Peace on Earth

So, a few weeks ago I was not in a great place. Things were going on in life and I was hurting and stressed and confused. My mom and I went for a walk and I decided to ask her a deep question. This was right after the terrorist attacks in Paris and I asked my mom (the Pastor): "What's the point? What is the point of living on this earth when so many bad things are happening? Why do we even bother? If heaven is so great, why don't we just go now?" 

She gave me the good Pastoral answer that this is life. We're meant to be here and to bring God's message to other people. We're suppose to be hopeful. But I admit, her answer didn't stay with me. I wasn't in the right place in my life to hear what she was telling me. 

Fast forward to Christmas Eve. Austin and I went to the 11:00 p.m. candlelit service at Lutheran Church of Hope in West Des Moines. We left Jacob back at his aunt and uncle's soundly asleep. At this point in my life, I was in a better place than I was a few weeks ago. I also can't tell you the last time I was able to go to a church service without a two and a half year old!  

The message that Christmas Eve night? 

Peace.

I want to share to you some of my thoughts throughout this service. Because it had been a while since I had gotten so much out of the message. I want to share with you because there were things that I needed to hear. That I needed to understand. And maybe you do too.

Living in Smalltown, Midwest, USA - even with access to social media and the internet - you sometimes get caught up in just this small little world around you. You forget that there is so much more out there. You forget that there are people all over the world experiencing life in different ways. So at the beginning of this church service, they walked in flags from countries all over the world. And I thought "how amazing that there are other Christians in all of these other countries and tonight, we are all connected by the same story. The same baby boy that came to earth." Have you thought about that? The number of people celebrating His birth all over the world? The traditions might be different. The story will sound different in different tongue. But it is all about the same baby boy. Jesus. 

Isaiah 9:6-7 We listened to this in Arabic. In Spanish. In German. And in English. All the same story. 

So here are my notes from that night. Because I feel like the one thing this world needs right now is Peace. And while during Christmas we often say "Peace on Earth" - what does that mean? How do we accomplish that? I am just one person. 

"And he will be called Prince of Peace" This baby, this tiny newborn baby, is a prince of peace. Jesus is peace. "Those that walk in the dark, will see a bright light." (Isaiah 9:2) Jesus is that light. We have peace in Jesus. 

God saw what His creation needed, so he stepped in. We needed peace. God sent us Jesus. God gave us the ultimate gift: the gift of peace. 

Think about what led the shepherds and the wise men to the stable. What will lead you to the stable? What will lead you to the manager? What will lead you to Jesus? To recognize God's gift to us? God's love? God's peace? What will it take? 

If we let Him, God will renew our hope. God will renew our peace. If we let Him. 

But the chaos (in our world) keeps spinning... why? Is it that we aren't letting God in? 

Peace is to live at rest. God offers us His gift of peace. All we need need to do is accept. We have hope that is rooted in God's promise to us. Our hope is rooted in a God that shows up. That offers us His peace. He shows up. Will we open the door? 

Sleep in heavenly peace.

Good will make a way. God is with us. Emmanuel - God with us.  

The best each of us can do is to allow God's peace in our life. 
Show God's peace to other people. 
Treat each life the gift it is, a gift from God.
Share God's peace to others. 

If we do that, if we shine with God's light and God's peace, we will bring peace to this world. If each person does that, God's peace will spread over this whole world. Peace with God is possible. 

The celebration of Christmas: Peace. Life. Love. Joy. 

I heard the bells on Christmas day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

I thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along th'unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair I bowed my head:
'There is no peace on earth, ' I said
'For hate is strong, and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.'

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
'God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men.'

Till, ringing, singing on its way,
The world revolved from night to day
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime,
Of peace on earth, good will to men. 

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow  

The last thought I had that night, as the candles danced all around me during Silent Night, was of Christmas lights. Lights from God, of God. Lights in the darkness. Jacob thinks that the Christmas lights look like birthday candles: Happy Birthday Jesus. 

Goodbye 2015

I thought it was time for a quick family update before we end this year and start fresh again in 2016! I look the idea of a fresh start in a new year... what I don't love is that I rarely have what it takes to actually have that fresh start. Oh well... another story for another time.

