob update! And that's about all I have time for right now! Hopefully more soon! 

Three Months and Everything's Changing

My little baby is three months old! And I'll say it again, time keeps moving way too fast! And I know I'm going to be saying this every time I post here! :) But it's been so much fun watching him grow and learn new things!

Jacob is becoming much more vocal, cooing at us, blowing bubbles, laughing and giggling, buzzing his lips and making random noises. And they are just the cutest things I've ever heard. I could sit and listen to him "talk" to me all day! Especially when he smiles when he talks! He's also getting much better at tummy time, not getting as mad when we put him down but sometimes even enjoying it! He's doing great at pushing himself up on his arms and looking around. And he's even been getting better at rolling over more quickly to his back! He has also rolled from his back to his tummy a few times, although he normally can't get that one arm out from under himself. But he likes to roll to his side a lot and then back to his back again. 
Jacob also loves to put things in his mouth, or try to put things in his mouth! He loves to chew and suck on his own hands. But his coordination is getting much better as well! He can pull some things towards him like blankets and certain toys, which he'll then try to put in his mouth. You can also see that he's trying to reach out and grab at toys around him. Sometimes he'll get them and others he'll just bat at them. We have a little activity chair for him that he's really starting to enjoy sitting in and play with the toys around him. 
He loves to move around all the time - laying down on his play mat, sitting on the couch or even while you're holding him. He will just kick his little legs and swing his arms all around. He's got some great strength in his legs too and is getting better at putting his weight on them when you hold him up. He's definitely going to keep us busy once he becomes mobile!
Overall, he's become much more aware of everything around him and a very active baby! He's a lot of fun to interact with now too because he'll interact back with you! We've decided he's becoming quite the charmer! Everyone who meets automatically falls in love with him! And it's easy to see why! :) 

In other news, Austin is keeping very busy at school. He's doing a fall musical and he's decided to do "Annie" this year. Rehearsals have started and performances are the first weekend in November, so they've got a lot of work to do. He's working with someone from the community to help with some of the drama so he can focus on the music side a little bit more, which is nice. He's also still learning about his students and they're trying to find a groove that fits together. The choir is very different from his choir at Riverside and so there's a learning curve. But I know, with time, they're going to find something that works and he'll be just as successful at D-NH, if not more! I think he's also enjoying teaching the third and fourth graders but would much rather be teaching middle school so he could build up the program more. We'll see if that's something he'll be able to do next year.  

And in case you haven't heard, I'm officially back in the workforce! I've started my new job as the Marketing Coordinator at Maple Manor Village in Aplington, Iowa, which is a nursing home and an assisted living home. A quick overview of what I'll be doing is of course all of their marketing (posters, ads, newsletters, etc.), event planning within the community and working on inquiries and referrals. This will actually be a good mix of my past two jobs - marketing, like I did at Kruger, and then going out into the public and being a face for the company, like I was for UNO. But this is in a totally different industry which means I have a lot to learn. But I think it's going to be a great new and exciting challenge and I'm really looking forward to working here. 

So this also means that Jacob has started daycare. We found a great in-home daycare in Dike, just two blocks from the school. It's run by a husband and wife who are both super nice. We love that it's so close to school, not too many kids, at someone's house but also still structured. I was having some pretty bad anxiety about having to leave Jacob at daycare for his first day, for a number of reasons. I had been able to spend three amazing months at home with him and those are days that I'll treasure forever. So it was going to be a big adjust me for me not to have all that time with him! I was also worried because he had been fighting sleep and would only fall asleep in my arms most of the time and I knew that was something he wouldn't be able to do at daycare. However, the first drop off wasn't nearly as bad as I originally thought. And of course Jacob did great! He's a champ! And all the other kids just loved him! They swarmed his carseat as soon as we got there! :) He's pretty much the center of attention! And daycare has been great for his sleeping habits!

Like I mentioned, Jacob was having a hard time going to sleep. He would be obviously tired but would fight it really hard. He would not fall asleep on his own, he would just cry and cry and I couldn't stand listening to him cry so hard, so I'd always go pick him up. So we tried swaddling, shushing, rocking, singing, walking, bouncing, going outside, putting him in a swing, opening the freezer door for a cool breeze... I tried it all. And it would take a combination of some of these. And then as a last result, I'd give him a little bit of gripe water and that would almost always calm him down enough for me to get him to sleep. But then I would hold him while he slept, if I tried putting him down, he'd wake up and cry. Even after just a couple of days at daycare, Jacob has been doing better. At daycare, they told me he'll cry for a little bit and then put himself to sleep! So I thought, okay, time to try it at home! Up until this point, Jacob had still been sleeping in our room too. So, the other night, I put him down in his crib while he was still awake, shut the door and waiting for him to start fussing. I expected him to fussy some, but he did nothing! He just fell asleep! I was amazed! The next night, I put him down again while he was still awake. This time he did cry for a bit, but eventually fell asleep again! We've even been putting him down in there for his naps over the weekend and it's been working out pretty good. 

I have noticed that since putting Jacob in his crib, he's been waking up more often to eat but I don't know if the two are related. I've read about the four month sleep regression and he's also had a bit of a cold so who knows what exactly is waking him up more often. But we're making progress in the right direction! And that's all that matters! It's been great having him in his own room finally too. We don't have to be quite as quiet when we're getting ready for bed and can stay up a little bit later, although we're almost always in bed when Jacob goes down! 

So, life is definitely changing and we're adjusting to a new life as two working parents. But I think it's all going well and we're going to like our new life. And it's so much fun watching Jacob change every day! I'm looking forward to seeing where life leads us! But it feels like things are starting to fall into place and we're finally getting some answers to our prayers, which is a great feeling. God is good. 

Entering Motherhood

*The first part of this blog was written on May 14th, 2013 but never published. The second part was just written after looking back and reflecting on this post.

-------

So for those of you  that know me, I've never been a really strong person. I'm not talking about being able to lift weights - although I can't do that either! I'm talking about  not being able to stomach certain things very well... needles, blood, pain, etc. I mean really. Ask my parents about the fun they had trying to pull my teeth when I was a child. Or ask Austin about the bloody incident right after he got his wisdom teeth out! I just don't do well in these types of situations. I get queasy and faint. It's how it's always been.

So, when Austin and I first started talking about babies, we wanted to make sure we were both ready. I obviously realized that if I wanted a baby that would mean I would have to go through the labor and birth. And while this scared the crap out of me, I honestly didn't put much thought into it. When I knew I was ready to have a baby, I just hoped and prayed that when the time came for the actual birth part, some mother's instinct would kick it and get me through it! And this was my thought process all throughout us trying and probably the first 6 months of this pregnancy even! I didn't want to hear your stories about how the process went for you. I didn't want to watch any videos or read too much about the process. I was going to be blissfully ignorant and pray for those mommy skills to take over. I'm serious when I say I really tried not to think about the actual birthing process much throughout this pregnancy. I would think about everything going on with my pregnancy and I would think about everything that will happen once this baby comes. I would just skip the part when the baby makes his/her appearance! 

When I did let myself think about it, I would tell Austin that it was one of my biggest fears with this pregnancy. Not necessarily what would be happening, but if I was strong enough or not to actually do what needs to be done. What if I couldn't? What if I couldn't stomach through the pain? What if those mothering instincts didn't kick in? This was my fear.

Now we're getting close. We're a little over a month away from welcoming this baby into the world. Soon I'm going to have to find out if I'm strong enough. But as we get closer, I'm starting to feel more calm about what's going to happen. The birthing classes helped. It helped knowing exactly what happens in each stage and what I'll be going through. And as much as I didn't want to, I did watch a video of a baby  being born. :) And it wasn't too bad. Although I still don't think I want to watch while I'm going through it. And I do think that some of those mother instincts have kicked in. I feel more comfortable with what needs to be done. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm still nervous! But I know I can do it. I know people will say "You'll be fine, don't worry, your body is made for this, etc." And I understand all that, I do. But I don't think hearing it is really going to help. This is just one of those things that you're not really going to know until you've gone through it. And soon, I'll be able to say that I've gone through this miraculous experience. 

---------

Well I survived the birth and labor process. Although it didn't happen the way I wanted it to, we still ended up with a healthy beautiful baby boy. And that's all that matters. I learned that I was strong enough. I could handle the pain of contractions. I could handle being uncomfortable. I could handle pushing. I could handle a major surgery. I could handle the recovery. And I did handle it all. And it was all surprisingly easy. Well, the process might not have been easy, but being able to handle it, being strong enough, was easy. It came naturally. And just like that, I became a mom.

Being a mom is everything that I expected it to be and nothing at all like I expected it to be. 

Everything is different when it's your own baby. I was okay with babies before, never quite sure how to act because I didn't want to hold the baby wrong or feed him/her wrong with mom sitting close by, watching me. (not saying this did happen, but that's just how I would feel) I wasn't excited to change dirty diapers - gross. I actually didn't want to do with that at all. Or deal with throw up. Or boogers. Or blood, especially blood. But it changes when it's your own flesh and blood. Dirty diapers don't bother me. Being covered in throw up doesn't bother me. I actually have a sick obsession with getting boogers out of my son's nose. And the blood? Well, luckily I haven't had to deal with that yet but that might be one I'm still not okay with. :) 

Before my son was born, I was nervous. I was nervous about making that transition into motherhood. How was I going to raise a baby? How will I know what to do? Will I be doing everything correctly? Or am I going to royally screw this kid up? 

Once my son arrived, I was almost surprised at how easily things came to me. I'm not saying here that being a mom and taking care of a baby is easy, because it's not. But with certain things, I just knew what to do. And maybe easy isn't the right word. Things came naturally. I felt completely comfortable holding my baby. I felt comfortable changing his diaper. I felt comfortable feeding him. Patience came quickly and easily when listening to his cries and learning what he needed from me. There were certainly things I needed help with or wanted assistance before venturing out on my own. And I still have questions where I consult my book, my parents or fellow parents. But I felt like a mom. 

And I love being a mom. I love being responsible for another life. I love that he is so dependent on me right now. I love learning about him. I love being able to comfort him when he's crying. I love cuddling with him. I love feeding him. I love bathing him. I love playing with him. I love singing to him. Talking to him. Teaching him. I love his smiles. I love watching him grow and change before my very eyes every day. I love knowing he is a part of me. And part of my husband. Part of us. 

But being a mom is hard. There are days when I can't stand his crying. When I do have no patience for it. There are days when I feel like all I do is feed, change a diaper, rock the baby until he sleeps for a very short nap and then do it all over again, getting nothing else accomplished for the day. There are days when I don't want to leave the house because it's just too much work with a newborn. And there are days when all I want to do is leave the house and have some adult time without a baby around. There are days when after finally getting him to fall asleep, I start to close my eyes and he wakes up. There are days when I feel so exhausted all I want to do is sit in a corner and cry. 

But then he smiles at me. And my heart literally melts. Every damn time. And I forget everything else. 