Life in Minnesota is moving along quickly! I am still loving my job and all the crazy that comes with it! I've had a couple of very busy weeks with National Hunger and Homelessness Awareness Week, Kiwanis Holiday Lights and our Adopt a Family program for Christmas. I can't even say things are going to slow down because now we're gearing up for biggest signature event, Pedal Past Poverty. Maybe after March I'll have a little break! ;-) But I can't complain... I'll be leaving on a plane with my sister in less than a week to spend a week in Hawaii! Woot! 

Anyway, back to the job. The only downside is wishing I got paid a little bit more. But honestly, I love what I'm doing. I love making a different and helping others. And that really means so much more. In other news, I hate insurance. Being a small nonprofit, we don't have employee health insurance so I've been forced to work through the state for my Obamacare. Let me just say that I am all for universal health care. Let me also just say that we are not going about it correctly. It sucks. But you don't really want to hear about that. 

Austin is doing great as well. He's in between jobs right now, hopefully working on finalizing something more permanent and full time here shortly. He's been going to treatment and meetings and has just really shown what an amazing person he is. I'm so proud of him and all the hard work he continues to do. There is not a day that goes by where I'm not thankful that we're still climbing this sand dune. 

And the joy of our world - Jacob. Every single day, sometimes every single hour, we are simply amazed by our little man! He is growing up so quickly into a handsome little boy! First and foremost, he is a healthy kid. And we thank God for that every day. We can see the imaginative play starting to come out which is so fun to see what his little mind comes up with! His speech is getting better every day as well! We've been working on full sentences with him when he asks for something instead of just saying please. So when he asks, we tell him to say: "May I have _____ please?", repeating each word after us. Then we say the full sentence and ask him to repeat it. Well he gets so excited about getting what he wants, he blurts out a mixture of words and garble but always getting it what he wants and the word please! It's honestly one of the cutest things. Well lately, he's actually been saying the full sentence slowly in order! And then of course, how can we not give him chocolate at 7:30am? :) 

He likes to say goodbye to every one and every thing... "Goodbye Mickey. Goodbye House. Goodbye Grandma. Goodbye Michael (his monkey)." And then he always says "See you at home!" It's really too cute. As well as talking all the time (wonder who he gets it from...), he is really starting to sing along to his favorite songs: the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse theme song, the Hot Dog Song (again Mickey Mouse), Row Row Your Boat, Jingle Bells, just to name a few. He also loves to dance! We have little dance parties all the time! He especially enjoyed dancing to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra and Mannheim Steamroller Christmas music! He even enjoyed some Karaoke at Christmas with the Zaruba side of the family! He was dancing and singing up a storm! 

We are not closer to potty training... sometimes I think we could be because Jacob doesn't like getting his diaper changed but I think it's mostly because he doesn't want to sit still that long. But we try to get him to sit on his potty but he's just not interested. And I've heard not to push it so that we don't turn him away from it even more. So we're waiting. 

He's such a polite boy, always saying please and thank you. He makes sure we pray before every meal and often offers to "sweep up" after putting his highchair away after meals. In fact, he even got his own broom for Christmas! :) He still LOVES Mickey Mouse, Frozen and bathtime. He also likes Cookie Monster and the Magic School Bus! We don't read quite as many books with him as we use to but hopefully that's something we can start doing again. He still loves books. He also loves to move! So much that we got him a trampoline for Christmas! It's a fairly good size one that is currently in my parent's basement. Jacob loves it! And I love that he has a place to get some energy out that is not the couch! 

He's also a huge fan of Christmas Lights. We've been to the Kiwanis Holiday Lights show multiple times with him and each time he is never ready to leave! He could look at those lights all day (or night!). He continues to work on the ABC's and counting. He can easily count until 10 and sometimes even to 20 (with some help)! He likes to sing the ABC's and while he may miss some letters while singing, if you point out a letter and ask him what it is, he'll be able to tell you. He also does amazing with shapes and colors! He's a pretty smart kid! 

And finally, he's not a shy kid. He might take a little bit of time to warm up to people, but then he's good to go. He'll talk and tell stories. And he loves to play with other kids... and by that I mean, run after them and get all excited! His older cousin Evie has learned that she can tell Jacob what to do have him follow her around, which is also pretty cute! And if he's warmed up to you enough, he'll always give you a hug goodbye! And of course, a "see you at home"! 

I think that's about it for us. We're looking forward to the new year and continuing to work on those things that we've recently started to take time to address - our relationship, communication, our own personal shortcomings, appreciating more time with Jacob. Life is short and we're remembering how to enjoy every bit of it. Let's see what 2016 will have it store! (Hopefully nothing too exciting??) :) 

After 30

So I've struggled with the idea of this blog post for awhile. I wasn't sure where to start or what to say. And honestly, I'm still not. 

My last blog post had a note of positivity on the idea of turning 30. I was going to enter into the new decade with a fresh start. I'm sad to say that the day ended up being nothing that I would have ever imagined or wanted. 

By now, most of your have probably seen Austin's facebook post opening up about his addiction. It is something that we kept secret for so long that I'm still having a hard time talking about it even though Austin is being so open. 

There have been so many bumps and roadblocks in our short six years of marriage. And there have been so many mistakes - from both of us - that have caused us to struggle. We both should have handled some things differently. 

But what is in the past is in the past. Austin and I are both spending this time apart fixing ourselves. We hope that in time, we will be able to once again be together and work on fixing us. We lost sight of who we were but we've started to see glimpses again. 

What's interesting to me is that a couple of old blog posts have showed up in my Timehop app from a few years ago. It seems that for as much as I love fall, it also seems to be a time when Austin and I struggle a lot. The one blog post that really struck a chord was Little Things & Sand Dunes. 

When I wrote this blog post, Austin and I were living apart but for very different circumstances. It's ironic that we're in a somewhat similar position now. But what I found to be most inspiring about this post, is what I wrote about sand dunes. 

For every step you take, you go back a little because there is nothing firm to find your footing on.

It seems that Austin and I are climbing the biggest sand dune of our marriage yet. And it must be one hell of a dune because this climb is so much harder than anything we've ever had to do before. But if we keep climbing, I think we'll be able to reach the top together.

I wish I could describe to you what these past few weeks have been like, but I honestly have no words. What I do want to say is thank you. Thank you for all the support you have shown both Austin and myself during this difficult time. Your support and your prayers have been very welcomed. We really do appreciate it. 

The Big 3-0.

Today is my last day of my 20's. 

I have to admit, the day kind of sneaked up on me. I knew it was coming. I've been wishing friends a "Happy 30th Birthday" now for a while, each time knowing it was one day closer to my own birthday. And I thought I was handling it well. Today... maybe not so much. :) 

One of my friends who recently turned 30 posted to Facebook "The last decade saw the highest of highs and the lowest of lows but I know that this new decade will bring amazing things."

This really spoke out to me. I had only ever thought of turning 30 as an end to my 20's. I never thought of it as a new beginning. And when I think back on my 20's, I can wholeheartedly agree that they did give me the highest of highs and lowest of lows. 

My 20's brought me new life long friends, a college degree, finding the love of my life and marrying him, new jobs and adventures and of course, Jacob. But my 20's also brought me hard life lessons, living separate from my husband, lost jobs, money woes, health issues and more that don't need to be brought up here. My biggest ups and downs have happened in the past decade. My 20's have shaped me to be the person I am today. They have helped me grow and learn. 

So maybe, saying goodbye to my 20's is not a tearful goodbye to my youth, but rather a thankful and appreciative goodbye for all that I learned. And with that thought, I can begin my 30's with a new outlook. 

But here's where my mind has taken a twist... and here is where I think my anxiety is coming from today. Now that I've taken a good hard look at the past decade, looking forward to the next one, I'm wanting great expectations. 