But I still worry sometimes. I remember that first day home from the hospital. I broke down and cried because I was scared and nervous. How were we going to take care of this baby? Are we going to do everything right? And while some of that has disappeared, I still feel that way some days. I worry about his sleeping habits. Have we created bad habits and how do we change them now? I worry about his little head and how he has a little bit of flat spot on one side. Will we be able to fix it without having to spend a ton of money on some fancy helmet? I worry when he cries sometimes. Is he in pain and just can't tell me? I always worry when he gags or sounds like he's catching his breath. Why haven't I learned baby CPR yet? I worry that we're not stimulating him enough, or that we're over-stimulating him. I worry we're not doing enough tummy time. I worry we're not reading to him enough, or singing to him or even talking to him enough. I worry. About a lot of things. But we can only keep going like we are, learning as we go. And praying that it will all work out in the end! :) 

But I can not get enough of my little man. I love spending every day with him. Sometimes it's hard for me to share him, even though I know I need to! I also know that I would do anything for this baby boy. I will do anything to make him happy. I will do anything to protect him and keep him safe. I will do anything he needs from me. Especially when I want to keep him away from pain. Because it pains me to my core when he is in pain. Two month shots - horrible. Baby feeling sick and not himself - horrible. These times when he's in pain and crying, I'm in pain and crying. I want to help him so bad! Although I know there are times when I won't be able to. I know there are times when he'll have to have pain in order to learn, to grow. But I know I'm not going to like it. I wish I could always take away his pain. Because I love him so much. So much it hurts sometimes! I love him so much I just want to squeeze him and hold him. I love him so much that sometimes I'll just cry when I look at him. I love him so much that I'll physically miss him when he not in my arms, even if he's just napping on the other couch or in his crib. I love him so much.

You don't realize how much you can actually love another person until you have a child. It is an immeasurable amount of love. It is a parent's love. A mother's love. 

Identity Crisis

I'm not sure 27 is old enough to have a mid-life crisis, so maybe I'm just having an identity crisis. I've had a lot of time to think lately, during feedings and nap times, while applying for jobs. And I'm struggling to figure out my place in this world. 

I've written about this before, it's not the first time I've had this struggle. I'm not sure what my passion in life is. With a degree in Communications, it allows me to do a wide variety of things when it comes to finding a job. And that's part of the reason why I majored in Communications. In fact, my fellow comm arts majors and I would joke that the only reason why we're majoring in communications is because we don't know what we want to do in life. But I guess there's some truth in that too. 

I don't know what I want to do in life. 

I haven't found my calling, my vocation - the thing that Wartburg was suppose to help you find. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Even when I get asked that question - if you could do anything in the world, your dream job, what would it be? - I don't know what to answer. 

I envy those who know what their calling and their passion in life is. My husband, for one. He's a talented, amazing, passionate music teacher. He knows that this is what he should be doing. He's great at his job, he has the passion, the energy, the drive. There's no doubt in his mind that this isn't what he should be doing with his life. Not that he doesn't have his bad days, or even weeks. Everyone does. My sister is another. She just started her first calling as a Pastor in Northern Minnesota. She knows that God has called her to that role. And for that type of job, you have to know that is was a calling from God. And when you see her in her element, you can see she's doing what she should be doing. 

Now, don't get me wrong. I've enjoyed my past jobs. At Kruger, I loved the variety and multiple aspects and projects of the job. I even loved working with farmers. :) But there was not really any room to move up at that job, unless I was willing to relocate to St. Louis and that was something I didn't want to do. And looking at the company now, the marketing department is no longer there. I would have either had to move to St. Louis or lost my job. And I have to say that looking back and remembering the struggle it was to leave that job and move to Western Iowa so Austin could start his first job, God's plan is amazing. 
At UNO, I loved the people I worked with. And I really enjoyed going out and talking to students about UNO and education, helping them make important decisions about their future. And now looking at that, it's a little ironic my job was to help others start working towards their plans for future careers when I didn't know what my future holds! But that job required a lot of travel and that wasn't something I wanted to do forever either. And moving up in higher education is hard without a Masters degree and even then, opportunities are someone limited unless you're willing to move to find them. 

So would I like to continue to work in higher education? Yes, possibly. But I'm not in a place where I want to go back to school right now. And in that case, I don't know what I would get a Masters degree in either. Would I like to find work in marketing or communications? Sure, but I haven't found that actual job or industry that I feel really passionate about. 

The other thing I struggle with is achievements. When I look around to my peers, people that I've graduated with or have even graduated after me, some of them are in great jobs that they're really passionate about. And some of them are in really great positions, i.e. managers, directors, etc. I look at myself and doubt my skills - would I be able to be in a position like that? I feel like I haven't had opportunities to prove (mostly to myself) if I could or not. Or maybe I haven't tried hard enough. Or maybe I'm really just not good enough. But I feel jealous of those people. Not only because they're doing something they love, but because they've been successful when I haven't. It makes me feel like a failure. 

Someone recently posted an article on Facebook titled "Five Lies every Twenty-something Needs to Stop Believing". And I'm not going to lie, I think it was posted for me. I needed to read it. I need to re-read it. Again and again. It made a lot of good points about struggling, success and feeling like a failure. And so it was a great reminder. I'm only 27. I have a lot of life ahead of me still. I can still do great things. But then I'm back to... what is it that I'm suppose to be doing in life to do those great things?

I've recently become a mother. And for the past 10 weeks, I've spent every day, and almost every hour, with my precious baby. And for the past 10 weeks, I have loved every day. There were certainly times when I was stressed out and overwhelmed with taking care of a baby, but I still loved it. I love being a mom. I love having someone little, who is so dependent on me, to take care of. I love watching him grow and change every day. I love interacting with him. I love teaching him. I love loving him. 

I think that I would love to be a stay at home mom. I would love to stay at home everyday with my baby boy. Being able to spend that precious time with him day in and day out. Help him grow. Teach him how to walk, how to talk. To see every moment happen. That's what I think I would love. But unfortunately, it's just not realistic. We need two incomes. If only I could get paid to be a mom. Let's be real, I'd be a millionaire because I'm such an awesome mom. ;-) 

So I've had a couple interviews. Some with jobs I think I would really enjoying doing and others for jobs that I could most certainly do, but might not fully enjoy. I haven't gotten any job offers yet though and every time I get a phone call or email saying "no thanks" or "we've gone a different direction", I get that feeling of failure again. And I know God has a plan, I do. If I had gotten any of the jobs I had earlier interviews for, I would already be back to work. Instead I've gotten to spend more time with my little man. And so I'm confident that something is going to come along. And I'm confident that it will be what I'm suppose to be doing right now. But will it be my calling? My passion? I'm not entirely sure. Maybe time will tell. 