My 30's have to be better than my 20's right? And in order for that to happen, I have to take some responsibility in the path my life takes. While there is so much that I love about my life right now, there are also so many things I want to change. Some of which I've started working on, others... not so much. In my mind, I've psyched myself up to the fact that tomorrow begins a new decade and therefore a better decade. But what I need to remember, is that there will still be lows. There will still be failures. There will still be struggles. 

The one thing I do have going for me in my 30's however, is that I have all of those mistakes and failures from my 20's that I've learned from. I have everything I need to avoid making those same mistakes again. 

So, here's to my 30's. To my 20's, you've been great. You were fun and stupid and hard and incredible and everything in between. I will not forget you and will think of you often. To 30 and beyond, I welcome you with open arms. May we become the best of friends and work together to make this decade great. Cheers.  

A Sense of Calling

So, some of you may know that for a long time I've struggled with this sense of a calling or passion when it came to jobs. Previous blog posts have outlined this... (Identity Crisis, Longing, Marketing & Branding and Thoughts from Bed)

I've worked at quite a few places over the past seven or so years. I think I have been successful in some and failed at a couple. At each job there were things that I loved and I have been very blessed to say that I've worked with some amazing people. But each job was missing something. Looking back, I'm not sure I could tell you exactly what it was, but it had to do with a sense of calling. 

Every time I found myself looking for new jobs (which seemed like a lot!), I would wonder: what am I doing with my life? What type of job do I want? What would fulfill me in a way that previous jobs haven't? I've always been jealous of those people to know what they're meant to be doing in life and even better, are doing it! I never had that. Each time I would apply for jobs, I would hope and pray that something would just pop out at me and say: "Liz! This is what you need to be doing! This is your job!" Needless to say, it wasn't happening. But still, I hoped. 

When GE decided to sell GE Capital, I decided I did not want to continue working collections under another company. Although I was in no big rush as there was no timeline in the sale at GE, I just started casually looking for jobs in Minnesota. Hey, no better time to move back to my home state, right? And so that's what I did. Occasionally looked for jobs, saving some, but applying to none. 

Then, what I had been praying and hoping for, finally happened. A job appeared on my screen. Communications and Volunteer Coordinator. At a non-profit. In my hometown. It was too good to be true! Being able to use my communications skills, working with volunteers, doing some good in the community and being close to my family. I started working on my application right away. 

It was seriously the only job I applied to during this time. I got a call before Memorial Day weekend asking me to come in for an interview. I stayed and talked with the director for an hour and half. I left feeling excited, feeling motivated and already brainstorming ideas. The next couple of weeks were hard, some issues pushed back the timeline and I was getting nervous that I wouldn't be offered the job. But then, the offer came. Again, with a minor set back, but I couldn't let this opportunity pass me by. I accepted. 

And now I'm here, on the job. My first two days were a whirlwind of HR paperwork and an overload of information. Partners for Affordable Housing is a fairly big organization but with a small staff. I quickly realized there was much to be done. I was overwhelmed with all the information about what we do as an organization and all the ways we help people, but also with the fact that there are so many more people we aren't helping. 

My first full week was another busy one. I learned that PAH has never really had a true Communications person on staff. A local agency generously donates time and services but this can only do so much. The organization itself has been around for a while so we have a good handle on what we do in the community. But the opportunity to tell our story - that is wide open. I have never been more excited to start a job. 

There's a lot that needs to be done before I can really begin to tell our story. Information needs to be collected, organization needs to done. I also have to figure out my time that will be spent as the Volunteer Coordinator (a job that will get busier once school is back in session). But the challenges that are before me are ones that I cannot wait to work on. I can't wait to start telling our story. I can't wait to bring more people in to volunteer and let them help share our story. I can't wait to be able to say that I am making a difference in the lives of the people we help every day. And I can't wait to say that one day, we will be able to help even more people. 

I honestly have never felt this type of excitement or passion in a job, especially right away. I have that sense of calling. That sense of passion. There is so much work to be done in our community when it comes to homelessness and the cost of living. I really want to help make a difference. I want to make people aware of these issues. I want to let people know how they can help. I feel a sense of value and purpose here. And this is what I have been missing. 

There is a lot of opportunity at Partners for Affordable Housing. Not necessarily to move up in positions, but to make a difference. To have an impact. And that is something I cannot wait to do. 

So help me get started! Like us on Facebook  and follow us on Twitter. Like and share and retweet to help us get the word out about what we do! #PAHlife 

A time to feel overwhelmed

Life has these stages or periods when you're going through a change. First, we were in that Waiting Period of the unknown. Luckily, we seem to be moving from that phase to the next fairly quickly. While there are still plenty of unknowns, at least we're moving along. This next phase, I'm going to call the Overwhelming Time. 

These past two weeks have been some of the most overwhelming. Austin and I have been living/working in two different states. We've spent our weekends and any free time packing or arranging space. And so much time on the road. It has been exhausting and overwhelming to the max. From one job ending to another one starting right away. Living out of suitcases while you start to pack and move, not really knowing where anything is. Worrying about finding a daycare as soon as possible to bring some structure back to your kid's life. To searching for jobs, getting an interview and then a job offer. To finally doing that big move and returning the keys to the apartment. It's been a busy two weeks. And there has honestly not been a minute to rest. Or at least it feels like that. 

So in case you had a hard time following all that... let's break it down. :) 

I started at Partners for Affordable Housing on Thursday, July 9th. My first two days flew by as they were filled with information and meeting people. I quickly realized that this job is going to keep me busy. I have so much more to say on this job but I think I'll save that for a completely different blog post. On Saturday, we were back down to Iowa, meeting Austin half way to exchange car and truck. The rest of the weekend was spent packing and cleaning while Jacob spent some time with Grandma and Grandpa Z. 

On Sunday, Austin actually was able to drive back to Minnesota with us (and bringing another car load of stuff) as he had gotten an interview on Monday at a fabrication shop in North Mankato. This allowed him to spend some extra time with Jacob and we even got to meet for lunch! After his interview however, it was back down to Iowa as he had to work on Tuesday. My second week of work was another great one, and another busy one! Also during the week, Austin got a call and was offered the job! Although this meant he had to come back up to Minnesota Thursday night for an early Friday morning drug and strength tests and back down to Iowa to work the rest of the day. Then on Friday evening, it was back down to Iowa, this time with the truck and trailer in tow. 

Austin and I spent all weekend getting everything else packed up. I mean, everything else, as in, nothing else had been done. Ha! Sunday morning, his parents came and helped us load up the trailer. Then I took off for Minnesota while they stayed back to do the cleaning and the final walk though with our landlord. After getting to Minnesota, we unloaded some stuff and put it all in the basement of my parents' house and took the rest to a storage unit we're currently renting. As for the stuff we put in the basement, none of it has been put away yet so there are boxes and bags everywhere. At least Jacob's crib is up for him to sleep in! 

Austin is still down in Iowa has he has his two weeks to finish up. So he's staying with his parents and making the 45 minute drive into Cedar Rapids every day. He starts his new job on August 3rd. He'll have about three months of training and then he will be working this 2nd shift. This will be a new adjustment for all of us but I think we'll be able to figure it out. 

And so this is where we are. After two weeks of non-stop going and packing, things are maybe starting to slow down a bit. But honestly, I think we're both just trying to catch up on some sleep and let our bodies rest. So if you happen to see either one of us and we don't look too excited, or awake - that's to be expected. :) 

Minnesota, here we come!

Well, it's happening. The Zaruba family will soon be residents of the great state of Minnesota! :) 

If you haven't already heard, I accepted a new job as the Communications and Volunteer Coordinator at a non-profit called Partners for Affordable Housing. I'm really looking forward to trying my hand in the non-profit world and taking on this new challenge! 

We're not entirely sure what the month of July is going to look like for us. Our lease is up at the end of July so AJ is actually going to stay in Iowa and keep working while he looks for jobs in Minnesota. This will also give us some extra time to get everything packed up and moved. And I don't know if you know this, but we're pretty good at this whole moving thing. :) Temporarily, we'll be moving in to my parents' basement while we figure out where we want to live. Ideally, I'd love to start looking for houses as soon as possible. 