But I'm definitely learning how to be patient. Job searching tests my patience every day. Putting in applications and then waiting. Getting an interview and then waiting. Always waiting. And I'm not a very patient person. So each day I remind myself - patience, Liz, patience. God has a plan. God will provide. It can get very overwhelming, especially as my maternity leave is coming to an end. So again, I say to myself - it will all work out. God knows what He's doing. Even when he doesn't tell me! :) 

And so here I am. Waiting to find a job. Waiting for my calling. Waiting to find my place in this world. Waiting. 

But while I wait, I'll go spend some more time with that cute baby of mine.

Two Months Old

Jacob is officially two months old! I'm not really sure where the past two months have gone but they've gone quickly! We've finally settled into a routine here  in our new home and that makes things easier with Jacob. There are certainly days that are still hard because Jacob is changing and growing every day! But we're learning to adjust better. 

With Jacob being two months old, that means we were back at the doctor for his two month check up! This was our first appointment with our new pediatrician and I think we're really going to like him. The great news is that we were told we have a "perfect baby"! Everything checked out great with Jacob and he's right on track. He weighed 12lb 9oz, which is in the 55 percentile. His height was 60% and his head a whopping 100%! Big headed little guy! :) The bad news about this appointment is that Jacob got his first shots. This was probably harder on mommy than it was for Jacob! Luckily the nurses were great and it was over fairly quickly but when they stuck him, his eyes shot open and he was crying so hard he couldn't catch his breath! It made me cry! Austin told me I'm not allowed to watch Jacob's face the next time he has to have shots! But once they were done and we fed Jacob, he was just fine. He was a little fussy the next couple of days but nothing too bad. 

Jacob is definitely growing and changing every day! Towards the beginning of August, when he was around 7 weeks, he rolled from his tummy onto his back for the first time! He did have to have a little help from mom and dad because he was on the edge of a folded up blanket and couldn't get over the little bump. And he hasn't rolled over since then either because he's not a fan of tummy time (as you can see from videos on our vimeo site!) and I can only listen to him cry a little bit before having to make it better! He has also rolled from his back to his tummy once as well! This was recently, at 9 weeks old. I put him on the ground to change his diaper, went to the bathroom quick and when I came back he was on his tummy! I was very impressed and I think Jacob was a little startled and not sure how he got there! Haha! 
Jacob also loves to sit up so he can look around at the world. We often prop him up on the couch or hold him on our knees so he can see everything around him. We did buy him a little seat with an activity tray but he's not a huge fan of it yet I think because it doesn't have a full back like he's use to having from sitting on the couch. He's also interacting more and more with us every day! We get a lot more smiles out of him and every time I see one, it literally melts my heart! We haven't gotten a full giggle from him yet but it's probably going to happen very soon! You can tell he wants to laugh! 
I think he's also starting to want to reach out and grab at things, he hasn't yet but I think he wants to. He'll hold on to certain toys or blankets if you help him. He also wants to put things in him mouth, again toys, blankets and his fists or fingers! :) Every day it's something new and a different adventure. And I love it all! 

I still don't have a job but I've had a good number of interviews so hopefully something will work out here soon. As much as I know I need to go back to work since we need the money, I really wish I could stay home with Jacob. I'm not sure I'm ready to leave him yet! But I've been fortunate to have been able to spend so much time with him! 

Austin, on the other hand, is in full swing at school. Last week was a little different because the school had early outs every day due to extreme heat. So while it made things a little difficult because Austin didn't have full class times, it might have helped with the transition of starting school again. He's busy learning what his 100+ student choir is capable of and helping students determine their voice parts. He's also getting adjusted to teaching 3rd and 4th grade again, something he hasn't done since student teaching. And finally, starting to get ready for the fall musical. So he has plenty to keep him busy! He has also realized how much work this year is going to be since it's a new school and a new program. Like anything, it's going to take time for him to find his pace but soon I know he'll have a success program on his hands, like he did at Riverside. 

A couple of weeks ago we were finally able to make it down to Tipton and introduce Jacob to most of Austin's family. We had a big birthday party on Saturday for his grandma and a family reunion on Sunday. So we were definitely busy! But Jacob did great. Although he is at that stage where he's recognizing faces so it is taking him a while to warm up to people. He might be a little use to his mommy as we spend the most amount of time together. :) 
This past weekend we went up to Minnesota for another family reunion. Again, we had a great time and kept busy. Jacob did great, once he got use to all the different people. :)  

Jacob's grandparents (on both sides) are definitely loving all the time they get with the little man! And we love making sure he has time with them! And it's been awesome being back so close to family, or at least closer than we were! It's made things easier too, especially when we've needed some help babysitting so I could go to job interviews. 

I think that's about it for us at the time. More later! 

A New Job, A New Baby, A New House, A New Adventure

This is a summer of "new". First, Austin accepted his new teaching position at Dike New Hartford, which starts next week already! He's finally been able to get into his office to start organizing and getting ready for the school year. 

Next, our new baby. :) It's certainly been an adjustment with Jacob around but I think we're really getting the hang of things as new parents. It's crazy how quickly he seems to be growing too! He's a big boy and just keeps getting bigger! He's had more awake time too and really enjoys play time on a couple of his play mats. He's quite the vocal baby and I just love listening to all the different noises he's making. Austin even caught a sound on video the other day that sounded like the start of a laugh! Too cute! I love that he's becoming more playful and responsive. But I don't want him to grow up too quickly because I'm still really enjoying my cuddle time with the little man! 

Then, last weekend we moved into our new house. We found a cute two bedroom home to rent in Reinbeck, just ten minutes south of Dike. While the house is a little small, we couldn't beat the price for a two bedroom house with washer and dryer and a single stall garage! I actually hadn't seen the house before we moved on Saturday - Austin was the only one to make it over to see it before we signed a lease. So when I first walked in, I was a little nervous about the size. But now that we have our stuff in and pretty much all unpacked, I'm loving it more and more every day! We left a lot of stuff in boxes and in storage in the garage since we don't plan on being here long. If Austin thinks this district is a place where he can see himself long term, we're hoping to really save up some money this year and hopefully look into purchasing a house of our own next year. 