Back before I knew the job was mine, I knew I wanted to get back to Minnesota. But at the same time, I felt that anxiety about leaving Iowa, the place I've lived for 10+ years. Now that I've accepted the job, I feel excitement to get back to Minnesota. To be closer to family and friends. Back to a place that has always really been home. But leaving Iowa will be hard. 

Iowa will also hold a very special place in my heart. And without a doubt, we'll be back to visit often. But Iowa, you've given me so much. You gave me an education. You were the place I grew up. You were the place where I met some of my closest friends. You were the place I met the love of my life. Iowa, you gave me the chance grow, make mistakes and learn. You were where we were married. You were the place where Jacob was born. Iowa will always be like home to me. We've been so blessed in this state. 

So, stay tuned to our next great adventure! It sure will be a good one!  

The Waiting Period

So, this is the time I hate. The waiting period between jobs and a move. There is so much unknown and I like to plan. But I can't plan yet. 

I want to know how much my paycheck is going to be so we can figure out bills. I want to know when AJ will get a job and how much he'll be getting paid. (Please don't read this as greedy, it's a feeling of anxiety about paying bills and paying off some debt) I want to know if we'll be able to pay off some debt while saving money by staying with my parents. I want to know when we'll do the big move of all the furniture and everything in the apartment. I want to know where we're going to put it all! I want to find a good daycare for Jacob, one that we will all love as much as our current daycare. 


I also find myself wishing time away. I long for the day when we can buy a house. To finally be settled somewhere. To put down roots. In my mind, I associate buying a house with the opportunity of being able to accomplish everything else that's getting pushed aside right now. 

Once we have a house, we'll finally be able to have all of our things, boxes and unopened wedding presents in one place. Once we have a house, we will finally go through all of our boxes, get rid of what we don't need and then completely organize everything else on shelves in tubs with detailed lists of everything inside. Once we have a house, we can finally get that king size bed. We can go back to having dish and a DVR! Once we have a house, Jacob will finally have the space to run around and a yard to play in. Once we buy a house, I'll find more time to work out, maybe join the rec center. AJ and I will be able to slow down and spend more time on us. 

These are the things I hope/want to happen. I know it's unrealistic. But that's what my mind thinks. And while I ponder away at these things, I'm missing life right now. I'm missing my last few days in Iowa. I'm missing Jacob watching the trucks drive by our apartment. I'm missing spending time with AJ before we have to be a part for awhile. 

So this is where I struggle. I struggle to stay in the presence and not worry about what I don't know will happen in our future. But that's exactly what I need to do. And I know God is telling me the same thing. In fact, just this morning, there was an email in my inbox. A prayer from the Unveiled Wife. This morning's prayer was a prayer for couples moving.

Dear Lord, I pray for husbands and wives who are in the transition of moving. There can be so many reasons for couples to move, such as job opportunities or fresh starts. I pray that these couples would not feel overwhelmed by the work it takes to move. Send them helping hands to get it done! I also pray that where they are moving to is a healthy environment. I hope that these couples do not feel alone or friendless. Send people to welcome them and get them connected to the community. May You bless their move and show them all the awesome things about the new move. I pray that their would be no contention within their marriage about the move, but that they would submit to and rely on You in Jesus' name. AMEN! 

Happy Birthday Jacob!

Happy Birthday to our favorite boy, Jacob! You're now two years old and I have no idea where the past two years have gone. But looking at pictures, I can see how much you've grown and changed. 

You are a ball of energy, always on the move. Our apartment isn't big enough for you to run around in but you sure make the most out of it - running laps around the kitchen table, often chasing mom and dad or being chased, and of course, using the couch and mom as your own personal jungle gym. :) 

You love being outdoors, so much so you're constantly bringing us our shoes to try and get us to take you outside. The swing is still your favorite playground activity. No matter how much we try to get you to play on the rest of the equipment, you always gravitate back to the swings! Bubbles are another favorite outdoor activity for you! You also LOVE trucks and tractors! In fact, whenever you see one, you have yell "truck" or "tractor"! And so of course, you love tractor rides at the farm. 