The move on Saturday went great though! We had a lot of help from family and we greatly appreciated it all! It took us only a couple hours early Saturday morning to load up the trailers (which everything just barely fit!) and finish cleaning the apartment in Oakland. We were on the road before lunch! We made it to Reinbeck early afternoon and started unloaded. Most of the stuff went straight to the garage until we could get the furniture moved in and then figuring out what exactly we wanted brought in the house. We also had to do some cleaning of the house before bringing too much in. That was a little stressful but nothing we couldn't handle! 

I'm not quite ready to post pictures of the inside yet... still need to do some cleaning and organizing, but below shows the outside of the house. Not too bad! :) 

Now that we're back in Eastern Iowa, we ready to start our new adventure. But I have to say that this has been a lot all at once and it's been a little overwhelming for both Austin and I. While Austin is trying to prepare for a new school year at a new school, I've been looking for a new job. Then we're trying to get settled into a new house all while taking care of a new baby and trying to figure out our routine. That doesn't sound exhausting at all, does it? :) But we're figuring it all out and every day it gets a little bit easier.

So just a quick update for now. More soon as we continue to get settled into this new adventure! 

A Blessed and Busy Weekend

Last Thursday we woke up, did a couple of feedings with Jacob, packed up the car, did another feeding and hit the road. It was our first real road trip with the little man, and it was a long one. We were heading to Minnesota, just under a five hour drive. Luckily, Jacob does great in the car! He seems to really love the carseat and will normally just nap! We ended up stopping only twice to feed and the second stop worked out so we could stop to see Jacob's clans-aunt! 

We made it to Minnesota around dinner time on Thursday evening. On Friday we ran some errands in Mankato and then stopped to see Grandma Reedstrom at work so she could show Jacob off. On Saturday morning, we headed into town for a baby shower for Jacob with some of my high school friends. I love that even after all this time, we can still get together and have plenty of things to talk about. Our get togethers have also become more noisy with toddlers running around and babies crying - but still a ton of fun! Jacob got to meet a lot of family and friends all weekend! Saturday night, Austin's family drove up to Minnesota and we enjoyed a really nice dinner outside and spending time on the porch. But Sunday was definitely the busiest day! 

On Sunday morning, we woke up early and headed to church. It was time to baptize Jacob! My mom suggested it when she was down visiting. Megan was going to be giving the sermon back at my hometown church - the same church my parents got married in, my siblings and I were all baptized and confirmed in. We weren't sure it was going to work since the date was only a couple of weeks away when the idea was brought up but luckily it worked for immediate family so we went ahead and set it up. There was a baptismal gown that my mom had made which my siblings and I all wore at our baptisms and I wanted Jacob to be baptized in it as well. And with the way Jacob has been growing, I didn't want to wait too long! :) 

It had rained some that morning and on our way to church, we saw a rainbow. I had been nervous about getting Jacob baptized because I was worried he was going to scream either the entire service or at the very least during the baptism. And I really didn't want that! But when I saw that rainbow I thought of it as a sign from God that the service was going to go well. Austin later suggested that maybe my Grandma Reedstrom had sent the rainbow to let us know she was with us that day. I like to think that's true. And Jacob did great during the service! We ended up feeding him right at the start of the service and he pretty much slept through the whole thing! Megan gave a great sermon and Jacob even helped with the children's sermon! Then it was time for the baptism! Jacob's sponsors are Megan (my sister) and Amber and Matt (Austin's sister and brother-in-law). Jacob pretty much slept through the baptism but right after Pastor Salim got done pouring the water over his head, Jacob let out a cute little sigh. Jacob is so blessed to have such great family and now he is a part of even a larger family - God's family. It was a great service. 

After church, it was back to the house for lunch with family and friends. Then in the afternoon, we headed back out to church. My little sister was getting ordained! Megan graduated from seminary this past May and recently received her first call (aka, her first job!). She will be heading to the Minnesota north woods to a two-point parish in Bigfork and Effie, Minnesota. So on Sunday afternoon, the bishop of her synod came down to perform her ordination service. It was a really cool service to be able to witness and I could not be more proud of her! She's going to do great things up north! :) We're also excited to be able to head up there eventually and see her house and the churches she'll be working at. Although, it will probably be a little while because it's quite the drive! 

On Monday, we were going to head back to Iowa but the weekend had been so busy and exhausting, we decided to take one more day to rest up and take advantage of family who was willing to hold and watch Jacob while Austin and I slept. :) And on Tuesday, we finally headed back home. As nice as it was to be around so many family and friends, it was also nice to be back at home again. 

During our time in Minnesota, Jacob was more fussy than normal. I think that the change in location, routine, meeting new people and all the new noises were a lot for him. Understandable! But it made the weekend very exhausting. Even though I may have gotten more sleep, I felt more exhausted from trying to comfort Jacob so much and feeding more than normal. Now that we're back at home, we're trying to establish our routine again. And we're slowly getting there. 

But Jacob is definitely growing! He'll have spurts throughout the day where he'll feed every hour! Mostly this happens in the evening and that's also when he's the most fussy. It makes me sad because I don't know if there's something bothering him or if he just feels like crying. We did buy some gas drops to give him when he's being really fussy to see if it helps with tummy problems. And so far it does seem to be helping. 

I read a blog post the other day about surviving the first few weeks home from the hospital with a new baby. Reading it, I could have sworn it could have been taken from a journal I had written. (You can read it here) I had all this energy when we first got home from the hospital, which was surprising because I thought my recovery after a c-section was going to be harder on me. But I had a great recovery with hardly any pain. I wanted to be up and getting things done. But I resisted. Having family there to help me get those things done for me really helped. After the first couple of weeks my energy did start to slow down. I wasn't feeling exhausted but I was definitely finding it easier to stay and bed and take naps with my little man. The blog post had some good tips and the one I loved the most was to watch your newborn sleep. I love doing that so much. He's so peaceful looking when he's sleeping and I can't help but stare. It's very distracting. :) 

Another thing the blog briefly talks about is breastfeeding. This was something I always knew I would do. I wanted to do this. It's healthier for the baby, cheaper for us and I wanted to experience that bonding I had read about. But I have to admit, I don't love it. I don't necessarily enjoy breastfeeding. Please don't get me wrong, I love the fact that I am able to breastfeed because I know some women can't and I can't imagine not being able to provide for my son that way. But it's not something I just can't wait to do again when feeding time comes around - especially during Jacob's cluster feedings! It's exhausting knowing that my body isn't my own during those times. It takes time to get it done. And when we're with other people, I don't like having to excuse myself for 20 plus minutes at a time, missing out on conversations and taking Jacob away from people (because let's be honest, it's him people want to see!). I know I could use a cover (something I still need to buy...) and breastfeed in the room with people, but I just don't feel comfortable with that yet. Jacob and I are still figuring out how to work together. Right now, it just feels tiring, messy and time-consuming. But I know it will get better. And again, don't think I don't want to breastfeed, because I do! Jacob and I just need some more time to get it down to a science. 

But back to the what matters: Jacob! Jacob is officially one month old! And he now weighs just over 10lbs! And my growing boy is getting stronger every day! We're still working on tummy time to help strengthen his neck and back muscles, but he's working on that even when we're not doing tummy time! Putting Jacob up over our shoulder, he'll push himself with arms and hold his head up and look around! And he's doing it longer each time! The other night during tummy time, again he used him arms to push himself up to look around! It's just amazing! His legs are always getting stronger! He will push up against either Austin and I with his legs and hold his cute little butt up in the air. :) I just love watching to see all the new things he does every day! He also continues to find new noises to make, which are too cute! I can't believe one month has gone by already! Time can certainly slow down any day! 

One Month Old - July 26, 2013

3 weeks old

My little baby is three weeks old already! I can't believe how fast time is going by - the weeks and each day! Every day seems to slip by me so quickly! Especially when I spend most of each day just staring at Jacob. Watching him sleep. Watching him during play time. Watching him watch me. I love to just watch him. 

But a lot has happened in the past couple of weeks. Other than the fact that our little man continues to grow and change every day! Just after my last blog post, Austin left us for a few days. He headed over to Dike where he joined other teachers and administrators from D-NH to go to a conference in the Cities. He left on a Saturday and didn't return home until late Wednesday night. We've been apart before so this was nothing new, but this was the first time we'd be apart with Jacob around. And I have to say it was really hard to say good bye to him. Although I'm sure my extra hormones didn't help anything! I wasn't worried about having help with Jacob because my family was coming down to help. But it wasn't the same without Austin around. I didn't know how much I loved having him around and helping with Jacob until he was gone. Plus, I didn't want him to miss having that time with Jacob. If you were to ask him, he would probably tell you that it was hard for him too. Although it was good for him to go and meet some of the new staff he would be working with and conferences are always good for professional development, but we sure missed him around the house. We did skype every night so he could still see Jacob and so Jacob could hear Austin's voice. And we were glad to have him home again! 

Once Austin was home again, Jacob and I each had our two week check-ups at the doctor. Jacob's appointment was first and he did great! Unfortunately his appointment was right around feeding time so he got a little fussy towards the end but it wasn't too bad. He's continuing to gain weight and was up to 9lbs 3oz! The doctor said he looked good and didn't have any concerns about anything! His next appointment won't be until 2 months and by that time we'll be over in the Cedar Valley so we're currently in the process of looking for a new pediatrician over there. 

My appointment also went great, although Jacob kept stealing all the attention of the nurses and Dr. Platt! :) I was told I was looking good as well and was given permission to start lifting some heavier things, but not to over do it. After my c-section, Dr. Platt sent part of my placenta to get tested to see if it was infected and at my appointment we were told that the results had come back and it was infected. This would explain why Jacob had a fever when he was first born. It also means it was a very good thing we had the c-section and we did it when we did. Although this wasn't at all what I wanted, I couldn't be happier with Dr. Platt and we completely trust her judgement. She made sure that Jacob and I were both safe. 

One of the things I was so nervous about having a c-section was the recovery time. But I believe that Dr. Platt did such a great job and because of this, my recovery has been easier than I expected. I have to remind myself that I did have major abdominal surgery! I would completely forget because I felt so great. I think it also helped that I had such amazing family and friends helping me out from the beginning, including Austin of course! I still get a little sore sometimes, but overall, feeling great! I also have to laugh because back in March when my dad broke his foot, I remember telling him to listen to the doctor and just take it easy! Stay off your foot, let other people help you out, etc. Well it turns out I am more like my father than I thought. :) I would try to do a lot of things around the house when we first got home and Austin had to "yell" at me and tell me to take it easy! I'm lucky to have a man who cares about me so much! 

Jacob is now three weeks old. Every day he's growing and changing so much! And overall, he's been an amazing baby. We really have been blessed! His feeding schedule has been pretty consistent as well, which has been good. However, he's hit his three week growth spurt and has had some cluster feedings - where he'll get hungry every hour, hour and half. And he'll feed for a lot longer as well. I have to tell you, this has been exhausting for me. And it also makes me so grateful for his normal feeding schedule! He also seems to be a little more fussy during this growth spurt. Normally he's such a good baby that only cries when he's hungry, needs his diaper changed or has a bubble or something. But right now he's been harder to calm down. I'm hoping this will end with his cluster feedings! But even his fussy times now are nothing compared to what it could be, and for that I'm thankful. It does test your patience though! :) Last night was pretty great though as Jacob slept for six hours! Austin rocked him after I got done feeding and put him down so I could go to sleep and then was blessed with six hours of sleep! During a normal night, he'll feed two, maybe three times. As much as I loved getting those uninterrupted hours of sleep, I'm not sure I want that to continue every night. I think because of our time in the hospital with Jacob's low blood sugar, I get nervous if he goes too long without eating. I'd rather wake him up and feed him so I know he's getting food! Plus I'm afraid if Jacob doesn't feed more at night that it could affect my milk supply. If Jacob continues to sleep well at night, I'll probably try to get up at least once to pump to help my supply. 