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is still your favorite TV show. You're old enough now to interact with the characters so when they ask a question, you can answer some of them. You also love to sing along and not just to Mickey Mouse, but to Big Block Singsong, another favorite show. 

You can count up to 10, identify each number and even count on your fingers. Right now we're working on the alphabet - you can repeat all letters after us and can identify most of them as well. You also know your shapes and some colors. You know some of the basic body parts such as eyes, nose, ears, teeth, etc. You especially like pointing these features out on other people, which sometimes includes a good eye poke! :) 

Some of your favorite books are Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus and Don't Let the Pigeon Stay Up Late. Both of these you love to read along with us. No, David, No and Goodnight Moon (still) are also a couple favorites. Overall though, you are a huge fan of books, both having us read them to you and reading them yourself. 

Everyday you learn new words and oh boy, you love to talk! You understand so much more and know how to ask for certain things. It is so fun to watch you grow and learn. We look forward to the day we can really understand everything that you're saying because you obviously have a lot to say! You even enjoy talking on the phone, or anything that looks like a phone! 

You also are a whiz at the iPad - not sure yet if this is a good thing or not! :) But you have a couple apps to watch Mickey Mouse or Curious George and you also know where to find the movies Frozen and Monsters University. You had your own folder of apps that you loved to play. Some were as basic as animal sounds or sing-a-long apps, but there were also some educational ones where you quickly learned how to match, sort and collect. Unfortunately, you also dropped the iPad, breaking the screen so we're taking a break from that until we can get a new one! :) 

And finally, your 2 year check up stats. You are a very healthy toddler with no concerns! You are 35 inches tall and weigh 31 lbs and 12 ounces! 

Here's to another great year! We love you! 

Transitions

I've been thinking a lot about transitions in life. When I think about the past five years, I think transitions. That's what our life has been. A lot and a lot of transitions. Or at least, it certainly feels that way. 

Transitioning from college to a job. Transitions from living with your parents to living on your own to living with your husband to living with a kid. Transitions from your first job to a new job. And another job. And another job.... Transitions to new places to live, new communities, new people to meet. Transitioning from raising a baby to raising and parenting a toddler. 

This is what I feel the past five+ years have been for us. Transitions. Always waiting for what's next. Waiting on new opportunities. Waiting to see if this is a good fit. And then preparing for what's next. Preparing for the next opportunity.

And when I think about it this way, it actually exhausts me. It makes me tired. It makes me yearn for something permanent.  I want to find a job that I know I will be at for at least five years. I want to find a place where I know we plan on staying. I want to find a place that we stay long enough to really become a part of the community. To meet fellow parents. To develop close friendships. I want to find a place where we can buy a house. 

We still have wedding presents in their boxes because we haven't had the space for them. We have boxes at both parents' houses because we don't have the space or didn't want to keep moving them. We still have packed boxes in our apartment because we know it's not going to be long term. 

This is what I'm most tired of - the boxes. I hate that things are all over the place and not easily accessible. I want to be able to unpack every box and have a place for it. Or throw away the junk. I want a yard for Jacob to be able to run and play. I want a space for visitors to be able to stay. I want that permanent feeling. 

I believe there have been a couple times where things have started to feel more permanent to us, then life throws a curve ball and we have to adjust. And we've always managed to adjust well in time, but I want more stability. I know that life will always be throwing curve balls and we will constantly be adjusting to things. However, when I think about this, I think that if we have a house and a permanent place to call home, the other adjustments might not be as bad. So this is what I crave. 

And if I'm being completely honest, what I crave is a home in Minnesota. I want to be closer to family, closer to a place where I have more friends close by. I want a place that feels like we belong. I want a place to raise Jacob in a world that plays Duck Duck Grey Duck. ;-) And that place is Minnesota. 

But here's the funny thing. When I think about honestly moving to Minnesota, about the very real possibility that it could happen in the near future, I start to have anxiety. Anxiety about leaving Iowa, leaving this place I've called home for over 10 years. I believe that it will be hard to say goodbye. It feels different to be possibly leaving Iowa than it did to be leaving Minnesota when I left for college. Probably because at that point, I didn't know what would happen after college, there was always the possibility of returning to Minnesota. If we move to Minnesota now, that will most likely be it. So it's hard to think about having to say good-bye. But. We're not going anywhere yet. 