Austin and I are also both learning what Jacob wants. We're learning what different cries mean, if he's just fussing or if he's really hungry. When he really gets to crying really hard, it has this quiver to it. Austin hates hearing it and wants to do whatever it takes to make it stop. I, on the other hand, find it a little amusing because Jacob just likes to be dramatic. :) It mostly happens during bath time which Jacob doesn't like. We're still doing sponge baths right now so maybe once we actually give him a bath where he can sit in water, it might be different! 

Jacob's also getting stronger every day! He does great at holding his head up by himself at times and is able to do it longer and longer. We've also been doing tummy time, which he's awesome at! He does best at lifting his head when we have him propped up on the boppy or a pillow. He's even been able to lift and turn his head from one side to the other to follow our voices sometimes. When we put him on his tummy flat on the ground, he doesn't do the best at lifting his head, instead he tries to roll over! And I think he's going to do it before long! He can roll his top half to his side but he hasn't gotten his bottom half to do the same. But he's moving those legs so I know it won't be long! We've also been doing a lot of play time on a play mat that we have and he's starting to focus on some of the toys that are hanging in front of him. Or at least it looks like he is! He's also been really finding his voice these past couple of days. He likes to grunt and almost growl sometimes! But he's making other vocal noises as well and it's so fun to listen to! He also makes the best faces - both while he's awake and sleeping! I can't help but laugh at them sometimes, they're so adorable and funny! 

In other non-Jacob news, we finally have a place to live! We found a cute and small two bedroom house in Reinbeck, Iowa which is just 10 minutes south of Dike. It's a very small town so we'll do most of our major shopping and stuff in the Waterloo/Cedar Falls area but the price was right for a house! We're planning on moving the first weekend in August so if you're available, you can definitely come help us! :) Once we get over there and settled some, I'm going to start looking for jobs again. Although, if we could manage it, I'd love to just stay home with Jacob but we need the money! Austin starts school on August 15th with students starting the 21st. I think he's anxious and excited all at the same time! 

Overall, I think we're falling into a great routine as a family. And we couldn't be happier. It has been a transition and we're still learning and still gaining patience every day. But we also couldn't be anymore in love with Jacob or with this new life. I love being the wife of an amazing father to my son and I love being a mother to the most perfect son! :) 

The days after...

After Jacob was born, it seemed like we lived in that hospital. We were there for almost 6 full days. I wasn't sure we would ever leave! But a lot happened those days we were there. 

Throughout that first day we started to try and breastfeed. This was something I really wanted to do for Jacob. All the books tell you that it can be difficult and it takes some time. And they were right. We were having a hard time. At first he was having problems even latching but then he got the hang of that, but wouldn't suck. We met with the lactation consultant who worked with us but without much luck that first day. After a while we started using a shield which seemed to help. We were told not to worry too about it too much because Jacob's stomach was so small right now anyway that he'd be fine. 

My parents and sister stayed all day and got to spend some time with Jacob. It was great to have them there because while they were busy holding him, Austin and I got to get some sleep in! And boy, did we need it. Around noon on Wednesday, I was treated to a foot and leg massage by the massage therapist at the hospital and it felt amazing! And then, with much help, even got out of bed to shower! Those first couple of steps felt so weird! First off, I didn't have a big baby belly anymore. And second, I had been bed bound for a little over 24 hours! I was very wobbly at first! But the shower felt amazing. 

Everything throughout the day was looking good. All of our checks and tests were great. Right after birth, Jacob scored a 9 in the APGAR test. I can't tell you much more about that first night because everything was such a blur! 

On Thursday, June 27th, Jacob was scheduled for his circumcision that morning. We got an update before and after that everything had gone well. After his recovery, they brought him back in for us to spend some time with him. Before and during the procedure they give him sugar water and this caused him to be pretty sleepy throughout the day. It made trying breastfeeding difficult. We were having luck again using the shield but he would latch and only suck for a very short amount of time before falling asleep. Again, we were told it wasn't a big deal and that we'd keep trying. 

Thursday night is when things started to get a little interesting. First we had to switch rooms because they had a full house at the hospital and need our birthing suite. Our new room was much smaller and didn't have the pull-out couch for Austin to sleep on. There was only a pull-out chair which wasn't nearly as comfortable. So Austin decided to head home that night and sleep there. We were keeping Jacob in the nursery at night and just having him brought in for feedings. I was still working hard at breastfeeding but I didn't feel like I was getting anywhere. 

Around midnight the nursing brought Jacob in and hold me was a little jaundice so they had put him under the warmer for a while. I tried breastfeeding again but wasn't really successful. Over the course of two hours, Jacob only managed to suck around four minutes. He would latch, take a pull or two and then fall asleep. Luckily I had an awesome nurse helping me through all of this. At 4am, I hand expressed some milk/colostrum and we were able to feed it to Jacob by syringe. The nurse put her finger in his mouth and would wait until he sucked before feeding him - trying to make sure he would connect the two. This really seemed to help make things click for Jacob. After that, he was able to latch and fed for about 7 minutes - the longest yet! 

A couple of hours later, the morning nurse came in to tell us that Jacob's blood sugar levels were low. They like to see a newborn's levels between 50 and 100. Jacob's was in the low 30's. So they had us feed him 17mL of formula. I wasn't too excited about this as I really wanted to just breastfeed, but I knew Jacob had to eat. Before our next feeding that morning, we met with the lactation consultant, Rita, again. She has much more patience than either Austin and I but helped us get Jacob to latch without even using the shield! And then he even fed for about 15 minutes! We were all very excited! We were so proud of Jacob at this point. 
Shortly after he got done feeding, our pediatrician came in to talk to us about some concerns she had about Jacob because of the jaundice and low blood sugar levels. She wanted me to pump every two hours so that we could see exactly how much milk Jacob was getting at each feeding. But first, she wanted to give him some formula again because of the low levels. This happened right after we just got done feeding Jacob and the lactation consultant was still in the room with us. I was feeling pretty frustrated at this point because we had just had a great feeding with Jacob and I wasn't sure he needed the formula. I wanted them to check his blood sugar again to see if my feeding had been enough for the little man. I wanted the reassurance that I was doing my job. I could tell Rita (the consultant) was feeling the same way and she was vocal about it to our pediatrician. They really butted heads on it and it put Austin and I in a bit of an uncomfortable situation as new parents who really don't know what we're doing. That was extremely frustrating. 
In the end, the formula was given to Jacob. I was going to be pumping every two hours, before each feeding, and we would feed Jacob with a bottle. If he wasn't getting enough with my milk, formula was going to be supplemented. They were going to be checking his blood sugar levels every hour and run some blood tests to see if the low levels were being caused by an infection or something. While I did have some concerns about Jacob going back and forth between a bottle and straight breastfeeding, I also like the reassurance of knowing exactly how much he was going to be eating each time. No parents want to hear that something is wrong with their baby so we were willing to do what we needed to do to help make him better. 

So this is how our Friday continued. Jacob was getting his blood sugar checked every hour and I was pumping every two hours for feedings. The good news is that I was pumping more than enough milk for each feeding and we didn't have to supplement with any formula. The bad news is that when they would come and prick Jacob's heel to test the levels, my poor baby would just scream and cry. It's a horrible thing to have to watch and probably was more traumatic on Austin and I than on Jacob! He would calm down pretty quickly as soon as it was over and was able to cuddle with mom or dad. But every time the nurse came in and started messing with his foot, he knew what was going to happen and would start to cry again. Every blood sugar test they did however was great! His levels were never below a 50 so we knew he was doing great and getting enough milk! 

On Saturday, June 29th, we were told they were going to use the day as a trial run. The feedings had gone so well all day Friday and through the night that I could stop pumping and go back to just breastfeeding. They were still going to keep checking his levels though to make sure he was getting enough. We were also still doing a strict two-hour feedings. So before each feeding, they came in to check his levels again. All day Saturday his levels were still great! Never dropping below 50. And breastfeeding was getting easier. 

Later in the day, Austin's parents were able to come and visit, along with his sister and brother-in-law and their 7-month old. It was fun for the cousins to meet and I think they're going to be great friends as they grow up together! :) Again, it was great having family there and fun to watch them hold and interact with Jacob. 

Also as the day went on, the blood sugar tests got harder and harder.They kept pricking his little heels and were having a harder time getting blood. Hearing his cries was absolutely no fun. Finally we asked if it was still necessary for checks every two hours since his levels had been so good and luckily the nurses and the pediatrician agreed. They still wanted to keep checking but it would be every four hours. 

On Sunday morning we finally got the go ahead to get discharged! We were going home! Again, all of Jacob's levels checked out great and the blood work came back with no signs of infection. The pediatrician decided that the poor little man just probably didn't get enough to eat those first couple of days. We were glad to hear nothing else was wrong. As we got all of our discharge instructions, I was getting more and more excited to go home. We had been there long enough! One of the nurses walked down to our car with us to check our car seat and help us load everything up. 

As soon as we were good to go and Austin started to drive away, I suddenly became very anxious! It was real. We were leaving the hospital. We had a baby. We had this other life to be responsible for. Such an overwhelming feeling, especially since I was still excited! 

Austin's parents were there to help us get settled in at home and even let us get a quick nap in before they left. It was a great help, especially since we knew it would probably be a long first night at home. And it was a pretty long first night. We had bought a video baby monitor and Austin decided he wanted to set it up to watch Jacob in the bassinet, even though it was right next to the bed. I admit I made fun of him a bit at first but once it was bedtime, I was thankful for that monitor! It was an extra reassurance to be able to watch him sleep, otherwise I'm sure I would have been standing over his bassinet all night!  But we survived the first night. And every day things get a little easier. We're learning as we go and Jacob is sure teaching us the things we need to know! :) 

Since we've been home, we've had family and friends here helping us out. It's been great having them around and they've really been a huge help! It's making the transition easier as well. But soon, it's going to be just the three of us. But I think we're going to be okay. :) My friend Amanda came down for a couple days and cleaned our entire apartment for us! It was cleaner than I think it's ever been! Austin's parents came and helped us get a ton of things packed up before our move later this summer. My family also came down and is helping me around the house while Austin is away. Austin had the opportunity to go to a conference with Dike-New Hartford with some other teachers so he's currently in the Cities for a few days. It's nice to have family here so I'm not by myself. 

We went back to the doctor on Tuesday for a 48 hour follow up with our pediatrician because of the problems we had in the hospital. Luckily, Jacob passed with flying colors. He had already gained back and passed his birth weight! He was 8lbs 7oz! The jaundice was completely gone and he looked great. It was a relief to hear and helped calm my worries some. I felt better after leaving the doctor. 

And so here we are. Living each day as it comes. We've fallen into a pretty good routine. And Jacob's eating schedule is pretty good so far as well. He's a pretty content baby and makes things easy on us. Let's hope it stays that way! :) We also fall more and more in love with Jacob every day! And it's fun to see how much he changes every day! You can't tell much by looking at him, but looking back at pictures from his birth, you can notice differences. He's also just a fun baby to watch sleep. He makes the funniest faces. And the funniest noises! We couldn't be happier!