I do feel like we're in the middle of another transition though. With GE announcing the sale of GE Capital, my job could be eliminated or I could move to another company. So we sit and wait in this transition period again. Wondering what's next and where it will take us. I guess only time will tell. 

An Update - what? :)

Okay. I know, I know. I have been basically non-existent on this thing for a few months. I don't know where the time has gone honestly. It's not like things haven't happened, because they have. But time just slips away. 

And quite honestly, I don't even know how to begin to tell you everything that's taken place over the past few months. I guess we'll start at the basics. I'm no longer at P&K Midwest. It just wasn't working out and after a couple months of unemployment, I accepted a job at GE Capital working corporate collections. To be completely truthful, I wasn't that excited about the job. It was just a job and I needed a job. But even after just the first week, I knew this would be more than just a job. Not because of what I would be doing, I still wasn't too thrilled about that, but I was excited to be working at GE. I quickly learned how amazing of a company it was and to this day, that hasn't changed. They really know how to treat their employees and that is why I've loved my job so much. And not only that, but I'm quite good at this job. I'm enjoying having a job with set goals to work towards and meet. It's so different from any other job that I've had and I'm really enjoying it. I was really excited to explore my options with GE and see where it could take me. However, just a couple of weeks ago, we got news that GE was selling GE Capital. We have no word yet on if we'll still have a job or if we do, who it will be with and that's pretty hard. The reason I love my job is because it's GE. I really don't know that I want to continue to do this for another company. 

So as much as I hate looking and applying for jobs, I've started the process again, although not a whole lot yet as I still have a job I enjoy. However, the potential bright side to this is that I'm finally looking for jobs in Minnesota. It's no real secret that I've always wanted to get back to Minnesota and closer to my parents at some point but I really didn't think it would be anytime soon. So we'll have to see what happens! 

When we first moved down here, AJ wasn't finding a teaching job and so he took at job at Tipton Structural Fabrication at their Cedar Rapids location as a CNC operator. He thrived at this job, picking up an entirely new career and just running with it. He learned everything so quickly, he even got promoted to an office position within a year of starting! He's such a hard working and really enjoying this new work too. 

It's funny how we're both in such different careers than we ever imagined we'd be, but also really enjoying it. Life is funny that way, I guess.

And Jacob. Oh, Jacob. This little boy keeps us busy. Keeps us on our toes. Keeps us tired. :) He is a boy always on the move, full on constant energy. He loves being outdoors, swinging or watching trucks go by. He loves to jump on the bed or rough-house on the couch. He's still a big Mickey Mouse fan but he's also a big fan of Big Block Sing Songs on Disney Jr. He also still loves to read books! And he's still a big talker. Always talking up a storm. While we know he's trying to talk more and we can understand some words, they're not always clear. We'll have to see if speech therapy is something in his future. 

Every day is an adventure with Jacob. He's at such a fun (and exhausting!) age right now! Every day I am amazed at something new he learns and I love watching him discover something new. His personality is coming through more and more and I hate to say, that he's gotten some stubbornness... but definitely not from me. Just his dad. ;-) He also still does his little "Jacob jig" which I can never get enough of! And that hair is finally starting to come in!

I feel like when I would think about doing a blog update, I would have so many more details to talk about. But now that I'm actually writing it, no details come. 

I will say that the past few months have been a challenge and an adventure. Life continues to throw curve balls and we continue to adjust to change. Just when we think we have Jacob figured out, something changes and it's like we're learning to be a parent all over again. It doesn't get easier. But now that Jacob has finally figured out how to call me "mama" or "Michael", it warms my heart to hear him say it every time. Or when I ask for a hug or a kiss and he comes straight to my arms. It is a feeling like none other in the world. 

I'll try to start blogging again on a more regular basis, so I can add in some more details on our life. We hope all is well with you.